hellow i am looking for advice

[jkrappitz]

please read then PM me with sugestions and thoughts


Has there ever had a certain someone whom you cared so much about and loved so much that you would die in there place, walk millions of miles, or do anything for. I have. Do you believe in some relationships that are meant to be? There was this girl that I happened to meet by chance. I decided to quit my job and go help my cousin. This caused problems in my relationship with my parents. I was kicked out/left so when I came home from helping my cousin for a weekend I was looking for a place to stay overnight. I was going to stay in my jeep Cherokee but then one of my friends asked if I would come stay at his house so I did. His sister and one of our other friends were there. His sister and I clicked and before too long we were dating. She was everything I was looking for. A loving personality, someone who cares, someone you can tell anything to, and someone who will always be there when I need them. Well all was well for the first few weeks. We loved each other so. Here parent always acted strange around me I tried to get to know them but it never worked out they always avoided it. Then she got pregnant and we told her parents who immediately banned us from each other for what was going to be about 5 months and that turned into 3 weeks. She ended up having a miscarriage. This girl was someone I dreamed about being with for the rest of my life. Her parents always gave her problems about us. Then the worst thing happened she broke up with me. Now it wasn’t the fact that she did it was how she did it that hurt so bad. I was working at my aunt’s house and I called her, she was at a party and so I told out of love and care to be careful and not be stupid. She took that as if I didn’t trust her. I honestly trusted her with all I had. She said she was sick of it and that was it. The next day she came and gave back my ring and got her stuff. The next day I got a call telling me she was dating my best friend. Also that he lied to her telling her I cheated on her, which is not true. I told her I would never forget her and I will always love her and I will. It is hard though I am mad at the same time hurt. I cry myself to sleep ever night. I constantly worry about her for the fact that the guy she is with only wants to get in her pants. I just don’t know what to do. The other day I received a letter from her, which read:



Dear Jeff,

I am really sorry and have been a jerk but I have been thinking of what you said and I will always love you. I just want to try new people and it just happens to be your best friend. But the only reason I am is because he reminds me of you just younger. But I know no one can replace you. I know this sounds mean but its not. I want to see how it goes with him and me and if it doesn’t work out I hope you will take me back with open arms and we can start over but I understand if you don’t want to. But I do love you and always will and don’t you forget it. I have been thinking a lot about you and crying at night. I don’t want to loose you forever please don’t let that happen.



Love you still

Me



So what do I do? Do I wait for her or just move on. Could it work out down the road or no? Does age matter we are 3 years apart. I just can’t help but think about her 24/7/365. I need some type of direction. I still love her to death and that will never change. I miss her and don’t want to see her get hurt. I will always be there for her when she needs help. If you read this you know who you are I LOVE YOU STILL.

thanks everyone if im not at the right place please let me know were that is.

 

[Christ's Minister]

This reads like a plot description of a television soap opera.It contains the emotional immaturity and perverted moral values that make those programs so popular.The only change that needs to be made in the story line is the removal of the totally irrational,off-the-wall and therefore unbelievable reason for the girlfriend to end a sexual relationship;"I just want to try new people".Come on now! Even the worst of the Hollywood soaps would never contain that type of morally degraded thinking.

Pre-marital sex is one of the few sins listed in the Bible that sends people to hell.We should all thank God that the girl in this soap opera has flaked off in her desire to "try new people".Of course it's hardly the Christian solution to a sinful relationship but it partially meets Jesus' command;"If your right hand causes you to sin,cut off your right hand".We can only hope that the ex-girlfriend doesn't find it lustfully necessary to try out too many "new people"before she starts to spread disease.

 

[Machin Shin]

well, first of all, she got pregnant, and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. that sould never have happened obviously. I really encourage you to read my philosophies on dating in the singles section. it will not work for every girl, because some girls are not into that kind of thing, but my personal oppinion is if she has her priorities right, she will love you for that. mine did. and back to what I was just talking about - if you got her pregnant, in my oppinion she is your responsibility now. you rushed into something, and whether it is a good thing for you to marry her or not, she is now your responsibility, just like the baby would be your responsibility if it had lived.

 

[Friendship]

My thoughts were that of the first post is this a Jerry Springer thing,
You are obviously young and let me try to get in that young way of thinking for a moment, She is with your best friend man duhhhh and if she got preggos by you then obviously she is active and uggghhhh I am glad I am not that young anymore anyways, what are you truly seeking as you came to a Christian forum to ask this question because obviously your not going to get support for sex outside of marriage even though I am sure there are many in this forum including myself that are quilty of that and more at some time in their past, but that is the Great thing about the Lord he is so forgiving, if you are looking to get to know Jesus please post again because there are many here who can lead you in that direction but if your wanting advice on how to get some girl back from your friend I dont think you will find it here, but I will say have been there done that regret it not so much the same situation but similiar and it wont work out besides think about it, could you really trust someone after they dated your best bud come on, but the thing is, this is the wrong way to go about having a relationship, if you want to know true friendship and true love get to know Jesus, mate thats the best thing I can tell you. Oh one more thing you were so inlove after a few weeks thats not love its called a crush and it will pass love takes time and even with heartbreak it passes too, you will get over it, but if you want something real get to know Jesus.

 

[bubblegirl23]

Sweetie, you've been had. She doesn't love you. Love is a word used a lot, but meant very rarely. She might think she FEELS love, but she doesn't. You had a bond that was strong, but it doesn't mean it's a relationship. I have male friends I click with and tell everything to who I adore, but I know they love me merely as a friend.

Let her go. Someone who loves you NEVER feel intimate about someone else. I am a 23 y o chick who will tell you how girls my age show love.

1. We talk about you and think about you constantly so that no other man can get our attention. We listen so intently we can quote you word for word to our friends.
2. We imagine ourselves married to you - we don't want to leave your side. We've even tried your surname out in our heads!
3. We ALWAYS take you out with us unless it's a girly evening you've asked to skip. We do this because we are proud to show you to our friends
4. We don't lie or use you. Just telling you to move because our arm is squashed seems difficult to admit!
5. We put everything you ever bought us on our dressing table so we can think of you in our dreams. Those items will be guarded to no end!
6. If you don't call us enough, we'll call you. Our pride goes second to hearing your voice
7. We consider your life ours also. This means we don't get into scrapes such as illegal activities, pregnancy, arguments or dangerous pastimes. It also means embracing the relatives!
8. We aren't satisfied the day is over until we've told you about it and got your opinion. Remember, we hang onto your every word!
9. We look at you and nothing else. Your friends are faceless figures we could never describe, unless YOU explain them.



I could probably add more, but that's enough to lead you for now.

 

[Highland Watchman]

Sweetie, you've been had. She doesn't love you. Love is a word used a lot, but meant very rarely. She might think she FEELS love, but she doesn't. You had a bond that was strong, but it doesn't mean it's a relationship. I have male friends I click with and tell everything to who I adore, but I know they love me merely as a friend.

Let her go. Someone who loves you NEVER feel intimate about someone else. I am a 23 y o chick who will tell you how girls my age show love.

1. We talk about you and think about you constantly so that no other man can get our attention. We listen so intently we can quote you word for word to our friends.
2. We imagine ourselves married to you - we don't want to leave your side. We've even tried your surname out in our heads!
3. We ALWAYS take you out with us unless it's a girly evening you've asked to skip. We do this because we are proud to show you to our friends
4. We don't lie or use you. Just telling you to move because our arm is squashed seems difficult to admit!
5. We put everything you ever bought us on our dressing table so we can think of you in our dreams. Those items will be guarded to no end!
6. If you don't call us enough, we'll call you. Our pride goes second to hearing your voice
7. We consider your life ours also. This means we don't get into scrapes such as illegal activities, pregnancy, arguments or dangerous pastimes. It also means embracing the relatives!
8. We aren't satisfied the day is over until we've told you about it and got your opinion. Remember, we hang onto your every word!
9. We look at you and nothing else. Your friends are faceless figures we could never describe, unless YOU explain them.



I could probably add more, but that's enough to lead you for now.

Yeah, you said it. Hm... so THAT's what it's like... I was wondering about that... Might be good to watch out for.

For the OP... yeah, I'd agree with what has been said so far. This just doesn't sit well for me. It sounds kind of like you are "mr. second best, back burner" guy that she really doesn't care about but wants to keep around just in case things don't work out as she pursues others. Dude, speaking as a brother, I'm telling you that you need to get your priorities straight. If you want to stay as second-best backburner guy, then I guess that is your decision. But imagine, you have the potential of being so much more. You have so much growing to do, and God can take you from where you're at, and transform you into a guy who is the type of guy who will have a girl who is worth your time... a girl who will be just like bubblegirl described. Don't you want that? Heck, I want that! I can only offer some advice. ultimately, though, the choice is yours...

 

[LilRitt04]

Having premarital sex, is one of the most common sins among young people today. Enless it is meant to be it tends to break relationships up...It happen to me...

In high school I was dating this guy. He was a fireman and was heavily into the firehouse. We actually grew up together, and when we decided to give dating a try we fell in love with each other, I mean head over heals for one another. His Mom fell in love with me, and everything. About 3 months into the relationship we starting having sex. I got pregnant and mis carried and his mother turned against me...and we broke up. He left me...I was so upset, everything I ate came back up, and it all turned bad. But at that point in my life, I decided that I had to get my walk with Christ back on track. I did just that...I got my life on track and God blessed me with someone who I love and care about so much right now.

Even though you may be upset with what she did to you, you cant go back and change it all. What you can do now, is maintain a friendship with her. Talk to her and be with her as friends. If you start becoming friends like that people will start to see that you are close again. But most importantly try to maintain a relationship with Christ. Once you do that and you begin to strive everyday to do better, it will get better. God loves you, just like every other person on this forum giving you advice...May God bless you...

~*JeNn*~

 

[Rafael]

From experience, I can tell you that sin has a payoff in bad things happening, and the longer we do not repent, the taller the weeds and thorns grow in the garden we plant for our life. When you get old and look back on your life, you may morn and regret the selfishness and sin that you did. I know that I do, now, because I see how it brought misery to everybody else I touched with my life.
You see, we have opportunity to be a light in this world or just a trouble and source of hurt. If we walk with the Lord, He gives us all the good things of life at the perfect time, but when we walk in our own ways, they often look as pitiful as the Jerry Springer TV shows that exploit people of ignorance and lacking of any wisdom for life. Even a fool can walk with grace if they obey God's simple laws of true love.
I'm saying a prayer for you right now, that you will leave this girl alone and get your life right with God, for He can give you the best there is if you will wait on Him and obey Him.

Mt 6:33 and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.

Pr 14:14 Backsliders get what they deserve; good people receive their reward.

 

[forgivenmuch]

you sinned and you need to repent. you and her do not need to be together, you both disrespected your own bodys. i really think you may need counsling. i would suggest you talking to God ..and then getting personal counsling for yourself. you should not be hurting so much over the love of your life .. you should be hurting because you are sinning . let her go .. and please turn to God .. he can only help you in any situation you are in.

 

[e-bwm]

please read then PM me with sugestions and thoughts


Has there ever had a certain someone whom you cared so much about and loved so much that you would die in there place, walk millions of miles, or do anything for. I have. Do you believe in some relationships that are meant to be? There was this girl that I happened to meet by chance. I decided to quit my job and go help my cousin. This caused problems in my relationship with my parents. I was kicked out/left so when I came home from helping my cousin for a weekend I was looking for a place to stay overnight. I was going to stay in my jeep Cherokee but then one of my friends asked if I would come stay at his house so I did. His sister and one of our other friends were there. His sister and I clicked and before too long we were dating. She was everything I was looking for. A loving personality, someone who cares, someone you can tell anything to, and someone who will always be there when I need them. Well all was well for the first few weeks. We loved each other so. Here parent always acted strange around me I tried to get to know them but it never worked out they always avoided it. Then she got pregnant and we told her parents who immediately banned us from each other for what was going to be about 5 months and that turned into 3 weeks. She ended up having a miscarriage. This girl was someone I dreamed about being with for the rest of my life. Her parents always gave her problems about us. Then the worst thing happened she broke up with me. Now it wasn’t the fact that she did it was how she did it that hurt so bad. I was working at my aunt’s house and I called her, she was at a party and so I told out of love and care to be careful and not be stupid. She took that as if I didn’t trust her. I honestly trusted her with all I had. She said she was sick of it and that was it. The next day she came and gave back my ring and got her stuff. The next day I got a call telling me she was dating my best friend. Also that he lied to her telling her I cheated on her, which is not true. I told her I would never forget her and I will always love her and I will. It is hard though I am mad at the same time hurt. I cry myself to sleep ever night. I constantly worry about her for the fact that the guy she is with only wants to get in her pants. I just don’t know what to do. The other day I received a letter from her, which read:



Dear Jeff,

I am really sorry and have been a jerk but I have been thinking of what you said and I will always love you. I just want to try new people and it just happens to be your best friend. But the only reason I am is because he reminds me of you just younger. But I know no one can replace you. I know this sounds mean but its not. I want to see how it goes with him and me and if it doesn’t work out I hope you will take me back with open arms and we can start over but I understand if you don’t want to. But I do love you and always will and don’t you forget it. I have been thinking a lot about you and crying at night. I don’t want to loose you forever please don’t let that happen.



Love you still

Me



So what do I do? Do I wait for her or just move on. Could it work out down the road or no? Does age matter we are 3 years apart. I just can’t help but think about her 24/7/365. I need some type of direction. I still love her to death and that will never change. I miss her and don’t want to see her get hurt. I will always be there for her when she needs help. If you read this you know who you are I LOVE YOU STILL.

thanks everyone if im not at the right place please let me know were that is.

I have read all the other posts and I agree with some of them more than others. But this is a situation that should be addressed by trained counselors. This is an unreasonble request for the more seasoned adults, let alone a young person. This is unhealthy to be taken advantage like this, but you are being unhealthy by allowing this to happen. That is the obvious, but because of the emotional impact of this on you, You may need a one on one with an experienced counselor whether a pastor or Christian Phsychologist to help sort this out. Hope this helps. God bless you.

 

[carmi]

Dear Jeff,
I am really sorry and have been a jerk but I have been thinking of what you said and I will always love you. I just want to try new people and it just happens to be your best friend. But the only reason I am is because he reminds me of you just younger. But I know no one can replace you. I know this sounds mean but its not. I want to see how it goes with him and me and if it doesn’t work out I hope you will take me back with open arms and we can start over but I understand if you don’t want to. But I do love you and always will and don’t you forget it. I have been thinking a lot about you and crying at night. I don’t want to loose you forever please don’t let that happen.

Love you still
Me

So what do I do? Do I wait for her or just move on. Could it work out down the road or no? Does age matter we are 3 years apart. I just can’t help but think about her 24/7/365. I need some type of direction. I still love her to death and that will never change. I miss her and don’t want to see her get hurt. I will always be there for her when she needs help. If you read this you know who you are I LOVE YOU STILL.

thanks everyone if im not at the right place please let me know were that is.

Yes, "I love you still" are powerful words. We use the word "love" frequently - I love that man, I love that dress. But that does not mean that we should love a person as we love a piece of clothing. I have favourite pieces of clothing I hang on to. Every once in a while I try on a new one. If I don't like, I give it to a salvation army thrift store or wear it when working in the garden or do some major cleaning. This is not how you should love a human being: "Oh, I don't want to be always with the same, I want to try someone new." And that is what your friend is saying here "I want to try new people." It could mean that she does not love the guy she is with right now. It leaves one wondering why she still is with him.

She is with him because he reminds her of you when you were younger. Maybe you have changed and she does not like the change. Maybe she is bored with you. But that might have more to do with her than with you - i.e. you are not boring you are only boring to her. Hers is apparently not a constant love. All of us get older and our partners (if we have one) are getting older as well. Many people stay together while they are growing older - so growing older is not a reason to leave someone and look for someone who is younger or appears to be younger or reminds us of a person when that person was younger.

While being with this guy she is contemplating to get back with you ... she loves to eat a cake and keeping it.

People can change, so there is hope that she might change. And that she is able to love someone in a mature and unselfish manner. And just because she left you once for someone new does not mean that she would do it a second time. But unless she has changed, there is a strong possibility she would.

Your place should be right with the One who will love you and never forsake or leave you. You need this Person more than you need any other human being. You need to get to a place where you are loved in the right way, right manner - you need God's love. God will not get tired and bored with you, He will not leave you for someone else - regardless of how old you get.

And you would need God and His guidance and strength and His love, if you decide to wait for this woman. Because you would have to love her the way God loves us. God still loves me although I do love a human being, and for a long time I spend more time thinking about that man than I would spend time with prayer or reading God's word. Yes, God took me back - just as the Lord said in the parable of the prodigal son. I still love that man although I know he does not love me. I am not desperate, lonely, bitter or resentful.

I am grateful that God let me return to Him, that He did sent me away after I realized how unfaithful I was towards Him. The least I can do is love another human being that way. But without God's example of how He loved me even when my heart, mind and most of my thoughts were with another man, I would be desolate.