If my wife gets her way we'll be broke in a few months. So I control the money. But Al, that is controlling. Yeah, if we had a joint account she'd spend it. What do you say. Joint account or not?
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Help me out here.
- Thread starter Autumnleaf
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- Dec 6, 2012
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Oh..I think a joint account and also a single account can work out best. Having both, one for her to use for all her needed expenses, and the single would be yours only.
Does she know how you feel about her spending?
Does she know how you feel about her spending?
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HerCrazierHalf
closet atheist
Btw, there are a few important things for the 3 bucket strategy.
I manage the money too, but except for some really bad stuff we recovered from I try not to restrict her use of her money. It keeps us both happy on issues of money. I think of it not as controlling, but as a benevolent dictator.
- Most importantly, try your best not negatively comment on frivolous/bad purchases with her money. Her money is what's left after bills and joint expenses.
- Every month or two discuss the progress whether building savings or servicing debts. Work together to define your long term money goals.
- Plan a transfer from reach individual account to the joint shortly after payday.
- Have a list or definition of what the "our money" bucket is for.
I manage the money too, but except for some really bad stuff we recovered from I try not to restrict her use of her money. It keeps us both happy on issues of money. I think of it not as controlling, but as a benevolent dictator.
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Since I'm the one who brings in most of our income, I controlled our money for a while, plus I am the more frugal one in our marriage.. But I did find my husband was a lot happier when we set up a little fund for him which he uses to get things for his motorbike - oil, tyres etc. So even though I stil manage our finances overall my husband is happy because he has freedom to buy little extra things that would get put off if it depended always on me.
Maybe something like that might work for you guys? I still think as husband you have the right to protect your family from financial ruin. But it would help keep the peace if your wife has money to buy the little extras like perfume, new clothing and so on.
Maybe something like that might work for you guys? I still think as husband you have the right to protect your family from financial ruin. But it would help keep the peace if your wife has money to buy the little extras like perfume, new clothing and so on.
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- Dec 6, 2012
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HCH, the 3 bucket strategy defintely works. I can attest to that.....And brilliant for you to mention it here.
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- Jul 21, 2006
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I guess it depends. If you both have jobs then you could both keep your own checkbook.
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kristina411
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I'm not on the side of seperate accounts. That's just me. In my marriage we both have access to all funds. We married so the two of us could become one, financially and spiritually.
That being said my husband was a big time spender for quite some time. It was rough. I did the budget and he always went over. Eventually I gave up reigns. I handed my money over and gave him full control. I had access to the money but didn't mess with it. I just told him when something was needed and he would give me the money for it. He budgeted and it helped him become more responsible. Now he never goes over budget.
You didn't da if you two have set a budget. If not that should be a first step. If so, and she can't keep to that budget, suggest she got to a couple financial counseling or budgeting classes, talk to someone about the importance of need vs. Want. Help her see the problem.
And to cut off access of finances from a spouse is a way abusers keep control over their victims (not saying this is your case at all) so it just gives me a sour taste in my mouth.
No matter what system you put in place, your wife needs to learn how to manage finances better. You shouldn't have to babysit the finances for the rest of your life.
That being said my husband was a big time spender for quite some time. It was rough. I did the budget and he always went over. Eventually I gave up reigns. I handed my money over and gave him full control. I had access to the money but didn't mess with it. I just told him when something was needed and he would give me the money for it. He budgeted and it helped him become more responsible. Now he never goes over budget.
You didn't da if you two have set a budget. If not that should be a first step. If so, and she can't keep to that budget, suggest she got to a couple financial counseling or budgeting classes, talk to someone about the importance of need vs. Want. Help her see the problem.
And to cut off access of finances from a spouse is a way abusers keep control over their victims (not saying this is your case at all) so it just gives me a sour taste in my mouth.
No matter what system you put in place, your wife needs to learn how to manage finances better. You shouldn't have to babysit the finances for the rest of your life.
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Inkachu
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We only have one joint account as well. Unless something is going wrong in the marriage, I don't see any reason you'd need to "hide" your transactions from each other, or try to restrict and control each other. We always consult each other on any significant purchases, and if we're running low, we make sure we both know it and we tighten our belts together. We've said from the beginning that it's not "my money" and "your money", it's all OUR money.
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HerCrazierHalf
closet atheist
It isn't about hiding transactions. It is about a clear and simple method to manage funds. It isn't always large purchases but rather many small ones that add up.
I'm glad your strategy works for you, but I know I'd be an absolute disaster if for no other reason than having a opinion about her purchases.
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Inkachu
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Not for them.....because that's not the strategy they use
Not the "strategy", but the fact that he's so worried about not being able to voice his opinion around his own wife. I just find it sad.
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.chrys.
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My husband is the one in our marriage who would be sending us to the poor house with his spending. For us, the best thing is to pay the bills together--and to compare spending habits. It's only when he sees with his own eyes why the spending needs to slow down that the spending does slow down.
For the record, I have let us go completely broke before...just to prove the point that you can't spend uncontrollably without getting into trouble.
For the record, I have let us go completely broke before...just to prove the point that you can't spend uncontrollably without getting into trouble.
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We were poor and I was in grad school. I gave my wife some money to buy new clothes. We couldn't exactly afford it. She went to the thrift store. My wife is frugal, and we have joint accounts. I think she has a couple of very small accounts just in her name. One was because I wasn't around to open it up before we left her country. The other one was related to her wanting to build up her own credit in case something ever happened to me. The credit cards seem to be based on my credit score.
In your case, I think you should control the money. If you have a joint account, you can dole out small amounts of money into that account so she can buy the things she needs. If you have three buckets, you control the 'our money' bucket. You don't want to enable a shop-a-holic. But if you can figure out a way to get her to change her spending habits, that may be more helpful over the long run so you don't have to be doling out small amounts in your '60's. It's better if you can have a joint account and trust each other with not doing something crazy.
In your case, I think you should control the money. If you have a joint account, you can dole out small amounts of money into that account so she can buy the things she needs. If you have three buckets, you control the 'our money' bucket. You don't want to enable a shop-a-holic. But if you can figure out a way to get her to change her spending habits, that may be more helpful over the long run so you don't have to be doling out small amounts in your '60's. It's better if you can have a joint account and trust each other with not doing something crazy.
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- Jun 22, 2007
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But.....with the plan they have in place he doesn't feel the need to have opinions on her purchases---because that's "her money" to do what she pleases with (is the way I took his post, anyway).
I see that as completely different than "worrying about not being able to voice his opinion around his wife".
It's a good thing when a couple finds what works best for both of them.
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