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Featured Help, so discouraged

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Itsahappyday, Jun 4, 2019.

  1. Itsahappyday

    Itsahappyday Member

    199
    +172
    Christian
    Married
    I am so discouraged. How can my husband be so blessed and talented and yes, anointed yet at home for years he calls me dumb stupid etc...

    He says I am not trying hard enough, not using my head.

    He says not to go against God's anointing.

    Today I failed Jesus. I got super angry and swore.

    I am tired of being called stupid, dumb idiot., he says I never amounted to anything and that I have nothing to show for all my years. That I do nothing.

    He keeps saying people at church think I am dumb too.

    He texted me a month ago the following - - "That is my lot, spending my life with someone who doesn't get things. My fault for picking you.
    I will NEVER be responsible for your lack of education, wisdom and excellence. Those mediocre attributes are yours and yours alone."

    He told me that there are 5 types of people and the kind of person i am, he has to use the rod of discipline to beat the stupidity out of me.

    I was super angry today because I have been having back pain and there he goes saying that I need to clean the floor by bending over and picking up any pieces, but bending over is difficult right now. And he's called me dumb, idiot. He wanted a particular kind of meat at a restaurant and I thought it was ok the one I bought but it turned out to be the wrong one. He called me names because of that saying I should have known. This is the second time I picked up from there.

    He got a little rough by putting his hand underneath my chin hard and then downstairs too when he pushed me but he says he was just pushing me out of the way.


    I told him to keep his "beeping" hands to himself. Not my greatest moment, I sinned bad.

    I told him I don't want him to call me names anymore but he said he won't call me names if I don't do anything stupid. I toldhhim calling me names is not normal.

    Sunday I realised that he doesn't call me names at church because he knows no one would agree with it so instead he calls me by endearments instead.

    He says I am demon possessed, angel of light coming against the man of God. He has said I was not saved. He said today if I left him I probably would go for a woman - which is so very much not true.

    I used to spend so much time with the Lord every day when I was single but now it's so hard. I tried praying tonight but I didn't feel much. So then I tried worshipping and it just wasn't the same.

    Could the Lord be angry with me?

    I am not happy at all. I thought marrying him was the Lord's Will. But from the beginning he was impatient with me and after 4 months the name calling began.

    He even said he should not have married me.

    To be fair, I was not the neatest or most organized person and he's super neat, but I have worked hard and he even said a few days ago that I have improved.

    It's not always this bad. Just a few days ago he said I have improved and he appreciated the things that I take care of at home that he doesn't have to worry about. He sometimes says things like he's proud of me or proud that I am his wife. And during those times it's great as long as I don't mess it up, by dropping something by accident or saying something I know he won't like

    But when I mess up its the names again, dumb stupid or idiot.

    He says it's normal that married couples fight.

    I did call him a fake Christian that thinks because of all the work he does for the Lord, that he is ok.

    He even said something like, not exact words, but something along the lines of since what he does at church goes so well, the Lord must be pleased with him

    Can the Lord be angry with me or not pleased because I don't keep my mouth shut all the time? I do ignore many things, even cutting remarks at times, but sometimes I just can't take it and respond back in anger.

    Before being saved I dated men, one for a long time and he never called me names. I get married to a Christian and I am called names,put down, pushed around .... What's going on???
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2019
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  2. RC1970

    RC1970 post tenebras lux

    +1,530
    United States
    Protestant
    Single
    "But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire." ~ Matthew 5:22

    Pray for your husband.
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2019
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  3. topher694

    topher694 Go Turtle!

    622
    +536
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    There is too much to going on here to be solved on an internet forum. My advice is to talk to your pastor and be completely honest. You are not helping yourself or your husband by hiding or minimizing anything.

    And for the record, nothing about you're husband's behavior that you've described is either smart or anointed.
     
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  4. lambofgod43985889

    lambofgod43985889 Member Supporter

    150
    +51
    Argentina
    Protestant
    Private
    pray and seek for help with your pastor and family
     
  5. ChicanaRose

    ChicanaRose Well-Known Member

    505
    +511
    United States
    Christian
    Private
    He is being abusive. Please seek Christian couples counseling with him. Even if he refuses, please do not neglect Christian counseling for yourself. You need support during this difficult time.
     
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  6. Itsahappyday

    Itsahappyday Member

    199
    +172
    Christian
    Married
    Thank you. Maybe this is my fault though. I am not a go getter, others have goals or talents and they know where they are going, what they can do.

    I often admire people who knew what they wanted to be since young as I was never like that. I kind of worked my way into my career and didn't finish college. And admire people who have business ideas , wish I could but I don't have any.

    I am very distracted. No natural talents. I have no goals.... People think I am nice and kind but that doesn't get one anywhere.
     
  7. Mel333

    Mel333 Active Member

    265
    +231
    Australia
    Christian
    Married

    What you are going through is tough! I believe marriage christian counseling does really help.
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2019
  8. Mel333

    Mel333 Active Member

    265
    +231
    Australia
    Christian
    Married
    I would think God has made you with talents. Our culture does have an emphasis on high achieving careers.

    Just because your husband is, does not mean you have to be. If you aren't called to do anything other than loving your neighbour and to be a wife, I believe that's an honour just as much as it is running a business for the community.

    Your husband also has control issues (after reading it again). He rewards you when you are doing the right thing and then punishes you when you slip up. So he has control/perfectionism issues it sounds like with neat thing as well. I believe he's stuck in works of the flesh, keeping up appearances type of thing.
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2019
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  9. Itsahappyday

    Itsahappyday Member

    199
    +172
    Christian
    Married
    I wish my marriage was like that, a sanctuary. It's not. I asked him to go to counselling and he has refused.
     
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  10. Itsahappyday

    Itsahappyday Member

    199
    +172
    Christian
    Married
    I am very clumsy which doesn't help. . Example I dropped my phone on our wooden floors, then later put a lint roller on one of our desks and a tiny amount of the finish came off... All in one day. So perhaps I would try the patience of a Saint?

    He says the Lord showed him dreams about me, warning him

    He makes me feel as if the Lord is one his side not mine
     
  11. Mel333

    Mel333 Active Member

    265
    +231
    Australia
    Christian
    Married
    Yes, well he'll be in denial. I didn't think of that. He'd be in denial if he thinks he is doing the right thing.

    As for your mistakes, they sound like normal things we all do.
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2019
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  12. bmjackson

    bmjackson Newbie

    384
    +105
    Christian
    Single
    Please do not go for couples counselling as it usually makes things worse.

    Your husband I am afraid is showing the signs of a narcissistic personality diordered person. You said the honeymoon lasted 4 months and this is the typical time for them to move from the idealisation phase to the devaluing phase. Please google narcissistic abuse and educate yourself before he destroys you. Yes it can be that bad. So sorry but you will not get him to change as he sees you as the problem and ministers are renowned for not advising abused women properly.

    You will have to leave him but safely. God does not want us to put ourselves in abusive situations and you did not know he had NPD when you married him so were incapable of making a marriage contract.
     
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  13. bmjackson

    bmjackson Newbie

    384
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    It was not a marriage to start with. If a person has been kept from the truth of what their partner has regarding mental illness or personality disorder, God will not hold them to that person as they were deceived or important information was not known/disclosed. The Catholic church knows this better than other churches.
     
  14. bmjackson

    bmjackson Newbie

    384
    +105
    Christian
    Single
    That's my point - a marriage contract must include disclosure from both parties, like any contract.

    God showed me this regarding my own marriage.
     
  15. bmjackson

    bmjackson Newbie

    384
    +105
    Christian
    Single
    But regardless - you need safety away from him.
     
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  16. Lost4words

    Lost4words Like a puppy, i need guidance. Supporter

    +2,975
    United Kingdom
    Catholic
    Single
    I would move out for some time. Time for you to think and time for him to think. Obviously counselling should be an option at some point.

    No way you should be treated like that. Never.

    He is breaking Jesus's commandment to love one another!

    Ask God for guidance. Seek good advice.

    God bless and protect you.
     
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  17. Jen35

    Jen35 Member

    203
    +88
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    LoL get rid of him just kidding ..it sounds like he is the one with a problem...
     
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  18. Daniel9v9

    Daniel9v9

    611
    +550
    Japan
    Lutheran
    Married
    Sounds like your husband is not fulfilling his marital duties - namely to love his wife - fueled by some very strange doctrines. I would recommend seeking pastoral care at a different church where God's Word is clearly taught and the Gospel being its main focus.
     
  19. mukk_in

    mukk_in Yankees fan Supporter

    +3,173
    India
    Christian
    Celibate
    Hello. I've faced some difficult times like that with a friend of mine and have criticized and rebuked her when I should have encouraged her. I usually go back and apologize and try to uplift her again. Yours is a more serious relationship as it's a covenant relationship. The principles are still the same (Galatians 6:2, Colossians 3:13), ie, bear with each other and thus fulfill the law of Christ. You're both Christians, in your own way. Peace in Christ.
     
  20. derpytia

    derpytia Compassion. Supporter

    654
    +1,128
    United States
    Lutheran
    Single
    First of all, you are not stupid. You are not dumb. You are not deserving of this kind of abuse.

    Your husband is not loving you as God commands. He is abusing you.

    Get out of there. If he has threatened to beat you and is getting rough and putting his hands on you in a rough and violent way then you are in serious danger.

    Please, for your own safety, tell someone you trust what's happening and do what you can to get out of that house and away from your husband. Do not return to him until it is safe to do so.
     
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