Help!!!!!!

[mimi4him]

My Ex came over today to get his tools and he started talking and saying how much he has realized that he messed up by cheating on me and that he see's now he really had everything he ever wanted.
But that he thinks we got married to soon and should have waited and maybe we wouldnt ever had married. Is this as confusing to you as me. So he goes on to tell me that if He would have had a close relationship with God that we would still be married . But that he is attracted to other ladies and that he knows that was our problem.
ANd then goes on to say that he would like to start coming over to help with yard work and spend time togather as friends.
OK !!! her eis the hard part for me to admit . Im so lonely for a mans touch that I almost said ok. While thinking hey what would be the harm in him coming over and helping with the yard and my yearnings . Yes Im talking about sex . so please get me back on the right road. I dont want to mess up and have to deal with guilt and remorse and letting God down.
ok im done . Im off to bed .

 

[Autumnleaf]

Sleeping with him is like sleeping with all those women and all the people they've been with from a disease standpoint.

 

[mimi4him]

Thankyou Autumnleaf for reminding me of this.
Im reading a book now titled Not settling for Gods Best by Elsa Kok.
And the chapter I just read was on exactly what Im dealing with , the loneliness , missing the touching and huging and etc.
She said the same thing and also went on to say we are not only hurting ourselves we are hurting God. He wants HIS best for us and it hurts him when we settle for less than that. Just like we want the best for our kids and it hurts us when they do stupid stuff and settle for less.
I believe I was having a for lack of better words a weak moment because my Ex is wanting to get back togather and he keeps telling what a beautiful , loving etc etc person I am.
And well the attention is good even if it is coming from him. After being cheated on for yrs on and off and then left for someone else it really does do some bad stuff to your self image.
Thankyou all for this way of letting out all the fears and thoughts whithout being judged.
And I set boundaries with ex today I told him to not call me anymore about seeing each other as friends or trying to get back in my life by saying he can do the yard and fix stuff around the house.
He said ok .
He did say he is in need of spiritual help and wanted to sometimes call for that. I told him to get in a church and in a mens ministry . he said he would so we will see.
thanks again everyone.
Blessings
mimi4him

 

[Autumnleaf]

I think your ex is lying to you. I think he's trying to get back into having sex with you so you will be there if he needs you. He can frame that as needing spiritual help, offering to help with the yard work, or even wanting to bake cookies with you on Sunday. He's lied and cheated on you.

Maybe if he hadn't done all that he'd have a closer relationship with God. He defiled the bed he slept in and continues to do so of his own accord.

 

[hope4today]

Sounds like you are being really wise and strong mimi. And Autumnleaf is giving you some solid stuff to think about.

Praying for you. Bless you heaps

Hope

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Sounds like a form of control on his part. My .02

 

[Mayzoo]

An EX is an EX for a reason. He cheated on you......and if you accept him back even just for "yearnings" you will have to openly accept that you will most likely not be the only one he is cooling his yearnings with now, and it is not even adultery now. He has no biblical or "moral" reasons to even try to remain faithful.

Try to remember each time you see him, and those yearnings pop up---how many different women he may have been with since you last saw him.

This does not mean I don't believe people can change or that God can change them---but he does not seem to be terribly motivated to change, and you did ask for advice to deter you from the yearnings.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

It's still adultery with an ex, no matter if yer legally married. You might as well sleep with a random stranger, morally it's the same. Personally, I'd recommend a change

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I understand completely the desire to be touched, given affection and all. I am practicing celebacy since my husband left and I am convinced that when/if I have a physical relationship with another man it's going to be soooooo much better because I am putting the work in to be true to God. I have moments of weakness where I really wish someone could hold me but I am remaining strong. I've also found so much more confidence in myself and happiness. I'm really falling in love with the person I'm becoming and finding more understanding of the person God wants me to be. I pray you find the same.