There is a world of difference in obedience out of love and slavish obedience out of fear. Those who would make obedience a requirement, as do those you speak of, are yet under bondage. It is legalism in its essence. They fear that love isn't enough motivation to walk worthy of your calling. The fact is that love is a much better motivation than law. The commonly held view of obedience is that God blesses us when we obey Him and punishes us when we don't. Hence the often used comments that if someone seems to be blessed by God they must be living right. Or when they experience trouble in the providence of God that they must not be living right. It denies the Scriptural teaching that all the blessings of God belong to every believer because of Christ and are in Him alone. Eph. 1:3 Also it more often than not leads to self-righteousness, something we are all prone to by nature. Those who look to themselves in any way for any thing from God: blessings, assurance, peace, acceptance, a favorable look, or rewards have not yet learned what it means to trust Christ. Looking to yourself for anything, in obedience or faith, is to miss the message that Christ is all in all to the believer. It is a works based faith that robs any who believe it of peace and comfort in Christ. It is what the Lord called the leaven of the Pharisees. All true believers obey Him. Not out of slavish fear or in order to gain from it but out of a sincere love for Him and deep desire to please and honor Him. We fail and fall but He always lifts us up and pours His wondrous grace into our hearts and points us once again to Himself and His work on our behalf. He makes us to daily look to Him alone and not to ourselves. We are complete in Him, lacking nothing. Col. 2:10. He has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness. 2Pet.1:3-10. Faith in Christ is resting in Him alone finding all that is needed for God to be pleased with us in Him and by Him. Matt. 11:27-30 In Him is peace that passes understanding and a full and complete salvation that we add nothing to. Whatever we do to add to what Christ has already done is to miss Christ. Gal. 2:16-21, 6:3.
All those passages which are used to drive people to obedience as unwilling slaves are simply explained by Peters words in 2Pet. 1:10. God working in us and through us are loving tokens of our calling and election. We do not look to them for assurance but as simply the fruit of Christ in us the hope of glory. It is God who works in us to will and to do of His good pleasure. Every elect sinner who trusts Christ alone manifests the fruit of the Spirit. Gal. 5:21-23. These things aren't proofs of our obedience but the manifest presence of the Spirit. By them we are always pointed to Him who loved us and gave Himself for us. The warnings aren't given us as a whip to drive us but as a loving and gracious lesson to point us to our Redeemer.