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Good Clean Jokes! :)
- Thread starter Sangarime
- Start date
Ok, so this really isn't a short joke but it's a joke, nonetheless.
A man was walking by the docks when he saw a man dressed like a pirate. He asked, "Are you really a pirate?"
"Of course I am." The pirate answered.
"Well, how did you lose your leg?"
"A stray canonball took it off."
"And what about that hook for a hand?"
"A shark bit it off."
"And your eyepatch?"
"Well, I was climbing the rigging when a seagull pooped in my eye."
"How did you lose your eye because of that?"
"You would too if you tried rubbing your eye with a hook."
funny, aye?
A man was walking by the docks when he saw a man dressed like a pirate. He asked, "Are you really a pirate?"
"Of course I am." The pirate answered.
"Well, how did you lose your leg?"
"A stray canonball took it off."
"And what about that hook for a hand?"
"A shark bit it off."
"And your eyepatch?"
"Well, I was climbing the rigging when a seagull pooped in my eye."
"How did you lose your eye because of that?"
"You would too if you tried rubbing your eye with a hook."
funny, aye?
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- Jul 17, 2004
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OUCH!! Choice one, Akuma!!
This one's as old as the hills ......
1st person: Yeah, bro, I'm on a diet
2nd person: Yeah? What sort of diet?
1st person: A seafood diet, bro!
2nd person: Seafood, eh?
1st person: Yeah - see food and eat it!!
This one's as old as the hills ......
1st person: Yeah, bro, I'm on a diet
2nd person: Yeah? What sort of diet?
1st person: A seafood diet, bro!
2nd person: Seafood, eh?
1st person: Yeah - see food and eat it!!
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- Jul 17, 2004
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Here's a joke I remember from when I was a kid:
In a posh restaurant .....
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: That's all right, Madam, we won't charge you for it! :o
In a posh restaurant .....
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: That's all right, Madam, we won't charge you for it! :o
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- Jul 17, 2004
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Here's a joke that my daughter told me.
What's a 10 letter word that starts with gas?
AUTOMOBILE!!!
What's a 10 letter word that starts with gas?
AUTOMOBILE!!!
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(Couldn't resist posting this one!)
In a posh restaurant, again!
Customer: Waiter, there's a small insect in my soup!!
Waiter: Sorry, Madam, I'll get you a bigger one!
In a posh restaurant, again!
Customer: Waiter, there's a small insect in my soup!!
Waiter: Sorry, Madam, I'll get you a bigger one!
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My final groan, I mean laugh for the night!!
If I had 6 grapefruit in one hand and 7 grapefruit in the other hand, what would I have?
Very big hands!!!
If I had 6 grapefruit in one hand and 7 grapefruit in the other hand, what would I have?
Very big hands!!!
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JoyShirley this made me laugh!!! Don't ask me why, it just did! Perhaps another day it wouldn't have the same effect but today was just right for me! thanks for posting itjoyshirley said:(Couldn't resist posting this one!)
In a posh restaurant, again!
Customer: Waiter, there's a small insect in my soup!!
Waiter: Sorry, Madam, I'll get you a bigger one!
aaaaah feels so good to laff!
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- Jul 17, 2004
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Here's one!
"Doctor, doctor, everyone dislikes me!!"
"Don't be silly, not everyone has met you yet!"
"Doctor, doctor, everyone dislikes me!!"
"Don't be silly, not everyone has met you yet!"
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~ Gig ~
God is Gracious
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes" whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes" came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again, the small voice whispered, "No"
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No he's busy" said the little voice.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman." came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard the sound of a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?!" asked the boss, now getting alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?!"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "Me!"
"Yes" whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes" came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again, the small voice whispered, "No"
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No he's busy" said the little voice.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman." came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard the sound of a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?!" asked the boss, now getting alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?!"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "Me!"
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OK, I'll finish the joke myself
Person 1:Ask me if I'm an orange
Person 2:Are you an orange?
P1: Yes
P1: Ask me if I'm a lemon
P2: Are you a lemon?
P1; NO! I'm an orange!
Person 1:Ask me if I'm an orange
Person 2:Are you an orange?
P1: Yes
P1: Ask me if I'm a lemon
P2: Are you a lemon?
P1; NO! I'm an orange!
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A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him"
The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him"
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A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl: replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher: paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, "They will in a minute."
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl: replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher: paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, "They will in a minute."
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One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
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A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead. "
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead. "
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
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