Help dealing with a manipulative person

[flowerforever7]

Hi,

I am a Christian, and recently chose to leave a church congregation that was at times coercive and controlling. There was a time when another Christian within that congregation deliberately manipulated me, and exhibited other hurtful controlling behavior toward me. This Christian sensed that I have pulled back from her and asked me what the deal was. (I have since moved away so I feel safer now to speak). I called her on what she did about manipulating me etc., and she just seems to be interested in justifying herself. She says she is seeking true peace with me; but the truth is, I do not trust this individual. I feel it is safe for me keep this person at a safe distance due to repeated past experiences with her, and that she doesn't really see (or if she does) own up to the true nature of her acting this way. I know God says to forgive. I think of the Scriptures that say, "unless you forgive your brother, God will not forgive you", and "forgive as the Lord has for given you", and "forgive from your heart". I do believe that I forgive her, at least in an intellectual way. But I do not think it is a wise decision to allow this person access to my personal life again, even though she is a sister in Christ. Do you think God's forgiveness means that you forgive and forget? Or do you think it is okay to forgive, but not extend trust to a person who has not shown themself trust worthy in an area (especially if they do not recognize or aren't willing to acknowledge the nature of their harmful behavior when confronted?)

Thanks for your advice.

God bless.

 

[DrFrank]

Forgiving and exhibiting trust causing you to put yourself in a place where you might be harmed again are two totally different behaviors.

Separation from those who have hurt us usually is necessary for forgiveness to occur completely or rapidly.

 

[Hotpepper]

Hi,

I am a Christian, and recently chose to leave a church congregation that was at times coercive and controlling. There was a time when another Christian within that congregation deliberately manipulated me, and exhibited other hurtful controlling behavior toward me. This Christian sensed that I have pulled back from her and asked me what the deal was. (I have since moved away so I feel safer now to speak). I called her on what she did about manipulating me etc., and she just seems to be interested in justifying herself. She says she is seeking true peace with me; but the truth is, I do not trust this individual. I feel it is safe for me keep this person at a safe distance due to repeated past experiences with her, and that she doesn't really see (or if she does) own up to the true nature of her acting this way. I know God says to forgive. I think of the Scriptures that say, "unless you forgive your brother, God will not forgive you", and "forgive as the Lord has for given you", and "forgive from your heart". I do believe that I forgive her, at least in an intellectual way. But I do not think it is a wise decision to allow this person access to my personal life again, even though she is a sister in Christ. Do you think God's forgiveness means that you forgive and forget? Or do you think it is okay to forgive, but not extend trust to a person who has not shown themself trust worthy in an area (especially if they do not recognize or aren't willing to acknowledge the nature of their harmful behavior when confronted?)

Thanks for your advice.

God bless.

Just because you forgive doesn't mean that you have restored trust. Now as far as forgiving and forgetting is concerned: Let's say you had a child that was caught in a lie and you disciplined him/her; the child then asked for forgiveness and reconciliation occurred. Would you say the next time you saw your child "Here comes that little liar of mine."? No, because as far as the relationship is concerned it is forgotten but it does not mean the memory is erased. Also, forgiving someone does not mean that what that person did was okay.

 

[Avniel]

Someone told me thar when you are able to pray for someone that is a good sign of forgiveness.............I dont know if its true but the Bible does say pray for those that spitefully use you.

 

[bliz]

You can forgive without leaving yourself open to be manipulated again.

Plus, true forgiveness takes time. Until you fully realize the damage that has been done, you can not have totally forgive her. Don't try and rush it.