Have men and women always been friends?

[Brad2009]

Seriously, I'm not taking a side, just a question...

Our generation (for this purpose, I'm defining that as currently between the ages of 20-40) has grown up with the social norm being to have many cross-gender friendships. Well, the western world anyway - I can't speak to modern middle-eastern or asian social norms.

But, even in the west, has that always been the case? Or have the genders pretty much kept to themselves for the most part (excluding family/spouses/courting)? Was it always normal for an individual to have alot of people who are the opposite gender who are also friends?

I was driving home from work and the question kind of struck me as something I'd never considered before...

 

[K9_Trainer]

Well considering women were once considered property, I'm not sure how a "friendship" between a man and woman would operate. Certainly not in the way that we define friendship today.

 

[smacky ramone]

I don't mind having a friend of the opposite gender, but if she's married, I make sure there are some definite boundaries — like I wouldn't hang out with her one-on-one, for instance. I think it's safe to hang out in groups so there's no semblance of evil. You have to guard your heart so there isn't an inroad for evil.

 

[catzrfluffy]

Yes. Friendship is ages old.

 

[AdamKane]

Was it always normal for an individual to have alot of people who are the opposite gender who are also friends?

Why do you care about "normal"? What is "normal"? Be yourself and don't worry about what other people think of you. "Normal" is a relative term anyway.

 

[Inkachu]

It's not a modern phenomenon, BUT in past days it would be a friendship kept very much in public and kept completely platonic. And if either person were to marry, the former friend would not be spending time with them apart from their spouse.

 

[broken_one]

Why do you care about "normal"? What is "normal"? Be yourself and don't worry about what other people think of you. "Normal" is a relative term anyway.

Can we seriously stop saying that every time someone uses the word "normal"? He could have just as easily said "average" or "ordinary", and it MEANS. THE. SAME. THING.

Sorry bro, it's not you.

And no, it hasn't been the norm (mainly because of what Donna said about gender hierarchy). I certainly don't mind how we have it now, but I could have done the old way too (much less public distress/more confidence).

 

[crishmael]

Well considering women were once considered property, I'm not sure how a "friendship" between a man and woman would operate. Certainly not in the way that we define friendship today.

Kind of what I was thinking.

 

[sky-talker]

Why do you care about "normal"? What is "normal"? Be yourself and don't worry about what other people think of you. "Normal" is a relative term anyway.

[nawr-muhl]
–adjective 1. conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

2. serving to establish a standard.

3. Psychology . a. approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment.

b. free from any mental disorder; sane.

4. Biology, Medicine/Medical . a. free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation.

b. of natural occurrence.

5. Mathematics . a. being at right angles, as a line; perpendicular.

b. of the nature of or pertaining to a mathematical normal.

c. (of an orthogonal system of real functions) defined so that the integral of the square of the absolute value of any function is 1.

d. (of a topological space) having the property that corresponding to every pair of disjoint closed sets are two disjoint open sets, each containing one of the closed sets.

e. (of a subgroup) having the property that the same set of elements results when all the elements of the subgroup are operated on consistently on the left and consistently on the right by any element of the group; invariant.

6. Chemistry . a. (of a solution) containing one equivalent weight of the constituent in question in one liter of solution.

b. pertaining to an aliphatic hydrocarbon having a straight unbranched carbon chain, each carbon atom of which is joined to no more than two other carbon atoms.

c. of or pertaining to a neutral salt in which any replaceable hydroxyl groups or hydrogen atoms have been replaced by other groups or atoms, as sodium sulfate, Na 2 SO 4 .

–noun 7. the average or mean: Production may fall below normal.

8. the standard or type.

9. Mathematics . a. a perpendicular line or plane, esp. one perpendicular to a tangent line of a curve, or a tangent plane of a surface, at the point of contact.

b. the portion of this perpendicular line included between its point of contact with the curve and the x- axis.

 

[white dove]

Seriously, I'm not taking a side, just a question...

Our generation (for this purpose, I'm defining that as currently between the ages of 20-40) has grown up with the social norm being to have many cross-gender friendships. Well, the western world anyway - I can't speak to modern middle-eastern or asian social norms.

But, even in the west, has that always been the case? Or have the genders pretty much kept to themselves for the most part (excluding family/spouses/courting)? Was it always normal for an individual to have alot of people who are the opposite gender who are also friends?

I was driving home from work and the question kind of struck me as something I'd never considered before...

I think there is something to be said for this observation. I don't think it's something that has been so common as it is now. I also think the incorporation and popularity of the FWB has something to do with it, although not entirely. I think what also might have to do with this is people being more open to and about themselves with the opposite sex. There is hardly a stigma with having an opposite sex friend, much less an opposite sex best friend. People are more willing to slough off old role patterns and embrace more diversity, with regard to gender, nationality and/or religious affiliation of their friends.

 

[radhead]

I've rarely had female friends where they didn't flirt around with more romantic interests at some point. That's been the majority.

 

[Brad2009]

Well considering women were once considered property, I'm not sure how a "friendship" between a man and woman would operate. Certainly not in the way that we define friendship today.

In NT times, women did not leave the house of their father without being married. There weren't outside options for them to support themselves - most people were simple laborers and women weren't the equal of men in those terms. Women did depend on men to a much greater extend than today, for logistical reasons. There were exceptions where a woman would actually find a niche in the society allowing her the opportunity to provide for herself - but those were certainly not the norm. Wealthy women were also clearly in a position to extend patronage - hardly the act of property.

Wasn't it actually common for the woman's father to give a dowry? That doesn't sound like property. That sounds like payment for accepting a burden - if we must refer to historical marriage arrangements in such crude and charged language as 'proprietary'. I think its far more nuanced than the blunted edge of feminist language portrays it.

Honestly, a wife is troublesome and a burden to the common man even in modern times. Why do you think so many skip out on their girlfriends and/or children, now that we're 'liberated' from marriage? A wife is serious business.

Every man is born of and nurtured by a woman before he stands, hopefully as he first stands and hopefully as he walks in the world. We should show some appreciation for that and bear you with grace.

Its part of the curse. Men get to toil all the days of their lives, scratch out a life, then die. Women's desire will be for her husband and he will lord it over her. It might seem like we've been freed of those pronouncements in the middle-class to upper-class west, but I think its naive to think things can keep going like they presently are in the west.

I find the notion that that we live in a 'post-industrial' society a common euro-american intellectual myth. We're all industrial all the time baby! Without industry the ivory tower insta-sinks, maybe its more than half-sunk already, hard to gauge.

That got a little rambly and its early in the morning.

 

[Miles]

Always? That's hard to say, but human behavior has been around for as long as there have been humans. I'd be willing to bet that men and women were friends long before particular cultures either encouraged or discouraged cross-gender friendships.