Hardest Decision Of My Life...

[nb408]

My girlfriend had part of her house catch on fire. She's now taking care of her family and not only that she has PTSD because of abusive relationships. That's all coming back. I decided to surprise her and be there for her. Everything seemed fine, but at the end I was wondering why she was ignoring me. So I confronted her about it.. Which showed her that I have no idea how to deal with chaos. It showed her that I'm not ready for a relationship. She asked me if I knew my identity outside of a relationship..

I'm so lost right now. Am I ready for a relationship? I'm willing to stay through these hard times but she says that is easy. It's hard to make a wise decision and see what's best for both of us. She has very high standards and one of them is that I must know myself. I am a Christian, but I don't know who I am called to be. I can give a general answer but to really know is different. I'm insecure about myself and I don't know how I am in a multitude of situations. She said, is that fair to me? I'm knowingly walking into someone who doesn't have a plan or know themselves. I know that I need to figure out who I am alone but I'm to stubborn to give up on her. I want her so bad.. I need to make a wise decision. I've been praying for hours and it's as if God is silent or telling me to make my own decision.

She's so smart and wise. I can't give her any fluffy answers because she sees right through that. I can say I'm here for you through thick and thin. She'll say, so what? That's easy, anybody can do that. What are you going to do? How are you going to improve yourself? How are you going to work on us? I don't know how to answer that.. I don't know what to do...

 

[eleos1954]

My girlfriend had part of her house catch on fire. She's now taking care of her family and not only that she has PTSD because of abusive relationships. That's all coming back. I decided to surprise her and be there for her. Everything seemed fine, but at the end I was wondering why she was ignoring me. So I confronted her about it.. Which showed her that I have no idea how to deal with chaos. It showed her that I'm not ready for a relationship. She asked me if I knew my identity outside of a relationship..

I'm so lost right now. Am I ready for a relationship? I'm willing to stay through these hard times but she says that is easy. It's hard to make a wise decision and see what's best for both of us. She has very high standards and one of them is that I must know myself. I am a Christian, but I don't know who I am called to be. I can give a general answer but to really know is different. I'm insecure about myself and I don't know how I am in a multitude of situations. She said, is that fair to me? I'm knowingly walking into someone who doesn't have a plan or know themselves. I know that I need to figure out who I am alone but I'm to stubborn to give up on her. I want her so bad.. I need to make a wise decision. I've been praying for hours and it's as if God is silent or telling me to make my own decision.

She's so smart and wise. I can't give her any fluffy answers because she sees right through that. I can say I'm here for you through thick and thin. She'll say, so what? That's easy, anybody can do that. What are you going to do? How are you going to improve yourself? How are you going to work on us? I don't know how to answer that.. I don't know what to do...

Sounds like she wants to know what your future goals in life are and what you intend to put in place to accomplish them. Plans? What are your plans for the future? If you don't have any plans .... then maybe you should develop some and then start executing them. What are her plans? The plans need to be in harmony to certain degrees, if you are going to be together throughout life.

God Bless.

 

[sunshine100]

My girlfriend had part of her house catch on fire. She's now taking care of her family and not only that she has PTSD because of abusive relationships. That's all coming back. I decided to surprise her and be there for her. Everything seemed fine, but at the end I was wondering why she was ignoring me. So I confronted her about it.. Which showed her that I have no idea how to deal with chaos. It showed her that I'm not ready for a relationship. She asked me if I knew my identity outside of a relationship..

I'm so lost right now. Am I ready for a relationship? I'm willing to stay through these hard times but she says that is easy. It's hard to make a wise decision and see what's best for both of us. She has very high standards and one of them is that I must know myself. I am a Christian, but I don't know who I am called to be. I can give a general answer but to really know is different. I'm insecure about myself and I don't know how I am in a multitude of situations. She said, is that fair to me? I'm knowingly walking into someone who doesn't have a plan or know themselves. I know that I need to figure out who I am alone but I'm to stubborn to give up on her. I want her so bad.. I need to make a wise decision. I've been praying for hours and it's as if God is silent or telling me to make my own decision.

She's so smart and wise. I can't give her any fluffy answers because she sees right through that. I can say I'm here for you through thick and thin. She'll say, so what? That's easy, anybody can do that. What are you going to do? How are you going to improve yourself? How are you going to work on us? I don't know how to answer that.. I don't know what to do...

Pray to God about this and keep praying,ask yourself these questions,do you really want to give up on your girlfriend and if you really aren't ready for a relationship then how long would you wait to get your girlfriend back for when you are ready.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

My girlfriend had part of her house catch on fire. She's now taking care of her family and not only that she has PTSD because of abusive relationships. That's all coming back. I decided to surprise her and be there for her. Everything seemed fine, but at the end I was wondering why she was ignoring me. So I confronted her about it.. Which showed her that I have no idea how to deal with chaos. It showed her that I'm not ready for a relationship. She asked me if I knew my identity outside of a relationship..

I'm so lost right now. Am I ready for a relationship? I'm willing to stay through these hard times but she says that is easy. It's hard to make a wise decision and see what's best for both of us. She has very high standards and one of them is that I must know myself. I am a Christian, but I don't know who I am called to be. I can give a general answer but to really know is different. I'm insecure about myself and I don't know how I am in a multitude of situations. She said, is that fair to me? I'm knowingly walking into someone who doesn't have a plan or know themselves. I know that I need to figure out who I am alone but I'm to stubborn to give up on her. I want her so bad.. I need to make a wise decision. I've been praying for hours and it's as if God is silent or telling me to make my own decision.

She's so smart and wise. I can't give her any fluffy answers because she sees right through that. I can say I'm here for you through thick and thin. She'll say, so what? That's easy, anybody can do that. What are you going to do? How are you going to improve yourself? How are you going to work on us? I don't know how to answer that.. I don't know what to do...

When God is silent about something it means that we have to wait patiently until things work out, and they usually do one way or another. He does not expect us to be led around like a horse or mule with a bit and a bridle. In actual fact, we are being led by the Holy Spirit all the time, and most of the time we don't know it. The Scriptures, they who are led by the Spirit of God are the sons of God. This means that as you are a son of God, your steps are being constantly guided by God.

If you are constantly badgering God with wanting an immediate answer to your situation, He might be saying, "I hear you. I really do, but just be patient and wait." But we don't like to wait because our world has become a "instant" world. We want fast food and instant coffee, we want to get from A to B the fastest way we can and get frustrated when we get stuck on a traffic jam on the motorway.

Maybe you want a specific answer, to indicate that God is going to somehow force that person to comply with what you want of her. Trying to manipulate God into changing her mind in some way won't work. God doesn't work that way. In cases like these it is best to do nothing.

Does your life presently revolve complete around what you want concerning her? Or are there other projects and directions that you can take? You have to put her on the back burner, and concentrate on your study, career, Christian service, personal hobbies, projects, whatever, and trust God to work things out for you. It may take time. She may end up not being the partner that is suitable for you and someone else may come along who is much more suited and will be a greater help to you in your Christian faith and life.

Banging your head against a brick wall over something like this is not God's way. But putting things "on God's desk" and leaving it there and getting on with other things in your life is the best way for you, and then you will find that things will work out eventually. They always do.

 

[Sam91]

I too struggle with having plans. I have vague ideas but after 10 months of thinking (a few days is the longest I've gone not considering) I still can't decide which degree course I want to do.

However, I am heartened by Proverbs 27:1 and James 4:13-17

So, to me, the Bible says not to set plans in pride. Therefore, I'm moving forward to better my future if the Lord allows but open for opportunity to do His will or to find out His will. I trust He'll order my steps.

Your girlfriend sounds a bit strict from the perspective of someone who also struggles with long term plans. I hope it's mainly in this area and not across the board, it could be very hard to deal with.

 

[Soul-searching]

My girlfriend had part of her house catch on fire. She's now taking care of her family and not only that she has PTSD because of abusive relationships. That's all coming back. I decided to surprise her and be there for her. Everything seemed fine, but at the end I was wondering why she was ignoring me. So I confronted her about it.. Which showed her that I have no idea how to deal with chaos. It showed her that I'm not ready for a relationship. She asked me if I knew my identity outside of a relationship..

I'm so lost right now. Am I ready for a relationship? I'm willing to stay through these hard times but she says that is easy. It's hard to make a wise decision and see what's best for both of us. She has very high standards and one of them is that I must know myself. I am a Christian, but I don't know who I am called to be. I can give a general answer but to really know is different. I'm insecure about myself and I don't know how I am in a multitude of situations. She said, is that fair to me? I'm knowingly walking into someone who doesn't have a plan or know themselves. I know that I need to figure out who I am alone but I'm to stubborn to give up on her. I want her so bad.. I need to make a wise decision. I've been praying for hours and it's as if God is silent or telling me to make my own decision.

She's so smart and wise. I can't give her any fluffy answers because she sees right through that. I can say I'm here for you through thick and thin. She'll say, so what? That's easy, anybody can do that. What are you going to do? How are you going to improve yourself? How are you going to work on us? I don't know how to answer that.. I don't know what to do...

I am sorry! love is not often easy, and even harder to break off, if you still have feelings for someone. I understand your girlfriend has gone through so much, and life is not easy for her, but i don´t think it´s fair to you, that she has this many demands. Love is not a power game, or about one person adjusting to the other, both have to make an efford, it seems your girlfriend has forgotten this. I don´t think it´s fair to hold you accountable, just because you don´t know yourself, i mean who does? We think we know ourselves, but truly we don´t, if only we could see ourselves from the outside, we would be surprised of how little we know ourselves actually. We change constantly without even knowing, that is maturing. Maybe you are not on the same level as her, but that should not stop anyone from loving each other. Perfection does not exist, and your girlfriend is not perfect either, so it´s not fair that she expects you to be. Question is if she really loves you and wants a relationship? because it does not sound like she cares for you much. You can not change anyone else but yourself, she must understand this. If she wants you to change, if she loved you, she would help you, instead she throws you to the sharks, or how you say it, that is not love at all. I would say, have a conversation where you are completely honest and tell her how you feel, that you simply can´t live up to all these demands she has, but that does not make you a person of less value, it shouldn´t. If it does to her, then she is not the one! I hope it all works out for you.

 

[Tolworth John]

Am I ready for a relationship? I'm willing to stay through these hard times but she says that is easy. It's hard to make a wise decision and see what's best for both of us.

I don't know who I am called to be[/QUOTE]

It is equally easy to make a wrong decision for false reasons.
You care for her, does she care for you?
As for who you are called to be?
You are called to be a Christian.
So what do you intend to do?
Have you a career planned i.e. get a well paid job.
Are you already involved in a church and intend continuing to volunteer to help in the church?

To further help you read:-
Are you ready for marriage? 10 questions to find out how prepared you are

If you have a career planned and are active in christian service, ask your girlfriend whether she cares for you?

If she doesn't you may have to seek someone else.

 

[dayhiker]

nb408 ... wow .. she is asking a lot of you!

 

[Rawtheran]

My girlfriend had part of her house catch on fire. She's now taking care of her family and not only that she has PTSD because of abusive relationships. That's all coming back. I decided to surprise her and be there for her. Everything seemed fine, but at the end I was wondering why she was ignoring me. So I confronted her about it.. Which showed her that I have no idea how to deal with chaos. It showed her that I'm not ready for a relationship. She asked me if I knew my identity outside of a relationship..

I'm so lost right now. Am I ready for a relationship? I'm willing to stay through these hard times but she says that is easy. It's hard to make a wise decision and see what's best for both of us. She has very high standards and one of them is that I must know myself. I am a Christian, but I don't know who I am called to be. I can give a general answer but to really know is different. I'm insecure about myself and I don't know how I am in a multitude of situations. She said, is that fair to me? I'm knowingly walking into someone who doesn't have a plan or know themselves. I know that I need to figure out who I am alone but I'm to stubborn to give up on her. I want her so bad.. I need to make a wise decision. I've been praying for hours and it's as if God is silent or telling me to make my own decision.

She's so smart and wise. I can't give her any fluffy answers because she sees right through that. I can say I'm here for you through thick and thin. She'll say, so what? That's easy, anybody can do that. What are you going to do? How are you going to improve yourself? How are you going to work on us? I don't know how to answer that.. I don't know what to do...

Oftentimes when people are hurt or going through a very rough spot in life they will tend to want to become withdrawn, elusive, and become hard to reach. Aside from that I would say also based on your description of her and her "standards" she honestly seems like a very self centered person if she is ignoring you and making demands on you like "knowing yourself." There is a big difference between being lazy and just trying to figure out what or where you want to go in life. You're not the one with the problem at all and the fact that you're right there for her, treating her nicely, etc. shows you are definitely ready for a relationship. Your scenario kinda reminds me of The Flash episode on Tuesday where the main theme of that episode was we can't know who or what we'll be in the future. We have to love people and be there for them where they are at right now. Also I just wanted to give you some further advice about knowing your identity outside of a relationship. A woman does not define you but rather completes you, and accepts you for who you are with all of your flaws just as you do her. In a relationship your identity isn't just you or her but both of you together. The most important things are can we communicate, can we trust? Without those two big things they won't work and I definitely believe she has a trust issue which is why she is lashing out at you this way. Maybe she has a history of abusive relationships but that's not your fault and she's the one who chose to be in them. Don't let any woman guilt trip you or make you feel insecure about yourself. I hope this helps and if this doesn't get any better I hate to say the cold hard truth but if in the future once she gets out of this funk she keeps treating you like crap, dump her because she won't be worth your time