Give "Bad" Advice (3)

[Tom 1]

I see 2 choices here - fork out a load of cash to be ‘ballooned’ along about 1m above the ground while making ‘wooooo’ noises, OR pay the same amount to quickly shoot up 100s of metres into the air in a flimsy basket. I’d go with the second, once you get past the screaming and feeling like you’re going to die, you might actually enjoy being utterly terrified.

I don’t feel like I need any advice right now - is there something wrong with me?

 

[Dirk1540]

Not at all, you simply know everything now. I felt a little weird when I first reached that point in my life 12 years ago but you do get used to it.

Which new discovery should I invent since I am up to date on all current knowledge?

 

[Tom 1]

Re-discover America. You could make a fortune with all the stuff you already know. Actually that’s good advice - re-discover the square wheel instead.

Now that I know everything, why am I still wrong about all kinds of stuff?

 

[Dirk1540]

I’ve always been taught that if you can’t relate to someone’s situation you shouldn’t advise, so having never been wrong my advice would be to ask LaSorcia since she’s an expert at being wrong.

My neighbor is shoveling his snow a bit too loudly should I call the cops?

 

[gennypearl]

yes, they could have been burying bodies for all you know.

ugh, i guess i have sore throat again. what should i drink?

 

[DavidFirth]

Drink thick embalmed turtle soup, take 2 aspirin and call your psychiatrist in the morning.

What should I wear to work tomorrow?

 

[gennypearl]

try going to work nude for a change.

should i attend a friend's wedding?

 

[Dirk1540]

Stop denying your true feelings, break that marriage up and steal your friend’s fiancé we know that’s what you want.

How do we get gennypearl to stop destroying relationships?

 

[gennypearl]

you shouldn't meddle with anyone's affairs. try to mind your own business.

there's a storm coming but i want to go home. should i travel anyway?

 

[DavidFirth]

Sure, what is the worst that could happen?

Should we try to hook genny and Dirk up?

 

[gennypearl]

they're not fish so you can't hook them up.

should i stop working and just watch a cavs game?

 

[DavidFirth]

You should go to the game and publicly propose to Lebron.

Should I donate money to a candidate?

 

[Dirk1540]

Yes. Anyone who thinks that all politicians are not straight arrows who deserve every penny they get is straight up delusional.

How can I stop losing my turn by waiting too long to post my reply?

 

[gennypearl]

just post anyway, waiting is for the weak.

how do you uncover a mystery?

 

[Dirk1540]

It takes effort & dedication to uncover a mystery. For starters stop just watching Cavs games and getting drunk at weddings and put more effort into the mystery solving.

How do I leave work early and not get caught?

 

[gennypearl]

go to the roof and start jumping from one building to another.

where is the best shawarma in town?

 

[Dirk1540]

Isn’t there a bad storm coming? Put off the shawarma hunt for now.

How bad do storms get in the Philippines and how do I survive one if caught in the ocean?

 

[gennypearl]

bad as in you'll pray throughout the whole boat trip. how do you survive one? keep running around the boat.

when is the best time to go on vacation?

 

[Dirk1540]

Hmm, bad idea! With mass shootings, car accidents, plane crashes, etc, vacations are just too dangerous. As a matter of fact I wouldn’t advise leaving your house either.

Why does DavidFirth still have his Atlanta Falcons avatar up after my threat? How can I get people in this forum to fear me more and respect my supreme authority!!??

 

[gennypearl]

for people to fear you, show them your striking dance moves.

how to appear witty on this thread?