Help

[JamesAH]

Over a year ago I came to God before hand I suffered both OCD and GAD(Generalized Anxiety Disorder)after I came to God I suffered 2 panic attacks and off and on again anxiety attacks got better(thank you Lord)and now over a year later my symptoms have returned this time much worse.

I can give you a list of stuff that is affecting my mind but I'll give you the ones that I'm now experiencing.

I love God a lot he's done good but each time I say I love the Lord or the Lord has filled me with love I don't feel my love for the Lord and it scares me.It's like I'm ashamed of it or something but deep down I know I love God heck I love everyone but somehow I can't feel it and it scares me to death like I'm rejecting him.I can't seem to say the words or each time I do I have no feelings or I have feelings of shame or embarrassment.

Another thing is when I see the words Jesus or sometimes God or when I read or hear things relating to them my heart beats for some reason but it's not in a good way like again shame or embarrassment.

That's not including the 100 different things that pop in my head each day.

What scares me the most is that these feelings might be me and not the OCD and that terrifies me to the point where I'm in tears(yes I'm 36 and I do get this way)scared that I'm going to be rejected by God.

I have no clue what to do I'm on meds right now so I'm hoping it will work but I can't shake these feelings out I thought I would come here and talk to some of you since a lot of you suffer from similar situations.

And I'm probably the only one that has those particular feelings.

JamesAH

 

[picassoui]

Over a year ago I came to God before hand I suffered both OCD and GAD(Generalized Anxiety Disorder)after I came to God I suffered 2 panic attacks and off and on again anxiety attacks got better(thank you Lord)and now over a year later my symptoms have returned this time much worse.

I can give you a list of stuff that is affecting my mind but I'll give you the ones that I'm now experiencing.

I love God a lot he's done good but each time I say I love the Lord or the Lord has filled me with love I don't feel my love for the Lord and it scares me.It's like I'm ashamed of it or something but deep down I know I love God heck I love everyone but somehow I can't feel it and it scares me to death like I'm rejecting him.I can't seem to say the words or each time I do I have no feelings or I have feelings of shame or embarrassment.

Another thing is when I see the words Jesus or sometimes God or when I read or hear things relating to them my heart beats for some reason but it's not in a good way like again shame or embarrassment.

That's not including the 100 different things that pop in my head each day.

What scares me the most is that these feelings might be me and not the OCD and that terrifies me to the point where I'm in tears(yes I'm 36 and I do get this way)scared that I'm going to be rejected by God.

I have no clue what to do I'm on meds right now so I'm hoping it will work but I can't shake these feelings out I thought I would come here and talk to some of you since a lot of you suffer from similar situations.

And I'm probably the only one that has those particular feelings.

JamesAH

james let me say that you are reading too much into how you are feeling or how you think you should feel. when one loves God they love their fellow man and they show their love for God in how they live their life .. feelings are fickle they change with the wind .. if you want reassurance never turn to youre feelings turn to the word of God . never trust youre feelings ..

 

[Jayangel81]

I went through a large portion of my illness, not feeling love for God. Than like you i realize I love everyone. I used to write alot of the stuff that bothered me on paper (it helped)

After a huge list i noticed that word feel in there ...I just keep writing it off as OCD. We cant dwell on how we feel. OCD will decieve us.

I know what your going through with this shame episodes, mine mightve been on a slightly different sceanario nonetheless it tortured me. Know why?

Luke 9:26 For whosoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he shall come in his own glory, and in his Father's, and of the holy angels.

Lets just say it tortured me, and I still get bad spikes where it returns..


Just think tho, if you are really ashamed of Him, would you even be on this site, let alone love Him?

What scares me the most is that these feelings might be me and not the OCD and that terrifies me to the point where I'm in tears(yes I'm 36 and I do get this way)scared that I'm going to be rejected by God.

This is very common, we all get scared its not the OCD and just us. This was a living nightmare for me, I think it wore down when God led me to this site.

God isnt going to reject you because your sick.

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39​

All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.
John 6:37 (Your one of the chosen)​

For the LORD will not cast off his people, neither will he forsake his inheritance.
Psalm 94:14​

For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable. (irrevocable? wow)
Romans 11:29​

to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He has made us accepted in the Beloved. (beloved is a big word)
Ephesians 1:6​

For the LORD will not forsake his people for his great name's sake: because it hath pleased the LORD to make you his people.
1 Samuel 12:22​

I can go on..but those are just a few, God wont reject you. He loves you, He delights in you more than you can imagine. We need to stop letting our feelings and fear from the enemy and sickness stop us from resting on Gods Word. it isnt your fault your sick. You never asked for it..none of us did. Instead let us rest on God and rejoice in the strength He gives us.​

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9​

St. paul pleaded with God tot ake away his Thorns and this is what God told Him Its amazing to know that we have someone to lean on, doesnt it? And when we fall, He is there to pick us back up again.​

Just know that your not alone​

 

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Welcome, James! Sorry you're having to deal with this. I can completely relate, though my "non-feelings" revolve around having a secure faith (believing in God). One thing I noticed is that if I'm not focusing on how I'm feeling, then I feel fine and can worship God with no problem. But once I get that "spike" - what if I don't really believe in God? I will immediately check for a feeling of assurance of faith... and can't seem to find one! That's just how OCD works, in my opinion. It's a tell-tale sign of OCD at work.

The only thing I can add is that while OCD may manipulate our feelings and thoughts, it can never control our choices, wants and desires. While I was struggling, even though I FELT like I didn't believe in God, that didn't change my want and desire to be a Christian serving our Lord.

 

[kaykay9.0]

"The only thing I can add is that while OCD may manipulate our feelings and thoughts, it can never control our choices, wants and desires. While I was struggling, even though I FELT like I didn't believe in God, that didn't change my want and desire to be a Christian serving our Lord".

Sad


Yes, especially agree with what Sad wrote here. This is probably true for everyone, but I think ESPECIALLY if we are prone to OCD, I believe it's imperative that we not spend a lot of time on analyzing our feelings. We can get ourselves in a real tailspin doing that. Like was said earlier, make your choices and just let your feelings follow. Don't overanalyze them.

 

[JamesAH]

So why is it that I'm having a hard time saying things like "I accept Christ" or "I accept Christ as my Lord and Saviour" like I don't want to say it or I'm ashamed.

Maybe it is me

 

[ObsessedButBlessed]

You have a hard time because of OCD. When my obsessions about believing in God were really bad, I had a tough time worshipping God, going to church, praying and reading the Bible because it actually really felt like I couldn't believe - like there was some big invisible wall blocking me from my feelings of belief. I used to think if I could just get around that feeling...and have a feeling of assurance, everything would be fine. My guess is you're saying things like "I accept Christ" over and over again because you want to have some sort of emotional validation or feeling of reassurance that you really do. I've definitely been there. Like Kay said, you made your choice. Part of overcoming OCD is living in the choice, and not the experience (our feelings).

 

[JamesAH]

Now I'm having problems saying I Love Jesus or I Love God this is driving me insane I hate OCD I'm living in fear and it's affecting my daily routines I can't enjoy even the most simplest things and I haven't eaten much in the last few days.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Now I'm having problems saying I Love Jesus or I Love God this is driving me insane I hate OCD I'm living in fear and it's affecting my daily routines I can't enjoy even the most simplest things and I haven't eaten much in the last few days.

Prayers for you, James. Praying that you will have some peace tonight. Try not to intospect right now. Just let the thoughts be there or better yet, as seajoy says, say "oh, well" to them. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but with this deal the way up is down if that makes any sense.

 

[Jayangel81]

Now I'm having problems saying I Love Jesus or I Love God this is driving me insane I hate OCD I'm living in fear and it's affecting my daily routines I can't enjoy even the most simplest things and I haven't eaten much in the last few days.

 

[Lisa0315]

Its the illness, darlin'. You are not alone. Every single one of us is going through something similar. I get upset because I don't feel anything. I think I should.

Lisa

 

[alreadybutnotyet]

You're not the only one. There are at least two of us.

 

[picassoui]

You're not the only one. There are at least two of us.

make that three

 

[Lisa0315]

God made us this way for a reason. We may not know what that reason is but He did. Shared suffering is not as bad as suffering alone. There is great beauty in sharing our pain, I think.

Lisa

 

[Criada]

(((((((James)))))))

There is a song... I think it is by Don Francisco, not sure.
But, the refrain is "Love is not a feeling, it's an act of the will..."
I've felt the way you do, and spent hours analysing whether I 'really' loved God.
But..it comes down to what you do, not what you say or feel.
And He loves you... unconditionally and eternally!

 

[JamesAH]

Thanks to you all God bless you people seriously.

Has anyone ever had this type of thinking that we are doing this just to get out of punishment from God? that is another type of thought that goes through my head.

 

[Lisa0315]

Thanks to you all God bless you people seriously.

Has anyone ever had this type of thinking that we are doing this just to get out of punishment from God? that is another type of thought that goes through my head.

Every single day...

 

[JamesAH]

I was reading the site and this triggered my OCD very badly.



In other words, Jesus meant that your love for Him should be so much greater than your love for your family.

Now I'm scared to death I can't find it in my heart to love anyone more then my family even though I want to so badly and that we should now I feel like I have no more hope that I should give up.

 

[Lisa0315]

I was reading the site and this triggered my OCD very badly.



In other words, Jesus meant that your love for Him should be so much greater than your love for your family.

Now I'm scared to death I can't find it in my heart to love anyone more then my family even though I want to so badly and that we should now I feel like I have no more hope that I should give up.

No, dearling. That is not what that verse means. It means that if you had to choose between God and your family, you must be prepared to choose God. This is a reference to what people in ministry have to do every day. They move far away from family to do the will of God.

In that context, yes, love God more than family. It does not mean that God expects you to be able to feel for Him what you feel for those who are physically there with you.

In fact, Paul urges men to remain unmarried if they truly want to devote themselves to God. Paul recognized that there would be a distinct hardship on any man trying to choose between family and God.

Some are called to a life such as Paul's. Most are not.

It is not about feelings but about dedication and commitment.

Lisa

 

[JamesAH]

I want to spend eternal life with God and Jesus more then anything in the world spend an eternity in peace even more than my family does that mean I love God and Christ more than my family?