God's Plan for me ...

[TooManyThoughts]

I am new to this site and wasn't sure where to post my question. Although I have always believed in God I am new to Christianity. Long story short I am confused if what I think is God's plan for me and my BF? or if I'm just grasping at straws.

This man has literally been in love with me since we were 6 (40 years). I have always known that and knew he was the one person in my life that no matter what, I could turn to even if 20 years had passed. We dated off and on through school but eventually went our separate ways and lived our lives. We met up a few times over the years and it was as if no time had passed. But when we met up we were in other relationships and couldn't date. We married different people but those marriages never worked out.

A few months ago he had a dream about me and starting thinking of contacting me but didn't for a few days until the thoughts about me were constant. He was single and so was I so we met up. Instant attraction and the feeling of peace and "meant to be" on both our parts, We discussed our future together and just "knew" we would spend the rest of our lives together that it must be God's plan because there were to many "coincidences". We did move very quickly which probably wasn't a good idea but we can't change that.

Suddenly out of the blue, he "needed space" and "needed to find God again" I should mention that he is a former pastor and has full faith in God. He feels guilty because he strayed from God for several years and "sinned" - premarital sex, living with a woman (not me different relationship which he always knew wasn't a forever relationship), didn't worship as much as he should etc I understand that and never prevented him from his faith, in fact he is the reason I am now reading the Bible and believing more in God then I have ever before.

I understand and appreciate his moral dilemma. He doesn't want to see me because it will be too hard which I assume he means sexual tension which would be a sin. He says he still loves me which I totally believe and when we do have contact it's the same as it was prior to his "needing to find God" just not as frequent and not as BF/GF.

My problem is I have no clue if the "signs" from God I think I am getting are indeed God's will for us. When my BF? first announced his feelings to me I prayed to God for guidance and clarity about us for me and for God to be with him and help him in his time of need. I THINK I actually had a conversation with God in my head which basically boiled down to patience, faith and love. I was asked why I can't trust my "gut" feeling in this situation when there have been many other situations in my life where I just "knew" everything would be OK and I had faith in God without knowing it. I felt such peace. I continued to pray to God every day the same thing and a few days later I had a nasty dream about my BF? and I having sex ... he had the mask of a devil on and people were trying to stop us from having sex. I was confused about it at first until a few days after that he told me his issue with premarital sex and it being a sin.

I still have the "voice" in my head saying patience, faith, love and "knowing it will be OK" but at the same time I have the horrible feeling that it's false hope and I'm setting myself up for disappointment. And of course the horrible fear and anxiety voices that never stop. I continue to pray all the time but I'm not sure if I'm getting any answers because I'm so confused. There are a few things that I THINK are "signs" from God but I can't tell the difference between that and wishful thinking. I have tried to look for "signs" in the Bible and of course there are many about love, patience and faith but am I purposely looking for those ones? If anyone has any advice or comment or whatever to help me be less confused I would really appreciate it. I love this man so much and I do think it's God's plan for us to be together but I don't know.

 

[Tolworth John]

All you can do is talk to him.
What does he want out of a relationship with you?

Is it marriage? Sex with no responcibilities? Friendship?

Let him know that if he is thinking of marriage then you will both go through a period of courting, being engaged, before setting a date for a wedding.
Sex! not untill married.
Friendship, if that is what he wants and you are happy with that then be a friend.
But as with sex let him know where friendship stops and exploitation starts.

Talk to him, let him know what you want and let him tell you what he wants.

 

[TooManyThoughts]

We have talked a little. He loves me but right now is too "selfish" with his own needs to be one with God. At one time he did want marriage we both did. In fact we have both filed for divorce without speaking about doing it just because individually we felt it needed to be done. Not sure how he feels now. He says he's not sure what he wants other then to be right with God again and it's too hard to see me right now. We are definitely friends and always will be. I am just so confused as to why this happened. I understand the no sex part and am fine with that. Maybe he's not so being apart is easier??? I just don't know if God's plan is for us to be together or not after this "bump in the road". Is this a test of our love for one another?

 

[Kit Sigmon]

I am new to this site and wasn't sure where to post my question. Although I have always believed in God I am new to Christianity. Long story short I am confused if what I think is God's plan for me and my BF? or if I'm just grasping at straws.

This man has literally been in love with me since we were 6 (40 years). I have always known that and knew he was the one person in my life that no matter what, I could turn to even if 20 years had passed. We dated off and on through school but eventually went our separate ways and lived our lives. We met up a few times over the years and it was as if no time had passed. But when we met up we were in other relationships and couldn't date. We married different people but those marriages never worked out.

A few months ago he had a dream about me and starting thinking of contacting me but didn't for a few days until the thoughts about me were constant. He was single and so was I so we met up. Instant attraction and the feeling of peace and "meant to be" on both our parts, We discussed our future together and just "knew" we would spend the rest of our lives together that it must be God's plan because there were to many "coincidences". We did move very quickly which probably wasn't a good idea but we can't change that.

Suddenly out of the blue, he "needed space" and "needed to find God again" I should mention that he is a former pastor and has full faith in God. He feels guilty because he strayed from God for several years and "sinned" - premarital sex, living with a woman (not me different relationship which he always knew wasn't a forever relationship), didn't worship as much as he should etc I understand that and never prevented him from his faith, in fact he is the reason I am now reading the Bible and believing more in God then I have ever before.

I understand and appreciate his moral dilemma. He doesn't want to see me because it will be too hard which I assume he means sexual tension which would be a sin. He says he still loves me which I totally believe and when we do have contact it's the same as it was prior to his "needing to find God" just not as frequent and not as BF/GF.

My problem is I have no clue if the "signs" from God I think I am getting are indeed God's will for us. When my BF? first announced his feelings to me I prayed to God for guidance and clarity about us for me and for God to be with him and help him in his time of need. I THINK I actually had a conversation with God in my head which basically boiled down to patience, faith and love.

I was asked why I can't trust my "gut" feeling in this situation when there have been many other situations in my life where I just "knew" everything would be OK and I had faith in God without knowing it.
Marriage isn't something to trust to a "gut" feeling, marriage is to be honored and protected so that we don't enter into it hurriedly or unwisely.


I felt such peace. I continued to pray to God every day the same thing and a few days later I had a nasty dream about my BF? and I having sex ... he had the mask of a devil on and people were trying to stop us from having sex. I was confused about it at first until a few days after that he told me his issue with premarital sex and it being a sin.

I still have the "voice" in my head saying patience, faith, love and "knowing it will be OK" but at the same time I have the horrible feeling that it's false hope and I'm setting myself up for disappointment. And of course the horrible fear and anxiety voices that never stop. I continue to pray all the time but I'm not sure if I'm getting any answers because I'm so confused. There are a few things that I THINK are "signs" from God but I can't tell the difference between that and wishful thinking. I have tried to look for "signs" in the Bible and of course there are many about love, patience and faith but am I purposely looking for those ones? If anyone has any advice or comment or whatever to help me be less confused I would really appreciate it. I love this man so much and I do think it's God's plan for us to be together but I don't know.

Trust what you can be sure of and that is that God loves you and He will never lie to you or abandon you.

Sound words/sound advice: Be patient, have faith in God and in His Word, and know it will work out alright if you following through in doing those things.

As for the man...well, he's not in a good place yet.
If he's actually working on renewing his walk of faith with the Lord, then
that is a good thing.
Since you two are maintaining some sort of contact, has he said as to
how he is progressing spiritually?
How long has it been since you've actually seen him in person?

 

[Goodbook]

Hmm might be a test. If you were going together maybe it would be too much of a temptation which is why hes putting you off. Wait.

You both need to be closer to God first. One of the fruits of the holy spirit is patience and for many of us thats the hardest fruit to cultivate. So many people seem to want to pick the forbidden fruit first.

 

[TooManyThoughts]

Trust what you can be sure of and that is that God loves you and He will never lie to you or abandon you.

Sound words/sound advice: Be patient, have faith in God and in His Word, and know it will work out alright if you following through in doing those things.

As for the man...well, he's not in a good place yet.
If he's actually working on renewing his walk of faith with the Lord, then
that is a good thing.
Since you two are maintaining some sort of contact, has he said as to
how he is progressing spiritually?
How long has it been since you've actually seen him in person?

Thank you ... You have made me feel a little better He said via text yesterday that he is in a "good place right now and doesn't want to mess it up". That was in response to me asking if we could see each other and visit as friends. It's been about 4 or 5 weeks since we've seen each other but have spoke. We live 2 hours apart so it's not easy to see each other on a whim. He was going to come Easter Sunday to talk to me but decided it wasn't fair to either of us because it probably would have ended up with us having sex. I appreciate his honesty and he obviously cares. I know I'll never get a "prediction" on my future and if I do it won't be from God. I just don't know how he could "abandon" me like yesterdays trash. At least that's what I feel like. I know finding his faith again is something that needs to be done but I don't understand why if he loves me and has for 40 years and wanted a future with me why we can't do it together? I need to find my faith too. I'm sorry I'm just so confused and hurt. The bad thoughts out weigh the loving thoughts which means I have fear which I know God does not want me to have.

 

[Humble me Lord]

I don't know if this man is who God planned for you to be with or not, neither do you, but God knows. My situation was similar to yours, against amazing odds, God provided my soul mate and we have been married 15 years now and is the reason I have a close relationship with God and have total peace in my heart.
I believed in God all my life, but did not let him guide me, and I suffered greatly for that, through a failed marriage and trying to do everything "my way", not his.
I think your primary focus is on this guy and not God. If you focus on God and grow in your relationship with Him, you can have total peace in your heart, regardless if it is with this guy or not. If this relationship doesn't work out, just know that God does have a plan for you, you need a relationship with him to find out what it is.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ; Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

I will pray for the both of you
God Bless You

 

[TooManyThoughts]

Hmm might be a test. If you were going together maybe it would be too much of a temptation which is why hes putting you off. Wait.

You both need to be closer to God first. One of the fruits of the holy spirit is patience and for many of us thats the hardest fruit to cultivate. So many people seem to want to pick the forbidden fruit first.

Thank you. I know I need patience always have. Not one of my strong points.

 

[TooManyThoughts]

I don't know if this man is who God planned for you to be with or not, neither do you, but God knows. My situation was similar to yours, against amazing odds, God provided my soul mate and we have been married 15 years now and is the reason I have a close relationship with God and have total peace in my heart.
I believed in God all my life, but did not let him guide me, and I suffered greatly for that, through a failed marriage and trying to do everything "my way", not his.
I think your primary focus is on this guy and not God. If you focus on God and grow in your relationship with Him, you can have total peace in your heart, regardless if it is with this guy or not. If this relationship doesn't work out, just know that God does have a plan for you, you need a relationship with him to find out what it is.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ; Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

I will pray for the both of you
God Bless You

Thank you. You are absolutely correct!! I needed that kick in the butt

 

[Tolworth John]

We have talked a little. He loves me but right now is too "selfish" with his own needs to be one with God. At one time he did want marriage we both did

If you are 'just' friends why not invite him to attend your church, or to go with him to a christianityexplored course.

If he is serious about finding God he will be going to church, so help him.

At the same time you will both be able to explore your friendship.

 

[TooManyThoughts]

If you are 'just' friends why not invite him to attend your church, or to go with him to a christianityexplored course.

If he is serious about finding God he will be going to church, so help him.

At the same time you will both be able to explore your friendship.

I asked him if he would take me to church (I don't have one I was going to go to his). He said he would one day just not right now .. "too soon"

 

[TooManyThoughts]

I just want to say this is a wonderful forum and I thank everyone for their comments. It's so wonderful to have loving feedback. I was on another "religious" forum and received a lot of "not so Christian" remarks. Surprisingly many remarks were against God. Then again it was an "open religious" forum and I guess the non-believers need to make themselves known first.

 

[Tolworth John]

I asked him if he would take me to church (I don't have one I was going to go to his). He said he would one day just not right now .. "too soon"

I'm sorry, but it sounds to me as if he is moving away from you.
All I can suggest is to gieve him time and space.

Use the christianityexplored web site to look for a church in your area.

 

[Humble me Lord]

If he can't commit to God, he surely can't commit to you.
Even in our wonderful marriage I put God first, then my wife, this is an odd concept in the minds of humanity. He may understand this concept, being a former pastor, and may be what he is trying to accomplish. Love is not a warm fuzzy feeling, it is a commitment. I didn't understand this until my relationship with God grew and I realized that.