Good idea?

[stormgade4]

A little background first. I met the subject of thsi topic back in summer 2003. I liked her because she was nice, we had gone to the same college, and we were both kind of new at this church. She was in a relationship at the time so I didn't press anything too forward. At the end of 2003, her relationship ended. From there, I just observed and tried to be a friend to her (she was shaken after this). For a year I remained interested in her. Around the beginning of this year, I got a random call from her (she hadn't been to church in two months at this time). From there, I felt like we connected quite a bit. We went on what you could call a "date" to Chili's after work one night. We had a good conversation and I related to her the things I liked about her and some of the things God was showing me in my life. I asked her if she would be open to seeking a relationship. She said would consider one. Two weeks later, me being me, I took her to the (I think) best restaurant in the city for a nice dinner. After that night, I never heard from her again.

A few months later, I was having lunch with my singles minister and told him about the episode. He was sympathitic (he's single himself). I told him I wish I could just know why she didn't speak to me after our dinner. If she's not interested, cool. I just want to know. Yesterday, my minister and I were having lunch again. As an aside, he mentioned to me that he had found out some info on her. He was very confident I was not the reason she wasn't coming to our church anymore. Apparently, she is having some personal issues.

I've often thought about doing this but haven't and after hearing about John's report yesterday, I really want to see her again. She won't answer the phone or respond to email from me so I thought about just showing up at her office to just get a minute to say hi. Everyone has told me to move on but its hard. I see a lot of things I like in her, and even if nothing else, I do want to help a friend in need (but not in the "hero" sort of way). What do I do?

 

[fieldy]

I think it would be a good idea to let her be. You already called her and sent her emails so she should know you want to see her. If you just show up you might freak her out and look foolish. It's probably best to just let things be.

 

[the_man]

I think you should pump on the breaks. You have tried to contact her and she hasn't responded, ball is in her court. If she doesn't respond still, move on. Do NOT show up at her work or try to contact her again.

 

[lady_of_god]

I think you should pump on the breaks. You have tried to contact her and she hasn't responded, ball is in her court. If she doesn't respond still, move on. Do NOT show up at her work or try to contact her again.

I'd have to strongly agree with him on this. Just leave her alone. She is giving all the signals that she has no interest. I know it's hard but it would be the best thing to let it go.

Btw, I don't think she would have the nicest reaction if you showed up at her job. You could get hurt or worse off, hurt and in trouble... she could say you are harrassing her with phone calls & e-mails and now you showed up to her job for "God knows what" stalking her and call the police.... the thing is she would be well within her rights.

-Lady.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Please DO NOT show up at her job. As others have said, just let here be and have this time to herself. I know you want to be a good friend and maybe help cheer her up or see if she needs anything, but based on your past experiences with her, she make take it as you "bothering her" as opposed to just someone trying to be nice and see if she's doing ok.

The best thing you can do right now, is to pray for her. Ask God to comfort her and to help her with whatever it is that is bothering her. And in due time, if its meant for you two to date again, you will.

 

[OhhJim]

Don't do it, like the others say. And, next time, don't take a woman to a fancy restaurant early in the relationship, unless it's for her birthday. Women get weird about stuff like that-they start thinking that you want something in return, and imagine way more pressure than is actually there. I love fancy restaurants, myself, but have never gotten anywhere taking a woman to one early on. Keep it casual.

 

[JPPT1974]

Please DO NOT show up at her job. As others have said, just let here be and have this time to herself. I know you want to be a good friend and maybe help cheer her up or see if she needs anything, but based on your past experiences with her, she make take it as you "bothering her" as opposed to just someone trying to be nice and see if she's doing ok.

The best thing you can do right now, is to pray for her. Ask God to comfort her and to help her with whatever it is that is bothering her. And in due time, if its meant for you two to date again, you will.

Yes showing up at her work would be bad. Though you mean well and want to be a good friend. Because she may want time to herself. Pray and ask the Lord to give her a peace of mind and comfort.

 

[stormgade4]

Thanks for the kind words. I agree it would be best to let it pass. Whatever she's doing, I hope she's getting things sorted out and relying on God for it.