Funny lyrics

[eutychus]

Not laugh-out-loudable, but Simon and Garfukel's "At the Zoo":

The monkeys stand for honesty,
Giraffes are insincere,
And the elephants are kindly but
They're dumb.
Orangutans are skeptical
Of changes in their cages,
And the zookeeper is very fond of rum.

Zebras are reactionaries,
Antelopes are missionaries,
Pigeons plot in secrecy,
And hamsters turn on frequently.
What a gas! You gotta come and see
At the zoo.

 

[theFijian]

William, It Was Really Nothing - The Smiths

'Would you like to marry me? And if you like you can buy the ring.'

Morrissey is possibly Britain's finest lyricist of the last 25 years.

cheers,
Andy

 

[ps139]

Both from the movie "A Mighty Wind"

The Folksmen - Never Did No Wanderin'
My mama was the cold North wind,
My daddy was the son, of a railroad man from west of hell,
Where the trains don’t even run……

Never heard the whistle of a southbound freight,
Or the singing of it’s driving wheel,
No I, never did not wanderin’
Never did not wanderin’
Never did not wanderin’ after all

They say they highways just one big road,
And it goes from here to there,
And they say you carry a heavy load,
When you’re rolling down the line somewhere…..

Never seen the dance of the telephone poles,
As they go whizzin’ by,
No I, never did not wanderin’
Never did not wanderin’
Never did not wanderin’ after all

Never did no wanderin’…..high!
Never did no wanderin’…..low!

Now a sailor’s life is a life for him,
But it never was for me,
And I never soared where they hawk may soar,
Or see what the hawk might see,

Never hiked to heaven on a mountain trail,
Never rode on a river’s rage….
No I, never did not wanderin’
Never did not wanderin’
Never did not wanderin’ after all

Never did not wanderin’
Never did not wanderin’
Never did not wanderin’ after all

Never did no wanderin’…after……all


The Folksmen - Blood on the Coal

Ok I couldnt find the lyrics online. I'll have to get them somewhere else. but its funny!

 

[twosteppin]

"Alice's restuarant" by Arlo Gunthre is hilarious. The song goes on for about 20 minutes and he is talking the entire time... so to post the lyrics would be a bit crazy. He starts telling a story about Alice then gets completely off topic and random, its pretty funny. I actually did part of it for a monologe once. its played every Thanksgiving on the radio.
http://www.arlo.net/lyrics/alices.shtml

 

[nadroj1985]

Morrissey is possibly Britain's finest lyricist of the last 25 years.

No way. Thom Yorke beats him easily

 

[ps139]

Now for some lyrical nonsense from Phish:
"Cavern"
Your time is near, the mission's clear
It's later than we think
Before you slip into the night
You'll want something to drink
Steal away before the dawn, and
Bring us back good news
But if you've tread in primal soup
Please wipe it from your shoes

Just then a porthole pirate
Scourged the evening with his cry
And sanctuary bugs deprived
The monkey of its thigh
A dust arose and clogged my nose
Before I could blink twice
Despite the stuff that bubbled up
I gave some last advice:

The flesh from Satan's dogs
Will make the rudiments of gruel
Deduct the carrots from your pay
You worthless swampy fool

Exploding then through fields and fen
And swimming in the mire
The septic maiden's gargoyle tooth
Demented me with fire
I drifted where the current chose
Afloat upon my back
And if perchance a newt slimed by
I'd stuff it in my sack

Soon I felt a bubble form, Somewhere below my skin
But with handy spine of hedgehog
I removed the force within
Suzie then removed her mask
And caused a mighty stir
The angry mob responded
Taking turns at grabbing her

The foggy cavern's musty grime
Appeared within my palm
I snatched Rick's fork to scrape it off
With deadly icy calm

The crowd meanwhile had taken Sue
And used her like a rag
To mop the slime from where the slug
Had slithered with the bag
If summing up the moral seems
A little bit obscure...

Give the director a serpent deflector
a mudrat detector, a ribbon reflector
a cushion convector, a pitcher of nectar
a virile dissector,a homo collector

Whatever you do take care of your shoes

 

[ps139]

Some more Phish nonsense:
Reba (one of the best songs they do...musically )

Reba sink a boulder in the water
Reba tie a cable to a tree
Reba stuck in a game of lipstick perfume flypaper
Reba press a razor to a slide cross a needle with a prune

Knee deep in the motel tub
Reba dangle ladle from her lip
Dip
Sip

Reba babble to the nag with the lipstick perfume
Mutter to a farmer in a truck

Take a peek at the cheetah, Reba
Cheetah on the prowl in a cage
Sink a boulder in the water
Tie a cable to a tree

Mutter nature to the nag
With the lipstick perfume
Reba flush a fleshfarm leftover
Thunder in a circle
Down the pipes

Bag it
Tag it
Sell it to the butcher in the store

Bag it
Tag it
Sell it to the butcher in the store

Reba put a stopper in the bottom of the tub
Picked up a jar unscrewed the top
And watched it drop into the water

A little scoop of plaster mix
Some coffee grounds and mud
And then she stirred it with a ladle
That her grandmother had bought her

Threw in a pot of melted wax
A forefoot and a hoof
Apple core, worms galore
And a can of some corrosive
Coconuts and chloroform
Some wicker and some cork
Toxic waste, some purple paste
She hoped was not explosive

Reba dip a ladle for a taste of her creation
And she knew that what she make
Would be the finest in the nation

Bag it
Tag it
Sell it to the butcher in the store

Bag it
Tag it
Sell it to the butcher in the store

 

[theFijian]

No way. Thom Yorke beats him easily

I think people relate to Morrissey more than Yorke, Morrissey writes from the heart more. Yorke's good but a bit distant I feel.

 

[theFijian]

AT & T by Pavement

Maybe
Someone's gonna save me
My heart is full of gravy

 

[DMBfanLongliveStrongBad!]

incubus- "take me to your leader"


"what if i was just dreaming?
What if i lived in a pear?
what if i had a mustard-drenched cucumber tied to my leg and i did not want to get my pants dirty??"

 

[KenobiKid]

I have to go with "What Went Wrong" by Saves The Day. When I got the album I just listened to it straight through and couldn't for the life of me figure out what this song was exactly about. Later I read in an interview with the singer it was just some short story he made up. Heres the first part:

What Went Wrong-
a month ago,
there we were surrendering ourselves
to the local police
paying them not to tell
while we waited we all
sang a song of sorrow
solely to remember
what went wrong
Leonard looked
like a ghost gave him a foot massage
Molly shook like a fish
dangling on a line
Walter wore women's clothes
we sang a song of sorrow
solely to remember
what went wrong

 

[Western Deity]

We're savages, snatchin microphones from amateurs
'cos like women who get abortions- I ain't havin it
- Canibus

 

[Roo6339]

cows with guns (i can't remember who it's by )

and pretty well anything weird al...