Getting Fired... why can't I be okay after 4 months?

[aca_rev55]

Well... here's the story...

My first job ever was at PetSmart. It was the first job I ever applied for... two days after I turned 16, I went in and applied for an interview. A few months later, I got the call asking for a second interview. I went in, dressed nice, was respectful, and the next day I was "the first person" he called, and I got the job.
I was ecstatic, it was the best feeling ever. After struggling with depression for the past like, 4 years, due to ADD and problems in school... this job at PetSmart was like my saviour. It was insane how happy this job made me. I loved going in, I loved working, after two weeks of working there I couldn't ever stop talking about it. All my friends knew this is what I loved. Everybody who knew me... all the people in my classes knew I worked there, and they knew I loved it, because it was the ONLY thing in my life that I ever talked about. I loved it so much. It was the greatest thing for me.
I put PetSmart in front of everything I did. I put it in front of my friends, my family, myself... everything. I spent hours at the library studying general ichthyology and aquarium care, hamsters, Russian tortoises, bearded dragons, Alexandrian parakeets, fancy rats, mice, chinchillas, guinea pigs... you name it, I had a book on it. I was proud to walk around in my stupid little PetSmart shirt on my way to work, stopping at Quik Trip to grab some doughnuts before work, at 7 in the morning. I loved working with the customers, interacting with them and talking about their pets, I loved the people I worked with, and I enjoyed their input that helped me get better at my job.
I found out one day, in October, that two of my favourite comedians were coming to Madison (I live right near there), and I told one of my friends, and she bought two tickets. $116 tickets, for excellent seats... later, it turns out I have to work that day. I've never called in sick, I've never been late, I've never taken a day off... I wasn't sure what to do, so I asked around to see if someone could work for me... no go. I asked my manager what I should do and he just said it was up to me. I didn't know what to do, and I thought back to freshman year in high school... whenever I was scared or unsure or I didn't have an assignment done or I had to do a presentation (I have some anxiety disorder thing), I didn't know how to talk to anybody or explain anything or ask for help, so I would just not go to class... You can see where this is going. I didn't go into work. I was scared, and it really had nothing to do with the concert I was supposed to go to. I kept picking up the phone to call, but I was so scared I didn't know what to say or what to do...
The next day, being a Monday, I was so paranoid... I kept writing letters of apology over and over and over and over and practicing what I would say.
I went into work when I was scheduled, that Thursday, and I went to card in and check my schedule... my name had been whited out, everywhere. My heart stopped, and my manager called me in to talk to him. And he explained that I had been replaced, and that I could pick up my paycheck when I went to return my shirt. Devastated, but mostly ****ED OFF. I've never been so mad at myself. Ever. This was October 21st... I think about it every single night. Ever night. There isn't one day that goes by that I don't think about what I did and how STUPID I feel, and how I have no excuse for anything and how I threw away the most important thing in my life, just like that. Just like that it was gone.
I left the store just, a complete mess... this was in the Summer, I didn't have my license, I didn't have a ride, and I was too scared to call my parents and tell them what had happened. I sat outside, in a Wisconsin October, 30 degrees, in khakis and a short sleeve shirt, crying my eyes out until I finally called one of my friends to come pick me up.

That was all just a stupid vent I guess... but, why can't I get over getting fired? Why can't I move on? It's like impossible for me to ever be okay with the stupid thing I did. My job meant so much to me... one cannot ever fathom how important that job was to me. It's been like 4 months, and just typing this right now I'm crying. It's ridiculous, because NOTHING ever makes me cry. I don't know what to do... I'm starting to turn back to old habits I had when I was still really depressed (I've since sophomore year gotten over my depression). I just feel so worthless and stupid.
Everytime I think about it (A LOT), I get so mad, so angry and upset with myself... I just wish I could have one more chance.
And before anybody says anything, yeah I realize what I did was against policy, and I realize I wasn't treated any differently than anybody else would've been treated. But, I don't know. I'm not special, I'm just some stupid kid. My life is one big fat stupid mistake. It's not "oh I can't do anything right." It's more like, "look at all the stupid stuff I do wrong" It's all stupid crap, and what's worse is the one thing that's causing me SO MUCH grief, was completely 100% preventable on my part. I feel like such an idiot. I feel so ridiculous. I hate myself sometimes.

I bet this post seems really stupid... but I can't talk to anybody else anymore, because everybody knows "yeah you want your job back... you're not getting it back, tough." But they don't understand how important it was to me. I never wanted to be at home, I never wanted to be at school... PetSmart was like my neutral, my happy place, my comfort zone. Now I have nothing... and I've had nothing for 4 months, and I cannot shake it from my head how STUPID I am. How ridiculous I am and how STUPID I was, and how it's stupid that I have ADD and depression and whatever the heck else I've been "diagnosed" with and why can't I just live a normal life? It sucks, I'm not even going to a real high school... I'm going to an alternative high school. I want my job back... People always say, just apply at other pet places... I don't want to, I feel like I can't, because I feel like a piece of me is still with PetSmart. I still haven't returned my shirt. I wear it sometimes to pretend that maybe I might possibly somehow have a second chance. A last chance... You would think if they would hear any of this, that they would understand I would never make another mistake again. Everything else in my life is so great, everything is literally going wonderful... But this one thing keeps me from being happy. It keeps me awake EVERY night. I don't even know what to do anymore... I might call them tomorrow, and ask if I can come in to talk to them. I don't know. I hate myself more than ever.

 

[ephraimanesti]

Well... here's the story...

My first job ever was at PetSmart. It was the first job I ever applied for... two days after I turned 16, I went in and applied for an interview. A few months later, I got the call asking for a second interview. I went in, dressed nice, was respectful, and the next day I was "the first person" he called, and I got the job.
I was ecstatic, it was the best feeling ever. After struggling with depression for the past like, 4 years, due to ADD and problems in school... this job at PetSmart was like my saviour. It was insane how happy this job made me. I loved going in, I loved working, after two weeks of working there I couldn't ever stop talking about it. All my friends knew this is what I loved. Everybody who knew me... all the people in my classes knew I worked there, and they knew I loved it, because it was the ONLY thing in my life that I ever talked about. I loved it so much. It was the greatest thing for me.
I put PetSmart in front of everything I did. I put it in front of my friends, my family, myself... everything. I spent hours at the library studying general ichthyology and aquarium care, hamsters, Russian tortoises, bearded dragons, Alexandrian parakeets, fancy rats, mice, chinchillas, guinea pigs... you name it, I had a book on it. I was proud to walk around in my stupid little PetSmart shirt on my way to work, stopping at Quik Trip to grab some doughnuts before work, at 7 in the morning. I loved working with the customers, interacting with them and talking about their pets, I loved the people I worked with, and I enjoyed their input that helped me get better at my job.
I found out one day, in October, that two of my favourite comedians were coming to Madison (I live right near there), and I told one of my friends, and she bought two tickets. $116 tickets, for excellent seats... later, it turns out I have to work that day. I've never called in sick, I've never been late, I've never taken a day off... I wasn't sure what to do, so I asked around to see if someone could work for me... no go. I asked my manager what I should do and he just said it was up to me. I didn't know what to do, and I thought back to freshman year in high school... whenever I was scared or unsure or I didn't have an assignment done or I had to do a presentation (I have some anxiety disorder thing), I didn't know how to talk to anybody or explain anything or ask for help, so I would just not go to class... You can see where this is going. I didn't go into work. I was scared, and it really had nothing to do with the concert I was supposed to go to. I kept picking up the phone to call, but I was so scared I didn't know what to say or what to do...
The next day, being a Monday, I was so paranoid... I kept writing letters of apology over and over and over and over and practicing what I would say.
I went into work when I was scheduled, that Thursday, and I went to card in and check my schedule... my name had been whited out, everywhere. My heart stopped, and my manager called me in to talk to him. And he explained that I had been replaced, and that I could pick up my paycheck when I went to return my shirt. Devastated, but mostly ****ED OFF. I've never been so mad at myself. Ever. This was October 21st... I think about it every single night. Ever night. There isn't one day that goes by that I don't think about what I did and how STUPID I feel, and how I have no excuse for anything and how I threw away the most important thing in my life, just like that. Just like that it was gone.
I left the store just, a complete mess... this was in the Summer, I didn't have my license, I didn't have a ride, and I was too scared to call my parents and tell them what had happened. I sat outside, in a Wisconsin October, 30 degrees, in khakis and a short sleeve shirt, crying my eyes out until I finally called one of my friends to come pick me up.

That was all just a stupid vent I guess... but, why can't I get over getting fired? Why can't I move on? It's like impossible for me to ever be okay with the stupid thing I did. My job meant so much to me... one cannot ever fathom how important that job was to me. It's been like 4 months, and just typing this right now I'm crying. It's ridiculous, because NOTHING ever makes me cry. I don't know what to do... I'm starting to turn back to old habits I had when I was still really depressed (I've since sophomore year gotten over my depression). I just feel so worthless and stupid.
Everytime I think about it (A LOT), I get so mad, so angry and upset with myself... I just wish I could have one more chance.
And before anybody says anything, yeah I realize what I did was against policy, and I realize I wasn't treated any differently than anybody else would've been treated. But, I don't know. I'm not special, I'm just some stupid kid. My life is one big fat stupid mistake. It's not "oh I can't do anything right." It's more like, "look at all the stupid stuff I do wrong" It's all stupid crap, and what's worse is the one thing that's causing me SO MUCH grief, was completely 100% preventable on my part. I feel like such an idiot. I feel so ridiculous. I hate myself sometimes.

I bet this post seems really stupid... but I can't talk to anybody else anymore, because everybody knows "yeah you want your job back... you're not getting it back, tough." But they don't understand how important it was to me. I never wanted to be at home, I never wanted to be at school... PetSmart was like my neutral, my happy place, my comfort zone. Now I have nothing... and I've had nothing for 4 months, and I cannot shake it from my head how STUPID I am. How ridiculous I am and how STUPID I was, and how it's stupid that I have ADD and depression and whatever the heck else I've been "diagnosed" with and why can't I just live a normal life? It sucks, I'm not even going to a real high school... I'm going to an alternative high school. I want my job back... People always say, just apply at other pet places... I don't want to, I feel like I can't, because I feel like a piece of me is still with PetSmart. I still haven't returned my shirt. I wear it sometimes to pretend that maybe I might possibly somehow have a second chance. A last chance... You would think if they would hear any of this, that they would understand I would never make another mistake again. Everything else in my life is so great, everything is literally going wonderful... But this one thing keeps me from being happy. It keeps me awake EVERY night. I don't even know what to do anymore... I might call them tomorrow, and ask if I can come in to talk to them. I don't know. I hate myself more than ever.

MY DEAR SISTER,

i can see how important that First Job was to you and how much you have suffered by losing it. But instead of continuing to beat yourself up over your mistake--learn from it, forgive yourself, and move on. If PetsMart hired you, so will others. You evidence a wonderful interest in your job and pride in your work--that kind of attitude will get you a job just about anywhere.
Apply around--and no need to mention PetsMart, just start off fresh. And don't make the same mistake again. i think you will do just fine! GO FOR IT!

WITH LOVE IN CHRIST,
ephraim

 

[thepianist]

Well... here's the story...

My first job ever was at PetSmart. It was the first job I ever applied for... two days after I turned 16, I went in and applied for an interview. A few months later, I got the call asking for a second interview. I went in, dressed nice, was respectful, and the next day I was "the first person" he called, and I got the job.
I was ecstatic, it was the best feeling ever. After struggling with depression for the past like, 4 years, due to ADD and problems in school... this job at PetSmart was like my saviour. It was insane how happy this job made me. I loved going in, I loved working, after two weeks of working there I couldn't ever stop talking about it. All my friends knew this is what I loved. Everybody who knew me... all the people in my classes knew I worked there, and they knew I loved it, because it was the ONLY thing in my life that I ever talked about. I loved it so much. It was the greatest thing for me.
I put PetSmart in front of everything I did. I put it in front of my friends, my family, myself... everything. I spent hours at the library studying general ichthyology and aquarium care, hamsters, Russian tortoises, bearded dragons, Alexandrian parakeets, fancy rats, mice, chinchillas, guinea pigs... you name it, I had a book on it. I was proud to walk around in my stupid little PetSmart shirt on my way to work, stopping at Quik Trip to grab some doughnuts before work, at 7 in the morning. I loved working with the customers, interacting with them and talking about their pets, I loved the people I worked with, and I enjoyed their input that helped me get better at my job.
I found out one day, in October, that two of my favourite comedians were coming to Madison (I live right near there), and I told one of my friends, and she bought two tickets. $116 tickets, for excellent seats... later, it turns out I have to work that day. I've never called in sick, I've never been late, I've never taken a day off... I wasn't sure what to do, so I asked around to see if someone could work for me... no go. I asked my manager what I should do and he just said it was up to me. I didn't know what to do, and I thought back to freshman year in high school... whenever I was scared or unsure or I didn't have an assignment done or I had to do a presentation (I have some anxiety disorder thing), I didn't know how to talk to anybody or explain anything or ask for help, so I would just not go to class... You can see where this is going. I didn't go into work. I was scared, and it really had nothing to do with the concert I was supposed to go to. I kept picking up the phone to call, but I was so scared I didn't know what to say or what to do...
The next day, being a Monday, I was so paranoid... I kept writing letters of apology over and over and over and over and practicing what I would say.
I went into work when I was scheduled, that Thursday, and I went to card in and check my schedule... my name had been whited out, everywhere. My heart stopped, and my manager called me in to talk to him. And he explained that I had been replaced, and that I could pick up my paycheck when I went to return my shirt. Devastated, but mostly ****ED OFF. I've never been so mad at myself. Ever. This was October 21st... I think about it every single night. Ever night. There isn't one day that goes by that I don't think about what I did and how STUPID I feel, and how I have no excuse for anything and how I threw away the most important thing in my life, just like that. Just like that it was gone.
I left the store just, a complete mess... this was in the Summer, I didn't have my license, I didn't have a ride, and I was too scared to call my parents and tell them what had happened. I sat outside, in a Wisconsin October, 30 degrees, in khakis and a short sleeve shirt, crying my eyes out until I finally called one of my friends to come pick me up.

That was all just a stupid vent I guess... but, why can't I get over getting fired? Why can't I move on? It's like impossible for me to ever be okay with the stupid thing I did. My job meant so much to me... one cannot ever fathom how important that job was to me. It's been like 4 months, and just typing this right now I'm crying. It's ridiculous, because NOTHING ever makes me cry. I don't know what to do... I'm starting to turn back to old habits I had when I was still really depressed (I've since sophomore year gotten over my depression). I just feel so worthless and stupid.
Everytime I think about it (A LOT), I get so mad, so angry and upset with myself... I just wish I could have one more chance.
And before anybody says anything, yeah I realize what I did was against policy, and I realize I wasn't treated any differently than anybody else would've been treated. But, I don't know. I'm not special, I'm just some stupid kid. My life is one big fat stupid mistake. It's not "oh I can't do anything right." It's more like, "look at all the stupid stuff I do wrong" It's all stupid crap, and what's worse is the one thing that's causing me SO MUCH grief, was completely 100% preventable on my part. I feel like such an idiot. I feel so ridiculous. I hate myself sometimes.

I bet this post seems really stupid... but I can't talk to anybody else anymore, because everybody knows "yeah you want your job back... you're not getting it back, tough." But they don't understand how important it was to me. I never wanted to be at home, I never wanted to be at school... PetSmart was like my neutral, my happy place, my comfort zone. Now I have nothing... and I've had nothing for 4 months, and I cannot shake it from my head how STUPID I am. How ridiculous I am and how STUPID I was, and how it's stupid that I have ADD and depression and whatever the heck else I've been "diagnosed" with and why can't I just live a normal life? It sucks, I'm not even going to a real high school... I'm going to an alternative high school. I want my job back... People always say, just apply at other pet places... I don't want to, I feel like I can't, because I feel like a piece of me is still with PetSmart. I still haven't returned my shirt. I wear it sometimes to pretend that maybe I might possibly somehow have a second chance. A last chance... You would think if they would hear any of this, that they would understand I would never make another mistake again. Everything else in my life is so great, everything is literally going wonderful... But this one thing keeps me from being happy. It keeps me awake EVERY night. I don't even know what to do anymore... I might call them tomorrow, and ask if I can come in to talk to them. I don't know. I hate myself more than ever.

Here's a new twist....just think how wonderful it would be for Jesus Christ to fill that 'empty' spot you feel in your life. Not only would you have happiness now....but for eternity! Total happiness will not happen without Him in your life, my dear. You are in my prayers...

 

[matthewgoh]

In my opinion, this what you should do;

First pray to Christ to help you, and ask him to show you the direction to move forward. Since you like the old job so much, ask our Lord to give you the courage to talk to the manager. Then do what you think you should do.... talk to the manager, tell him you had made a mistake, tell him about your feeling about the job, be humble and be regretful. Then give him sometime to think about it... then approach him again. I believe that will work, and keep praying, God is miracle.

If you want to take this approach, just do it and keep us posted. I will be glad to offer further advice. Good luck and God bless.

 

[Stinker]

I would explain what happened to your parents and ask them if they can help you get your job back. If they can't or will not, chalk this up to experience. Never ever be a no call-no show at your next job.

 

[Deb7777]

Well... here's the story...

My first job ever was at PetSmart. It was the first job I ever applied for... two days after I turned 16, I went in and applied for an interview. A few months later, I got the call asking for a second interview. I went in, dressed nice, was respectful, and the next day I was "the first person" he called, and I got the job.
I was ecstatic, it was the best feeling ever. After struggling with depression for the past like, 4 years, due to ADD and problems in school... this job at PetSmart was like my saviour. It was insane how happy this job made me. I loved going in, I loved working, after two weeks of working there I couldn't ever stop talking about it. All my friends knew this is what I loved. Everybody who knew me... all the people in my classes knew I worked there, and they knew I loved it, because it was the ONLY thing in my life that I ever talked about. I loved it so much. It was the greatest thing for me.
I put PetSmart in front of everything I did. I put it in front of my friends, my family, myself... everything. I spent hours at the library studying general ichthyology and aquarium care, hamsters, Russian tortoises, bearded dragons, Alexandrian parakeets, fancy rats, mice, chinchillas, guinea pigs... you name it, I had a book on it. I was proud to walk around in my stupid little PetSmart shirt on my way to work, stopping at Quik Trip to grab some doughnuts before work, at 7 in the morning. I loved working with the customers, interacting with them and talking about their pets, I loved the people I worked with, and I enjoyed their input that helped me get better at my job.
I found out one day, in October, that two of my favourite comedians were coming to Madison (I live right near there), and I told one of my friends, and she bought two tickets. $116 tickets, for excellent seats... later, it turns out I have to work that day. I've never called in sick, I've never been late, I've never taken a day off... I wasn't sure what to do, so I asked around to see if someone could work for me... no go. I asked my manager what I should do and he just said it was up to me. I didn't know what to do, and I thought back to freshman year in high school... whenever I was scared or unsure or I didn't have an assignment done or I had to do a presentation (I have some anxiety disorder thing), I didn't know how to talk to anybody or explain anything or ask for help, so I would just not go to class... You can see where this is going. I didn't go into work. I was scared, and it really had nothing to do with the concert I was supposed to go to. I kept picking up the phone to call, but I was so scared I didn't know what to say or what to do...
The next day, being a Monday, I was so paranoid... I kept writing letters of apology over and over and over and over and practicing what I would say.
I went into work when I was scheduled, that Thursday, and I went to card in and check my schedule... my name had been whited out, everywhere. My heart stopped, and my manager called me in to talk to him. And he explained that I had been replaced, and that I could pick up my paycheck when I went to return my shirt. Devastated, but mostly ****ED OFF. I've never been so mad at myself. Ever. This was October 21st... I think about it every single night. Ever night. There isn't one day that goes by that I don't think about what I did and how STUPID I feel, and how I have no excuse for anything and how I threw away the most important thing in my life, just like that. Just like that it was gone.
I left the store just, a complete mess... this was in the Summer, I didn't have my license, I didn't have a ride, and I was too scared to call my parents and tell them what had happened. I sat outside, in a Wisconsin October, 30 degrees, in khakis and a short sleeve shirt, crying my eyes out until I finally called one of my friends to come pick me up.

That was all just a stupid vent I guess... but, why can't I get over getting fired? Why can't I move on? It's like impossible for me to ever be okay with the stupid thing I did. My job meant so much to me... one cannot ever fathom how important that job was to me. It's been like 4 months, and just typing this right now I'm crying. It's ridiculous, because NOTHING ever makes me cry. I don't know what to do... I'm starting to turn back to old habits I had when I was still really depressed (I've since sophomore year gotten over my depression). I just feel so worthless and stupid.
Everytime I think about it (A LOT), I get so mad, so angry and upset with myself... I just wish I could have one more chance.
And before anybody says anything, yeah I realize what I did was against policy, and I realize I wasn't treated any differently than anybody else would've been treated. But, I don't know. I'm not special, I'm just some stupid kid. My life is one big fat stupid mistake. It's not "oh I can't do anything right." It's more like, "look at all the stupid stuff I do wrong" It's all stupid crap, and what's worse is the one thing that's causing me SO MUCH grief, was completely 100% preventable on my part. I feel like such an idiot. I feel so ridiculous. I hate myself sometimes.

I bet this post seems really stupid... but I can't talk to anybody else anymore, because everybody knows "yeah you want your job back... you're not getting it back, tough." But they don't understand how important it was to me. I never wanted to be at home, I never wanted to be at school... PetSmart was like my neutral, my happy place, my comfort zone. Now I have nothing... and I've had nothing for 4 months, and I cannot shake it from my head how STUPID I am. How ridiculous I am and how STUPID I was, and how it's stupid that I have ADD and depression and whatever the heck else I've been "diagnosed" with and why can't I just live a normal life? It sucks, I'm not even going to a real high school... I'm going to an alternative high school. I want my job back... People always say, just apply at other pet places... I don't want to, I feel like I can't, because I feel like a piece of me is still with PetSmart. I still haven't returned my shirt. I wear it sometimes to pretend that maybe I might possibly somehow have a second chance. A last chance... You would think if they would hear any of this, that they would understand I would never make another mistake again. Everything else in my life is so great, everything is literally going wonderful... But this one thing keeps me from being happy. It keeps me awake EVERY night. I don't even know what to do anymore... I might call them tomorrow, and ask if I can come in to talk to them. I don't know. I hate myself more than ever.

Hi friend, sorry about your pain and sorrow. I love your ethusiam and joy for your job, that's rare especially at your age, congrats! Life can have some bizarre moments, out of whack, it seems to me the manager was a bit extreme in not cutting you any slack, life! People can be hard to figure out, I've come across that too, just no sense of balance in situations. Take great pride in the fact you were the best employee you could be with the animals, the customers, you did a good job! Now you can't let an unsympathetic manager get the best of you, tell yourself if I were in his position would I have handle it better, if yes, than rejoice in your compassion and understanding in fairness. Perhaps someday you will be a manager, you can reflect on this experience. I think you need to keep moving in the direction as much as possible in the work you really enjoy. This hurt will pass but it might take time but I say to you, Good Job! When we deal with other human beings they sometimes just don't get it so this will not be the last time a human being will be hard to figure out or a situation. Just take it one day at a time and try to keep a positive attitude as much as possible, God bless, post anytime!

 

[Anti Existance]

Your problem is totally self induced paranoia.

Jesus tells the following.

Therefore, I tell you, don't be anxious for your life: what you will eat, or what you will drink; nor yet for your body, what you will wear. Isn't life more than food, and the body more than clothing? See the birds of the sky, that they don't sow, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns. Your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't you of much more value than they?
"Which of you, by being anxious, can add one moment to his lifespan? Why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. They don't toil, neither do they spin, yet I tell you that even Solomon in all his glory was not dressed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today exists, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, won't he much more clothe you, you of little faith?
"Therefore don't be anxious, saying, 'What will we eat?', 'What will we drink?' or, 'With what will we be clothed?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first God's Kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore don't be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Each day's own evil is sufficient.

Basically Jesus tells us not to worry, because life is like sand that will slip away from your hands anyway,

Your fear casted yourself into a cage of hell , instead of thining im scared, im afraid, whining crying, and what not say to yourself ' they have more reason to be afraid of me then i off them'

Cast off your fear!
Look forward!
Go forward!
Never stand still.
Retreat and you will age.
Hesitate and you will die.

 

[Johnnz]

A loss of anything important causes pain. But we must mov eon. There are some helpful posts about doing that.

John
NZ

 

[linssue55]

Well... here's the story...

My first job ever was at PetSmart. It was the first job I ever applied for... two days after I turned 16, I went in and applied for an interview. A few months later, I got the call asking for a second interview. I went in, dressed nice, was respectful, and the next day I was "the first person" he called, and I got the job.
I was ecstatic, it was the best feeling ever. After struggling with depression for the past like, 4 years, due to ADD and problems in school... this job at PetSmart was like my saviour. It was insane how happy this job made me. I loved going in, I loved working, after two weeks of working there I couldn't ever stop talking about it. All my friends knew this is what I loved. Everybody who knew me... all the people in my classes knew I worked there, and they knew I loved it, because it was the ONLY thing in my life that I ever talked about. I loved it so much. It was the greatest thing for me.
I put PetSmart in front of everything I did. I put it in front of my friends, my family, myself... everything. I spent hours at the library studying general ichthyology and aquarium care, hamsters, Russian tortoises, bearded dragons, Alexandrian parakeets, fancy rats, mice, chinchillas, guinea pigs... you name it, I had a book on it. I was proud to walk around in my stupid little PetSmart shirt on my way to work, stopping at Quik Trip to grab some doughnuts before work, at 7 in the morning. I loved working with the customers, interacting with them and talking about their pets, I loved the people I worked with, and I enjoyed their input that helped me get better at my job.
I found out one day, in October, that two of my favourite comedians were coming to Madison (I live right near there), and I told one of my friends, and she bought two tickets. $116 tickets, for excellent seats... later, it turns out I have to work that day. I've never called in sick, I've never been late, I've never taken a day off... I wasn't sure what to do, so I asked around to see if someone could work for me... no go. I asked my manager what I should do and he just said it was up to me. I didn't know what to do, and I thought back to freshman year in high school... whenever I was scared or unsure or I didn't have an assignment done or I had to do a presentation (I have some anxiety disorder thing), I didn't know how to talk to anybody or explain anything or ask for help, so I would just not go to class... You can see where this is going. I didn't go into work. I was scared, and it really had nothing to do with the concert I was supposed to go to. I kept picking up the phone to call, but I was so scared I didn't know what to say or what to do...
The next day, being a Monday, I was so paranoid... I kept writing letters of apology over and over and over and over and practicing what I would say.
I went into work when I was scheduled, that Thursday, and I went to card in and check my schedule... my name had been whited out, everywhere. My heart stopped, and my manager called me in to talk to him. And he explained that I had been replaced, and that I could pick up my paycheck when I went to return my shirt. Devastated, but mostly ****ED OFF. I've never been so mad at myself. Ever. This was October 21st... I think about it every single night. Ever night. There isn't one day that goes by that I don't think about what I did and how STUPID I feel, and how I have no excuse for anything and how I threw away the most important thing in my life, just like that. Just like that it was gone.
I left the store just, a complete mess... this was in the Summer, I didn't have my license, I didn't have a ride, and I was too scared to call my parents and tell them what had happened. I sat outside, in a Wisconsin October, 30 degrees, in khakis and a short sleeve shirt, crying my eyes out until I finally called one of my friends to come pick me up.

That was all just a stupid vent I guess... but, why can't I get over getting fired? Why can't I move on? It's like impossible for me to ever be okay with the stupid thing I did. My job meant so much to me... one cannot ever fathom how important that job was to me. It's been like 4 months, and just typing this right now I'm crying. It's ridiculous, because NOTHING ever makes me cry. I don't know what to do... I'm starting to turn back to old habits I had when I was still really depressed (I've since sophomore year gotten over my depression). I just feel so worthless and stupid.
Everytime I think about it (A LOT), I get so mad, so angry and upset with myself... I just wish I could have one more chance.
And before anybody says anything, yeah I realize what I did was against policy, and I realize I wasn't treated any differently than anybody else would've been treated. But, I don't know. I'm not special, I'm just some stupid kid. My life is one big fat stupid mistake. It's not "oh I can't do anything right." It's more like, "look at all the stupid stuff I do wrong" It's all stupid crap, and what's worse is the one thing that's causing me SO MUCH grief, was completely 100% preventable on my part. I feel like such an idiot. I feel so ridiculous. I hate myself sometimes.

I bet this post seems really stupid... but I can't talk to anybody else anymore, because everybody knows "yeah you want your job back... you're not getting it back, tough." But they don't understand how important it was to me. I never wanted to be at home, I never wanted to be at school... PetSmart was like my neutral, my happy place, my comfort zone. Now I have nothing... and I've had nothing for 4 months, and I cannot shake it from my head how STUPID I am. How ridiculous I am and how STUPID I was, and how it's stupid that I have ADD and depression and whatever the heck else I've been "diagnosed" with and why can't I just live a normal life? It sucks, I'm not even going to a real high school... I'm going to an alternative high school. I want my job back... People always say, just apply at other pet places... I don't want to, I feel like I can't, because I feel like a piece of me is still with PetSmart. I still haven't returned my shirt. I wear it sometimes to pretend that maybe I might possibly somehow have a second chance. A last chance... You would think if they would hear any of this, that they would understand I would never make another mistake again. Everything else in my life is so great, everything is literally going wonderful... But this one thing keeps me from being happy. It keeps me awake EVERY night. I don't even know what to do anymore... I might call them tomorrow, and ask if I can come in to talk to them. I don't know. I hate myself more than ever.

You have to pull yourself up and MOVE-ON. For now you are non-productive. So you did a dumb thing, so what, WE ALL do dumb things.

Make this a challenge to yourself, get up, brush yourself off, straigten your back, get your head up, eyes open, and get on with it. There are other jobs out there, so stop feeling sorry for yourself, 4 month's is way too long. You have your whole life ahead of you. Forget the past and look into the future. Start pounding the streets, look at the ads in the paper, find out who is hiring. I know teenagers that work in grocery stores, good money, and get to deal with the public.

Now get your butt up and do something productive, stop your crying, wash your face and live. There is loads of work for teenagers out there, what you did was NOTHING as compared to what happens later in life when the responsibility gets a LOT tougher. Learn from your mistakes, and move on girl. Life is a journey, get ready for the ride, it's awesome.

 

[aca_rev55]

I appreciate all the replies.

 

[tapero]

I'm so sorry they fired you after one offense. I too feel how neat you are in your work ethics. They really lost a good employee. I think it's a good idea to try to get the job back. Worse thing that can happen is that they say no. Then you would know and could move on.

A lot of men wrap their identity with their jobs. I guess women do the same, but men more so - so that's kind of natural, but remember that all that love, care, desire to learn is all inside you all the time.

Well, let us know what happens.

Take care, Tapero

 

[heron]

"Now you can't let an unsympathetic manager get the best of you"

After you work at a few places, you'll notice that managers aren't always good managers. Many run into a continual flow of irresponsible workers, so he probably took that out on you. Manangers tend to remember one instance and imagine there were more.

Weekends are crazy for stores like that, so he probably spent the day listening to the other employees grumble about you, or refuse to cover your area...and figured that the whole mix would be easier if he didn't have to hear about it again.

Meanwhile, he might have had pressure from a friend or family member who wanted to work there.

In any case, clear communication is going to be important in all your relationships and jobs, so it's better to learn it now than in a more permanent setting. Work on fears of criticism, fears of rejection. Try to speak your mind in normal conversations more often, so it will be easier in tough conversations.

I agree, go back and beg for your job. Who knows, maybe there's a new manager there. Or apply to other pet stores and shelters (although Petsmart smells the best!)

I know some very respectable people who were fired from their first jobs. Don't worry about it.

Keep learning about the animals! There are scholarships and opportunities (and business start-up grants) out there now for women in the sciences...explore a little.

 

[Victrixa]

Hi my friend,

I'm sooo sorry for what you're going through... all that pain... I admire your enthusiasm for your previous job and you were surely a wonderful employee!

Yes, we all make silly mistakes, me being the first! And I can certainly understand what being frustrated with a boss (employer) is like!

Not all bosses and managers and employers are intelligent as was mentioned before. As a matter of fact, I have discovered that most of them aren't and can't even think intelligently for a second. (They just like to boss around and manipulate...)

Anyways, if I were in your place I'd go back to PetSmart and apply again! I'd explain what happened and why and apologize for the trouble caused by my mistake. Any humane manager with true human feelings will understand and forgive. If the manager refuses to understand and to hire you back, well, just move on, honey.

Any employer would die to have an employee like you! So, don't despair!

Have you thought about becoming a vet in the future?

Good luck and God bless you.

 

[aca_rev55]

Well... once again, you guys have been more than uber supportive, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that! Thank you all very much.

One of my very close friends works at the same PetSmart as I did (I'm the reason she applied there!! I worked there a month before she applied), and she said she was going to talk with my old manager... I've been meaning to call them, but I'm so scared!

I keep running the possible conversations through my head... some turn out good, others get me all teary-eyed... it's crazy, because it hasn't even happened!Anyways, I don't know. I know that I will eventually talk to them... I'm going to see if they'll give me a second chance, and evaluate my work after a couple weeks or so, and see how I'm doing. Like, put me on a temporary work schedule or something...

I'm scared ... guess there's not a whole lot more I can do...

Thank you, once again, though

 

[heron]

Be careful of grovelling so much that you offer a temporary committment. It tempts them to do borderline abuse. You know you were worth what they paid you and worth your time. Just because someone declared you less worthy doesn't mean you are.

I know of a big chain that used to do that to all their employees, and people complained that they'd been there three years with no change. At that time, I think the business avoided paying minimum wage! Laws are better now.

Be humble, but don't offer anything below what the labor laws require of them. They need to be accountable too.