Guilt?

[Zoleee]

Hi!

First I'd like to tell that I have OCD, and it takes a huge place in this situation too. Of course I don't ask for treatment, I am just curious how a Christian would handle situations like this.

So I feel guilty a lot of times when others dont. For example I scratched a book in the library and felt like I have to tell it to the lady there. She said it is okay if ofeten happens with these new books. But sometimes it is really hard, for example I found a little patch on a sofa on a public place and I freaked out that it was me... It was OCD for sure.

But today I had a strange situation.
I just cant handle situations like this.

We went shopping by car with my mom and dad and my sister. When my mother got out of the car she hit the car next to ours accidentally with the cars door. I saw it and warned her immediately but the door touched the other car. I checked the other car and there was a little white spot on the other car. I dont know how because the door barely touched it. I told this to my family but they didnt really care. So we went in to the shop. Maybe I should have waited there to tell it to the cars owner? Its just a little patch but destroys me. Maybe it will come off with washing I dont know...

The worst thing is that I didnt do anything. I can only remember it was a green car in a big city... I wish I could just call the owner and apolgize.

 

[Patching Cracks]

I'm not sure OCD is the right name here... What you are describing sounds more like a general anxiety thing... You beating yourself up over the circumstance after the fact isn't really productive, but your anxiety drives you to worry, obsess, and soak in a general dread. If it wasn't the green car thing, it'd be something else. I would pray about the car thing, repent, and work on letting it go. Maybe spend some time studying how repentance and grace work. Letting it go will probably also require that you spend some time doing relaxation techniques or looking into behaviors that will help reduce anxiety across the board, which seems to be driving your worry/guilt. There's loads of stuff out there... breathing, relaxation techniques, prayer, exercise, etc... Your struggle sounds a lot more like anxiety thank anything else. Just my $.02.

 

[Greg J.]

It may help you to consider what you are responsible for and what you are not responsible for. God doesn't judge you for things you aren't in control of or are responsible for.

Also it may help to try to understand events from another's perspective. The question is not, should you report book scratches, the question is, will the librarian care if a book is scratched? Isn't it normal that books would get scratched and the library must be accustomed to it?

Both of these ideas apply to the car door hitting the other car. The decision to do something or not was your parent's, not yours. It is valuable for you to not try to control things that aren't your responsibility. This attitude will help you in many ways in your life (like with relationships).

Also, if it was your car that got hit, what would you want the person to do? Unfortunately, hitting other car doors is a pretty common occurrence, and is usually not considered important enough to report to the police. If it is not important enough for that, then do not take it so seriously. Bad things happen to everyone every day and you are not responsible for fixing them. Sometimes what God wants is for you to accept them and move on. You can also pray/ask God to take care of things for you when it is not something you can reasonably do.

Do not guess what someone else wants or doesn't want. You may feel like you need to fix something, but you should ask first. The other person is probably not affected like you imagine they are. Try to live by what is logical and what is common sense rather than by what you need to do to release the pressure you feel to do something. (It's not necessarily easy.) This is a valuable perspective when what you are dealing with involves other people.

Talking about your OCD and anxieties with a psychologist would help. If your condition is adversely affecting your life, you should consider talking to a psychiatrist about medication for it.

 

[Razare]

You'll have to change as you get older, the sooner the better.

This is in the category "cares of this world". It seems like doing good, but falls into worry.

If you try to live life by "doing good" where by you cross every I and dot every T, you are yielding to "perfectionism".

God is perfect, but God is not a perfectionist, nor does he want you to be. Being a perfectionist is sin.

We are perfected by grace, not by fear and guilt, which would have us behave "perfectly" which is impossible. The more you try to be perfect, the more guilt you will have, and the more fear and anxiety. In the end, you will just fail and be condemned.

The right behavior is love born of joy. When you have these, you do good things for others, but you don't do things perfectly.... yet love covers many sins, so it does no matter. That imperfect thing you do out of love is great in God's kingdom, and he tidies up any loose ends you might leave because it is love. If you yield to perfectionism, what good you do wont matter much because it shrivels and dies as it was born of anxiety and fear.

 

[Job8]

The worst thing is that I didnt do anything. I can only remember it was a green car in a big city... I wish I could just call the owner and apolgize.

You seem to be overly scrupulous, and in some ways that is good. Perhaps what you need is a good, level-headed and ethical friend, to whom you can go with your concerns. If he tells you to drop it, then you should drop it. If he tells you that an apology is in order, then apologize.

 

[1watchman]

You got some good advice here, friend. Cars all get scratched in tight parking spaces, and things happen like that in lots of ways and situations. Don't fret about it, for God understands it was not intentional, and the damage was not severe. Your parents may not realize you are tending toward a OCD and just shrugged it off as your manner of life. You will need to learn that you are a detail person in some extreme, and THERE IS NO PERFECTION IN THE WORLD. Try making a distinction between bad or severe and accidents and normal failures ---God does! I am glad to hear you felt like an apology, and if the car owner was present that would be an appropriate gesture for you; otherwise move on. Look up always and trust God to guide you.