hello;I'm looking for some advice

[somuch4love]

Hey I'm a new person here....I came here so I could get some advice for myself.

I had a horrible breakup a couple of months ago...
and that was the start of a lot of really bad problems and stuff that have just ruined my life and left me broken and hurting.......
I can't seem to control my emotions and when I get mad I do stupid things.....so I keep messageing my ex and just telling him how angry and depressed I am that he left me...and i said some nasty things and now he won't even talk to me.

I tried to talk to my mom about all this but all she does is scream at me and tell me I'm stupid and I belong in a mental institution or something.......she doesn't understand me.

she won't even let me go to therepy or anything it's too much money bla bla bla she is NO HELP WHATSOEVER and
i'm just really tired of hating the people i love and crying alone at night and thinking that i'm horrible bla bla bla.....

 

[Achichem]

Hey I'm a new person here....I came here so I could get some advice for myself.

Cool, awesome to see you here, hope you feel welcome

I had a horrible breakup a couple of months ago...

Happens to the best of us, and I want you to know that to be angry and want to talk about it is a very healthy process....as long as it can pass....So let make sure you do, shall we

and that was the start of a lot of really bad problems and stuff that have just ruined my life and left me broken and hurting.......

It is hard to post stuff that personal on the Internet so you may want to talk to somone in a private, and in that case know there is many people here who would be happy to listen

But since you came here asking for help it may be best just to type of a long and raw post in the public eye of all that going through your head...no one is here to tell your wrong, we understand what you say is part of a larger process and we'll just offer up what we have learnt from our own similar experiences.

I can't seem to control my emotions and when I get mad I do stupid things.....so I keep messageing my ex and just telling him how angry and depressed I am that he left me...and i said some nasty things and now he won't even talk to me.

Been in a similar spot myself, and it does pass if you address it....

Feelings of hurt and betrayal (anger and frustration) happens whenever our view of the world is shaken. Remember the strongest human drive is one to be in that which is familiar. When something startles that need it throws our minds, and causes us to have our whole body produce weird chemicals and imbalances.

The important thing is to anchor back, get back on familiar territory so that the physical feeling of being overwhelmed can pass.

I tried to talk to my mom about all this but all she does is scream at me and tell me I'm stupid and I belong in a mental institution or something.......she doesn't understand me.

Not everyone is in a place to listen, don't hold it against them, they have their own gifts

she won't even let me go to therepy or anything it's too much money bla bla bla she is NO HELP WHATSOEVER and
i'm just really tired of hating the people i love and crying alone at night and thinking that i'm horrible bla bla bla.....

Just talk away, even when no one else seem to listen, G-d will and His consul is worth a thousand therapists
Peace, sister

 

[_CJ_]

Mark all the thoughts saying you're hopeless, you suck and are a mourner, all the stuff telling bad things about you one stinking lie. These thoughts' purpose is to make you think you are all these things, cause even a hundred years listening to them could not actually change you into them. Bad is bad and produces bad. It's impossible(at least, to me)to see it clearly, you have to believe it first. You gotta stop soaking with these lies. Won't get you dry but you'll get a chance. I had a terrible brokedown a year ago too, so belive me I'm telling just the tested, class-A certified stainless steel bullets against the depression's huge freakin being.

Not really cured yet though..be sure you're definately NOT alone here

 

[devotee]

Hey I'm a new person here....I came here so I could get some advice for myself.

I had a horrible breakup a couple of months ago...
and that was the start of a lot of really bad problems and stuff that have just ruined my life and left me broken and hurting.......
I can't seem to control my emotions and when I get mad I do stupid things.....so I keep messageing my ex and just telling him how angry and depressed I am that he left me...and i said some nasty things and now he won't even talk to me.

I tried to talk to my mom about all this but all she does is scream at me and tell me I'm stupid and I belong in a mental institution or something.......she doesn't understand me.

she won't even let me go to therepy or anything it's too much money bla bla bla she is NO HELP WHATSOEVER and
i'm just really tired of hating the people i love and crying alone at night and thinking that i'm horrible bla bla bla.....

You sound very hurt and angry. Frustrated. Can you phone a hotline? Soemtimes they are free or just a local call. Your mum sounds like she doesn't have the mental space at the moment to be there for you, maybe she has some stuff going on herself.

I encourage you not to text/contact your ex, it sounds like you are finding ways to punsh yourself: you text angrily/hurt--> he rejects --> your feelings of unworthiness are reinforced.

You need to talk, even if its just through forums. You need to get outside and walk, go to the beach, garden walk or something that reminds you that the world is a very big place and that there are other ways of experiencing it besides in pain and anger.

Don't be so hard on yourself, sometimes we push others away b/c we wnat some space and don't know how to ask. Sometimes we push when we fel we are being overwhelmed, we need to remember there is a solid place within us that can't be lost in another, or taken away. Walking around in nature can really do this.

Hope this helps, pm anytime.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

I really think you need to find somebody to talk to who will help you sort out your emotions. I don't know if you're at school but if you are isn't there a counsellor or somebody who can help you free of charge? I think when you get mad you need to do something to distract yourself so you don't do anything stupid like messaging your ex - what about going for a walk or run? Exercise can help you clear your head.

You are not horrible, you will get through this. We're here for you. Please let us know how you're doing.

 

[TheTruthinFiction]

Hey I'm a new person here....I came here so I could get some advice for myself.

I had a horrible breakup a couple of months ago...
and that was the start of a lot of really bad problems and stuff that have just ruined my life and left me broken and hurting.......

Don't use the word broken, you aren't broken, just cracked a little. Also your life isn't ruined, at this point, this is just how feel inside, not what you truly are. You are hurting as you said and the hurting is something that will get easier with time, because everybody hurts, just like the R.E.M. song says. It's okay to hurt, but don't let it consume you, it's also okay to laugh and to have fun even when hurting, try it, most people in your place say they can't laugh or have fun, but you can. Walk up to a mirror and just laugh, let yourself see that you can.

I can't seem to control my emotions and when I get mad I do stupid things.....so I keep messageing my ex and just telling him how angry and depressed I am that he left me...and i said some nasty things and now he won't even talk to me.

A common problem for humans is that they waste today, thinking about yesterday or tomorrow. This usually leads to depression, because how can you control your present emotions, if you are thinking about what happened last week? Don't tell your ex how angry you are, just move on past him. No matter how much you tell him that, it won't change anything, unless it just makes him feel guilty, in which case, he will then resent you. Maybe you are making him feel guilty and that is why he won't talk to you, not just the nasty things you said? He may not even realize himself that that is the reason he won't talk to you, but his subconscious stops him and gives him the nasty things you said as the reason.

I tried to talk to my mom about all this but all she does is scream at me and tell me I'm stupid and I belong in a mental institution or something.......she doesn't understand me.

More than likely mom is worried about you being depressed and doesn't know how to respond to you. Much like you are letting your emotions out of control, parents tend to do the same thing when their children are hurt. It's probably best if you want to talk to mom to talk calmly, no yelling, none of this being said, "You don't understand me" because she does, she was your age once. Parents for the most part are some of the best therapists, but you have to be patient with them too. When mom sees that whatever advice she gives you isn't working, she then feels like a failure as a mom, she then will be defensive towards you.

she won't even let me go to therepy or anything it's too much money bla bla bla she is NO HELP WHATSOEVER and
i'm just really tired of hating the people i love and crying alone at night and thinking that i'm horrible bla bla bla.....

Therapy is not the answer in this situation. You are angry, which means a therapist won't be able to get through to you. You have to come to terms with this inside you, first. Then the problems will get better. You aren't horrible, you are a human, which means you are going to do and say things that make no sense. I can also offer the best advice you will ever hear.

If you are tired of hating the people you love and crying alone at night and thinking you are horrible, it's as simple as stop doing it. These are things you don't want to do, but as I have explained, you have to fix the problem with this relationship by letting it go, then everything else will go back to being normal.

Good luck and hope this helps.

 

[somuch4love]

thanks guys.........i've had this problem for a long time and today my mom and i had a talk.....she just sat in the bathroom and cussed and yelled at me for 30 minutes so.........i guess it was a miracle that my dad intervened and we apologized to each other.

i'm good.
thanks guys

 

[devotee]

thanks guys.........i've had this problem for a long time and today my mom and i had a talk.....she just sat in the bathroom and cussed and yelled at me for 30 minutes so.........i guess it was a miracle that my dad intervened and we apologized to each other.

i'm good.
thanks guys

Perhaps your experiences can be used to show someone like your mum that there is adifferent way to interact with another person. In regards to language, you don't "have" a problem, you expereince a way off being sometimes - not always. It takes practice to cahnge thoughts and behaviors, it also takes getting to know yourself (all of us every day) to see where the anger and pain comes from that triggers ingrained responses. Practice **can** change the grooves of the mind, start with your language. How one sees themself is a reflection of how we treat others and our environment.

 

[Annoula]

thanks guys.........i've had this problem for a long time and today my mom and i had a talk.....she just sat in the bathroom and cussed and yelled at me for 30 minutes so.........i guess it was a miracle that my dad intervened and we apologized to each other.

i'm good.
thanks guys

that's a good step forward!!!

 

[newyorknewyork]

can u see an counsellor ?

they can be very helpful

 

[trinitygrace]

somuchforlove,

I am going through the same thing you are right now.

I went through a horrible breakup last year. Things started to go downhill and get worse. I hurt everyday when I woke up and the pain lasted for months.
However, it the pain finally subsided after getting support from caring friends, going to counseling, and getting on anti-depressants.

And yes, I have a mother who is bipolar and screamed at me too when I would tell her I was upset about my boyfriend. She told me I was stupid and I needed to "let that poney run". She didn't understand.

I know what you are going through.

Please get yourself some help. You need a caring person to talk to in person. Online forums help, yes, but having a real person, and growing a support system of caring friends and family, will be invaluable in your recovery.

I would start at school if I were you. You look young from your pic. If you mom says you can't afford counseling, I'm sure you can get one at school who will help you. The one I am going to (I am in college) is a Christian counselor that accepts a sliding scale.

I will pray for you somuchforlove for your recovery. You will get through this. Keep telling yourself "this too shall pass". A broken and lonely heart is truly the worst thing a person can go through, besides losing a child. However, our God is with you all the way through and He does know you pain. He holds all your tears in his hands. Lots 'o Love, Trinity