Good Clean Jokes! :)

[momof4angels]

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:



"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

 

[garydench]

What do you call a sleep-walking nun?

 

[garydench]

A Roamin' Catholic!

 

[TheDandyMan]

Have you heard the one about the wall?

You'd never get over it.



Have you heard the one about the pencil?

You'd never get the point.

 

[joyshirley]

What did one wall say to the other wall?

Meet you at the corner!

AND ... wait for it!

What did one telephone say to the other telephone?

You're too young to be engaged!

 

[~ Gig ~]

Great jokes momof4angels

 

[~ Gig ~]

A Little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark." The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."

The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?" "Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom ?

 

[~ Gig ~]

Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!

Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots off and he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said,

"I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

Her trial starts next month.

 

[~ Gig ~]

A man named Jack was walking along a steep cliff one day, when he accidentally got too close to the edge and fell. On the way down he grabbed a branch, which temporarily stopped his fall. He looked down and to his horror saw that the canyon fell straight down for more than a thousand feet.

He couldn't hang onto the branch forever, and there was no way for him to climb up the steep wall of the cliff. So Jack began yelling for help, hoping that someone passing by would hear him and lower a rope or something.

HELP! HELP! Is anyone up there? "HELP!"

He yelled for a long time, but no one heard him. He was about to give up when he heard a voice. Jack, Jack. Can you hear me?"

"Yes, yes! I can hear you. I'm down here!"

"I can see you, Jack. Are you all right?"

"Yes, but who are you, and where are you?

"I am the Lord, Jack. I'm everywhere."

"The Lord? You mean, GOD?"

"That's Me."

"God, please help me! I promise if, you'll get me down from here, I'll stop sinning. I'll be a really good person. I'll serve You for the rest of my life."

"Easy on the promises, Jack. Let's get you off from there; then we can talk."

"Now, here's what I want you to do. Listen carefully."

"I'll do anything, Lord. Just tell me what to do."

"Okay. Let go of the branch.""What?" "I said, let go of the branch. Just trust Me. Let go."

There was a long silence.

Finally Jack yelled, "HELP! HELP! IS ANYONE ELSE UP THERE?"

 

[~ Gig ~]

A 4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.

Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying ?"

 

[Sangarime]

A Roamin' Catholic!

Lol garydench! Good one!

 

[Sangarime]

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:



"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

Funny and cute at the same time! The mind of a child never ceases to amaze me!

 

[Sangarime]

Have you heard the one about the wall?

You'd never get over it.



Have you heard the one about the pencil?

You'd never get the point.

The Dandy Man those come in "handy"! So short and sweet to the point!
Lol, lol, lol...etc. etc..

 

[Sangarime]

What did one wall say to the other wall?

Meet you at the corner!

AND ... wait for it!

What did one telephone say to the other telephone?

You're too young to be engaged!

JoyShirley i like that one meet you at the corner!

 

[Sangarime]

A man named Jack was walking along a steep cliff one day, when he accidentally got too close to the edge and fell. On the way down he grabbed a branch, which temporarily stopped his fall. He looked down and to his horror saw that the canyon fell straight down for more than a thousand feet.

He couldn't hang onto the branch forever, and there was no way for him to climb up the steep wall of the cliff. So Jack began yelling for help, hoping that someone passing by would hear him and lower a rope or something.

HELP! HELP! Is anyone up there? "HELP!"

He yelled for a long time, but no one heard him. He was about to give up when he heard a voice. Jack, Jack. Can you hear me?"

"Yes, yes! I can hear you. I'm down here!"

"I can see you, Jack. Are you all right?"

"Yes, but who are you, and where are you?

"I am the Lord, Jack. I'm everywhere."

"The Lord? You mean, GOD?"

"That's Me."

"God, please help me! I promise if, you'll get me down from here, I'll stop sinning. I'll be a really good person. I'll serve You for the rest of my life."

"Easy on the promises, Jack. Let's get you off from there; then we can talk."

"Now, here's what I want you to do. Listen carefully."

"I'll do anything, Lord. Just tell me what to do."

"Okay. Let go of the branch.""What?" "I said, let go of the branch. Just trust Me. Let go."

There was a long silence.

Finally Jack yelled, "HELP! HELP! IS ANYONE ELSE UP THERE?"

Forever Thankful! I am ROFL! This was hilarious! All the ones posted are GREAT! Thanks for the laughter! Gotta give kudos to that Texan Teacher!LOl ( I have worked with preschoolers...totally understand) And what about the "Jesus, if you're there can you hand me the broom?" I wonder what mom did next! hehehehe

 

[Sangarime]

Why did the girl throw the butter out of the window?

 

[Sangarime]

Cause she wanted to see the Butter Fly!

 

[~ Gig ~]

That is so cute Sangarime

 

[Sangarime]

That is so cute Sangarime

thank you Forever Thankful, my daughter will be thrilled someone said something about it

Knock-Knock.
Who's there?
Megan.
Megan who?
Megan a phone call.

 

[newlite]

knock-knock
who's there
no one
no one who?
is there no one other then me who hates knock knock jokes?