Hi... I'm Lazey. I live in CT, am female and I really am already 25... I messed up on my birthdate while register :-/ My birthday's in Octobr but my mouse must've scrolled down or something and made me a month younger. So I'm already off to a good start here... I probably should email an admin about that. Er..
I'm a bit messed up in the head, think I have depersonalization disorder (Been living in a spacey haze I can't break out of for over 12 years) got bad anxiety, panic attacks, get bad bouts of agorophobia, have OCD which has been driving me up the wall this week and I know this'll raise a few eyebrows but I'm a self harmer too. It's a bit like alcoholism only even less socially acceptable, I started about 5 years ago, stopped for 3 years then in the past couple months I've gotten the urge to hurt myself and have started doing it again. I aint hurt myself in over a month but the past couple of days and especially today my OCD brain has been obsessing over it and it's been a real struggle not to.
Don't worry too much, I'm not suicidal but hurting myself is not a good thing and I got scars on my skin that I'll have all my life.
My self harm's what brought me here. Trying to distract myself from my dark thoughts I googled for Christian mental health chatrooms... and I wound up here. I see that there's some mental health topics so I'll probably head over there after I'm done rambling here.
Anyways... more about the part of me that's not mentally ill. I've been a born again Christian since I was 10 or 11. Strangely it was my father who led me to the Lord... nobody's a perfect Christian I know but he's... well this aint about him. What matters is I got saved.
Most of my family is Baptist so that's the kind of church I tend to go to... When I get to church.
I'm afraid my church attendance has been really poor, I can probably count the times I've been to church in the past few years on one hand. I know I should be around other believers and all but besides not sleeping well (I usually wake up shortly before my mom comes home from church on Sundays) I have days and weeks where I can barely leave my room, it's my comfort zone. I've had panic attacks simply from being in the kitchen for too long. Sorry, I'm back on my mental health issues. I'm hoping that chatting with other Christians will help me until I can get myself to church.
I'm hoping to go back to school soon, I graduated from high school back in 2000 and had no clue as to what I wanted to do with my life and my GPA was low too. The past couple of months I've been hanging out in mental health chatrooms and became close friends with many people with mental illnesses and found out something about myself, despite or maybe because of my own problems I'm easy to talk to. These sufferers confide in me stuff they can never get themselves to tell their own psychiatrists. I offer what advice I can and urge them to tell professionals what they had told me. I get out psychology books from the library and google all sorts of stuff about how the human mind works trying to help them and am more fascinated by this psychological stuff than I am in the novels I used to devour. So that's why I wanna go back to school... I have to raise my GPA somehow before I can take psychology courses but it's what I really wanna do, I think it might even be a calling.
That's about it... I spend most of my time online so hopefully I'll get to chat with some of you. I might typo a lot because I have this cat, Rivkah, that likes to stomp everywhere. I also have two budgies (parakeets), Digger and Tips, but they usually don't interupt me too much.
I'm a bit messed up in the head, think I have depersonalization disorder (Been living in a spacey haze I can't break out of for over 12 years) got bad anxiety, panic attacks, get bad bouts of agorophobia, have OCD which has been driving me up the wall this week and I know this'll raise a few eyebrows but I'm a self harmer too. It's a bit like alcoholism only even less socially acceptable, I started about 5 years ago, stopped for 3 years then in the past couple months I've gotten the urge to hurt myself and have started doing it again. I aint hurt myself in over a month but the past couple of days and especially today my OCD brain has been obsessing over it and it's been a real struggle not to.
Don't worry too much, I'm not suicidal but hurting myself is not a good thing and I got scars on my skin that I'll have all my life. My self harm's what brought me here. Trying to distract myself from my dark thoughts I googled for Christian mental health chatrooms... and I wound up here. I see that there's some mental health topics so I'll probably head over there after I'm done rambling here.
Anyways... more about the part of me that's not mentally ill. I've been a born again Christian since I was 10 or 11. Strangely it was my father who led me to the Lord... nobody's a perfect Christian I know but he's... well this aint about him. What matters is I got saved.
Most of my family is Baptist so that's the kind of church I tend to go to... When I get to church.
I'm afraid my church attendance has been really poor, I can probably count the times I've been to church in the past few years on one hand. I know I should be around other believers and all but besides not sleeping well (I usually wake up shortly before my mom comes home from church on Sundays) I have days and weeks where I can barely leave my room, it's my comfort zone. I've had panic attacks simply from being in the kitchen for too long. Sorry, I'm back on my mental health issues. I'm hoping that chatting with other Christians will help me until I can get myself to church. I'm hoping to go back to school soon, I graduated from high school back in 2000 and had no clue as to what I wanted to do with my life and my GPA was low too. The past couple of months I've been hanging out in mental health chatrooms and became close friends with many people with mental illnesses and found out something about myself, despite or maybe because of my own problems I'm easy to talk to. These sufferers confide in me stuff they can never get themselves to tell their own psychiatrists. I offer what advice I can and urge them to tell professionals what they had told me. I get out psychology books from the library and google all sorts of stuff about how the human mind works trying to help them and am more fascinated by this psychological stuff than I am in the novels I used to devour. So that's why I wanna go back to school... I have to raise my GPA somehow before I can take psychology courses but it's what I really wanna do, I think it might even be a calling.
That's about it... I spend most of my time online so hopefully I'll get to chat with some of you. I might typo a lot because I have this cat, Rivkah, that likes to stomp everywhere. I also have two budgies (parakeets), Digger and Tips, but they usually don't interupt me too much.
