help

[tiffaniea]

I need some counsel. to make a long story short. I am married to a minister. I feel like I am in a trap. My husband makes promise after commitment and never keeps any of them.

He brushes off everything, like integrity means nothing. He doesn't feel like he has to honor any thing he says to me. He only says he is going to do something to get what he wants.

When I bring it up he makes me feel like I am the one with the problem, or a spirit and he politely goes before God like nothing happened.

I feel like a single parent. Everything he says he is going to do, I have to take up the slack. He doesn't help me do nothing, he feels it is my job, as long as he pays the mortgage.

I am tired of fighting over this matter. Sometimes I just want out. I feel single anyway.

He never pays me any attention. If I don't want to have sex, then he brings up the scripture.

I don['t understand how can a man of the word go out and preach and his wife is miserable and he thinks he is doing great exploits for God and I just got issues

 

[RestoreTheRiver]

Sister, you and your husband need counseling together. In your church, is there a bishop, or other pastoral oversight for the pastors and their families? If so, this person could be a resource for you; and could also provide pastoral care and counseling.

If that relationship doesn't run toward personal pastoral care, or, if your husband is resistent to mixing his professional reporting and personal life, find a competent Christian counselor.

If your husband doesn't see the need, consider going yourself.

There are many good forums, and good people here. You will find support and encouragement in this online community too.

I'm praying for you and your husband.

Michael

 

[apricot]

There is a marriage advice forum here. May God bless you for trying to turn your husband around. He must also be a good husband, according to the Bible. Welcome to CF!

 

[MrFreshdew]

hi tiffaniea
welcome and have fun

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

Welcome to CF.

 

[MamaChris]

 

[baruch4]

welcome to cf

 

[Rut]

 

[AxionEsti]

Welcome!

 

[Rich48]

This thread has been moved from the member intro forum to this one.

Sister, we are all praying for your situation. God bless.

 

[Autumnleaf]

You'd be surprised to know how many outwardly successful people have major personal problems with their loved ones. That said, your husband should not lie to you. Can you go to your husband and demand he address this without blaming you for everything.

 

[LadySaint]

Even pastors needs counseling at times. My pastor has said that plenty of times and has seek counseling in his marriage and other life issues at times. He has two Doctorate degrees and one in counseling.
My father was a Baptist minister and would also encourage you & your husband to seek counseling to work out the marriage.
Don't give up on your marriage. No marriage is perfect and problems will come. I've been marriage 26 years and there were times, I could have thrown in the towel but prayed, seek counsel and work things out.
I would also encourage you to find marriage seminars for you and your husband to attend, not just for your marriage but also to be able to help mentor other couples in their marriages. My church sponsors a marriage seminar yearly for couples.
One thing I do caution is to be careful sharing details with church members but in a Godly mentor who can truly help you. Sometimes it's easy to vent to others and forget later about the situation but the person you tell it to, can let it linger in their minds.
I'm praying for you.

 

[RoseofLima]

Whoa...red flag...he manipulates Scripture to force you to have sex. That sends warning signals galore to me.

I think counselling is an absolute must. If he would be open to reading a book you might want to try His Needs, Her Needs as a starting place.

 

[Whitestone]

Whoa...red flag...he manipulates Scripture to force you to have sex. That sends warning signals galore to me.

I think counselling is an absolute must. If he would be open to reading a book you might want to try His Needs, Her Needs as a starting place.

His Needs, Her needs may not help much if you don't get past the first few chapters. They pretty much reaffirm the thought that men need sex in marriage.

There are scriptures that suggest that sex is a healthy part of marriage, there are also scriptures that tell husbands to care for his wifes body as his own. If he can say that he is not up to taking out the garbage and you respect that, he should be able to respect that you are not always going to be up for intimacy.

It is also written that if a man can not govern his own household he shouldn't be over seeing one of the Lord's flocks.

The word is a double edged sword and if you are going to cross blades with a minister it may be wise to sharpen your sword.

I really hope this helps, I would hate to see a pastor let ambition come between him and the Lord.

 

[Jilly123]

I'm praying for you!

 

[Solaris]

It sounds like he was not taught the importance of the primary relationship of marriage. He needs to understand that his spouce is the most important person in the world to him other than himself.

You have my sympathy.

I need some counsel. to make a long story short. I am married to a minister. I feel like I am in a trap. My husband makes promise after commitment and never keeps any of them.

He brushes off everything, like integrity means nothing. He doesn't feel like he has to honor any thing he says to me. He only says he is going to do something to get what he wants.

When I bring it up he makes me feel like I am the one with the problem, or a spirit and he politely goes before God like nothing happened.

I feel like a single parent. Everything he says he is going to do, I have to take up the slack. He doesn't help me do nothing, he feels it is my job, as long as he pays the mortgage.

I am tired of fighting over this matter. Sometimes I just want out. I feel single anyway.

He never pays me any attention. If I don't want to have sex, then he brings up the scripture.

I don['t understand how can a man of the word go out and preach and his wife is miserable and he thinks he is doing great exploits for God and I just got issues

 

[Solaris]

What about Laura Schlessinger's books on marriage?

His Needs, Her needs may not help much if you don't get past the first few chapters. They pretty much reaffirm the thought that men need sex in marriage.

There are scriptures that suggest that sex is a healthy part of marriage, there are also scriptures that tell husbands to care for his wifes body as his own. If he can say that he is not up to taking out the garbage and you respect that, he should be able to respect that you are not always going to be up for intimacy.

It is also written that if a man can not govern his own household he shouldn't be over seeing one of the Lord's flocks.

The word is a double edged sword and if you are going to cross blades with a minister it may be wise to sharpen your sword.

I really hope this helps, I would hate to see a pastor let ambition come between him and the Lord.