Good reads?

[mina]

Do any of you have any books that made a positive impact on your relationship with your SO? I'm not really talking about books about marriage or even dating persay really, but if there's a book about communication, etc... that you were really glad you read or helped you in understanding more or a book you had wish you had read in the early stages of dating that you would recomend?

 

[The Nihilist]

Anything by Nietzsche

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

yup, "men are from mars women are from venus."

may sound cliche, but it's a great book, and it's the highest rated and most popular relationship book in history. I read it when I was like 11(my mom owned it ) Then I got the newer updated version more recently and my boyfriend and I both read it through. I found it very helpful.

Another good book is "The Man Whisperer" by Rick Johnson. It's a christian book.

I've read a few books but these two I would recommend the most.

 

[Slider1]

"Boy meets girl" by Joshua Harris. Its a book about courtship, about the "why" of it, And if you get a newer edition of it, there are '8 great courtship conversations" in the back that sort of outline 8 talks that every couple should have before getting married...(If I remember correctly).
Joshua Harris is QUITE conservative, but you don't need to necessarily follow his standards to get something out of his book.

 

[Windmill]

MBTI. Seriously.

MBTI shouldn't be taken too seriously, in the end, it comes down to each personally INDIVIDUALLY, not some 16 profiles. But it really helps me to think about, not just my bf, but others, in different lights, and to keep my mind open, and to see how people can be so different. Love Languages is the same. Not just with Ben, but with EVERYONE. I don't use it as a steadfast thing, but rather it helps me to see people differently overall, and change my interactions with them and to better understand our differences by having me in a more "open" mind frame.

All of these gender-specific books are a farce. I read a few and none of them work with my friends AT ALL. Gender is a social construct, and people miss the social construct train all the time, so why assume they'll be adhereing to it. Treat them as an individual.

 

[latteda]

For Men Only and For Women Only by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn. I've heard very few negative comments about these books. Of course there will always be exceptions with gender generalizations, but these books are GENERALLY right on track. I've heard very few negative comments on these from men and women alike. I'd encourage you to read For Men Only, too, because it will probably help you understand yourself better.

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley. Again, there are some generalizations, but there is a lot of good info in there.

Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud.

I studied MBTI quite a bit during dating, along with oother personality assessments. I think it definitely did more good than not, but I regret times that I assumed J.C. felt or thought a certain way based on what I believed his MBTI to be. However, when we sat down and went through it together and began discussing personalities, I got to know him a lot better and was more able to be patient with things that I realized were just part of his core personality. There are also things typical of his brain type that don't really apply to him, just as with myself.

In any book on relationships, even MBTI, there will be generalizations that won't apply to everyone, obviously. But you are smart enough, Mina, to know that people are individuals and unique and must be learned for who they are rather than treated like a statistic in a book. You are mature enough to know that.

So, um, I have to ask. Are you dating someone?

 

[mina]

yep, i do know people are individuals. I would never put someone in a box based on someone else's ideals in a self help book- that's not why i asked this here.... But I do also believe in good knowledge that I could possibly use. Glean the good and the wise advice and let the info that doesn't apply just sit there.

 

[DanC922]

When Sinners Say "I Do" by Dave Harvey is verrry good. My fiancee and I have read through most of it together, and it's been really good and helpful to us. It's really helped us to examine our own hearts and apply the Gospel to ourselves, each other, and our relationship. I highly recommend it!

 

[Windmill]

For Men Only and For Women Only by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn. I've heard very few negative comments about these books.

Actually, those are the ones I'm thinking of. None of my friends fit those contstructs at all. Even my sister, who likes stuff like that, didn't appreciate those books much.

I also felt like the book was too hard on women. Women have to do this-this-and-this to stay attractive to their partners? Right. I think that if your relationship requires that much effort to go into your looks as the book suggests then thats pretty, well, thats pretty sad. The guy gets off pretty easy in those books. Let alone the submissive part, but whatever

I really think we need to jump out of books like this. Lets not pigeon hole people. They are individuals, purely individuals. If you want to know more about the person, ask!

 

[Windmill]

yep, i do know people are individuals. I would never put someone in a box based on someone else's ideals in a self help book- that's not why i asked this here.... But I do also believe in good knowledge that I could possibly use. Glean the good and the wise advice and let the info that doesn't apply just sit there.

Fair enough, though I doubt you need much!

 

[mina]

Alright , well I posted this for good ideas, not your opinion on books that people listed. I don't mean to be rude, but I also didn't mean for this thread to be a debate thread about how you hate certain books. *shrug* I'm probably one of the most anti- go along with the relationship buzz book of the moment people out there. But I did wonder what real people out there HAD gotten from books that really helped them. I'm sorry you don't agree with whatever you don't agree with, but please refrain from attacking people's choices that they list. I'm interested in hearing about books that HELPED people in their relationships. I doubt anyone here takes any self help book to be the gospel truth. As with anything, you have to take it with a grain of salt and YES get to know the person that you are with. Thanks.

 

[Windmill]

Ok.

 

[undonebymercy]

Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. It's fictional, it's not an advice book or anything along those lines, but it helped me realise that all the doubts I held about my boyfriend were unfounded, and that the little voice pushing me forward when I was so unbelievably doubtful and unhappy was in fact God.
It taught me to respect myself a lot more. And it's also a fantastic read.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

I also like the book "Fearless Loving" by Rhonda Britten. I have read it a different times in my life; single, dating, and in a relationship and have found it to be beneficial.