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Discussion in 'Struggles by Non-Christians' started by Bob8102, Apr 3, 2022.

  1. Bob8102

    Bob8102 Member

    United States
    In going back and forth on whether or not I'm really saved, I also keep going back and forth on working on projects that I have supposedly dedicated myself to. At times when I think I'm saved, I resume a long-range plan with long-term goals. Since, because I have (successfully? unsuccessfully?) sought salvation most of the time for over ten years, I have not worked a job or been on a productivity schedule. But in recent times, I have developed a big plan. Since I have not worked for so long, I figure I need to slowly gear up into a full schedule of activities. I read about a guy who worked for NASA during the Apollo moon project. He worked 18 hours a day, 7 days a week, and still managed to get himself and his family to church on Sunday. He was a leading figure at NASA and made one or more crucial, strategic decisions for the Apollo project. I keep thinking about this. Because personal hygiene takes up so much of my time, possibly partly due to my OCD and partly due to the fact that to do it right, it just takes that much time, I figure that I, too, need to work 7 days per week to attempt to have any shot at having a decent amount of time to work on my projects. I used to think in terms of how many hours per day, how many hours per week, can i work on my projects. But between personal hygiene and other duties, such as laundry and grocery shopping, it seems that non-project activities take up the dominant part of my time. I mean, when you work a full-time job, say, 40 hours per week, you absolutely dedicate the required amount of time for that job, for that job. Then you see what time you have left for other things. But with me, it's like, there's personal hygiene and there's other personal/household duties, and after putting in the required amount of time for those, i can see what's left over to work on my projects. Seeing that the personal duties are dominant, I have decided my hours-per-day and hours-per-week calculations have to include the personal duties time. In coming off ten years of doing nothing (except seeking salvation), i have decided to ramp up my schedule of hours slowly over time. 18 hours a day, 7 days a week? It seems more like the best I can hope for is 7 hours per day, 7 days per week. That's 49 hours per week. But that includes personal hygiene and other personal duties!

    A month or so ago, I decided to start out with 4 hours per day, 7 days per week. Then, I decided, that for the months of April and May, i would notch it up to 5 hours per day. I plan to notch it up by one hour per day every couple of months, at least to 6 or 7 hours per day. When Friday, April 1, rolled around, I was excited to work my new, 5 hour schedule. I worked it that day, understanding I was saved and that this was a new beginning for me. But yesterday, Saturday, April 2, was completely different. I started out the day doubting my salvation. I dealt with that concern all day. I even reread a webpage of Grantley Morris, in which he said, if you have an anxiety disorder, the more you crave assurance of God's forgiveness, the less you will have of it. Thinking about the concept of never having assurance put me into a depressed mode. Then I remembered and reread what Grantley Morris says about emotions and the Christian. He says feelings are not a good indicator of our spiritual state and that while the devil cannot change God's truth nor His love nor the infinite power of the cross, our feelings and emotions are his play things. He likes to get us to trust our feelings rather than trust Jesus. So, yesterday, I became aware that I was letting myself be dominated by feelings. Like on other occassions, I set out to seek the kingdom of God, full-time, until I had permanent assurance. I decided that at least today, Sunday, April 3, I would work on making sure that I am in the kingdom of heaven. Last night, when I had just gone to bed, I decided not to wait for morning. I was going to seek the kingdom right NOW. I prayed and sought, and prayed and sought, then i fell asleep (I think). After a period of sleep. i was laying awake in bed. I was weighing and balancing my desire to enter the kingdom of God against my desire to work on my projects. I then, and in general have, thought about Jesus' command to seek first the kingdom of God. As I thought about this last night, I was having a struggle between the two desires. A couple of times or more, I thought, you know, one has to really DECIDE to seek first the kingdom of God, not just "sort of do it." So I managed, for temporary moments, to go with the directive, "seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all of these [other] things will be added to you." At those times, I thought I made a firm commitment to Christ. Then I would slip back into thoughts about my plans.

    This morning, once I was up, I made a couple or more of sincere attempts to enter the kingdom. I have read advice online, on one website, that relates to a man who thought he was possessed by the devil. His mentor told him that Christ came to destroy the works of the devil, and that no matter what thought the devil throws at him, to just keep going back to a verse, which i think may be John 6:37, where Jesus is quoted as saying, "The one who comes to me, I will no wise cast out." He was instructed to do that over and over. He did, and he got saved. And he was instructed to keep going to the verse in the future. I have followed that advice on a number of occasions. including this morning and including just now. I was about to go about a normally planned day, understanding myself to be saved. Then, I thought about my personal history for the last decade. I decided, I am at least as likely to doubt my salvation again soon, as I have in the past. So i decided to write this cry for help.

    I can sincerely, I think, cry out to Jesus, "take me!" or some other words. "Take me!" is what a friend of mine said the moment he gave his life to Christ. I have said it dozens or hundreds of times, often, i think, very sincerely. But these conversions/submissions to Christ last about two seconds. Then it seems I might change my mind. Whenever I really think I have changed my mind and am not saved, I go back to seeking salvation full time. All Christians let their commitment to Christ slip, once in a while. Everybody goes through such cycles. But, I figure, the typical real Christian has phases of this cycle last hours or days or weeks or whatever. But the length of my phases of the cycle are only seconds long. That adds to the general doubt of my salvation.

    My main project to work on is an astronomy-related invention. The more I think about this invention, the more I think it might actually work. If i, and/or a team of helpers and I, actually get this thing to work, it will be revolutionary and has a good chance of leading to fame and fortune. The Bible says to do what you do, heartily, as unto the Lord and not as unto men. Deeply ingrained into me, due to my upbringing and due to the way the world works, is the idea that there are two main reasons for working: One, to put bread on the table and Two, for your own, personal prestige. The tension between my way and the biblical way to work is very evident. I have realized that the research on my invention is going to be complicated, intense and prolonged. i have unabashedly asked for God's help. I don't think I can do this thing on my own. Nebuchadnezzar one day, looked out at Babylon, his kingdom, and said something like, "Is this not my kingdom which i have built by my own strength and prowess?" God then struck him with madness and he lived in the wilderness for seven years like a wild beast. After 7 years, he came to realize one or more key truths: Heaven rules and God gives the kingdoms of the world to whomever He pleases, and He also removes rulers at will. Nebuchadnezzar's final realization of this is what the Bible describes as his heart of stone being replaced with a heart of flesh. Afterward, God reinstated Nebuchadnezzar on the throne. I unabashedly ask for God's help in the details of my life in general and my projects in particular. But by nature, I want personal glory. We are not to live for our own glory, but for God's glory. Another project of mine is to try to get some people interested in starting up a biblical astrophysics journal. Part of the set of reasons for believing the Bible is the word of God is the fact that "science" which comes along to refute the Bible, in the long run, turns out itself to be scientifically refutable. The Big Bang is scientifically refutable, for instance. I have written about this on one of my websites, COSMINISTRY - Cosmos Ministry (If you go to that site, please understand that some of it is out of date [not the part about the Big Bang], and ignore the invitation to join a discussion. i am not currently keeping up the website and the discussion forum is not functioning.) Not only is the Big Bang refutable, but astrophysicists are presently flabbergasted by recent discoveries in astrophysics. It turns out, 95% of the universe is missing. They refer to this missing matter as "dark matter."
    Since there is overwhelming, compelling evidence that the Bible is literally the word of God, we can expect physics and other sciences to have some revolutionary surprises in store for us and we can expect science, in the long run, to affirm the Genesis account of creation. Therefore, I propose starting a biblical astrophysics journal to keep tabs on astrophysics and to promote research aimed at backing up the Bible. But this project, like my invention, is going nowhere if God does not want it to.

    So, I seek God's help in my life. I seek eternal salvation. Please pray for me. When I think I'm saved, I pray for you.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. musicalpilgrim

    musicalpilgrim pilgrim on the sacred music pathway Angels Team Supporter

    United Kingdom
    John 3:16
    For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son that all who believe in him will not perish but have everlasting life.

    This is a Word from God, just say thank you, for his gift, and say thank you again.
  3. Petros2015

    Petros2015 Well-Known Member

    United States
    Eastern Orthodox
    That's a good one.
    God is working 24-7 for you (I say this to comfort you, not to say you must work 24-7 for him)

    Phases of comfort in salvation, or phases of dedicated Christian thought?
    I'm not sure, you might not be as atypical as you think.
    But I wish you more peace than you have

    “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:26–27)

    All works are, but in the meantime, comfort someone today who needs comforting, be kind to someone today who needs kindness, be Christ to someone today who needs Christ.

    It's easier than rocket science; and you'll find the peace you are after by being a piece of the peace. ;)
  4. com7fy8

    com7fy8 Well-Known Member Supporter

    United States
    I would say good hygiene is efficient hygiene, not wasting a lot of time; but I suppose it can take a while to learn how to be efficient.

    And our attention needs to be where God wants our attention.

    Good hygiene includes emotional and spiritual hygiene. Unforgiveness is dirty and degrading . . . a very bad infection. So is preoccupation and worrying . . . dirty and cruel and nasty . . . not healthy, at all. And there are other things which God's word says are not hygienic for our personalities.

    And in relating with others we need to be clean in God's love, gentle and humble, caring and sharing as family with other children of God.

    So, are you investing worthwhile time in learning how to relate and share with children of God? Do you spend time with mature senior Christians who have been in the faith for decades, so you can learn from them how to relate in love?

    Possibly, you would like to visit with me in a YouTube video I did about submitting to God in His peace > you can search with "William obey God in His peace", and it should show up; it is about 13 minutes. This could help you to get a better realization of where our attention belongs . . . in the ruling of our Father's peace >

    "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)
  5. aiki

    aiki Regular Member

    Friend, you can't seek your way into God's kingdom. In context, "seeking first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you" was a promise of divine material supply to those who put God above all else. This is what "seek you first the kingdom of God" means: putting God first. How do you put God first? Well, Jesus explained this very clearly:

    Matthew 22:35-38
    35 One of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him,
    36 "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?"
    38 "This is the great and foremost commandment.

    God's first commandment to us all is to love Him with all of our being - heart, soul and mind. Do you? Do you love God? I don't mean by "love" an emotion of deep affection, a sentimental, semi-romantic feeling but desire. This is what God means by "love." The Psalmist described this love for God:

    Psalm 63:1
    1 O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water.

    Psalm 84:2
    2 My soul longed and even yearned for the courts of the LORD; My heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God.

    Psalm 42:1-2
    1 As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God.
    2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; When shall I come and appear before God?

    A love for God will bring us inevitably to Christ, the God-Man, our Savior. Christ is the Mediator between God and Man.

    1 Timothy 2:5-6
    5 For there is one God, and one mediator also between God and men, the man Christ Jesus,
    6 who gave Himself as a ransom for all...

    Through Jesus we enter into God's kingdom and into relationship with God.

    John 14:6
    6 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.

    John 10:9
    9 "I am the door; if anyone enters through Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture.

    It isn't enough to seek God's kingdom. You must seek God Himself and this is possible only through Jesus. There is no entrance into God's kingdom apart from being in relationship to God as His child. And this is possible only through Jesus, our Savior and Lord.

    We are foul, sin-stained creatures in desperate need of forgiveness and cleansing. We cannot come to God and be accepted by Him so long as we are fouled by our sin and in rebellion to Him. We must be made clean and we must yield ourselves to His rule. We can do this only through Jesus, however. When we trust in him as Savior and submit to him as Lord, repenting of and confessing the wickedness of living apart from God, we are placed in Christ, we are clothed in his perfection, and so made acceptable to God. Only by this means can one enter God's family and kingdom.

    Romans 10:9-10
    9 ...if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved;
    10 for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.

    John 3:16-17
    16 "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
    17 "For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.

    Acts 4:12
    12 "And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved."

    The salvation we find in Jesus is obtained, not by laborious "seeking" (whatever you mean by this), but by faith, by trusting, in Jesus. We can no more remove the stain of our sin than we can remove a tumor in our brain. We can "seek" all we like but until we come to the Great Physician for spiritual healing, by faith trusting in his atoning work on the cross for our sin, yielding ourselves to his will and way, we cannot be saved and made a born-again child of God.

    Ephesians 2:8-9
    8 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;
    9 not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.

    Ephesians 1:13
    13 In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit,

    Acts 16:30-31
    30 ..."Sirs, what must I do to be saved?"
    31 They said, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved..."

    You are not the Savior. But you make yourself so when you rest your salvation upon your determination, your persistence, your ability to seek God hard enough. You can only receive salvation; you cannot earn it, or manufacture it. Salvation is a Person, Jesus Christ, and you cannot work yourself into his good graces, you cannot be sincere enough, faithful enough, or pure enough to deserve his rescue of you. No, he offers you salvation in himself as a GIFT. Will you simply, humbly, by faith, receive it? This is the way - the ONLY way - into God's kingdom.

    Titus 3:3-7

    3 For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another.
    4 But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared,
    5 He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit,
    6 whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior,
    7 so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
  6. James_Lai

    James_Lai Well-Known Member

    God is Love ❤️

    So you are saved and safe.