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Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist
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new creation said:And Lloyd said "I already do babe."
New Creation said:I don't think I need to go anymore actually. At least, not now. The lady I spoke to at Rachel's vineyard was really helpful to me today. I don't need to go to a strange place to say goodbye to my son. I want to do it at home.
Today, my husband and I really spoke about all of this today. I told him where I have been in my head and in my heart this week. I told him that I wanted Lance to be acknowledged. I told him all of my thoughts and feelings. Near the end of our conversation, I said "And one day, I'll see him in heaven and we will be together and love each other. And you will love him too."
And Lloyd said "I already do babe."
I just about lost it.
That was one of the things I needed. To make sure that LLoyd knew that Lance would always be my first child. And that he deserved acknowledgement in OUR family.
I can't tell you folks how blessed I feel right now. I really can't. I feel lighter. I know that my son LOVES me.
Isn't that amazing?
And it is because Jesus loved me first.
I have no words.
This is so beautiful amy.ames61 said:Zita123,
I totally understand where you are coming from, as that is what I told myself for years. But I came to feel that while God might have had other plans for me before I engaged in sexual behavior, once I made that choice and conceived the child, He never would have wanted me to end his life.
Yes, God was with me the whole time, He never left me. But had I been listening I think He'd have been saying something like "Beloved, trust me. I can help you through this, this child is mine, just as you are, If I want to bring him back to me, I will do so, but please don't make this choice, please don't do this to yourself" Unfortunately I didn't listen then, and because of it, I didn't listen to Him for 22 years after that.
I did eventually begin to blame myself (or to finally recognize the blame I was always putting there) but that was a good thing. By finally recognizing and accepting that I had done something wrong, I could finally, finally open myself up to His healing love! And believe me His healing love is far more satisfying than the denial and shame I tortured myself with for 22 years! Yes I did something terribly wrong, but He loves me anyway. His love is so incredibly deep, He has cried tears for me until I finally turned to Him and recognized that love.
Admitting I did wrong and accepting His forgiveness was the biggest sigh of relief I ever experienced. It had hung over me for so long as I tried to rationalize and justify, always knowing in my heart that something didn't ring true.
Sorry, long story, of course, there's much more. I treasure your beautiful intentions above, they show a love of Christ and of your neighbor that is transcendent. Your very kind heart is quite evident. I can't speak to anyone else, but I just know that for me, admitting that my choice of abortion was wrong was the first step in authentically accepting His love and forgiveness.
In Christ,
amy
Jesus named my son. Do you know what He called him? James. And Jesus said it was ok for me to add a middle name. His name is James Dean Freeman.New Creation said:I don't think I need to go anymore actually. At least, not now. The lady I spoke to at Rachel's vineyard was really helpful to me today. I don't need to go to a strange place to say goodbye to my son. I want to do it at home.
Today, my husband and I really spoke about all of this today. I told him where I have been in my head and in my heart this week. I told him that I wanted Lance to be acknowledged. I told him all of my thoughts and feelings. Near the end of our conversation, I said "And one day, I'll see him in heaven and we will be together and love each other. And you will love him too."
And Lloyd said "I already do babe."
I just about lost it.
That was one of the things I needed. To make sure that LLoyd knew that Lance would always be my first child. And that he deserved acknowledgement in OUR family.
I can't tell you folks how blessed I feel right now. I really can't. I feel lighter. I know that my son LOVES me.
Isn't that amazing?
And it is because Jesus loved me first.
I have no words.
SetFreeOne said:Jesus named my son. Do you know what He called him? James. And Jesus said it was ok for me to add a middle name. His name is James Dean Freeman.
You know , I went to church and finally got the healing I needed. If you can go to the retreat, and if you want to , then go. But know this, that you dont have to. Jesus can touch you right where you are! And He can come to YOU to heal you ! Isnt that great?
geocajun said:Thank you for posting this. I wish more women would share their stories like you have done.
woman.at.the.well said:I wish they would too (myself included) because just like the Good Book says in John 8:32: "The truth shall set you free!" And that is really what satan wants -- is for us to be alone in our silence and shame. Well, get thee behind me satan.
I too am like our sister New Creation. I had an abortion 28 years ago. I believe my baby was a girl and I named her Lindsay several years ago. My sister, unknowingly (to this day) named her daughter Lindsay (18 years ago). Funny how things work out that way. I have not allowed myself to think about this for years.
I drowned myself in hate and anger; drugs and alcohol and cigarettes; a tough chic attitude. You name it, I drowned in it! Matter of fact, I chose the user id "woman at the well" because of my past promiscuous lifestyle (3 marriages) that I believe was a part of the abortion process. It's been a long hard road.
I also had two miscarriages that I would like to mention in this post. They too are prevelant on my mind today. I'm almost certain one was a boy, not sure about the other. The boy I named Dylan.
Anyway . . . God bless those who shared their stories so openly in this thread I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me the courage to say my own story openly and honestly.
The Lord is starting to bring some things to the surface concerning my losses with these babies. I know I need to mourn. I know I need to heal. And I thank you for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers for those of us who have gone through this. Thank you for making us feel like we're not alone, or that we are unforgivable, and letting us know we don't need to carry the shame anymore.
You guys are awesome and true examples of Christ in the forum!
God bless you!
I'll keep on praying for you!!New Creation said:Thank you so much for sharing your story with everyone sister. I KNOW it has made a difference.
God has chosen May 30, Memorial Day as the day for me to memorialize my son. A good friend and sister in the Lord will also be joining me (not physically) to mourn her daughter. If you wouldn't mind keeping us in prayer that day ladies, we would really appreciate it. We'll need some help. I know I can count on you all. Thank you.
Mr.Cheese said:*hug*
Your mistake is an experience you can use to help other young girls.
Only recently I learned that I would have had a big sister if it weren't for this...procedure.
I'll never understand the pain you feel. But I do know that you can take it and conquer rather than let it conquer you.
You understand these confused girls. You have been in their darkness yourself. Now you can shine some light on them.
ames61 said:New Creation,
I'll be praying for you and your friend on 5/30. May you be richly blessed in this.
Someone mentioned Forgiven and Set Free bible study. I've heard this is a wonderful study as well. I believe it is good to have a plan (the study, a retreat, friends online in this thread!) when you enter into this forgiveness work. As we can all see in this thread, the witness of those who have bought the lie is a very powerful one. Pope John Paul II said to the mothers of aborted children " "
The enemy knows that our recovery and witness is a devastating blow to his attack on the culture of life. He will do anything he can to derail that recovery. Thus it is very good that we maintain solidarity, and a connection with someone or something who will help us to stay on track with our eyes fixed on our Saviour.
God bless you.
Amy
Luke 7:36-50
I would now like to say a special word to women who have had an abortion. The Church is aware of the many factors which may have influenced your decision, and she does not doubt that in many cases it was a painful and even shattering decision. The wound in your heart may not yet have healed. Certainly what happened was and remains terribly wrong. But do not give in to discouragement and do not lose hope. Try rather to understand what happened and face it honestly. If you have not already done so, give yourselves over with humility and trust to repentance. The Father of mercies is ready to give you his forgiveness and his peace in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. You will come to understand that nothing is definitively lost and you will also be able to ask forgiveness from your child, who is now living in the Lord. With the friendly and expert help and advice of other people, and as a result of your own painful experience, you can be among the most eloquent defenders of everyone's right to life. Through your commitment to life, whether by accepting the birth of other children or by welcoming and caring for those most in need of someone to be close to them, you will become promoters of a new way of looking at human life.
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