Give "Bad" Advice (3)

[lucypevensie]

Yeah, because you haven't had enough alcohol, duh. Go buy some beer and a couple cigars.

It's so noisy in the house, and it's driving me nuts!

 

[dmpeace]

Burn the house down, no more noise.
I have to use the bathroom.

 

[lucypevensie]

They have bathrooms at gas stations. Hop in your car and drive there.

The grocery bagger at the store takes way too long to drop a few items in some bags, while I stand and wait and wait and wait.

 

[dmpeace]

Pull out a gun and tell him to bag quicker.
I must work out today.

 

[brinny]

Nah, sit in front of da tv and eat yer fav'rite snacks, LOTS of 'em, and that'll distract ya' till yu fuggetaboutit

another telemarketer is calling

 

[~Anastasia~]

Answer the phone screaming and tell them you can't talk because you're having a baby!

(I worked exactly one day as a telemarketer, and someone did that to me!)


I quit my telemarketing job, now I need a new job?

 

[dmpeace]

Go to the mall and see if they have an opening for scrubbing toilets for free.

My phone has problems.

 

[lucypevensie]

Call a psychiatrist. They can help with all kinds of problems.

My daughter's mouth hurts from her new braces.

 

[dmpeace]

Keep telling her that's payback for being mouthy and push her lips against her braces.

Poor dog keeps getting flees.

 

[lucypevensie]

Crack a dozen eggs into a gallon milk jug, fill to the top with buttermilk and shake. Pour this over your dog's fur. It might help some.

We're having houseguests tomorrow, and I'm trying to figure out what we could do for fun besides watch tv.

 

[dmpeace]

Tell them you have a new game, put blind folds on everybody and give yourselves some bats and swing a away.

Its Halloween and I'm doing nothing and don't care.

 

[MissRowy]

I ate too much halloween candy and feel sick

 

[lucypevensie]

You are probably dehydrated. Drink a couple cans of soda.

I have to bring a main dish to a potluck. What should I bring?

 

[MissRowy]

Order pizza and tell them your oven broke

my tv wont work what should I do

 

[Cc4FuzzyHuggles]

Use the good old classic trick that fixes all electronics, kick it, hit it, beat on it, and pound on it aggressively till it does work. If that doesn't fix it, then instead of watching TV watch something else, such as watch your grass grow.

I spilled my Spaghetti O's! Oh no, what do I do?!

 

[lucypevensie]

Dogs are good at cleaning up messy spills. Go down to your local animal shelter and adopt a cleaning dog.

How am I supposed to wash dishes if the dishwasher doesn't work?

 

[MissRowy]

take them down to your nearest stream and wash them there

Im hungry what should I eat

 

[Cc4FuzzyHuggles]

You should eat pizza that has an extra topping of Radioactive Slime from a failed mad scientist's experiment on it.

There's a purple spotted hippo on top of my car, how am I supposed to use my car now?

 

[MissRowy]

ask the hippo in hippo talk to get off your car and give you a ride on its back

should I go shopping?

 

[dmpeace]

Yes and spend every penny you have on the same color of paint.

What if I get lost?