Imbadatmakingusernames,
First and foremost, God absolutely does love you, and He absolutely does not want you in hell.
I'm not sure this is the setting for trying to bring some clarity, but I'll give it a try. I can't promise it will be easy to hear, but please please know I'm not throwing stones or judging you. I've done things way worse than homosexuality, and been forgiven, btw. So Here goes:
God didn't make you homosexual. Who did? You are having homosexual feelings, they are very real feelings, but they are just feelings and they don't make you homosexual. I don't know specifically where your feelings come from, but the culture influences us as does the enemy of our souls, who by the way, does want you in hell. If I feel like kicking my neighbor in the head because he plays his music too loud, it doesn't make me a batterer. It makes me someone who had a feeling. If I choose to act on that feeling, it does make me a batterer. But here's the thing. If I give my life to Jesus, truly and as fully as I know how, He will change me so I can control the urge to batter, and eventually, I will lose the desire to batter This is not true. I used to be a Christian and pray to God every day that he would change me. These prayers came from my heart. In fact, the time I loved & needed Him most, he abandoned me. So I abandoned Him. I had prayed hard and long enough... The message I felt God had given me was that this was meant to be. Otherwise, why wouldn't he do anything about it?--and then the enemy will catch me at a weak moment, that day when I was so tired and the moment I got home I laid my head on the pillow the neighbor's music playing. And the enemy will vomit the feeling of being a batterer into my mind and emotions so quickly and strongly, that for a moment I'll think I'm a batterer again. I might even grab my baseball bat. At that moment Jesus will also be speaking into my heart and emotions, giving me all kinds of other ideas on how to get relief from my fatigue and frustration. I may hear Him, put the bat away, call a friend and ask if I can nap at her place. Or the emotion may be so strong and familar that I may succumb to it and go smack my neighbor again. If I do, Jesus still loves me. In fact he showers mercy and grace all over me. He gives me the strength to change my way of thinking about the situation.
At first I feel pretty self righteous about it. I mean who does my neighbor think he is. I don't have to feel bad about hurting him. If I can't sleep, I'll get sick, so he's hurting me. But when I allow the Lord to calm me, I begin to realize I was out of line. The enemy duped me, took advantage of my emotions, and convinced me I was someone that I'm not anymore. I feel bad so I take it all to Jesus. It seems pretty impossible to fix, wait untill you become Gay but heals my emotions and even gives me the opportunity to make it up to my neighbor. According to your analogy, making up to your neighbor = what for me? Now if my neighbor presses charges, I don't get out of it. That's up the neighbor and law enforcement. But as far as the Lord is concerned, I belong to Him. I'm going to Heaven.
I realize it's not the best analogy in the world, but the point is God wants you in heaven. If you want you in Heaven, talk to Jesus. Pray for truth. If you really want the truth it will be revealed to you. There is no question about that.
And from experience, I would encourage you to try as best you can to drop your biases and to truly desire truth. Biases can be very strong. I had to have the things I desired let me down and let me down and let me down until I didn't want to live anymore before I could drop the biases and truly seak truth. It was incredibly painful. Spare yourself that. Pray for truth and mean it.
I truly hope some of this helped. And no I have never hit my neighbor, just the analogy that came to mind.
Blessings and prayers,
a
