Give "Bad" Advice (3)

[*LILAC]

Ask Newton, I'm sure he could tell ya!

How to teach someone the basics of winter.

 

[LaSorcia]

Rub snow in their face.

Trying to contact Newton, but I don't know if I'm doing this seance correctly.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

The Bible says Mediums can be found at Endor, so best go to your nearest Star Wars convention to rustle up some Ewoks. If that doesn't work, best get a Large, so dress in a Chewbacca outfit.

How can I get cheap last minute accommodation for the holidays?

 

[jameseb]

Liquor stores usually do brisk business at this time of the year so they have plenty of free cardboard boxes you could make a nice little fort out of... all for free.

Best way to get rid of ants?

 

[*LILAC]

Partner them up with uncles and they can go off somewhere else!

How to keep the litter box clean at all times?

 

[mama2one]

train your cats to use the toilet, of course



buy my husband's gifts as no idea what to get, please

 

[public hermit]

Your husband believes you are the only gift he needs and that you should spend all your hard earned savings on frivolous stuff for yourself.

Best way to save on the power bill over winter?

 

[mama2one]

you're not going to like it but turn thermostat down as low as you can stand it & then turn it down couple more degrees

when others complain, tell them to put sweaters/coats on
that's what I do, lol



best BETTER way to save on bills over winter?
(so public hermit doesn't freeze)

 

[Chesterton]

Go on a strict diet of nothing but whale blubber. The Inuit people did that for thousands of years and lived in HOUSES MADE OF ICE, so, you should be okay.

Hey I've got this awkard social situation going on. I invited these British folks over for a little Christmas dinner party. They were nice enough at first, they wished me a merry Chistmas, and brought good tidings to me and my kin. But after dinner they started demanding that I bring them some "figgy pudding". I said "I ain't got no figgy pudding." But they said "bring it out here". I told 'em what the heck is figgy pudding, is that even a thing? They start saying "we won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some" over and over. Wow, they're getting louder. This is getting a little scary. Oh my, now they're donning gay apparel. HELP!

 

[mama2one]

They start saying "we won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some" over and over. Wow, they're getting louder. This is getting a little scary. HELP!

hilarious!

 

[*LILAC]

@christine40 ... I'm waiting to give you some baaaad advice!

 

[LaSorcia]

Go on a strict diet of nothing but whale blubber. The Inuit people did that for thousands of years and lived in HOUSES MADE OF ICE, so, you should be okay.

Hey I've got this awkard social situation going on. I invited these British folks over for a little Christmas dinner party. They were nice enough at first, they wished me a merry Chistmas, and brought good tidings to me and my kin. But after dinner they started demanding that I bring them some "figgy pudding". I said "I ain't got no figgy pudding." But they said "bring it out here". I told 'em what the heck is figgy pudding, is that even a thing? They start saying "we won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some" over and over. Wow, they're getting louder. This is getting a little scary. Oh my, now they're donning gay apparel. HELP!

I guess you'd better start decking the Halls- Gavin Hall, Pippa Hall and their little tykes. Some people just don't get the message it's time to leave unless you get violent. Well, maybe don't deck the children, that's child abuse.

How can I keep Grandma from getting run over by a reindeer again this year?

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[Chesterton]

How can I keep Grandma from getting run over by a reindeer again this year?

You don't have to worry. Santa and all his reindeer are serving time for last year's negligent homicide.

How can I win 1st prize in my neighborhood's Christmas decoration contest?

 

[*LILAC]

Act like you live at the best place decorated, take the prize and run!

The best way to clean a toilet with little effort?

 

[mama2one]

you offer ANYONE else in the house $5 to do it for you & usually someone takes the five, lol
(note- you get what you pay for)



find me more five dollar bills

 

[Chesterton]

"Find" you more five dollars bills? You think you just go out and find money somewhere?! That's the trouble with the younger generation. Here's my advice:

How to keep Jack Frost from nipping at my nose?

 

[*LILAC]

Beat him to it and be sure to apply an ice cube to your own nose everytime before going outside.

How to sleep better at night?

 

[LaSorcia]

I think this question's been answered here before, and the answer is hard drugs.

I've decided to keep an ifrit in my basement to heat the house and save on utility bills. Trouble is, what do I feed it?

 

[Chesterton]

Feed it poison and put on a sweater.

What to do with this fruitcake someone gave me?