Misty Girl,
I want to get right to the heart of the matter. To the left of you is my yellow logo that says BSOCS. Let me explain what it is.
Believe is to submit is to obey is to confidence is to share. When our belief system is healthy, and this means also that our perception of life, the world and ourselves is healthy, our ability to make normal and healthy submission is much more likely. With a healthy belief and understanding of what it is to be fully mature, we will know not to submit to people in an unnatural way, such as submitting in rank and order. Racism is clearly about submitting in rank and order, submitting because of something so utterly insane as over a color. A color of skin. Lunatic, isn’t it? But a healthy mind has healthy beliefs and understandings, thus their ability to properly submit is heightened in likelihood. We submit to authorities in rank and order, and of course, God, but no one else. And no one has to know that you feel this way; that has nothing to do with it, for no one needs to know that you don’t need their approval to determine your self-worth. We know we’re equal. We know that we were envisioned by God first and then later created. By this, we KNOW that we are loved, thus we clearly submit to His raw Power. But we submit to no one, for no one is greater than another, neither male nor female nor Greek nor Jew.
When our submissions are in proper order, when we no longer need the approval of any human being, we will have enough courage to change the direction of our lives and begin doing the right thing. We need to obey. If we want happiness in life, there is only one logical conclusion to make in terms of how to receive happiness….we must treat others with kindness. There is no way around it. If we are harming another person, which is always what sin is about, how can we ever truly feel safe and secure? Sure, if we believe that we’re a grade-A thug, then perhaps you might giggle that you’ve gotten away with something, but I guarantee you that these crooks and schemers aren’t free. They’re looking over their backs every day. They do not know peace because they refuse to treat others properly. But if we are living rightly, if we are doing things properly and treating others well, the effect of our treatment unto others is a natural effect and it is called Confidence. We don’t necessarily need to work on confidence to develop it, instead, we should really focus on our fears, overcome them as we are clearly commanded, and once we have overcome our fears (sins), the effect is a natural one, once again called Confidence.
Confidence is a way of thinking. We see the world in a very certain and specific way that is always related to an inner feeling of self-control. Self-control, when we consistently refuse the opportunities of evil that present themselves, we feel good. We’re not proud! We just feel good inside knowing that we have overcome a specific temptation and cast it aside. Come on, no one runs around saying, “Man, I resisted my lustful temptations today!” No. We are able to walk around with a clear conscience. And to be honest, many people cannot understand what it physically feels like to have a clear conscience. We literally and physically feel different when we are confident rather than weak and insecure. Why? Because confident folks do not dwell on themselves all day and night. Quite the opposite, confident people spend most of their time thinking of the betterment of others. Confident ones are those that listen without being offended. They endure all things and lead by example. Confident people are not hypocrites, for if confidence depends on upper levels of extreme obedience, they are trustworthy for they are not known for lying, manipulating or doing anything that would remotely appear to be shady.
Now here’s the beautiful thing….when we are confident, we become transparent. We are innocent, so innocent that we can be inspected. We can hand over our phones, tablets, laptops, computers and even our home at a spot flash inspection by anyone. To the degree that we are hiding anything at all, that is the degree of our confidence, dignity, self-worth. If we are hiding nothing, we truly can stand before God with all confidence. Once we reach such a place in our climb that we can face our God, on our feet, head high and with our arms open to Him and with a humble heart, we do so because we have run the race well. Every part of our lives are in order, therefore, we realize what is important and what is now important is not me, but all others.
Now we are ready to share. Now we are ready to give of ourselves. Once we are fully confident, we become fully aware of the needs of others and we are pressed urgently to begin to act. Act how? We might give money. We might toil and labor/bleed. We might be willing to lay down our very life so that another might live. Most importantly, when we are confident, we really do need to be proud of our Jesus and what He did for us on His blood painted, iron stuffed, wooden Cross. We need to spread this Good News as we are commanded, but how can we do that if:
How can I share if I have little to no confidence? And how can I be confident if I refuse to obey and do things rightly? And why would anyone, ever, expect me to do things rightly and obey if I haven’t got a clue that my understanding of submission is all messed up? What if I don’t know that I’m submitting to something that is killing me? And how could I ever possibly know that my submissions were wrong if this problem stems from the fact that I don’t even know what in the HECK IT IS THAT I BELIEVE?!?!
This is what your son is facing. He is struggling because many, many terrible ideas have been placed into his mind, meaning that his belief system is in serious need of spot-on assistance before himself or another person become injured. This means that you must do your absolute best to not react to his behavior, because as you can see, behavior is only a symptom of the real problem. He is submitting to disadvantageous ideas of how to manage his life and that’s happening because the belief system that his parents (sorry), his entire family and all of his friends have given to him, were out of alignment without much of anything good in the middle of it all.
I know. We have a brutal mess that we’re all dealing with. If you think that this message of mine only applies to your son, nope. It applies to us all. We all have a battle, for we all have the sin nature. No one is perfect. So understanding what is happening to your son is critical. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! So now that you understand what is happening, your job is to find a way to no longer be emotional towards him in an upset kind of way. Rather, view him as a set of facts. Set aside emotion and view your son as a challenge that does not frighten you. You see? So it needs to be you that begins to model for your son what it means, and exactly what it means to be strong and confident. This is how he will change. When he sees someone that is strong, comfortable in their own skin and is not bothered, even by him, this is the kind of person that he can respect. You show your son what it means to be confident. How? Show him that he means something to you other than your son. Show him that you value him as a man of his own. That means ask him about the word respect and what it means to him. Listen to him without fear. Respect him! Have him tell you what it is that makes him feel respected, but gently remind him that you’d prefer reasonable answers.
And really, the truth is is that you may not be the one to reach him yourself. If boys are going to take anyone seriously, it will be the man or men that they deeply respect. I know this, your son would respect you if you believed him. If you can find a way to believe in him, that is so huge. Also, place expectant confidence into his mind. Give him your vision of him that you hold in your mind….five years down the road. Tell him that you see great things and when you do, believe it with all your heart, soul and mind! If you doubt even a little, your statement of expectant confidence will come off as fake and he’ll know it. Your son is not stupid, no. His problem is that he’s brilliant and that his feelings are awake. This boy is not numb, for if he was numb, he’d be silent. So when you instill your future beliefs into him, give him that confidence of yours to him. I am telling you that if you do this, it’s almost as if your will somehow enforce these beliefs into the one in whom you believe. It’s powerful, very much like prayer, as expectant confidence works on basically the same spiritual plane, I believe.
So if and when you find a counselor, you need to find one that is going to cut to the chase just as I have. I’ve had soooo many counselors throughout my life….they’re all the same. They do not understand the fact that our culture knows nothing of Submission, Obedience and Confidence. All three of those attributes point towards what a person believes, so your counselor HAS GOT to help your son in that way as soon as possible. He needs help very quickly, but it needs to be with someone who can really get to the dead heart of the problem….something the church is absolutely clueless about. Ugg.
I know that this is a lot of text, but this is a view that we’re not sharing or reading about, but I believe it is what we need to know so that we can make best assessments of who we are, what we are and where we are. BSOCS is like a personal barometer, of sorts. I sure hope this helps!
I believe in you!