Ghosted?

[B.Anne]

Hi there,

I'm really looking for insight and advice right now. I have been dating on and off for quite some time and have grown tired of it. I've recently grown much more in tune with my faith and after a long break, made a very conscious decision to only date Christian men. Though it's not my preferred method, I downloaded a dating app and set my restrictions to only show other Christians. Not long went by before I matched with a handsome young man that seemed very connected to his faith.

After a few days of messaging, he asked me to dinner. He was wonderful, opened doors, paid for our meal, and we had great conversations. Not long went by before a second date, on which we enjoyed some pizza, beer, and card games.

He texted me that same night (two days ago now) to say he had a great time. Since then, I haven't heard a word.

Though we are both busy, he always made a point to at least talk to me a bit up until this point. Part of why I'm so exhausted from dating is this type of behavior, but I just expected better from a Christian man of 27.

Any advice or input would be wonderful.

 

[thecolorsblend]

Based on what you've described, I don't think your experience is quite at the ghosted level just yet.

 

[Monk Brendan]

I just expected better from a Christian man of 27.
.

Why?

 

[ilovejcsog]

Can you ask him to coffee or something less intense and maybe find out where you stand with him or even text a light note? Maybe he just got busy or something.

 

[B.Anne]

I had replied that night saying I also had a great time. Yesterday, thinking he just had a busy day and not thinking anything of it, I shot him a text saying I hope he had a great day. With no communication from him, reaching out again would be my third text with no reply.

Why? This seems like the classic "ghost" and I would just expect a more mature approach from a fellow brother in Christ. Being ignored is extremely hurtful, and I feel disrespected quite honestly.

If I've learned anything in dating, it's that if someone wants to talk to you, they will.

 

[ilovejcsog]

I am sorry, I can understand why you would expect more from a Christian man. I think you are right in not contacting him again until he does you. Its not easy knowing where another is coming from. Perhaps God is doing you a favor? JJe might be a mass murderer or worse, lol.

If God wants a mate for you he will provide one that will be a perfect match for you

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[twinserk]

I had replied that night saying I also had a great time. Yesterday, thinking he just had a busy day and not thinking anything of it, I shot him a text saying I hope he had a great day. With no communication from him, reaching out again would be my third text with no reply.

Why? This seems like the classic "ghost" and I would just expect a more mature approach from a fellow brother in Christ. Being ignored is extremely hurtful, and I feel disrespected quite honestly.

If I've learned anything in dating, it's that if someone wants to talk to you, they will.

Yeah, I know how you feel. It sucks.

The temptation to reach out is probably strong, but doing so won't change anything. You'll still be met with silence, and the stark reality that they couldn't care less.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

If you write as making statements, he might not believe there is a need to answer you right away.

While this is true, it's also true if he was interested he would try to maintain some type of conversation.

 

[SleepingAtLast]

If he has ghosted you, you are 100% right to expect better of him. It shows basic respect to communicate with you if he has decided he does not want to move forward. Our generation is super flaky and inconsiderate when it comes to dating unfortunately.

 

[Rawtheran]

Hi there,

I'm really looking for insight and advice right now. I have been dating on and off for quite some time and have grown tired of it. I've recently grown much more in tune with my faith and after a long break, made a very conscious decision to only date Christian men. Though it's not my preferred method, I downloaded a dating app and set my restrictions to only show other Christians. Not long went by before I matched with a handsome young man that seemed very connected to his faith.

After a few days of messaging, he asked me to dinner. He was wonderful, opened doors, paid for our meal, and we had great conversations. Not long went by before a second date, on which we enjoyed some pizza, beer, and card games.

He texted me that same night (two days ago now) to say he had a great time. Since then, I haven't heard a word.

Though we are both busy, he always made a point to at least talk to me a bit up until this point. Part of why I'm so exhausted from dating is this type of behavior, but I just expected better from a Christian man of 27.

Any advice or input would be wonderful.

I've often wondered myself why commitment is such a deal breaker for both genders of our generation. Its sad that this seems to go on even in Christian circles when we're really supposed to be the example of "what to do" in the dating world. Perhaps one big reason why people are afraid to date or get serious with someone is because they are afraid of getting their heart broken and feel that the safe thing to do is to put the other person at an emotional distance. Other reasons I can think of off the top of my head are that people might suffer from intense insecurities thanks to what the media says makes up a beautiful person when they are flat out wrong, and the final reason which is also the saddest reason is that there are a lot of people who feel that members of the opposite are beneath them and so they are "fun" in that they can fulfill your physical needs for a short time and then they want nothing to do with you anymore. I feel this is especially true with many women either myself or several of my Christian pals have come across due to the fact that 4th wave feminism has taught the kool-aid that men are evil, not worthy of your respect, only want to use you etc. and so therefore why would men want to commit to women who feel this way and feel that they will treat them very badly while in a relationship? These are of course just some observations which a cynical 23 year has made over the years. Who knows? Maybe 5 years from now I'll have met someone and totally changed my tune.

 

[ReesePiece23]

You can't rely on other people to make you happy - I DON'T care how beautiful they are, how interesting they are, or how nice they appear, it's all crap if you can't make yourself internally happy.

I just don't believe in anything else; become your own best friend first, because ghosting is a non-issue for someone with a strong internal connection - not to mention, that the anxiety I'm reading within your replies proves that he isn't worth the hassle.

You are enough.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

I don't really have much to bring to the discussion at this time other than saying I would like to hear an update from the original poster later on to see how this situation turned out.

 

[blackribbon]

Two days? I don't know that I would call that ghosted yet. There could be things in his life that have come up that make texting a girl he just started dating to not be on the top of his priorities. My best friend stopped interacting me when her husband's aunt had a stroke and she only had time to think about helping her, her family, taking care of her new baby, and managing to go to work. (She was put in the lead role of decision making because she is a nurse). It could also be that he dropped his phone in the toilet and it is dead.

I know it is hard waiting but being that attached to a man you have dated twice isn't really that appropriate. This is still in the casual dating stage. Fill your time by continuing to interact with other people including other men. Do not mentally "marry" this guy quite yet. Keep living your life. He may simply be trying to process how he feels about this relationship.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

people make time for the things and people who are important to them. he could possibly be busy and he could possibly have moved on.

give him a week. I agree with whoever said to send him a text with a question. something simple like "how are things going?" or "how have you been?". if you get nothing from that.....NEXT.

 

[timewerx]

You can't rely on other people to make you happy - I DON'T care how beautiful they are, how interesting they are, or how nice they appear, it's all crap if you can't make yourself internally happy.

I just don't believe in anything else; become your own best friend first, because ghosting is a non-issue for someone with a strong internal connection - not to mention, that the anxiety I'm reading within your replies proves that he isn't worth the hassle.

You are enough.

I've got to say, this actually a very good advice. I have a similar principle when it comes to finding happiness.

I've had quite a few eligible Christian partners ghosted me. But being ghosted doesn't make me feel bad anymore nor feel offended by the person who did it to me.

Unable to find happiness on your own will bring other problems like becoming "clingy" to people which is bad since many does not want clingy friends or clingy partners.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Unable to find happiness on your own will bring other problems like becoming "clingy" to people which is bad since many does not want clingy friends or clingy partners.

That's exactly it, which is why I always say "be your own best friend."

If you haven't got the emotional maturity down by 30 then stop, work back, and find out what dynamics have influenced your insecurity over the years. It's the key element in "loving yourself."

Insecurity is based on an entirely false reality - and it's a tremendous tragedy to see so many lives being needlessly destroyed by it.

 

[Antari Zephyr]

I wouldn't call that ghosting. Many guys slow down on their calls or texting after the initial meeting. I'm an exception, as I always texted and called every day.

Just give it some more time, don't barrage him with texts like "why don't you answer?" or anything. It's possible he'll start talking to you again.