Help! Daughter's Furry friend that I am not sure of...

[Mississippi_YaYa]

Hey all!
Very serious question here...

I am the mother of a ten year old elementary school daughter. She has a friend that used to go to school with her that is now an online friend. Until recently, I thought this was a wonderful thing.
About two months ago, her online friend who is also a ten year old got interested in the furry obsession. Her mother is apparently supporting this to the extent of buying her part of a furry costume to wear. This girl is currently homeschooled and per her mom, having trouble finding friends in her new area. This friend has constantly tried to talk to my child about furries and though my daughter has shown no interest and stated that she thinks it is ridiculous, there has been no letting up. It has progressed to the point of arguments because my daughter has refused to engage in the furry fandom thing. I have gladly supported my child and honestly had been thrilled she is not interested. She is a beautiful girl made in His image and she seems secure in that and has no interest in dressing up as an animal. To me, that seems like a healthy psychology.
In fourth grade, we are dealing with her finding out some sexual things. But that has been nothing compared to the drama that her furry online friend has caused. I took the liberty of looking up the furry fandom as its called. One article told me that 17 percent of people who participate believe in zoophilia. It also said that an estimated 38-51 percent of people who practice furry roleplay self identify as bisexual or homosexual. Though, there are tons of articles and blogs insisting that furry fandom has nothing to do with anything sexual, it appears to me that it actually does for very many of the people who participate. I also found out that most people who participate are older teens to young adults.
So last week I got an email from the furry friend's mom reprimanding me for reprimanding her daughter without speaking to her. I don't feel like I reprimanded at all. What I told the girls is that because they keep getting into silly arguments, that they both need to take some time apart to really think and decide if they even want to be friends at all and I told them that all friends sometimes have different interests and I told her daughter that happened even in adulthood that this had to be respected as a part of the friendship. Since they are talking through my facebook, I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to step in. The night that I stepped in and said all this, the furry friend kept going on and on about how my daughter was going to get in trouble for saying her furry interest was ridiculous and her and her mom were going to talk to me. Like the little girl does every time she gets upset, she was just blowing up my phone texting over and over saying things to my daughter like "oh so you aren't going to answer now" etc etc. So I did step in and tell her my daughter couldn't chat till the weekend and that it wouldn't be necessary to contact me as I had read all the messages as could her mom. Then I said the other above. So apparently her mom was offended.
I tell you what offends me. I am offended that they are shoving this ridiculous mess down my daughter's throat over and over and relentlessly. Especially with the older majority interest and the clear sexual component it holds with so many people who practice it. This woman knows full well that we practice Christianity fully in our home and I thought she did. My instinct tells me this is all wrong and that I need to keep my daughter away.
So... advice please. Before I end what has been a long and important friendship for my daughter (up until recently) instead of trying to help them to repair it with the rule that I do not want my child in the furry group at all, is this what I should do? What are your thoughts on the issues of furry and what scripture teaches? Help! Help!!

 

[Sabertooth]

One article told me that 17 percent of people who participate believe in zoophilia.

I have been around cosplay people. It is quite common that fetishist will cosplay their fetishes, but not everybody who cosplays fictional characters has a fetish motivation.

I am not interested in cosplay, myself.

 

[ilovejcsog]

Sounds like you know what to do in this situation. Your daughter seems to have a good head on her shoulders also. Take control for it seems the protection of your daughter.

 

[Hazelelponi]

Hey all!
Very serious question here...

I am the mother of a ten year old elementary school daughter. She has a friend that used to go to school with her that is now an online friend. Until recently, I thought this was a wonderful thing.
About two months ago, her online friend who is also a ten year old got interested in the furry obsession. Her mother is apparently supporting this to the extent of buying her part of a furry costume to wear. This girl is currently homeschooled and per her mom, having trouble finding friends in her new area. This friend has constantly tried to talk to my child about furries and though my daughter has shown no interest and stated that she thinks it is ridiculous, there has been no letting up. It has progressed to the point of arguments because my daughter has refused to engage in the furry fandom thing. I have gladly supported my child and honestly had been thrilled she is not interested. She is a beautiful girl made in His image and she seems secure in that and has no interest in dressing up as an animal. To me, that seems like a healthy psychology.
In fourth grade, we are dealing with her finding out some sexual things. But that has been nothing compared to the drama that her furry online friend has caused. I took the liberty of looking up the furry fandom as its called. One article told me that 17 percent of people who participate believe in zoophilia. It also said that an estimated 38-51 percent of people who practice furry roleplay self identify as bisexual or homosexual. Though, there are tons of articles and blogs insisting that furry fandom has nothing to do with anything sexual, it appears to me that it actually does for very many of the people who participate. I also found out that most people who participate are older teens to young adults.
So last week I got an email from the furry friend's mom reprimanding me for reprimanding her daughter without speaking to her. I don't feel like I reprimanded at all. What I told the girls is that because they keep getting into silly arguments, that they both need to take some time apart to really think and decide if they even want to be friends at all and I told them that all friends sometimes have different interests and I told her daughter that happened even in adulthood that this had to be respected as a part of the friendship. Since they are talking through my facebook, I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to step in. The night that I stepped in and said all this, the furry friend kept going on and on about how my daughter was going to get in trouble for saying her furry interest was ridiculous and her and her mom were going to talk to me. Like the little girl does every time she gets upset, she was just blowing up my phone texting over and over saying things to my daughter like "oh so you aren't going to answer now" etc etc. So I did step in and tell her my daughter couldn't chat till the weekend and that it wouldn't be necessary to contact me as I had read all the messages as could her mom. Then I said the other above. So apparently her mom was offended.
I tell you what offends me. I am offended that they are shoving this ridiculous mess down my daughter's throat over and over and relentlessly. Especially with the older majority interest and the clear sexual component it holds with so many people who practice it. This woman knows full well that we practice Christianity fully in our home and I thought she did. My instinct tells me this is all wrong and that I need to keep my daughter away.
So... advice please. Before I end what has been a long and important friendship for my daughter (up until recently) instead of trying to help them to repair it with the rule that I do not want my child in the furry group at all, is this what I should do? What are your thoughts on the issues of furry and what scripture teaches? Help! Help!!

It honestly sounds to me like there is some kind of mental illness in this little girl, or she is exceedingly spoiled to have texted like that.

I would simply disallow the freindship, explain to your daughter this isn't a healthy freindship, and block those people from both your Facebook and your phone.

No point going any further. Our job is to protect our children and this freindship simply isn't healthy.

Some kids like dressing up sometimes, kids want to dress like superman or various "hero's", I guess there is this dressing like animals too, but there is an age where kids should outgrow it, and never should a child try and force others to participate in their fantasies.

Any coercion past no is bullying, and those are never healthy relationships.

 

[maintenance man]

Wow! That Fury thing looks to be really weird. I wasn't able to figure it out in my brief research.

I would want my daughter to stay away as well. I'm glad to hear your daughter is uninterested.

I would apologize to the other girl's mom. Explain you did not mean to disrespect her but have strong feelings about keeping your daughter away from the Fury experience - ask her to respect that desire and ask her to please let her daughter know that should no longer be a topic of discussion.

I would hate to see this long term friendship end. This is a great teaching moment for both girls. Sometimes friends go off in different directions and to keep the friendship going you have to respect those different views.

Tragically, this may be so much a part of the other girls life she can not continue her friendship without talking about Fury. I think you'll need to trust your daughter to set those boundaries.

 

[bèlla]

Hey all!
In fourth grade, we are dealing with her finding out some sexual things. But that has been nothing compared to the drama that her furry online friend has caused. I took the liberty of looking up the furry fandom as its called. One article told me that 17 percent of people who participate believe in zoophilia. It also said that an estimated 38-51 percent of people who practice furry roleplay self identify as bisexual or homosexual. Though, there are tons of articles and blogs insisting that furry fandom has nothing to do with anything sexual, it appears to me that it actually does for very many of the people who participate. I also found out that most people who participate are older teens to young adults.

Given her age and susceptibility it could be a phase. Many youngsters like anime but there is an adult side to that as well. However, most aren't engaging with the topic for that reason. We must remember what we were like at that age. Our thoughts didn't travel the dark alleys our adults minds have.

However, there is an adult population of furry aficionados. Some relate to the subject as cosplay. It's dress up and they frequent events and conventions. Much like Trekkers. And there's another component which embraces its practice on a greater level. They've adopted a character and engage in role play. It may be innocent or a feature of their interactions with a partner.

Few have gone to the extreme of identifying themselves wholly as that animal. The other that you mentioned is not a furry practice but something altogether different. Their desire to engage with non-human entities is the central point of their behavior. Costuming holds little appeal for that group.

I tell you what offends me. I am offended that they are shoving this ridiculous mess down my daughter's throat over and over and relentlessly. Especially with the older majority interest and the clear sexual component it holds with so many people who practice it. This woman knows full well that we practice Christianity fully in our home and I thought she did. My instinct tells me this is all wrong and that I need to keep my daughter away.

If you believe it's a negative influence on your daughter and she's feeling uncomfortable a timeout may be best. The absence of engagement in person to determine the seriousness of what you're suspecting is the issue. You'd be able to discern if it's a harmless fad or something else if you saw her up close. But given the distance between you and the growing disagreements some time apart may be best to prevent further upset for either.

There are many subcultures which evolve around a shared interest. We have adult reenactment groups that feature the Civil War and others that are focused on a specific time period like the SCA. I have an interest in English country dancing (like Jane Austen) and it has its own community with classes and balls.

I would encourage prayer for everyone involved. And if you feel the Lord leading you away from this situation then take the necessary steps. Anything taken to excess can be harmful. We've seen this in the church. But let us hope in this instance it's mere child's play for her sake.

 

[Sketcher]

I work with a furry who claims to be a believer.

He claims that he's not into the sexual stuff, and in his . . . online community that he runs, he has strict rules against anything that is sexually explicit.

He is very socially underdeveloped, as well.

Anyway, I don't pry too hard into his life, but my point is, there seems to be a big tent, so to speak. I don't know whether the sexual perversion is part of her furry fandom or not. I don't know whether she got it from someone in her family or not. It's just . . . weird.

 

[Radagast]

Since they are talking through my facebook, I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to step in.

Well, you're the mother here. You have the right, and the responsibility, to monitor your daughter's friendships.

And your daughter should not be on Facebook in the first place. To quote their rules:

Facebook requires everyone to be at least 13 years old before they can create an account (in some jurisdictions, this age limit may be higher). Creating an account with false info is a violation of our terms. This includes accounts registered on the behalf of someone under 13. If your underage child created an account on Facebook, you can show them how to delete their account.

If you'd like to report an account belonging to someone under 13, please fill out this form. Note that we'll promptly delete the account of any child under the age of 13 that's reported to us through this form.

I am offended that they are shoving this ridiculous mess down my daughter's throat over and over and relentlessly. Especially with the older majority interest and the clear sexual component it holds with so many people who practice it.

You shouldn't just "be offended," you should put an immediate stop to it.

Maybe they forgot to give you your "Mom" card when your daughter was born, which lists all the things that Moms are allowed to do.

 

[mama2one]

as a mom to an elementary school child, we steer our child away/limit contact with kids who seem to be a bad influence

a neighbor who is a Pastor's wife once gave me similar advice: to make sure our child is around other good kids and in activities through the church

 

[Tolworth John]

email from the furry friend's mom reprimanding me for reprimanding her daughter without speaking to her.

Up to you, does your daughter want to maintain the contact?
If she does reply to the other mom detailing the bombardment of txts and messages as well as there content and point out that this has to stop.

I suspect the 'little darling' can do no wrong and that contact will be broken.

 

[DragonFox91]

The arguments are unhealthy. Why does the friend want your daughter to embrace it? I think your daughter can be tolerant of it, but I think she not participating if she doesn't want to is more than acceptable & her friend needs to be tolerant of her choice. It's up to your daughter if she wants to continue this friendship.

Yes, there is usually a fetish for furry's. Zoophilia is rare tho. It may also just be a kind of cosplay. Your daughter will know thru conversations she has w/ her friend.

 

[HARK!]

MOD HAT ON

This is a no debate zone. This forum is for offering Christian advice to the OP. Please read the Statement of Purpose for this forum.

MOD HAT OFF​

 

[aiki]

I tell you what offends me. I am offended that they are shoving this ridiculous mess down my daughter's throat over and over and relentlessly. Especially with the older majority interest and the clear sexual component it holds with so many people who practice it. This woman knows full well that we practice Christianity fully in our home and I thought she did. My instinct tells me this is all wrong and that I need to keep my daughter away.
So... advice please. Before I end what has been a long and important friendship for my daughter (up until recently) instead of trying to help them to repair it with the rule that I do not want my child in the furry group at all, is this what I should do? What are your thoughts on the issues of furry and what scripture teaches? Help! Help!!

Stick to your guns. Don't be cowed by the censure of the World. You are in the right. Protect your daughter. God calls her to identify with her Savior and Lord, not some animal.

God's advice to you in His word is to "come out from among them and be separate" (2 Corinthians 6:14-18) to forsake the philosophies, values and obsessions of the World (Colossians 2:8-10) and to honor Him in those things in which you encourage your daughter to invest herself(1 Corinthians 10:31). The World is the mouthpiece of the devil, the "god" of the World (2 Corinthians 4:4), speaking to you and your child falsehoods, offering temptations to sin and luring every person away from God into darkness. The moment you lose sight of this, you expose yourself and your children to great spiritual peril.

 

[Brian Mcnamee]

Hey all!
Very serious question here...

I am the mother of a ten year old elementary school daughter. She has a friend that used to go to school with her that is now an online friend. Until recently, I thought this was a wonderful thing.
About two months ago, her online friend who is also a ten year old got interested in the furry obsession. Her mother is apparently supporting this to the extent of buying her part of a furry costume to wear. This girl is currently homeschooled and per her mom, having trouble finding friends in her new area. This friend has constantly tried to talk to my child about furries and though my daughter has shown no interest and stated that she thinks it is ridiculous, there has been no letting up. It has progressed to the point of arguments because my daughter has refused to engage in the furry fandom thing. I have gladly supported my child and honestly had been thrilled she is not interested. She is a beautiful girl made in His image and she seems secure in that and has no interest in dressing up as an animal. To me, that seems like a healthy psychology.
In fourth grade, we are dealing with her finding out some sexual things. But that has been nothing compared to the drama that her furry online friend has caused. I took the liberty of looking up the furry fandom as its called. One article told me that 17 percent of people who participate believe in zoophilia. It also said that an estimated 38-51 percent of people who practice furry roleplay self identify as bisexual or homosexual. Though, there are tons of articles and blogs insisting that furry fandom has nothing to do with anything sexual, it appears to me that it actually does for very many of the people who participate. I also found out that most people who participate are older teens to young adults.
So last week I got an email from the furry friend's mom reprimanding me for reprimanding her daughter without speaking to her. I don't feel like I reprimanded at all. What I told the girls is that because they keep getting into silly arguments, that they both need to take some time apart to really think and decide if they even want to be friends at all and I told them that all friends sometimes have different interests and I told her daughter that happened even in adulthood that this had to be respected as a part of the friendship. Since they are talking through my facebook, I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to step in. The night that I stepped in and said all this, the furry friend kept going on and on about how my daughter was going to get in trouble for saying her furry interest was ridiculous and her and her mom were going to talk to me. Like the little girl does every time she gets upset, she was just blowing up my phone texting over and over saying things to my daughter like "oh so you aren't going to answer now" etc etc. So I did step in and tell her my daughter couldn't chat till the weekend and that it wouldn't be necessary to contact me as I had read all the messages as could her mom. Then I said the other above. So apparently her mom was offended.
I tell you what offends me. I am offended that they are shoving this ridiculous mess down my daughter's throat over and over and relentlessly. Especially with the older majority interest and the clear sexual component it holds with so many people who practice it. This woman knows full well that we practice Christianity fully in our home and I thought she did. My instinct tells me this is all wrong and that I need to keep my daughter away.
So... advice please. Before I end what has been a long and important friendship for my daughter (up until recently) instead of trying to help them to repair it with the rule that I do not want my child in the furry group at all, is this what I should do? What are your thoughts on the issues of furry and what scripture teaches? Help! Help!!

Hi you are the gatekeeper and those kinds of issues are dangerous and you should stand your ground and be straight forward that if the long distance friendship is to continue the furry topic is off the table. Most people when adults are not best friends with the same kids they knew when they were 10 and it seems like it is time to say goodbye in my opinion. The other girl needs prayer and guidance.
A friend of mine at church had a 13 year old daughter who was into a bunch of anime kind of programs where the gender lines are often blurred. I saw what she was doing and told my friend about it and he tried to handle it but now 6 years later she is moved out and wants to be called Seth. I would talk to your daughter about this friendship and perhaps she might agree to let it go.