Guy keeps messaging wife

[Nobility]

One option whilst sneaky, would attempt a transfer to a different city - or state. It would limit contact a lot more.

Ask her if she would be willing to change phone numbers?


I haven't been through anything like this in a marriage sense, but I have from a dating perspective. Whilst engaged, there were times I"d still talk to the ex-bf (who still happened to be my best friend - and my fiances) and I'd still see him about every 2 months. When the contact was severely limited (I cut it off and made sure I only saw him with hubby there) my feelings increased for my hubby again, and constantly decreased for the ex til they disappeared.

I now see him and talk to him without problems, but contact is still limited somewhat.

Love is a tricky emotion - she may want to love you, but struggles to 'feel' it. Whilst it may be the last thing on your mind currently, romance may not go a miss. Some red roses when you get home from work, candlelit dinner, help around the house, take her out for a lovely dessert, vacation (even 1 night one without focusing on sex), go for a hike, whatever.

Like I said, I'm not that experienced but I hope this helped in some ways.

 

[free4all]

One option whilst sneaky, would attempt a transfer to a different city - or state. It would limit contact a lot more.

From what I understand of your job, it might be difficult to transfer. But the benefit of transferring to a different location is that it could force her to make a choice. Granted, if you force her to make a choice, she may not choose you. IMO it's better to learn something like that earlier rather than later.

You seem to be very patient with her, allowing her to choose this other guy, or refuse to choose you, for as long as she desires. Do you have any personal timetable as to how long you are going to allow her to have it both ways, before you decide her conduct is unacceptable? Would she tolerate you having a girlfriend you refuse to cease contact with?

 

[bliz]

What about the original problem? A wife who still likes the guy she had an affair with and not her husband?

Sorry don't mean to be an advice hog.

The probem is not the other guy. The problem lies with your wife. She cannot undo the affiar, but she can make changes in her relationship with him now. She appears to be unwilling to do so.

How long are you willing to put up with the current situation?

When you are no longer willing, what will you do? Ask her to move out? Move out yourself? Get a legal seperation? File for divorce?

Do you want to stay married to a woman who has no feelings for you?

What you should do all depends on how you want things to be.

 

[Ari5]

Bliz - You are a little harsh here. If you have never been through this you wouldn't understand that this is a process. His wife CAN love him again. God can heal anything in a marriage. Things will not change overnight.

And about the part that she has no feelings , she obviously does or she would be gone.She is trying to do the right thing, but satan is holding her back.

You say the problem is with his wife, but we are all guilty of sin aren't we???
Ari

The probem is not the other guy. The problem lies with your wife. She cannot undo the affiar, but she can make changes in her relationship with him now. She appears to be unwilling to do so.

How long are you willing to put up with the current situation?

When you are no longer willing, what will you do? Ask her to move out? Move out yourself? Get a legal seperation? File for divorce?

Do you want to stay married to a woman who has no feelings for you?

What you should do all depends on how you want things to be.

 

[brokenman]

I took a different path then most, but it was what God impressed upon my heart.

She knows that he is a bad guy that lies and manipulates. She knows she doesn't want to go back to him. She knows we are working on things and wants them to get better. Its just her feelings haven't followed yet. They will come with time but she is struggling to cut all* contact with him. *By all, she has cut everything but some online blogs and his phone number. Because there is a part of her that likes his affirmations though they are lies and she knows this.

There is a plan being made. We could move and ultimately that might be a decision we have to make (though I am moving to a new apartment and starting a new lease this week). Its just we don't want to run away from this because it needs to be dealt with. He has done this to more then one woman.

I'll keep you up to date, because more should go down this week.