From sin to salvation

[Iridium]

*NOTE* this was to long to be posted at once, so I'm breaking it into two parts to post it. This is Part 1 of 2

Ok, I have to be upfront, my testimony includes sexual sins. If you don't want to hear about it, don't read it. I'm not going to be overly graphic, but I will be accurate and honest about what happened. (He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy: Proverbs 28:13) In fact, most of this story is about my spiral into sexual sin and the grace I found afterward. I felt the urge to put out this disclaimer. This is long, and covers a great many things about my past, but I feel that each one is important because they help explain everything that finally came down on me in my moment of revelation. With that out of the way...

I was 'baptised' by my religious grandparents when I was 3. I vaguely remember it, and never went to church before or after it. My family still considers themselves to be "safe" because of this...but I know the truth. My family's idea was that God would accept anyone who was 'good' into heaven. I didn't and they still don't know the true nature of sin and God's hatred of it. I went about my life being what most people would call a very good person. I was what most everyone would have called "perfect;" I had good grades, was athletic, won many awards, and stayed out of trouble. I was especially known for being "good;" I refused to drink, do drugs, cause conflicts, swear, or get involved in my school's disgustingly active sex life. Although I was "good," I was not godly. I abstained from these things not because they were wrong, but because I was proud to have that reputation. With such a worldly reason behind my action, it was only a matter of time before I failed.

The beginning of the end of my old life was when I began dating a girl named Krystal during the summer before our senior year. We had known each other since school started sophomore year because we had a mandatory study hall together. The whole point of this study hall is that everyone stays in the same class year to year, and it allows people to get to know one another. It was a response to the events of Columbine, and we all hate it. However, I met Krystal there and we became good friends sophomore year. During junior year we really began to talk and become close. She discussed her boyfriend problems with me while I tried to convince her she deserved much better than what she had. Her boyfriends were selfish, greedy, into drugs, violence, sex, etc. She was always the victim of everything that went on but was too nice to stand up for herself. Eventually she listened to me and left them all behind. People kept saying that, for all intents and purposes, we were dating. We denied it, and continued our friendship. However, summer came and we spent many long days in the park reading together and walking around people watching. Eventually we decided we were dating and our relationship remained about what it had been for a long time.

I am one of those people who apparently always has the comforting thing to say and the right thing to know to do, and I slowly gained her deepest confidences to me. She told me at first about how she was beaten up by one boyfriend for refusing to have sex. In return I told her about how my first (and only other) relationship ended after it got entirely too physical for me. The girl gave me the guilt trip about how I should "at least be able to kiss my girlfriend..." and that led to some pretty intense french-kissing sessions and totally ruined what we had. We saw each other as being older and wiser for our past relationships. A little while later she told me about how she had been raped in an alley when she was 14, and how she had always felt useless and worthless since then. Again, I was there to comfort her. I did some research, some talking around, and tried to find exactly what thoughts she might be having so I could help her with them. The main one was that she felt terrible about no longer being a virgin. I told her that, although she physically had felt and known things virgins do not, she still had never emotionally given herself away, and that was the only thing that should matter. That comforted her, and we grew closer in our ability to help each other out in life. She had one more thing to say though, and she didn't say it until the next week...she had gotten pregnant from her rape. She miscarried it after a month or so, and told me how she felt so guilty about it. I told her that a 14 year old would have a hard time successfully carrying a kid without having the added stress of being raped AND not being able to tell her parents about it. (Her parents would ahve accused her of sleeping around...they're just like that.) Although it took a longer time for this one to sink in, she finally came to peace with it.

With all this emotional bonding came a lot of hope for the future. We had a lot in common. We liked reading, we had similar political views, we liked the same kinds of music, and were both just generally light-hearted people. I looked forward to having someone there for me while I attended the Air Force Academy, she relished the thought of a guy who actually respected her. With this understanding of our future, things got bad. (Pay attention, you'll hear the words of Genesis's serpent over and over in the following paragraphs. How I wish I would have had known that these words were of the devil...)

Things slowly got physical, although I had told her that I wanted to avoid making the same mistake that I made previously. Things started innocently enough with kisses goodbye. She said that we weren't like eveyone else who was promiscuous, because we "actually cared for each other." That was true to some extent...my school is full of people who shamelessly confess to 1 night stands and several partners in the span of months. We actually did care for one another. However, things quickly got worse. I always used to bother her by coming up behind her and blowing in her hair, scattering it all over her head. However, at one point in time I missed and got her neck, which really seemed to get to her. Being as naive as I was, I really didn't know what was going on, but she encouraged it, and I was happy enough to oblige. A few weeks later I started to catch on to the fact that it was sexual, and started hinting at it, not wanting to be embarrassed if I was wrong. Eventually she hinted back, and shortly thereafter we ended up having a rather intense kissing/necking session which I was told was an orgasmic experience. Not knowing what else to think, I figured that was OK because we didn't really 'have sex.'

This continued a few times, and things slowly progressed (digressed? strayed, fell apart?). Shortly after that, I began to fondle her through her clothes. At first she was shocked, because of my conservative nature, but she didn't object, and I was all to happy to please her. One night I got carried away and put my hand down the front of her jeans. I was determined to stay on the outside of her underwear, but things slipped. At first I wasn't quite sure what had just happened, but the look on her face and my own imagination allowed me to figure it out. I didn't exactly cry, but I felt sick and sad. I realized a boundary had been crossed. She 'comforted' me, however, and told me that she wasn't ashamed of it and I shouldn't be either. "We did what we did because we loved each other, and that's ok," she said. I agreed, and from that point forward I was pretty shameless about everything. I did, however, refuse to accept pleasure in return, fearing it would make me vulnerable to allowing things to go further than I really wanted them to. This didn't last too long, because of her constant presure and telling me how things should be equal and how she felt guilty about being on the better end of everything. I stopped her from undoing my belt on three seperate occasions, but eventually I quit resisting. After it, it was what I wanted, or so she told me. After several occasions where we found ourselves next to naked, I felt we were coming far too close to sleeping together and told her we were going to cool things off. She agreed.

 

[Iridium]

Then came Satan's 'gift' to us. She would be housesitting all of Thanksgiving break. The opportunity was perfect, and I didn't even realise it. Although it began innocently enough by waking her up and going upstairs to get breakfast, she was still in bed when I came back. When I moved to pull her out, she pulled me in. The bed was warm and I was tired, so I just lay to rest there. Soon enough, however, she advanced on me. Though I kept telling her I knew what would eventually happen and that we should stop, she kept promising that nothing was going to happen. After an hour of resisting and even being physically pulled down while trying to get up, I quit caring about my own values, gave in, and slept with her.

Immediately afterward, we realized neither of us had used any birth control. Shortly after that I felt terrible remorse for giving into her and giving up my values. As she went to take the so-called "morning-after" pill, I cried for my lost innocence. After showering I cried for fear of becoming a teen father. When she returned and told me the doctor had said conception would be impossible, I felt relief and went home. The next night I called her to tell her I wanted to continue our relationship, but it would be without any physical contact at all. She agreed to that. The next day I went to see her again and she was already up and dressed as we had agreed upon. I sat on the couch and she started in immediately. I reminded her of what was said the night before, but again she promised things weren't going any further, even as they were. She told me it was something people in love should be able to share. I tried to physically get away, but I didn't know what to do short of hurting her or running outside and going home. I felt panicked as she undressed me against my will, but what I now know to be Satan paralyzed me in my own fear, guilt, and weakenss. I felt helpless to resist her and the pleasures that I knew could be mine if I would only submit to her. So once again I abandoned myself to her will.

This time things were different. I felt crushed, dirty, worthless, and with no willpower or integrity at all. I had made a conscious decision to avoid something and I failed at it. I had an image of God's destruction of Sodom and Gamorah, and I knew that little seperated me from them. I had never felt the need for Jesus because I could always depend on myself; I wasn't perfect, but I certainly never screwed anything up as bad as I had just done! I felt terrible, and I cried on the couch, unwilling to let her even touch me. It was clear that she felt no remorse. As I told her how I felt degraded, how I feared early fatherhood again, she began to feel remorse, not for herself, but for what she had led me into. I finally went home and called my closest Christian friend, Ashley, and told her everything. The next day I went back to visit Krystal only for a short time before I met Ashley for the Christmas parade. She didn't answer the door, though I knew she was at the house. I let myself in the side door. I found her there feeling terribly sick and sprawled on the couch. I got her a drink of water and left to meet Ashley. After the parade I told Ashley I was going to visit Krystal one more time, and Ashley asked to come with me. I thanked her for the company and we went over. Krystal hadn't moved from the position she was in and was still wearing the same clothes she was in the day before; it was obvious she was terribly depressed. We talked a bit, just to see how she was, mentioning nothing of what had happened. When Ashley went back upstairs, Krystal admitted to overdosing on Tylenol the night before, right after I left. She didn't take enough to kill her, but it was responsible for her terrible sickness. I took the bottle with me as I left with Ashley.

The next day I went to check on Krystal, almost fearing she would be dead by some other means, but she was awake and working on homework. She told me Ashley had invited her to church but she declined. I joked that I was hurt that I hadn't been invited, and I ended up calling Ashley on the spot to ask if I could go. She agreed, and that night I went to listen to an evangelist's sermon. During many of the songs I wanted to cry. I saw forgiveness in front of me, but I couldn't accept it. I wasn't able, I wasn't ready, I just couldn't do it. I realized how large the hole in my life left by the absence of Jesus was, and felt very sad and lonely because of it. I listened intently as he spoke, and I went home feeling awkward, but extremely excited about the next night. The next night I decided I was tired of this world and wanted to live for Jesus, and I had the most wonderful night of my life! While Grandma and Ashley prayed at the alter, I sat, staring at the cross on the wall, and slowly broke into tears. I knew Ashley was praying for me, and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen: a friend of mine, sitting in what would pass for pajamas, in front of God, asking for the salvation of her friend. I sobbed harder. Grandma came back and saw me and explained that I was crying tears of remorse for my past. I prayed to accept Jesus into my heart, and sat there for a while, sobbing with mixed emotions. Ashley had come back and was sitting several pews in front of us, and hadn't seen a thing. I got up and walked straight up to her, looked down into her eyes, and waited silently for a few seconds until I knew she knew. I sat down and we cried and held each other with joy and happiness until Grandma and the evangelist came over to talk to me. I accepted Him and saw all the evils that I had consented to: Krystal's words to me echoed perfectly those of the serpent in Genesis, "Surely thou shall not die..." Satan had deceived me and fought with me until I surrendered; I didn't have Jesus on my side. I had a sudden understanding of the meaning of sin, of what was right, what was wrong, and what I had done. I understood that sin is a rejection of God, and that we should all fight to live without it. I no longer wanted to do good because of my worldly reputation, but to do good because it is what I should do, and what God wants.

Ashely’s grandmother warned me that Satan would try to attack me in my new faith, and to be alert for it. She shared with me Ephesians 6:12-13. Shortly thereafter I called Krystal and told her that, if she wanted, we could remain friends, but my first love was Jesus and I did not want any dating relationship with anyone. She was kind of shocked, but ultimately agreed. A few days later she called and was angry; I heard the kinds of words I was warned Satan would throw against me. I was told my faith was just an escape. I was told my faith was a way to make myself feel better. I was told my faith was an excuse. I recognized Satan's words and fought back, showing her that I was sincere in my beliefs. Then she told me she was having what she thought was morning sickness, and that she might be pregnant. Had I not known that the devil would try to crush my faith and my hope through threats to destroy my life, I would have faltered that instant. Instead I prayed for God's assistance and his guidance and wisdom with the situation. However, I knew nothing about surrendering my future to the Lord, and I worried. In my worry I feared losing my acceptance to the Air Force Academy; cadets cannot be married nor have dependants. I worried that my parents would reject me. I worried about how I would possibly begin to care for the family I may have started. As worry fed worry and doubt fed doubt, Satan took control. I found myself saying the most terrible things I have ever said; I asked Krystal to find out if she really was pregnant, and if she was, to have an abortion. She agreed, and I felt at ease. I also decided that if she were, I would commit suicide and end my suffering. Satan had cared for my worldly life, promised me rewards on Earth, and I relaxed.

The next day I felt uneasy and school seemed to go by so slowly. I felt so drained, worried, nervous and sick that I went home after only an hour. I called Ashley's grandmother, needing advice and comfort and Scriptures to read. To my surprise Ashley answered; she was also home sick. I told her I was feeling suicidal and really just wanted to talk to anyone I could find. I didn't have anything to say though, so in my fear I asked her just to stay on the phone with me, so that I felt connected. Finally she invited me over. I told her I would come for lunch, but I was expecting a call from Krystal. While I waited, I followed her advice and read the Psalms. I got that call shortly thereafter, saying she had taken a test at the clinic and it came back negative. I remembered how you said, "Blessed are those who praise the Lord," and I fell to my knees thanking God. With that, I went to Ashley's. Krystal called me there and asked me to come visit her. Ashley told me it wasn't a good idea, and I agreed. I told her no, and again I heard Satan's voice luring me over there. I told her no, and she threatened suicide and hung up. I feared for her life, but knew that even if I left to get to her house now, she would be dead by the time I got there. So I went to lunch with her and met Grandma and Grandma gave me the confidence to call Krystal's bluff. I did, and felt good. I spent the afternoon with Ashley when she went to her doctor's appointment, and went back home with them. Later, Krystal called again to tell me that she lied, she never took any test, and she was not going to have an abortion if she was pregnant. I sat on Ashley's bed, shocked. Grandma reminded me that I needed to be strong against her, find out for sure whether she was pregnant or not, refuse to be caught in a loveless, doomed marriage with her, and figure out what to do from here. She gave me several Scriptures to read, including ones about surrendering my life to God's control. I received the baptism in the Holy Spirit that night, and began to speak in tongues. I believe I heard God warning me that I would face the scorn of others and that I would be very alone in my future. With the knowledge that God had control of my life, I felt very confident, ate dinner, and went home. I went to the church service that Sunday, and the Lord, knowing what was in my heart, directed the pastor to preach about suicide and how that is the ultimate rejection of God's gift of life and how truly selfish it is. Again I felt the Lord in control and stepped back, knowing that He would comfort me wherever my life went.

For weeks I faced the agony of not knowing my future, but in that same time I felt the comfort of God and every time I prayed I surrendered my life to his guidance. I prayed thanks for the evangelist, for Ashley and Grandma, and for guidance and patience. As Krystal's surgery approached, she had a lot of blood work done and found out her sickness was caused by undiagnosed hypoglycemia, and that she was not pregnant. With this news I rejoiced and saw the miracle that I had with God's guidance and comfort, and began trying to share with Krystal what I found. God’s words about being scorned and lonely came true to a great extent; the faith and respect of those who know has created emotional pain and divides in my life that I cannot undo. I am no longer open to speak with anyone I want; for the first time in my life I have met people who reject me. However, I did not expect the blessings of new and renewed friendships. I have gained a second family in the Martins, and have an amazing new connection to many Christians I know. One night while praying for guidance in righting the wrongs of my past, I felt consumed by the Holy Spirit with a desire to apologize to my ex-girlfriend, Becky, whom I shunned, avoided, and allowed Krystal to intimidate and anger. I have never felt so determined to apologize for anything! I was so excited about my new chance to make everything right with Becky that when I got in bed after my prayers I felt perfectly at peace and couldn’t even move! I got the chance to meet with her over lunch recently, and I apologized for my wrongs and asked for her forgiveness and her renewed friendships. She accepted, and now we are becoming good friends again as siblings under Christ.

And that, my friends, is how I sprialled into sin, learned of my own sinful nature, found the mercy and love of Jesus Christ, and came to learn of the greatest love ever to exist!

-Iridium

 

[SigaACristo]

Iridium, from here we can only build our friendship. Tonight we have "gotten naked" as the saying goes, and we now can build our friendship from here. Thank you, for your trust

 

[mcuche]

Hello,
Wonderful confession. Your message can be of help to someone, can i use your messages in a coming publication of mine? I will greatly appreciate it.
Keep up the walk.

 

[bamagirl]

Awesome testimony, just awesome...keep sharing it with others as I know it would help a lot of people especially young people who are going through the same kind of pressures that you went through

 

[bfly]

Then came Satan's 'gift' to us. She would be housesitting all of Thanksgiving break. The opportunity was perfect, and I didn't even realise it. Although it began innocently enough by waking her up and going upstairs to get breakfast, she was still in bed when I came back. When I moved to pull her out, she pulled me in. The bed was warm and I was tired, so I just lay to rest there. Soon enough, however, she advanced on me. Though I kept telling her I knew what would eventually happen and that we should stop, she kept promising that nothing was going to happen. After an hour of resisting and even being physically pulled down while trying to get up, I quit caring about my own values, gave in, and slept with her.

Immediately afterward, we realized neither of us had used any birth control. Shortly after that I felt terrible remorse for giving into her and giving up my values. As she went to take the so-called "morning-after" pill, I cried for my lost innocence. After showering I cried for fear of becoming a teen father. When she returned and told me the doctor had said conception would be impossible, I felt relief and went home. The next night I called her to tell her I wanted to continue our relationship, but it would be without any physical contact at all. She agreed to that. The next day I went to see her again and she was already up and dressed as we had agreed upon. I sat on the couch and she started in immediately. I reminded her of what was said the night before, but again she promised things weren't going any further, even as they were. She told me it was something people in love should be able to share. I tried to physically get away, but I didn't know what to do short of hurting her or running outside and going home. I felt panicked as she undressed me against my will, but what I now know to be Satan paralyzed me in my own fear, guilt, and weakenss. I felt helpless to resist her and the pleasures that I knew could be mine if I would only submit to her. So once again I abandoned myself to her will.

This time things were different. I felt crushed, dirty, worthless, and with no willpower or integrity at all. I had made a conscious decision to avoid something and I failed at it. I had an image of God's destruction of Sodom and Gamorah, and I knew that little seperated me from them. I had never felt the need for Jesus because I could always depend on myself; I wasn't perfect, but I certainly never screwed anything up as bad as I had just done! I felt terrible, and I cried on the couch, unwilling to let her even touch me. It was clear that she felt no remorse. As I told her how I felt degraded, how I feared early fatherhood again, she began to feel remorse, not for herself, but for what she had led me into. I finally went home and called my closest Christian friend, Ashley, and told her everything. The next day I went back to visit Krystal only for a short time before I met Ashley for the Christmas parade. She didn't answer the door, though I knew she was at the house. I let myself in the side door. I found her there feeling terribly sick and sprawled on the couch. I got her a drink of water and left to meet Ashley. After the parade I told Ashley I was going to visit Krystal one more time, and Ashley asked to come with me. I thanked her for the company and we went over. Krystal hadn't moved from the position she was in and was still wearing the same clothes she was in the day before; it was obvious she was terribly depressed. We talked a bit, just to see how she was, mentioning nothing of what had happened. When Ashley went back upstairs, Krystal admitted to overdosing on Tylenol the night before, right after I left. She didn't take enough to kill her, but it was responsible for her terrible sickness. I took the bottle with me as I left with Ashley.

The next day I went to check on Krystal, almost fearing she would be dead by some other means, but she was awake and working on homework. She told me Ashley had invited her to church but she declined. I joked that I was hurt that I hadn't been invited, and I ended up calling Ashley on the spot to ask if I could go. She agreed, and that night I went to listen to an evangelist's sermon. During many of the songs I wanted to cry. I saw forgiveness in front of me, but I couldn't accept it. I wasn't able, I wasn't ready, I just couldn't do it. I realized how large the hole in my life left by the absence of Jesus was, and felt very sad and lonely because of it. I listened intently as he spoke, and I went home feeling awkward, but extremely excited about the next night. The next night I decided I was tired of this world and wanted to live for Jesus, and I had the most wonderful night of my life! While Grandma and Ashley prayed at the alter, I sat, staring at the cross on the wall, and slowly broke into tears. I knew Ashley was praying for me, and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen: a friend of mine, sitting in what would pass for pajamas, in front of God, asking for the salvation of her friend. I sobbed harder. Grandma came back and saw me and explained that I was crying tears of remorse for my past. I prayed to accept Jesus into my heart, and sat there for a while, sobbing with mixed emotions. Ashley had come back and was sitting several pews in front of us, and hadn't seen a thing. I got up and walked straight up to her, looked down into her eyes, and waited silently for a few seconds until I knew she knew. I sat down and we cried and held each other with joy and happiness until Grandma and the evangelist came over to talk to me. I accepted Him and saw all the evils that I had consented to: Krystal's words to me echoed perfectly those of the serpent in Genesis, "Surely thou shall not die..." Satan had deceived me and fought with me until I surrendered; I didn't have Jesus on my side. I had a sudden understanding of the meaning of sin, of what was right, what was wrong, and what I had done. I understood that sin is a rejection of God, and that we should all fight to live without it. I no longer wanted to do good because of my worldly reputation, but to do good because it is what I should do, and what God wants.

Ashely’s grandmother warned me that Satan would try to attack me in my new faith, and to be alert for it. She shared with me Ephesians 6:12-13. Shortly thereafter I called Krystal and told her that, if she wanted, we could remain friends, but my first love was Jesus and I did not want any dating relationship with anyone. She was kind of shocked, but ultimately agreed. A few days later she called and was angry; I heard the kinds of words I was warned Satan would throw against me. I was told my faith was just an escape. I was told my faith was a way to make myself feel better. I was told my faith was an excuse. I recognized Satan's words and fought back, showing her that I was sincere in my beliefs. Then she told me she was having what she thought was morning sickness, and that she might be pregnant. Had I not known that the devil would try to crush my faith and my hope through threats to destroy my life, I would have faltered that instant. Instead I prayed for God's assistance and his guidance and wisdom with the situation. However, I knew nothing about surrendering my future to the Lord, and I worried. In my worry I feared losing my acceptance to the Air Force Academy; cadets cannot be married nor have dependants. I worried that my parents would reject me. I worried about how I would possibly begin to care for the family I may have started. As worry fed worry and doubt fed doubt, Satan took control. I found myself saying the most terrible things I have ever said; I asked Krystal to find out if she really was pregnant, and if she was, to have an abortion. She agreed, and I felt at ease. I also decided that if she were, I would commit suicide and end my suffering. Satan had cared for my worldly life, promised me rewards on Earth, and I relaxed.

The next day I felt uneasy and school seemed to go by so slowly. I felt so drained, worried, nervous and sick that I went home after only an hour. I called Ashley's grandmother, needing advice and comfort and Scriptures to read. To my surprise Ashley answered; she was also home sick. I told her I was feeling suicidal and really just wanted to talk to anyone I could find. I didn't have anything to say though, so in my fear I asked her just to stay on the phone with me, so that I felt connected. Finally she invited me over. I told her I would come for lunch, but I was expecting a call from Krystal. While I waited, I followed her advice and read the Psalms. I got that call shortly thereafter, saying she had taken a test at the clinic and it came back negative. I remembered how you said, "Blessed are those who praise the Lord," and I fell to my knees thanking God. With that, I went to Ashley's. Krystal called me there and asked me to come visit her. Ashley told me it wasn't a good idea, and I agreed. I told her no, and again I heard Satan's voice luring me over there. I told her no, and she threatened suicide and hung up. I feared for her life, but knew that even if I left to get to her house now, she would be dead by the time I got there. So I went to lunch with her and met Grandma and Grandma gave me the confidence to call Krystal's bluff. I did, and felt good. I spent the afternoon with Ashley when she went to her doctor's appointment, and went back home with them. Later, Krystal called again to tell me that she lied, she never took any test, and she was not going to have an abortion if she was pregnant. I sat on Ashley's bed, shocked. Grandma reminded me that I needed to be strong against her, find out for sure whether she was pregnant or not, refuse to be caught in a loveless, doomed marriage with her, and figure out what to do from here. She gave me several Scriptures to read, including ones about surrendering my life to God's control. I received the baptism in the Holy Spirit that night, and began to speak in tongues. I believe I heard God warning me that I would face the scorn of others and that I would be very alone in my future. With the knowledge that God had control of my life, I felt very confident, ate dinner, and went home. I went to the church service that Sunday, and the Lord, knowing what was in my heart, directed the pastor to preach about suicide and how that is the ultimate rejection of God's gift of life and how truly selfish it is. Again I felt the Lord in control and stepped back, knowing that He would comfort me wherever my life went.

For weeks I faced the agony of not knowing my future, but in that same time I felt the comfort of God and every time I prayed I surrendered my life to his guidance. I prayed thanks for the evangelist, for Ashley and Grandma, and for guidance and patience. As Krystal's surgery approached, she had a lot of blood work done and found out her sickness was caused by undiagnosed hypoglycemia, and that she was not pregnant. With this news I rejoiced and saw the miracle that I had with God's guidance and comfort, and began trying to share with Krystal what I found. God’s words about being scorned and lonely came true to a great extent; the faith and respect of those who know has created emotional pain and divides in my life that I cannot undo. I am no longer open to speak with anyone I want; for the first time in my life I have met people who reject me. However, I did not expect the blessings of new and renewed friendships. I have gained a second family in the Martins, and have an amazing new connection to many Christians I know. One night while praying for guidance in righting the wrongs of my past, I felt consumed by the Holy Spirit with a desire to apologize to my ex-girlfriend, Becky, whom I shunned, avoided, and allowed Krystal to intimidate and anger. I have never felt so determined to apologize for anything! I was so excited about my new chance to make everything right with Becky that when I got in bed after my prayers I felt perfectly at peace and couldn’t even move! I got the chance to meet with her over lunch recently, and I apologized for my wrongs and asked for her forgiveness and her renewed friendships. She accepted, and now we are becoming good friends again as siblings under Christ.

And that, my friends, is how I sprialled into sin, learned of my own sinful nature, found the mercy and love of Jesus Christ, and came to learn of the greatest love ever to exist!

-Iridium

I appreciate your honesty to start off, so I did not read your. God bless you

 

[JPPT1974]

God bless you my friend
May He always keep you
Welcome!