Handling protective parents?

[Sharky]

Okay, this is not a complaint about my parents at all, not at all. But i just have a small peeve that has been very irritating.

How do you handle protective parents? Literally, they won't even let you go out by yourself without lecturing you with all kinds of cautious 'dont do this, stay away from this' stuff.

I can't even go to the beach without having to put up with 'you'll get eaten by sharks! (i'm aware of the irony BTW). Now, i'm not so much into rebelling against them but if i'm going to be treated like a child, it's a little late, i can't keep putting up with this.

It's no big deal really, sometimes i have to go out without asking which gets them paranoid, they'd call my mobile and lecture me over the phone!

Question is, how do you do what you must do and honor your parents at the same time especially when they disagree or give you dirty looks etc? Sometimes i have to secretly preach to people because i get all kinds unessesary comments from my family. Trust me, i preach once, they'll have a grudge for 3 days about it.

 

[Bevlina]

First, you are so blessed to have parents who really and truly care about you. But ... er ... yeah ... I reckon you're old enough to take care of yourself now Sharky old boy.

I think the only solution is to get them to sit down, and have a talk to them and explain that you are now a young man, not a little boy, and that you are able to take care of yourself and try to convince them that you can take care of yourself and to ask them to trust you to do so.

Believe me Sharky Honey, most Christians who preach the gospel get funny looks from their parents. Mine said to one another " The other's aren't like her! What's wrong with her?" So, I just carried on after explaining that I love God. So, they decided to keep scratching their heads and wondering about me while I decided to keep loving God.

Might be a good idea to let your parents know that you could be as paranoid too Sharky huh?

 

[Sharky]

Nice idea

But still, it sometimes gets to me, not in a hateful way, just extremely annoying sometimes. But yeah, maybe i should let them know or at least prove it in one way.

 

[lozzie]

Might be a good idea to let your parents know that you could be as paranoid too Sharky huh?

hehe bev... i'm just seeing sharky turning into a paranoid son...

Yeah, thats hard... I constantly get lectures from my dad about stuff, but I know its his way of showing me he cares...

I'd agree with Bev, tell them that its driving you nuts and that you need to be able to make your own decisions and mistakes or you'll never learn... BUT, make sure you do it in a diplomatic way that isnt going to insult them and lessen the blow. I've found writing letters to my parents in the past has been the only way to get them to listen to me... Otherwise it ends up in me getting told i'm talking beack, when all i'm trying to do is justiufy me reasonings... But, you know your parents best, and the best way to let them know how you are feelinging... I dont think my parents knew just how much I was hurting over a particular issue back in yr 12... until I let them know...

 

[Bevlina]

I would tend to agree that it must get a but frustrating Sharky. And, I like Loz's post regarding the issue. However, with your parents I don't think writing a note may be the way to go. Far better to have a chat and make them hear you out.
You see, parents have a little quirk that young folk don't realise, they never seem to see their children grow up. They constantly think of their children and hope they are safe.
It's just something that caring and loving parents do.
But, there comes that time when they just have to understand that the child is now a man - and just as capable as his father was at his age.

 

[Sharky]

True, like i said, i don't hate it or anything, just gets annoying sometimes. But hey, at least i have a new perspective of it now. Shouldn't make it too much of a hassle. They'll probably realise it soon.

 

[KristianJ]

I guess I should consider myself pretty lucky then, mate My parents aren't really protective as such, although they are keen for me to update them on movements when I'm going to somewhere that's a long distance from home. I wasn't really allowed to go any further than Quakers Hill for uni (which is about half an hour from my place) driving by myself until last year. But I guess the way that you persuade your parents to not be so protective is to let your willingness to "comply" be an example that you can be trusted. I find it a bit frustrating at times when Mum asks me to call her when I get somewhere, call a couple more times periodically during the day, and once more when I'm on my way home, but if I do that dutifully, it means that she has reason to be able to trust me more. Talking to them and reassuring them of your responsible nature will surely help as well

 

[Workingmum]

I understand 100% Sharky, my parents (mother actually) was over-protective to that point of locking me in the house and giving me a 9pm curfew the night before my wedding (and no, I'm NOT kidding!!!!!!!!!!) . If you want to show them that you are a man and can look after yourself - move out of home. While you live under their roof, they are going to think of you as a child. And I understand that they are going to want to regulate what happens in their home because they don't want to be seen as allowing something that goes against what they believe in. So, show them you're a big boy, move out, look after yourself (and yes, that means doing your own washing and ironing, too! ). It will do the trick. Otherwise, they will keep treating you like someone they need to look after.

 

[Talie]

Sharky - take a look at the world around you - it's right for your parents to be so concerned for your well-being with the state the world is in.

It may be inconvenient, but I say, just let them be - in everything you do, let your actions assure them that you can take care of yourself out in the "big bad world"

In a few years time - you'll look back and understand why your parents were this way

 

[skinnybrad]

good advice Talie,

My parents are weird i know they love me and everything they just dont care where i am i guess its because they trust me in my decision making when it comes to friends.

Sharky my advice is just to trust your parents as they have seriously only got your best wishes in mind for you, like dont forget they have grown up and know what kind of nasties are around, im sure you are more than capable of looking after yourself but it's great to have others looking out for you aswell

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I moved out of home because of it, so that would be my suggestion, if it's too much for you to handle all the time now.

Basically, I was 21, I had an 11pm curfew for weeknights, 11:30 for weekends, and could only go out 3 nights a week. Mum did it because I was still at university, but it was a bit too frustrating for me, especially since most of my Christian friends were all around 25/26 and were pretty much free to do as they wanted, so long as they let their parents know where they were off to, and what time they expected to be home (and rang if that changed)...

I basically shared, when I decided to move out, that I felt it was unfair, and seeing it was not going to change, I needed to move out, and start making my own decisions about that kind of thing. I did so with my parents blessing.

I'm praying for you Sharky. Parents usually mean well, but can get a bit OTT with that!



Sasch

 

[Neenie1]

Ahh, overprotective parents. Yep been there. I think because I was the eldest as well (I am wondering where you come in the family) I had to be the one to kind of bend the rules. It could also be that I was the only girl, and I had to watch my brothers pretty much do as they pleased. grrrrr.


It didn't really stop until I left home (at 23)

Just a little tip here, I am wondering if it is because they can see that you are now 20, and know that you are growing up and are afraid for you. Also, part of them probably finds it hard to let go of the fact that you are growing up now, not their little boy.

Also at 20, there is still so much life experience to gain, the thing is, it is really hard to let someone you love make mistakes, and learn from them. Maybe they are afraid you will make mistakes.

Also as Talie said, it is a pretty tough world these days. Appreciate them for wanting to look after you.

My mother still does, but the relationship is a bit different. Always she rings once a week, maybe more, to check that things are going alright here, especially now that I have kids of my own. Also, she rings to make sure that R is looking after me (unfortunately I think she still finds it hard to accept that we have our own lives together, and now it's his job to take care of me properly and make sure I am looking after myself and the kids)

As far as honouring your parents goes. I remember someone describing it to me like this, once you are at an age where you are ready to be working and leaving home, and all that (basically being independent and able to take care of yourself) honouring your parents isn't so much about doing what they say, it is respecting them because THEY ARE YOUR PARENTS, and brought you into this world and raised you to be the person you are. It is about listening to them and saying, "yes I hear what you are saying, but....." and letting them know that you love and respect them.

I STILL have to do this with my parents, even though I have left home and have my own family to take care of. The thing about honouring parents applies until your parents die. (and since they are only in their early 50s I'll be doing this for a while )

 

[foursquareman]

I think the only real way your going to get the freedom you want is to move out of home. Ofcourse, if you can put up with their need to protect you, it's a whole lot cheaper and easier staying there!

 

[The Bad Templar]

Dude, you're 20, you're your own man. Move on. I didn't have really protective parents because they trusted me and I used to hang around with decent blokes from church.

I left home around 19/20 and moved to a place 3000kms away. Best thing I ever did (I met Mrs Templar ).

You can break away and become independent of your family but still be close to them. If you don't, you'll find them lecturing you on your relationship with your wife and how to bring up your kids...........which is not their place

 

[Sharky]

Dude, you're 20, you're your own man. Move on. I didn't have really protective parents because they trusted me and I used to hang around with decent blokes from church.

I left home around 19/20 and moved to a place 3000kms away. Best thing I ever did (I met Mrs Templar ).

You can break away and become independent of your family but still be close to them. If you don't, you'll find them lecturing you on your relationship with your wife and how to bring up your kids...........which is not their place

Oh dude they're protective because i GO to church!

But it's all good cause i'm getting trusted more and more

 

[The Bad Templar]

Oh dude they're protective because i GO to church!

Whoa, dude.

 

[Sharky]

It's cool now, i think I'll have to take it slowly.

But it can be frustrating for me sometimes, it gets very irritating, like a thorn on my side.

 

[KristianJ]

It's cool now, i think I'll have to take it slowly.

But it can be frustrating for me sometimes, it gets very irritating, like a thorn on my side.

Thus by quoting about a thorn, you will be well acquainted with 2 Corinthians 12:7-11? (It came to mind as soon as you mentioned it being a thorn...)

[bible]2 Corinthians 12:7-11[/bible]

 

[Sharky]

Oh praise God that really spoke to me!

I guess it keeps me humble then. God knows that i have problems with pride, i get puffed up in myself!

Man, pride can creep in all kinds of places.

 

[Wolflily]

Sharky, you're a part of a whole generation of youth with 'hovering' parents. There's never been anything quite like it in history - this generation of parents really are overprotective to an almost harmful degree. Where their own parents were probably having children at your age, this current crop of parents are extremely over-involved in everything their own children do, well into their twenties. I meet a lot of college-bound teens who cannot write a check or cook an egg. It's discouraging.

But, on the positive side, your parents truly do care for you and you've got to bear with some of this overprotectiveness until you leave their home. As long as you live under their roof, their rules do apply. You should be able to make responsible decisions and learn from your mistakes, but it is extremely difficult for parents to 'let go' while your still living with them. As Bev so wisely put it, they will always see you as their child no matter how old you get! But it's harder for them to see you as an adult while you still live at home. It will get easier once you move out, believe me.
Hang in there until then!