i am just wondering if anyone has some funny quotes? such as the one on my signature. any u have have would be appreciated 
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funny qoutes?
- Thread starter wonderingman16
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- Mar 5, 2003
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"It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope." - Pope John XXIII
"Anybody can be Pope; the proof of this is that I have become one." Pope John XXIII
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman! Ms. Lewinsky." - President Bill Clinton
"Anybody can be Pope; the proof of this is that I have become one." Pope John XXIII
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman! Ms. Lewinsky." - President Bill Clinton
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- Mar 5, 2003
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"I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face." - Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.' - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. - Rodney Dangerfield
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink. - G. K. Chesterton
Truth is sacred and if you tell the truth too often nobody will believe it. - G. K. Chesterton
To be clever enough to get all the money, one must be stupid enough to want it. - G. K. Chesterton
Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere. - G. K. Chesterton
Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.' - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. - Rodney Dangerfield
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink. - G. K. Chesterton
Truth is sacred and if you tell the truth too often nobody will believe it. - G. K. Chesterton
To be clever enough to get all the money, one must be stupid enough to want it. - G. K. Chesterton
Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere. - G. K. Chesterton
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"One time I ate a booger and another one appeared later. I should eat a quarter." - iqchicken
"two chickens diverged in a yellow wood, and I kicked the one less trampled on, and that made small the difference." - iqchicken
"Toby. Or not Toby? What's your point?" - iqchicken
"two chickens diverged in a yellow wood, and I kicked the one less trampled on, and that made small the difference." - iqchicken
"Toby. Or not Toby? What's your point?" - iqchicken
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thanks guys. keep em comin if u got them. i will give more soon. i have a bunch saved on my computer somewhere
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really funny chicken. here are some simpson qoutes:
Lisa: Dad, you can't drive?!?!? The Sherriff has your lisence!"Homer: I'll have to try...(turns key, starts car) Lisa! It works!"
"Oh, everything's too expensive these days. This bible cost 15 bucks! Talk about a preachy book. Everybody's a sinner. Except this guy."
"I'm not normally a praying man... but if Your out there please save me, Superman!"
"You suck-diddly-uck, Flanders!"
"Ok. Start over. I left off on the part where you started talking."
"You do not snuggle with Max Power. You strap yourself in and feel the G's."
"Fine Marge, we'll change your name to Chestie LaRoo.
What about Hootie McBoobity?
Goodnight Hootie"
"Me fail English? That's unpossible"
Lisa: Dad, you can't drive?!?!? The Sherriff has your lisence!"Homer: I'll have to try...(turns key, starts car) Lisa! It works!"
"Oh, everything's too expensive these days. This bible cost 15 bucks! Talk about a preachy book. Everybody's a sinner. Except this guy."
"I'm not normally a praying man... but if Your out there please save me, Superman!"
"You suck-diddly-uck, Flanders!"
"Ok. Start over. I left off on the part where you started talking."
"You do not snuggle with Max Power. You strap yourself in and feel the G's."
"Fine Marge, we'll change your name to Chestie LaRoo.
What about Hootie McBoobity?
Goodnight Hootie"
"Me fail English? That's unpossible"
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- Jun 25, 2003
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CLASSICS! Oh man what would I do without the Simpsonswonderingman16 said:
lets see what I can pull up here...
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- Jun 25, 2003
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Marge: Im afraid were going to need a bigger place.
Homer: No, we wont. Ive got it all figured out. The baby can have Barts crib and Bartll sleep with us until hes 21.
Marge: Wont that warp him?
Homer: My cousin Frank did it.
Marge: You dont have a cousin Frank.
Homer: He became Francine back in 76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now.
Homer: Hello, my name is Mr Burns, you have a letter for me....
Postoffice: Okay. What's your first name, Mr Burns?
Homer: I ... Uh ... Don't know ...
know you can read my thoughts boy ... meow meow meow meow meow meow meow."
Homer: No, we wont. Ive got it all figured out. The baby can have Barts crib and Bartll sleep with us until hes 21.
Marge: Wont that warp him?
Homer: My cousin Frank did it.
Marge: You dont have a cousin Frank.
Homer: He became Francine back in 76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now.
Homer: Hello, my name is Mr Burns, you have a letter for me....
Postoffice: Okay. What's your first name, Mr Burns?
Homer: I ... Uh ... Don't know ...
know you can read my thoughts boy ... meow meow meow meow meow meow meow."
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"I was walking down the street one day, wearing my eyeglasses, and my prescription ran out."
Steven Wright
Steven Wright
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"Almond joys got nuts, but mounds have arms and little buttox" - iqchicken
"Essentially what I'm saying is that the evolution of mankind cannot be proven by it's transitional pieces - albeit convincing to see a booger with arms." - iqchicken
"Essentially what I'm saying is that the evolution of mankind cannot be proven by it's transitional pieces - albeit convincing to see a booger with arms." - iqchicken
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hey guys. i have a bunch of new qoutes but there are lots and i have to check them for language and content. i will have them on here by most likely teusday. thanks for your patience
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these came sooner than i thought:
My aptitude test says, "Best suited for Organ Donor."
I'm Captain of my own Poop Deck.
It's hard to reach for the stars when you always have your head up your butt.
Life will be the death of me yet
You can hug a tree, but going any farther is abuse!
Youth = Deep End. Old Age = Depends.
They say that money talks but mine just waves, "Goodbye."
All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the Queen.
My Grandchildren Must Be Spoiled Because They Smell Bad!
When you're down and out, drag somebody else along with you.
I used to soar with eagles before I got sucked into a jet engine.
It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure why take the chance.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before.
I have a lot of influence. I drive under it mostly.
I want a Heinie, and it's not beer I'm talking about.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I've just had an out-of-body experience,
but wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.
I had a job doing Origami, but it folded.
I used to jog 5 miles a day. Then I found a short cut.
My first sexual experience took place in my girlfriend's living room. Then she came downstairs and ruined it.
Until you walk a mile in another man's shoes,
It's not officially 'stealing.'
Ah, yes, there's nothing like the smell of old people's farts
at the bingo hall.
My aptitude test says, "Best suited for Organ Donor."
I'm Captain of my own Poop Deck.
It's hard to reach for the stars when you always have your head up your butt.
Life will be the death of me yet
You can hug a tree, but going any farther is abuse!
Youth = Deep End. Old Age = Depends.
They say that money talks but mine just waves, "Goodbye."
All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the Queen.
My Grandchildren Must Be Spoiled Because They Smell Bad!
When you're down and out, drag somebody else along with you.
I used to soar with eagles before I got sucked into a jet engine.
It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure why take the chance.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before.
I have a lot of influence. I drive under it mostly.
I want a Heinie, and it's not beer I'm talking about.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I've just had an out-of-body experience,
but wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.
I had a job doing Origami, but it folded.
I used to jog 5 miles a day. Then I found a short cut.
My first sexual experience took place in my girlfriend's living room. Then she came downstairs and ruined it.
Until you walk a mile in another man's shoes,
It's not officially 'stealing.'
Ah, yes, there's nothing like the smell of old people's farts
at the bingo hall.
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