Help me out here.

[HerCrazierHalf]

Not the "strategy", but the fact that he's so worried about not being able to voice his opinion around his own wife. I just find it sad.

It isn't a fear thing. It is just that IMO voicing my opinion isn't helpful because we have our own motives for our individuals purchases. Motives that the other may disagree with, but purchases too small enough not to endanger us in any meaningful way.

Keep in mind that in our case we both work and we are talking about money left over after handing household and personal needs. So trying not to "care" about her purchases is because it is because I sometimes disagree but I realize that
1) it makes her happy
2) it doesn't break the bank
3) see number 1.

Also, while dating I helped her recover from the edge of bankruptcy and foreclosure by essentially taking over everything and controlling all of her finances for some time. We recovered and she is grateful but I do not enjoy being overly controlling as it forces me to constantly evaluate if I'm about to accidentally cross over into any types of abusive behaviors. It's never happened and I am mindful to keep it that way.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

we have separate accounts that are linked online. I normally pay the bills because I have the larger salary...but that doesn't mean anything. All big purchases are discussed, smaller purchases aren't. I might say something to the effect of "oh yeah, I got dog and cat food today (70 bucks)" but that's it.

 

[Ascendo]

I found the answer in another thread.

Praise him her when he does what you want more of and don't when he she doesn't.

 

[Avniel]

I'm bad with money my wife is good with it. Is she controlling or is she a good friend.

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

I'm bad with money my wife is good with it. Is she controlling or is she a good friend.

I prefer "benevolent dictator".

 

[RedPonyDriver]

I'm bad with money my wife is good with it. Is she controlling or is she a good friend.

I'd call her smart! Actually, I'd call both of you smart that you both recognize this and you don't demand "financial control" because you're the man.