Grounds for divorce?

[HisdaughterJen]

Is only sexual adultery grounds for divorce?

What about a close relationship/friendship with a single (divorced) woman at work where there doesn't appear to be a sexual relationship...yet?

1. He has said twice that he's so glad she "loves" him and when questioned insists he meant nothing more than friendship.
2. He never tells me he loves me anymore.
3. He can't wait to get to work even finding excuses to go there constantly while we're supposed to be on vacation.
4. He leaves 45 minutes early for a 12 minute drive to work and get's home late saying it's overtime.
5. He can't make a move in his job without checking with her first to see what she thinks.
6. He bought a sex and dating book for her as a joke and tried to hide it from me.
7. He takes no lead in the household and only prays when I say "let's pray" at mealtime (when he's here).

Our situation is becoming dire.

 

[ALABALE]

Please read your PM

 

[HisdaughterJen]

Please read your PM

Thank you.

It is causing a great deal of stress and grief to me. It has been going on so long (nearly a year) and is affecting my physical and emotional health.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Sounds suspicious.
Is he a Christian? Maybe it's time to bring a pastor in on the situation.

 

[HisdaughterJen]

Sounds suspicious.
Is he a Christian? Maybe it's time to bring a pastor in on the situation.

I've told him that it seems like I'm married to an unbeliever and he just rolls his eyes and says "you know what I believe". Yet, I never catch him praying except when I say "let's pray" at meal time and he tells me "you do it" usually after he and the kids have started eating before I have a chance to be seated, he never reads the Bible, he never mentions God or Jesus - even to the kids, he'll watch the worst (violent, scary, or perverse) movies with our kids on his lap until I walk in and say something to which he'll say "it's not that bad".

I took my 4 year old son out to dinner after making deliveries for my business and he started talking about a motorcycle guy on fire. My husband had let him watch "Ghost Rider" with him. When I asked my husband about it, it seems that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I've told his family about some of his behavior because he wasn't like this when we first got married.

As far as a pastor, my husband works on Sundays and so we don't go as a family. I'd be embarrassed to even ask for help from the pastor...which is why I post about it here...somewhat anonymously.

 

[SnowBelle]

Awwwwwwwww sweetie ...Big Huggles for you!!

I don't even know what to say...I had no warning whatsoever that my husband was involved with online dating and had found a girlfriend. I thought everything was great in our marriage...until the day he said he was leaving! Hindsight is 20/20!!

I would take it to your Pastor...you need some support locally...I know it is hard...but this is nothing that you are doing...don't be embarrased...Pastors are very used to dealing with situations like this.

Like I said if you want to talk just PM me!!

God Bless and Huggles

 

[HisdaughterJen]

Awwwwwwwww sweetie ...Big Huggles for you!!

I don't even know what to say...I had no warning whatsoever that my husband was involved with online dating and had found a girlfriend. I thought everything was great in our marriage...until the day he said he was leaving! Hindsight is 20/20!!

Yikes! I can't even imagine...

No, when mine does speak to me, it is either to criticize or to ask where something is.

I also sense that something is going on...I just don't know the woman's name. When I asked about one woman, he says, "there are a lot of other, more attractive women at work that i should be more concerned about than her".

I told him that if he didn't want to be married to me anymore, that he should just be a man about it and tell me. He said, "really?" I said "yeah, and also know that you'll be thumbing your nose at God when you do". I should not have said that because it is only prolonging the agony. I believe he would've said something.

I would take it to your Pastor...you need some support locally...I know it is hard...but this is nothing that you are doing...don't be embarrased...Pastors are very used to dealing with situations like this.

Maybe I should...

Like I said if you want to talk just PM me!!

God Bless and Huggles

Thanks!!!

 

[HuntingMan]

I've told him that it seems like I'm married to an unbeliever and he just rolls his eyes and says "you know what I believe". Yet, I never catch him praying except when I say "let's pray" at meal time and he tells me "you do it" usually after he and the kids have started eating before I have a chance to be seated, he never reads the Bible, he never mentions God or Jesus - even to the kids, he'll watch the worst (violent, scary, or perverse) movies with our kids on his lap until I walk in and say something to which he'll say "it's not that bad".

I took my 4 year old son out to dinner after making deliveries for my business and he started talking about a motorcycle guy on fire. My husband had let him watch "Ghost Rider" with him. When I asked my husband about it, it seems that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I've told his family about some of his behavior because he wasn't like this when we first got married.

As far as a pastor, my husband works on Sundays and so we don't go as a family. I'd be embarrassed to even ask for help from the pastor...which is why I post about it here...somewhat anonymously.

Scripture shows that we will know men by their fruits.
Apple trees do not produce oranges.

Theres that old thing about 'if you were accused of being a christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you'.
Many folks call themselves christians and say they believe, but there never is any actual fruit being presented, only talk.

There are believers and make-believers in the church, and the only real way to tell the difference is to examine the life. If the life doesnt present evidence of a believer, then what you have is a make believer....or worse, an apostate.

Let me give you an example. My wife and I sit around talking scripture all the time...almost every single day.
I get embarassed praying sometimes because anytime I think about praying out loud I always remember what Jesus said about not praying like the pharisees for men to hear and see....so that does cause me to be a little funny about it, but in all honesty, deep down I love praying with my wife. And she asks all the time if we can pray together too.
These something really peculiar if your husband NEVER wants to do it with you at all.
Maybe he's embarassed like me, but you can look at the whole life of the man and determine if you see someone who is presenting fruits of a believer or not.
Were the fruits of salvation ever there?

 

[HisdaughterJen]

Scripture shows that we will know men by their fruits.
Apple trees do not produce oranges.

Theres that old thing about 'if you were accused of being a christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you'.
Many folks call themselves christians and say they believe, but there never is any actual fruit being presented, only talk.

There are believers and make-believers in the church, and the only real way to tell the difference is to examine the life. If the life doesnt present evidence of a believer, then what you have is a make believer....or worse, an apostate.

Let me give you an example. My wife and I sit around talking scripture all the time...almost every single day.
I get embarassed praying sometimes because anytime I think about praying out loud I always remember what Jesus said about not praying like the pharisees for men to hear and see....so that does cause me to be a little funny about it, but in all honesty, deep down I love praying with my wife. And she asks all the time if we can pray together too.
These something really peculiar if your husband NEVER wants to do it with you at all.
Maybe he's embarassed like me, but you can look at the whole life of the man and determine if you see someone who is presenting fruits of a believer or not.
Were the fruits of salvation ever there?

He doesn't have the fire that you get when you have the Holy Spirit...you know...praying all the time, reading the Bible, putting God first, striving to please Him, thinking and talking about God all the time....

It's sad that it's something we don't share. When I mention something new I learn about God, it's like he doesn't really care or like hearing about it. He listens but then doesn't say much about...continues with what he was doing if he acknowledges that I'm speaking at all.

He is baptized but God is not a priority in his life. He doesn't like that I talk to people on this forum and says it's a waste of time...that I should put this time toward a degree in theology because it would be like using my time to work towards something. Funny, huh? I've never, ever dug deeper into the Word than I have in talking and debating people here. Is it possible that a degree in theology will teach me more about God than studying His Word?

Anyway...we're going through some tough, stressful times. I am praying things will get better and not worse.

 

[SnowBelle]

I've never, ever dug deeper into the Word than I have in talking and debating people here. Is it possible that a degree in theology will teach me more about God than studying His Word?

Anyway...we're going through some tough, stressful times. I am praying things will get better and not worse.

Praying Jen!!

I hope and pray things get better for you!

You need to immerse yourself in the Word of God!!

Soak it up like a sponge!! Until you are so sopping wet that you spray out all over everyone else ...including your husband!!

Remember that I am here if you want to talk!!

 

[HisdaughterJen]

Praying Jen!!

I hope and pray things get better for you!

You need to immerse yourself in the Word of God!!

Soak it up like a sponge!! Until you are so sopping wet that you spray out all over everyone else ...including your husband!!

Remember that I am here if you want to talk!!

THank you!!!!!

 

[SnowBelle]

Here is a song for you Jen!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS6ZiYA1Y8I

 

[HisdaughterJen]

Here is a song for you Jen!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS6ZiYA1Y8I

I can't begin to tell you how much that means to me...

 

[SnowBelle]

I can't begin to tell you how much that means to me...

I am so glad that it encouraged you...someone told me about it and it really encouraged me also!

Hope your day is going well!

 

[dbhost]

Hire a private investigator. Chances are more than good this "friendship" is far more than that. Do not do as I had done with my ex wife and turn a blind eye to the painfully obvious.

 

[HisdaughterJen]

Hire a private investigator. Chances are more than good this "friendship" is far more than that. Do not do as I had done with my ex wife and turn a blind eye to the painfully obvious.

Well, I know something is up but everything is circumstantial and he always has a viable excuse. His mood around me is distant and angry which is like a 180 degree turn around from what it used to be. When I ask him if something is wrong, he says no and walks out of the room....no discussion to it at all.

What's bad is that I can keenly sense moods. You know, I'm one of those people that can walk into a room and feel the tension or happiness or whatever. It's like he hates me.

 

[dbhost]

I know exactly what you mean. Information is key here. You need to know what is going on. I hate to have to suggest it, but getting a P.I. and some photographic evidence will help you in the courts if you need to later on. And if your husband is an unrepentant adulterer, you need to know that.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

I know exactly what you mean. Information is key here. You need to know what is going on. I hate to have to suggest it, but getting a P.I. and some photographic evidence will help you in the courts if you need to later on. And if your husband is an unrepentant adulterer, you need to know that.

Adultery is not necessarily an issue in American divorce courts anymore because of no fault divorce. Most people don't have much to gain by proving adultery except the personal knowledge in having seen for themselves what they had been suspecting anyways.

 

[ido]

To the OP - I was in a very similar situation as yours with my ex-husband. He would come home speaking about this co-worker or that one and all the personal things they were confiding in him (often about their sex lives). He would get angry and accuse me of being jealous when I would tell him that it bothered me that he was having deeply personal conversations with other women.

He began leaving early for work - allegedly to go to the gym and do cardio. Then, he would come home at night, eat dinner, then head to the gym again for an actual workout. Basically, he was leaving the house at 5:30 AM and wasn't really home until about 11:00 or later most nights.

We ended up in marriage counseling over one of the women he had befriended b/c he started buying/making little things to take her to "cheer her up, b/c she was having a rough time". I wanted my husband back - I didn't want this other woman getting most of his emotional attention.

Long story short, the emotional affair continued, despite his promises in counseling to end it. There were other issues that ultimately led to our divorce, but the fidelity issue was definitely on the list. What can start out seeming innocent can inadvertantly turn into a full-fledged affair, which has the ability to destroy your marriage. The problem is, a lot of people think they're not crossing a line that they really are. Unfortunately, if your husband is not willing to admit crossing that line, he probably won't change his behavior.

Talk to your pastor, get yourself some counseling if you can, pray about it. See if you can get your husband to agree to a marriage conference. A Weekend To Remember is an awesome conference.

 

[AMOG]

You know.... I have a problem with this from my own background. Basically my first wife accused me of having a similar "emotional affair" with my office mate. Now this female office mate had been a close personal friend of mine for almost 20 years (I'd known my wife half that time) Yes we spent 8 hours a day together (not much say in who I was assigned an office with), yes we talked about a lot of deeply personal things (her relationship problems mostly). But that does not rise to the level of infidelity with my wife. She knew going in to our marriage that I had both male and female friends and being close to them does not limit my ability to also be close to my wife, there is plenty of me to go around.

I find it somewhat disingenuous that women have no problem with guys having close male friends, but they can't have close female friends. (And of course the reverse is also true. Women can have close friends of both sexes also.)

Fortunately my current wife understands the concept that friendship does not equal infidelity.