I am literally going insane. I am so spiritually confused its not funny. I believe there is a God but things just confuse me to death. I'm struggling to believe what it actually REAL. Is heaven and hell real? Or did a bunch of nomads decide to write the Bible? How do I know I have everything right? What if you have something wrong and its never revealed and you go to hell because of it. The ones who flew the planes into the twin towers believed they were doing God a favor. Either, yes, God sent them to heaven because they believed what they were doing was an act of God, even if it was murder. Or no, because they don't believe whats right. Which also can mean that anyone else who believes something may be wrong. Even if its not as obvious as murder. Any one of us could be wrong and end up in hell, if thats the case. I found myself crying out to God, literally. I have never balled asking God to reveal himself to me over this matter. I really am hoping that some how, some way, he shows me something or sends me some kind of message. I am asking to know the truth. The sad thing is, I am sure the billions pray the same thing and get a different version of the truth as someone else. If we were to all pray for the REAL truth to be revealed to us, why wouldn't we all get the same REAL truth revealed? Why do we all come up with different ideas? I'm so lost...I need prayer so bad...
Do you find the Sermon on the Mount beautiful? Do you find the basic teachings of Christianity, beautiful. If you do, act upon it, and your faith will grow. Never mind about the details now. They will fall into place gradually.
Here's a prayer that would be helpful:
Lord,
my God,
my one hope,
hear me,
that I be not unwilling, through weariness,
to seek you,
but that I may always ardently seek your face.
Give me the strength to seek,
since you have made me in order to find you,
and have given me the hope of finding you more and more.
My strength and my weakness are known to you:
preserve the one
and heal the other.
My knowledge and my ignorance are known to you:
where you have opened to me,
receive me as I enter;
where you have closed to me,
open to me as I knock.
May I remember you,
understand you,
love you.
Increase these things in me
until you have wholly renewed me.
St Augustine of Hippo
A regards your fear of getting things wrong, misunderstanding God's commands, it's not the actions themselves that count with God, but the intention and generosity of spirit behind them. Of course if we become inured to serious sin and continue in it, then we will misunderstand more and more seriously, and our intentions will become insincere and twisted.
Not that God is too proud to resort to instilling fear in us for our own sake, but it will never be enough on its own. A sincere purpose of amendent, however faltering, will need to be shown - which involves supernatural grace, and so something more noble than merely the instinct for self-preservation.
He's not trying to trick us, or confront us with an obstacle course to hinder our search for truth. He wants us to learn, so you need to stop looking upon him as a kind of tyrant, who doesn't understand our weakness.