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[Atiredwife]

How much does he actually work in this ministry position, how many hours?
Is the church a small church that cannot provide for this ministry in a way that allows you to live? Or is it just that there is enough money if he managed it better?

If a church is small enough they may band together with another small church and share a pastor.

Is he late to church functions or just to personal functions?

You indicated later you applied for hundreds of jobs, I hope you fine one. Is there something that is keeping you from getting one? That is a lot of jobs to turn you down.

He makes about 42k per year. He is fulltime but I have never seen him clock full time hours.

I have applied for jobs, unfortunately I haven talked been able to turn any down. I wouldn't. Even took a job working 2 hours out of the state this time last year that I let go because the drive daily was too taxing. He's late for most things except Sunday morning. He could have a preaching engagement and will be up late working on sermon or running late to guest speaking because he's typing sermon notes on his iPad.

 

[Atiredwife]

It sounds like he is generally disorganized. Has he made efforts to organize his schedule with a scheduling tool, etc.?

Would he let you take over the finances to assist with that part of it?

Nope! He will not let go of contention of the finances. I have tried. He has an iPhone that he poorly uses. It's used more as a toy than business

 

[Atiredwife]

What did you originally like about your husband? What was it that you saw in him when you married, before the resentment?

Honestly I'm not even sure, perhaps his heart for people. He's never been a consistent provider. He's financially irresponsible. Didn't realize this until after we married. I should've watched more and asked more questions. Most of what he does I wouldn't have signed up for knowing what I know now.

 

[tall73]

He makes about 42k per year. He is fulltime but I have never seen him clock full time hours

That amount is not out of line for a lot of places in the US for ministerial work. Do you live in a parsonage or does the church contribute toward that?

It sounds like the church does not provide any health benefits?

As to not working full time at the ministry job, what does he do with most of his time?

 

[tall73]

Honestly I'm not even sure, perhaps his heart for people. He's never been a consistent provider. He's financially irresponsible. Didn't realize this until after we married. I should've watched more and asked more questions. Most of what he does I wouldn't have signed up for knowing what I know now.

How long have you been feeling this bitterness?

Were you ever romantically attracted to him?

You mentioned a new child, have things gotten worse recently?

 

[tall73]

Nope! He will not let go of contention of the finances. I have tried. He has an iPhone that he poorly uses. It's used more as a toy than business

Other than the citations (which are a big issue if he has no license now), what kind of poor financial decisions is he making?

 

[tall73]

He was good about presenting his public self differently than his private self. Everyone praises his public platform but would cringe at his private affairs.

Most of what he does I wouldn't have signed up for knowing what I know now.

Is there something else he is doing besides laziness and being financially irresponsible?

 

[Atiredwife]

That amount is not out of line for a lot of places in the US for ministerial work. Do you live in a parsonage or does the church contribute toward that?

It sounds like the church does not provide any health benefits?

As to not working full time at the ministry job, what does he do with most of his time?

No insurance with his job. Random things, like staying up late and sleeping in, community committees, nothing that would prevent him for getting additional work. I think he's allergic to hard work. No parsonage. Housing is included in 42k. Mortgage is behind. Signing our 3rd or 4th loan remodification. I'd like to sell the house. We don't even agree about that.

 

[Atiredwife]

Is there something else he is doing besides laziness and being financially irresponsible?

He doesn't help around the house. He also fantasizes about women via social media. I've even caught him texting, emailing unappropriare pictures and feelings to others. I guess it's a combination of deal breakers for me.

 

[Atiredwife]

Other than the citations (which are a big issue if he has no license now), what kind of poor financial decisions is he making?

No license. He hasn't had license for at least two years. He will not pick up another job. His mother claims she suggested but I blame his parents and even myself for accepting less. When we got together he was minister of music and working a work study position. I see men manning up and I'd just like to see him do it for once! He will accept speaking engagements but doing something else is foreign to him

 

[tall73]

He also fantasizes about women via social media. I've even caught him texting, emailing unappropriare pictures and feelings to others. I guess it's a combination of deal breakers for me.

How did he respond when you confronted him on this? Did he stop or does he continue to do so?

 

[tall73]

I see men manning up and I'd just like to see him do it for once! He will accept speaking engagements but doing something else is foreign to him

How would he be able to get a second job with no other skills if you cannot?