Now that it has been a few weeks, I thought I would provide you all with an update.
The day after I asked for the separation, my wife called me during the day asking to talk. I made it clear I did not want to argue nor would I allow her to just start tearing lumps out of me with her shouting and screaming. But it wasn't like that, she was tearful, apologised and asked if we could work it out. I was honest and said I don't really see a way as long as the son lives here. He is not going to stop deliberately trying to make my life hell nor do I see the wife putting a stop to it the way she should have years ago. She acknowledged she got it wrong in the past but tried to slope most the blame onto my shoulders which angered me. She even said "I will accept 50/50 blame." Absolutely laughable. I would put the blame 80/20 onto her side and that is me being generous. I am not saying I have been perfect here but, his actions and the wife's reluctance to deal with it properly is what has been the bad seed that has now grown into a very poisonous tree. However, I agreed to attend the next counselling session and see what happens. That evening, the usual happened, a drugged up waste of skin was banging on my front door at 0230 demanding entry. The wife woke up and answered the door as I have always refused too. I heard them talking downstairs but I didn't get involved. The talk mainly consisted of her being soft with him and asking him again to please stop doing this s**t but it fell on deaf ears. That is the usual on most nights in our house. The wife works during the week and she has to be up at this time to wipe this scum's a$%e. Anyway, as she was fresh after our "talk" and she "grounded" him. Laughable. I have seen his grounding before. The next day after his "come down" was complete. He just walked out of the house as he usually does. The wife found out and went ape. Telling me and others "that's it now." I have heard that before. He never returned at all that evening which again isn't unusual but then he showed up at midday wanting to come in. Just the usual, fill his pockets and bag with food he doesn't buy or ask for, take a shower and look for something quick and easy to steal and then head back out. But I was surprised to find the wife refuse to answer the door or to let him in. She was being defiant and text him saying he isn't coming in. I have never seen this stance from the wife before but I was proud off her and to me it showed a commitment to me and our marriage. Day 1 she told everybody "he is never coming back. That is it now." Day 2 "I need to find somewhere for him to live." Day 3 "I hope he is OK." Day 4 "This is horrible, I can't cope." Day 5 "I can't cope, I can't cope." Day 6 "I am going to take him to a relatives for the night." Day 7 "I want him to come home. We have proved our point."
I wasn't trying to prove a point. I just wanted him gone. Those 7 days were bliss for me and my daughter in the house. We were relaxed, at ease and enjoying each others company. The wife however was sick with worry, Anxious, tearful, angry and very passive aggressive. She would tear mine or the daughters head off in an instant for something so minor. Sound familiar? Everything she has experienced for those 6 days were exactly how I have been for the best part of 3 years.
By this time we had another counselling session where the wife put on the water works all the way through and wanted to be worshipped about the son saying "I did it for you." She should have done it for herself, the marriage, our daughter and our home but because she did this for 6 days she now thinks I "should get back in my box." As part of this counselling session, it was all about negotiation and give and take. I have grew tired of giving even though the wife thinks I have never given enough but we sat down that night to discuss the scum's return to our home. I told her that she said that was it and yet again she has back tracked and she denied ever saying "that was it" (bang my head on the wall) and that "we have proved our point. He knows now." He wanted back in because he had run out of favours at friends houses and was hungry and had no money so had no drugs or didn't have anything to steal. I didn't want him back in the home period. Learning what I had at counselling with negotiation and give and take, we settled on him returning to the home but on MY terms. My terms were not too hard or intrusive. I made up a list of rules that he had to abide by. Really simple basic stuff that most people abide to anyway. Things like no drugs in the house, no more thefts, not allowed into the house on your own, you are to get a job etc etc. I signed it, the wife signed it and so did he. The stipulation for these rules were that these are permanent. Not just for a week or a month but for as long as you are in my home and should you breach just one rule once you are out for good. The wife agreed wholeheartedly as did the son. So he returned that evening looking sheepish, stinking of BO and drug use. He had a shower and went to bed.
Guess how long he lasted on these basic rules? 10 days. 10 days later whilst I was at work, he phoned his mother wanting in to the house during the day as he said "I can't be ars$%d going to college today. The wife denied him access in accordance with the rules and to go to college. He then hung up, went around the back of my house and kicked the back door in. Opened it up from the inside, brought his drug mates in, had a party, stole several items and was gone by the time the wife got home that evening. This guy is utter utter scum. The police have been called and they are looking for him but have said they will not arrest him but will only give him a caution as it was technically his own house. I cannot tell you how angry I am. Of course he did this whilst I was away at work. He would not have dared to do it had I have been there. That is what kind off man he is.
So we are back to this same cycle. Day 1. "That's it. He is gone for good now." Day 2 "I am going to get him a place at this young adults hostel." (this place is renowned for being a hard knocks place. Housing 16-25 year old delinquents and there is no doubt my son would get torn apart in there. Good.) Day 3. "I can't cope. I am so upset. I do not want him to go in there." Then she sneakily made steps to this hostel to try and cancel his place which I later found out. This is where we are up to presently. Lets see what day 4 brings. But I feel I have given everything to this marriage and even agreed 2 weeks ago to let him back in but his bullsh&*t stops. Well it is evident he hasn't and the wife agreed with me that if he messes up again he is gone for good but I can already sense the wife's back track happening. She lasted 6 days before. How long this time? She will quash all options off him going somewhere else then will say "he has to come home, there is no-where for him to go." It won't work, I don't care if he has no-where to go. I have no sympathy and anything that happens to him is fully deserved in my opinion for all of the misery he has caused. I also think some hard time in this young adult place might even do him some good.
The bottom line is, I am not allowing him back in my home period. How can I after everything he has done? He has now escalated to burglary and does not feel the least bit bad about what he has done but as usual the wife is already looking for excuses for his behaviour. I know what is coming in a day or so, the wife is going to ask to bring him home which I will deny. She will do it anyway and then our marriage is well and truly over. If she cannot stick to what we agreed and respect me then I am not going to carry on living in this hell. If I let him back in, it means my word stands for nothing and I will be a total "Mug" which he will see as free reign to do whatever he likes. (he does anyway I guess)
Which ever way it goes. I am removing this parasite from my life.
Bless you all for your prayers so far. It means a lot it really does.
