Help, so discouraged

[StillGods]

Divorce is not part of the New Covenant. It is a pagan law just as abortion or SSM but has no sanction from God. Separation is good in some cases.

cold.

 

[StillGods]

Divorce is not part of the New Covenant. It is a pagan law just as abortion or SSM but has no sanction from God. Separation is good in some cases.

would you say separation in this case is good

 

[Dave L]

would you say separation in this case is good

If I knew them personally I might make a call on that.

 

[Dave L]

cold.

Normally in the NT pagans divorce believers. And the believers remain single.

 

[StillGods]

If I knew them personally I might make a call on that.

Normally in the NT pagans divorce believers. And the believers remain single.

whatever davio
shes asking for advice
what is your advice?

 

[PaulCyp1]

Ask him to explain Ephesians 5:22-33 to you.

 

[Andrew77]

I am so discouraged. How can my husband be so blessed and talented and yes, anointed yet at home for years he calls me dumb stupid etc...

He says I am not trying hard enough, not using my head.

He says not to go against God's anointing.

Today I failed Jesus. I got super angry and swore.

I am tired of being called stupid, dumb idiot., he says I never amounted to anything and that I have nothing to show for all my years. That I do nothing.

He keeps saying people at church think I am dumb too.

He texted me a month ago the following - - "That is my lot, spending my life with someone who doesn't get things. My fault for picking you.
I will NEVER be responsible for your lack of education, wisdom and excellence. Those mediocre attributes are yours and yours alone."

He told me that there are 5 types of people and the kind of person i am, he has to use the rod of discipline to beat the stupidity out of me.

I was super angry today because I have been having back pain and there he goes saying that I need to clean the floor by bending over and picking up any pieces, but bending over is difficult right now. And he's called me dumb, idiot. He wanted a particular kind of meat at a restaurant and I thought it was ok the one I bought but it turned out to be the wrong one. He called me names because of that saying I should have known. This is the second time I picked up from there.

He got a little rough by putting his hand underneath my chin hard and then downstairs too when he pushed me but he says he was just pushing me out of the way.


I told him to keep his "beeping" hands to himself. Not my greatest moment, I sinned bad.

I told him I don't want him to call me names anymore but he said he won't call me names if I don't do anything stupid. I toldhhim calling me names is not normal.

Sunday I realised that he doesn't call me names at church because he knows no one would agree with it so instead he calls me by endearments instead.

He says I am demon possessed, angel of light coming against the man of God. He has said I was not saved. He said today if I left him I probably would go for a woman - which is so very much not true.

I used to spend so much time with the Lord every day when I was single but now it's so hard. I tried praying tonight but I didn't feel much. So then I tried worshipping and it just wasn't the same.

Could the Lord be angry with me?

I am not happy at all. I thought marrying him was the Lord's Will. But from the beginning he was impatient with me and after 4 months the name calling began.

He even said he should not have married me.

To be fair, I was not the neatest or most organized person and he's super neat, but I have worked hard and he even said a few days ago that I have improved.

It's not always this bad. Just a few days ago he said I have improved and he appreciated the things that I take care of at home that he doesn't have to worry about. He sometimes says things like he's proud of me or proud that I am his wife. And during those times it's great as long as I don't mess it up, by dropping something by accident or saying something I know he won't like

But when I mess up its the names again, dumb stupid or idiot.

He says it's normal that married couples fight.

I did call him a fake Christian that thinks because of all the work he does for the Lord, that he is ok.

He even said something like, not exact words, but something along the lines of since what he does at church goes so well, the Lord must be pleased with him

Can the Lord be angry with me or not pleased because I don't keep my mouth shut all the time? I do ignore many things, even cutting remarks at times, but sometimes I just can't take it and respond back in anger.

Before being saved I dated men, one for a long time and he never called me names. I get married to a Christian and I am called names,put down, pushed around .... What's going on???

So someone else pointed out that it is possible a man like this would become violent.

You did not indicate any violence on his part. Here's the deal... if this man harms you in any way... you need to follow the following steps.

1. Call police.
2. File charges against him.

Notice: If you love him, you will do this. Being sent to jail, is the best chance for him to figure out his error.

3. Move out.
4. Contact battered women's hotline.

 

[Shadowprophet]

Look as much as this situation sucks, everyone is being too soft on this, God didn't teach us to sow pillows under every armpit, Gods law is clear as crystal on this unless he Cheated on her or committed adultery she doesn't have Gods blessing to leave this relationship, People need to stop giving the politically correct Advice and begin giving Gods Advice.

I stand firm on this, Be Christians or don't be, You can't serve the world and its desires and then serve God too. She needs to take this before the Church. No one ever said being a Christian was easy. No one ever said everything would just fall into place and problems would work themselves out for you. In fact, it's hard doing the right thing.

Firstly. This needs to be brought before His and your Congregation. Then, It needs to be discussed. In Gods children, Our brothers and sisters are the deciding factors. Then how the Church decides to address this, That is the proper thing to do.

Look she may not get a Hollywood happy ending on this. he or she may have to change or behave differently. This is how we learn. this is how we better ourselves. But these ohh things are difficult. and times are hard so divorce mentality. THAT IS NOT GODS WILL. OR GODS WORD. walking Gods path is not always easy. But it's always the right thing to do.

Do you guys think because popular culture is more open and accepting to divorce that our UNCHANGING God is suddenly thumbs upping divorce on a mass scale?

I assure you he's not.

 

[Dave L]

whatever davio
shes asking for advice
what is your advice?

I gave what wisdom dictates in the matter. God knows how to take care of his own.

 

[Brightmoon]

Being married to or partnered with a narcissist is literally hell on earth . We’re talking about sadistic emotional abuse to the point of giving someone PTSD. And they’re not always physical abusers. NEVER stay with someone like that . And don’t let a religious leader tell you that you have to stay with someone like that

 

[Shadowprophet]

God never ordained or created the institution of divorce. Man did.

Beyond that, the generally accepted interpretation among a majority in the conservative evangelical community is that these passages indicate there are a couple of circumstances in which God releases a couple from the lifelong covenant of marriage:

• In the case of consistent, unrepentant immorality.
• When an unbelieving spouse deserts a believer.

My Advice is to pray about this, Seek counsel from the congregation, And Give God time to work.

 

[StillGods]

I gave what wisdom dictates in the matter. God knows how to take care of his own.

your wisdom.
i may be wrong but from what youve said I doubt you've been in an abusive marriage.

 

[Joined2krist]

Your husband is abusing you emotionally and it seems he's about to get physically abusive too. You're in a toxic relationship, it will cause damage to your self-image, you need to do something fast, leave him for a while until he learns to stop abusing you, this isn't your fault

 

[StillGods]

Thanks for your prayers. I just pray that all his curses spoken over me saying I'm dumb, not intelligent etc... Will be broken

they already are at the Cross.
he's brainwashed you with a whole lot of lies, to counteract that you're going to need to consciously start seeing yourself as God sees you, and start deliberately telling yourself the truth about yourself the way God sees you.
also get yourself out of the situation for a while so you can think more clearly and have a break from being put down all the time.
do you have a sick relative you can visit to help? .. surely your 'holy' husband wouldn't object to something like that and it would give you the chance to regroup in a different environment for a few days and use the kindness God has given you.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

I am so discouraged. How can my husband be so blessed and talented and yes, anointed yet at home for years he calls me dumb stupid etc...

Based on what you posted, He is Not anointed, He is not walking in the Spirit, He is Not Saved, He does not Love you and In God's eyes you are not married.

He is to treat you with protection and love thus he is not really fulfilling marriage as defined in Scripture. Basically in my humble opinion, those who abuse their wife are not truly married. Read Scriptures on the roles of the husband.

Now, the other scriptures to back up the other statements.

2 Peter 1 Good News Translation (GNT)
1 From Simon Peter, a servant and apostle of Jesus Christ—

To those who through the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ have been given a faith as precious as ours:

2 May grace and peace be yours in full measure through your knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.

God's Call and Choice
3 God's divine power has given us everything we need to live a truly religious life through our knowledge of the one who called us to share in his own[a] glory and goodness. 4 In this way he has given us the very great and precious gifts he promised, so that by means of these gifts you may escape from the destructive lust that is in the world, and may come to share the divine nature. 5 For this very reason do your best to add goodness to your faith; to your goodness add knowledge; 6 to your knowledge add self-control; to your self-control add endurance; to your endurance add godliness; 7 to your godliness add Christian affection; and to your Christian affection add love. 8 These are the qualities you need, and if you have them in abundance, they will make you active and effective in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But if you do not have them, you are so shortsighted that you cannot see and have forgotten that you have been purified from your past sins.

10 So then, my friends, try even harder to make God's call and his choice of you a permanent experience; if you do so, you will never abandon your faith. 11 In this way you will be given the full right to enter the eternal Kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

12 And so I will always remind you of these matters, even though you already know them and are firmly grounded in the truth you have received. 13 I think it only right for me to stir up your memory of these matters as long as I am still alive. 14 I know that I shall soon put off this mortal body, as our Lord Jesus Christ plainly told me. 15 I will do my best, then, to provide a way for you to remember these matters at all times after my death.

1 John 5:3 For our love for God means that we obey his commands. And his commands are not too hard for us,

This text includes the scriptural roles of a husband.

1 John 3-4 Good News Translation (GNT)

3 See how much the Father has loved us! His love is so great that we are called God's children—and so, in fact, we are. This is why the world does not know us: it has not known God. 2 My dear friends, we are now God's children, but it is not yet clear what we shall become. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he really is. 3 Everyone who has this hope in Christ keeps himself pure, just as Christ is pure.

4 Whoever sins is guilty of breaking God's law, because sin is a breaking of the law. 5 You know that Christ appeared in order to take away sins,[a] and that there is no sin in him. 6 So everyone who lives in union with Christ does not continue to sin; but whoever continues to sin has never seen him or known him.

NOTE: his continuing to treat you that way is a lifestyle of sin.

7 Let no one deceive you, my children! Whoever does what is right is righteous, just as Christ is righteous. 8 Whoever continues to sin belongs to the Devil, because the Devil has sinned from the very beginning. The Son of God appeared for this very reason, to destroy what the Devil had done.

9 Those who are children of God do not continue to sin, for God's very nature is in them; and because God is their Father, they cannot continue to sin. 10 Here is the clear difference between God's children and the Devil's children: those who do not do what is right or do not love others are not God's children.

Love One Another
11 The message you heard from the very beginning is this: we must love one another. 12 We must not be like Cain; he belonged to the Evil One and murdered his own brother Abel. Why did Cain murder him? Because the things he himself did were wrong, and the things his brother did were right.

13 So do not be surprised, my friends, if the people of the world hate you. 14 We know that we have left death and come over into life; we know it because we love others. Those who do not love are still under the power of death. 15 Those who hate others are murderers, and you know that murderers do not have eternal life in them. 16 This is how we know what love is: Christ gave his life for us. We too, then, ought to give our lives for others! 17 If we are rich and see others in need, yet close our hearts against them, how can we claim that we love God? 18 My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action.

Courage before God

19 This, then, is how we will know that we belong to the truth;

NOTE: The way he is treating you is contrary to God's truths.

this is how we will be confident in God's presence. 20 If our conscience condemns us, we know that God is greater than our conscience and that he knows everything. 21 And so, my dear friends, if our conscience does not condemn us, we have courage in God's presence. 22 We receive from him whatever we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. 23 What he commands is that we believe in his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as Christ commanded us. 24 Those who obey God's commands live in union with God and God lives in union with them. And because of the Spirit that God has given us we know that God lives in union with us.

...


God Is Love

7 Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Whoever loves is a child of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God,

Note: his behavior is of a person who does not know God.

for God is love. 9 And God showed his love for us by sending his only Son into the world, so that we might have life through him. 10 This is what love is: it is not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the means by which our sins are forgiven.

...

God is love, and those who live in love live in union with God and God lives in union with them. 17 Love is made perfect in us in order that we may have courage on the Judgment Day; and we will have it because our life in this world is the same as Christ's. 18 There is no fear in love; perfect love drives out all fear. So then, love has not been made perfect in anyone who is afraid, because fear has to do with punishment.

19 We love because God first loved us. 20 If we say we love God, but hate others, we are liars. For we cannot love God, whom we have not seen, if we do not love others, whom we have seen. 21 The command that Christ has given us is this: whoever loves God must love others also.

NOTE: the above is emphasis because that is the key to everything I said.

Roles of a Husband:

Ephesians 5:21-33 Good News Translation (GNT)

21 Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband has authority over his wife just as Christ has authority over the church; and Christ is himself the Savior of the church, his body. 24 And so wives must submit themselves completely to their husbands just as the church submits itself to Christ.

25 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. 26 He did this to dedicate the church to God by his word, after making it clean by washing it in water, 27 in order to present the church to himself in all its beauty—pure and faultless, without spot or wrinkle or any other imperfection. 28 Men ought to love their wives just as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. (29 None of us ever hate our own bodies. Instead, we feed them, and take care of them, just as Christ does the church; 30 for we are members of his body.) 31 As the scripture says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, and the two will become one.” 32 There is a deep secret truth revealed in this scripture, which I understand as applying to Christ and the church. 33 But it also applies to you: every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband.

Note: it is the fact that he is not living up to his roles as a husband concerning you that I say he truly never married you. He needs to grow up in Christ.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

My post on marriage is just my opinion on abusers in marriage and I am not going to debate it with you all. It is best to keep this thread on track concerning ways to help the lady in the opening post.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

they already are at the Cross.
he's brainwashed you with a whole lot of lies, to counteract that you're going to need to consciously start seeing yourself as God sees you, and start deliberately telling yourself the truth about yourself the way God sees you.
also get yourself out of the situation for a while so you can think more clearly and have a break from being put down all the time.
do you have a sick relative you can visit to help? .. surely your 'holy' husband wouldn't object to something like that and it would give you the chance to regroup in a different environment for a few days and use the kindness God has given you.

If I were you I would simply separate from him without pretense until he grows up. I am not saying get a divorce yet. Threat him as an unbeliever who is an abuser in your thinking. If need be go to a Women's shelter.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

There is too much to going on here to be solved on an internet forum. My advice is to talk to your pastor and be completely honest. You are not helping yourself or your husband by hiding or minimizing anything.

And for the record, nothing about you're husband's behavior that you've described is either smart or anointed.

I would get advice from a Women's shelter before a Pastor since many Pastors are not trained to deal with abusers in a realistic world.

 

[Brightmoon]

Look as much as this situation sucks, everyone is being too soft on this, God didn't teach us to sow pillows under every armpit, Gods law is clear as crystal on this unless he Cheated on her or committed adultery she doesn't have Gods blessing to leave this relationship, People need to stop giving the politically correct Advice and begin giving Gods Advice.

I stand firm on this, Be Christians or don't be, You can't serve the world and its desires and then serve God too. She needs to take this before the Church. No one ever said being a Christian was easy. No one ever said everything would just fall into place and problems would work themselves out for you. In fact, it's hard doing the right thing.

Firstly. This needs to be brought before His and your Congregation. Then, It needs to be discussed. In Gods children, Our brothers and sisters are the deciding factors. Then how the Church decides to address this, That is the proper thing to do.

Look she may not get a Hollywood happy ending on this. he or she may have to change or behave differently. This is how we learn. this is how we better ourselves. But these ohh things are difficult. and times are hard so divorce mentality. THAT IS NOT GODS WILL. OR GODS WORD. walking Gods path is not always easy. But it's always the right thing to do.

Do you guys think because popular culture is more open and accepting to divorce that our UNCHANGING God is suddenly thumbs upping divorce on a mass scale?

I assure you he's not.

abusive men don’t change they just hide the abuse better when confronted. No one should be forced to stay in that situation. And divorce is the safest option for a woman if he’s violent especially if he’s a control freak. People tell women to obey abusing men out of the mistaken idea that he wants obedience. He actually wants power and control . I have no problem telling a woman to dump a loser like that and if they want a better man to get one. The Bible also says that the sky is a hard firmament and that’s not true either

 

[Daniel Marsh]

I wish my marriage was like that, a sanctuary. It's not. I asked him to go to counselling and he has refused.

Go to a women's shelter, do not put up with his abuse. If he has hit you file a complaint with the Police.