Give us some great Christian jokes

[BNR32FAN]

A Texan was driving around the mall parking lot trying to find a parking spot. He drove around for several minutes unable to find a spot. He began to get frustrated and said Oh Lord please help me find a parking spot. I promise I will go to church every Sunday, I will pay all my tithes, and I will read the entire bible if you please help me find a place to park. Just then he saw an open spot and said...Never mind Lord I found one.

 

[mukk_in]

At what time of day was Adam created?

A little before Eve.

Source: memesforjesus.com.

Enjoy.

 

[BNR32FAN]

A preacher and a New York taxi driver die and go to heaven. They appear before St Peter and Peter says welcome home brothers as he gives them a hug. Allow me to show you to your new home in heaven. They begin to walk down the street of gold. Both the preacher and the taxi driver were amazed at all the beautiful scenery and huge mansions lined up along the streets. Finally they come to a big and beautiful mansion. Peter says to the taxi driver welcome to your new home brother. The taxi driver was amazed at how huge his new home was and eagerly went inside to see his new house. Peter and the preacher continued down the street. The preacher was very excited to see his new home. He thought to himself if The Lord blessed that taxi driver with such a grand home how much more will I be blessed? Finally Peter stopped standing in front of a tiny runned down shack and said to the preacher welcome to your new home brother. The preacher was shocked. He said there must be some mistake why does the taxi driver get such a beautiful huge mansion and I only get a tiny runned down shack? Peter replied God rewards us according to how much fruit we produce. The preacher exclaimed yes but I’ve been preaching for 43 years of my life!! Peter opened his tablet and says hmmm it says here that while you were preaching everyone was sleeping but when the taxi driver was driving everyone was praying.

 

[Strathos]

Jesus and Satan are both working on a project on their computers. Suddenly the power goes out, and when it comes back Satan has lost all of his work, but Jesus just continues from where he left off. Satan is confused as to why Jesus didn't lose his work too, but then he learns the answer: Jesus Saves.

 

[BNR32FAN]

A truck driver walks into a cafe. He sits down and the waitress comes over to take his order. He orders a cheeseburger, fries, and a coke. A few minutes later the waitress brings his food out to him. Just as she sets his food on the table three big mean looking bikers walk in. They circle around the truck driver leering at him. One of them grabs his cheeseburger and takes a bite. Another grabs a handful of fries and begins eating them. The third biker grabs his coke and begins drinking it hatefully staring the truck driver down. The truck driver gets up goes over to the waitress and pays for his food and leaves. The bikers laughed saying hahaha!! he’s not a real man he didn’t stand up for himself. The waitress peering out the window replied yeah he’s not a very good truck driver either he just ran over three motorcycles outside.

 

[Rescued One]

Jesus and Satan are both working on a project on their computers. Suddenly the power goes out, and when it comes back Satan has lost all of his work, but Jesus just continues from where he left off. Satan is confused as to why Jesus didn't lose his work too, but then he learns the answer: Jesus Saves.

LOVE IT!

 

[Rescued One]

Why did the taxi driver get fired?
Passengers didn’t like it when he went the extra mile.

 

[Rescued One]

Ha! Ha! I like this one:

One day an angel appeared to Adam. The angel said, “Adam, I’ve got great news. God is going to create something wonderful for you.” Adam said, “Oh, what is it?

The angel said, “It’s not an “it,” it’s a “she.” God is going to make something called a woman.” Adam said, “Go on.”

The angel continued, “This is going to be wonderful. This woman will be made to be a lot like you physically, only much more beautiful. She will live to serve you at all times. When you are tired, she’ll give you a massage. When you are hungry, she’ll feed you. She’ll come and bow down to you in the morning and when you return from working in the garden in the evening. She’ll live to serve your every pleasure each day.”

“In addition,” the angel continued, “she will never argue with you or complain. She wont nag you or talk back to you either. For every command you give her, she’ll simply reply, “yes master.” She’ll clean your house, and tend to your every desire.”

Adam had a sparkle in his eye and said with excitement, “Wow, that sounds amazing. I’d really like to have something like that. But what’s it going to cost me?” The angel said, “Well Adam, it’s going to cost you your right arm, and a leg.”

Adam thought about it for a while, and then replied, “What can I get for just a rib?”
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[Bob Crowley]

Along the lines of the joke above -

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian"

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan.. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his *&^?!! widow!"

 

[Bob Crowley]

During the Big Flood of 1974, Freddie floated right out the door on the Grand Piano!

I accompanied him on the Ukelele!