He was an answer to prayer but it was all wrong

Redemption25

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I'm happy to help. :)



Remove your feelings and look at the situation practically.

  • You encountered him while walking with God. You were not an unbeliever when you met.
  • Your feelings for him are carnal. Not platonic.
  • You believe he's the answer to your prayer for a companion.
How does a connection with these conditions glorify Him? What is the likely result?
  • He respects your beliefs and expects the same in return.
  • He's concerned for your welfare and wants to protect you.
  • You care for him and his soul.
Does this sound like ministry or a relationship? What steps has he taken outside of you to become more acquainted with God?

I'll contrast what you've shared with my experience.

  • We've been acquainted for 15 years.
  • We've never dated or been physically intimate. Not even a kiss.
  • We don't live in the same place.
  • Our conversations were limited to email when I came to faith.
  • My church, bible studies, and Christian ministries were praying on our behalf. I kept us on the prayer list every month.
  • I read multiple books about spiritual mismatches and connected with Christian leaders ministering to that group to keep me accountable.
  • I didn't do this in secret. Every one knew what I was doing.
  • I labored for his salvation for 7 years until my service was done.
Our limited proximity and tenure of acquaintance were the primary reasons I assisted him. Distance prevented us from crossing the line. I wasn't in his face or ear. That would be grievous to both.

You aren't ministering to him. You're keeping company with an unbeliever you're falling for. He'll accept your faith if it gives him the spoils he seeks. Every accommodation leads you further from God. The more it progresses the more you'll want him. Be honest with yourself.

You can't go by feelings alone. I engaged with someone recently and the Lord pricked my spirit. He said the connection was too carnal and 'we' were the focus. He wanted greater balance in our discourse. He had me pray for him to hear my heart. Praying opened my eyes and centered me. I saw him in a different light. I was astounded by his beauty.

Surrender him and your desire for companionship to the Lord. He won't lead you astray. He addresses all my prospects. He gives me counsel, encourages prayer, and reminds me of my greatest needs. I get a lot of correction too.

Yours in His Service,

~bella
My relationship with this guy does not glorify God. I knew that from the very beginning. I also knew it because I felt tortured from the very beginning. I think he did, too, so I knew God was not in it. There were other blocks that solidified this. But still, I couldn't give him up, he was too good to be true. I felt like I had been waiting my whole life for him, and I felt confused, yet I knew, it was so wrong also. I never knew before how dangerous falling in love was until I met him. I struggled for months to make sense of it, to understand. I couldn't shake the emotional bond I had with him, until 2 months ago (nearly 1 year later) that I stopped seeing him because I was burned out and I couldn't do it anymore. But I still live with the pain of a broken heart everyday because I miss him, and I still think about him.. I still wonder what it was all about.

I think that part of the problem I had was the sudden realization that God never had anyone for me in my life. In Genesis God said that man should not be alone. Many Christians believe in soulmates but yet I have never met mine. Until I met him. It was hard to grasp that I couldn't have him, I'm not old, but I'm older now, and I realize I've never met anyone. I compare myself to you, and I wonder what is wrong with me that I could not experience love? It's true I did want to live single for the Lord, but it was only because I never met anyone. It was easy, but I can truly say that when you meet the right person (or so you think so) it can turn your world upside down.

He didn't take any steps to become acquainted with God during our relationship. He was purely chasing me, although he respected my beliefs. It's possible you are correct when you said "He'll accept your faith if it gives him the spoils he seeks." Although at one point he did say to me that he was closer to believing.

For the guy you prayed for: Do you mean you were his friend for 7 years and ministered to him until he became saved? When you prayed for him how did you see him in a different light and what do you mean he was beautiful? Only what you want to share..

You sound like a very wise and strong woman to have encountered not only great men but men that seemed to love you, and yet you held out. I have never known anyone like you. Today Christians are getting married to non believers like nobody's business, and they don't see anything wrong with it. Many of them are even having sexual relations before marriage. These are the ones I know. Even those that are equally yoked really don't have the discretion and wisdom in their union, that you show. I find you very fascinating.. You must have such a deep faith and love for God and a lot of intergrity.

I plan on praying new prayers to God. I think it's been hard for me to trust Him and what He has done in my life. But I will be obedient and tell Him that I surrender to Him and my desire to have companionship with this guy.

I believe the Rapture of the church is very very near.. Do you believe that we will have eternal companions once we get to Heaven and then the New Heaven and the New Earth ? You are still single, so I am curious to know how you feel about that.

God Bless you! : )
 
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Redemption25

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No he would have to be a Christian first and then you can date/marry him, otherwise you've got to stay friends and not close friends, only be there for him to get him closer to God as you cannot be unequally yoked.
Yes, I understand, thank you for your feedback. So do you believe that being unequally yoked is a sin? I never thought it was a sin.
 
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bèlla

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My relationship with this guy does not glorify God. I knew that from the very beginning. I also knew it because I felt tortured from the very beginning. I think he did, too, so I knew God was not in it. There were other blocks that solidified this.

I think the Lord was pricking your spirit to warn you. When we're veering off course He gets involved. You weren't too far gone to hear His voice. That's important!

But still, I couldn't give him up, he was too good to be true. I felt like I had been waiting my whole life for him, and I felt confused, yet I knew, it was so wrong also. I never knew before how dangerous falling in love was until I met him. I struggled for months to make sense of it, to understand. I couldn't shake the emotional bond I had with him, until 2 months ago (nearly 1 year later) that I stopped seeing him because I was burned out and I couldn't do it anymore.

You opened your heart to someone. That's powerful. He ticked all your boxes too. It isn't strange you had difficulty resisting him. That's normal. There isn't anything wrong with you. We've all been through this. :)

But I still live with the pain of a broken heart everyday because I miss him, and I still think about him.. I still wonder what it was all about.

Absence is difficult and evenings are usually hardest when we're hurting. Prayer and worship are paramount to weathering this period and healing your heart. Play an audio bible while you rest. Psalms are great. Here's a nice one. Fill your day with God's presence through music and the word. Listen to sermons and praise Him. It does wonders for your mind and spirit.

I think that part of the problem I had was the sudden realization that God never had anyone for me in my life. In Genesis God said that man should not be alone. Many Christians believe in soulmates but yet I have never met mine.

Did the Lord tell you that or are your assuming that's the case? The bible is God's perfect plan for humanity. But we aren't perfected. There are many impediments that may hasten a union: upbringing, location, fears, experiences, who you're attracting/attracted to, responsibilities, and so on.

Until I met him. It was hard to grasp that I couldn't have him, I'm not old, but I'm older now, and I realize I've never met anyone. I compare myself to you, and I wonder what is wrong with me that I could not experience love? It's true I did want to live single for the Lord, but it was only because I never met anyone. It was easy, but I can truly say that when you meet the right person (or so you think so) it can turn your world upside down.

Why was it difficult for you to meet suitors? Were you interacting with the opposite sex and open to dating? Or were you waiting for a 'sign' from God?

I never chose singleness as a lifestyle. There were periods when I didn't date to focus on personal growth. But I never planned to spend my life alone. If an opportunity presented itself and it looked promising I took it. For me, waiting on God doesn't mean inactivity. I make myself available and discern if the individual possesses the qualities I desire in a companion. I don't expect anyone to fall in my lap.

He didn't take any steps to become acquainted with God during our relationship. He was purely chasing me, although he respected my beliefs. It's possible you are correct when you said "He'll accept your faith if it gives him the spoils he seeks." Although at one point he did say to me that he was closer to believing.

If he's pursuing you his main objective is acquisition. God is the impediment. Whether he's willing to play the belief card to obtain you is questionable. Some will and continue the act for a time before coming clean. Usually after marriage.

For the guy you prayed for: Do you mean you were his friend for 7 years and ministered to him until he became saved? When you prayed for him how did you see him in a different light and what do you mean he was beautiful? Only what you want to share.

We were never friends. We've been in the same circles for many years. I stepped away from those connections when I came to faith and rekindled our acquaintance later on. He isn't saved. But his demeanor is better and he's no longer hostile to God or Christianity. He was raised in a Christian home and wasn't subject to pressure during our discourse. I don't believe in browbeating or shoving God down anyone's throat.

My method is love and compassion. I encouraged him to honor the gifts and talents he received. I shared my spiritual experiences openly. Good and bad. I acknowledged my struggles and moments of humbling when the Lord made me apologize to him. Transparency was the difference. He saw my heart and knew I was sincere. My faith wasn't a threat. It was bathed in love.

You sound like a very wise and strong woman to have encountered not only great men but men that seemed to love you, and yet you held out. I have never known anyone like you. Today Christians are getting married to non believers like nobody's business, and they don't see anything wrong with it. Many of them are even having sexual relations before marriage. These are the ones I know. Even those that are equally yoked really don't have the discretion and wisdom in their union, that you show. I find you very fascinating.. You must have such a deep faith and love for God and a lot of integrity.

Thank you for the compliment. I love deeply and believe deeply. That's my greatest strength. When I look at a person I see who they are and who they might become. No matter the shards or imperfections. I still see their beauty. I'm willing to help them bloom if they desire to do so. I want nothing in return. My delight is watching people soar. It does something to my heart I can't explain. And it feeds my spirit.

I've never asked why I'm loved. But I've asked why they're willing to do so much on my behalf. They all said the same thing. I give significantly more than I receive in return. I ask for little. It makes me them want to protect and care for me. They see my vulnerability and heart. My friends are the same way.

I've encountered wonderful men. But I believe God's man is best. The man who loves the Lord and values me will be my Beloved. No one can compare to him. They may have qualities he lacks. But I esteem his holiness most of all.

The most beautiful man I know is the one I'm engaging with now. He has a heart for God and ministering to the lost like I do. He's a kindhearted gentleman who's self-aware and willing to lend a hand to those in need. He isn't coarse or self-seeking. He's considerate and tenderhearted. And he handles me with care. His masculinity is attractive. I've never encountered the same in Christian circles. I didn't believe I would. He values my surrender and compels the rest. It isn't forced. We flow with ease. Was he worth the wait? Absolutely.

Do you believe that we will have eternal companions once we get to Heaven and then the New Heaven and the New Earth ? You are still single, so I am curious to know how you feel about that.

I don't know. That's God's domain. I'm taking of the things He's entrusted to my care. That's where my focus belongs. I don't worry about the rest.

Yours in His Service,

~bella
 
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bèlla

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Your description of the perfect man is compelling.. I have never known any man in my entire life, I don't think, who fits that description. It really sounds like a fantasy, yet you met him twice! It must say a lot about you, I think.. You sound like a very special woman. I believe you that you can smell him.

They're not perfect. They have flaws like everyone else. And they're not ideal for most. They like 'good girls' who are feminine and surrendered. They'll never have a feminist or a woman who won't follow them. That eliminates most.


My gut wrenched and tears welled up in my eyes where you say that you broke down in tears when he said that he wanted you until death. Through my own experience, I can easily imagine that it hurt like hell.

He had no desire to marry and ended a connection over it in the past. But he knew what I wanted. I got through it by meditating on several works by Kahlil Gibran. I leaned into the pain. I didn't try to avoid it.

But if you love and must needs have desire, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.


And I did. I bled a lot.


You're very right that stoking a yearning I cannot sate is ruinous. It was happening like you said and it was literally killing me. Temptation kept on growing with every recollection and every encounter I had with him.. Thank you.

You're welcome. You did the right thing. The Lord will honor your sacrifice. :)

Yours in His Service,

~bella
 
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thelord's_pearl

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Yes, I understand, thank you for your feedback. So do you believe that being unequally yoked is a sin? I never thought it was a sin.
You're welcome! it is from the Word of God that we are not to be unequally yoked so yes, it is a sin if we don't follow it. God bless you!
 
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