From a Christian perspective, is there a right time for a baby?

[Meglin]

My husband and I are exploring Christianity together after being agnostics/questioning for many years. We have been attending church every week together to explore this desire for truth and are finding that Christianity may hold more than we ever realized.

I'm curious on the Christian perspective on when it is "right" (or if it is wrong to deny) bringing children into the world. My husband and I have been a couple for 9 years, living together for 5, and have been married for 6 months. I have a yearning to have a baby although we aren't in ideal circumstances. We are 24, live in an apartment, and don't make a ton of money. I am a school teacher and he works for a major airline in an entry level position. We don't have a lot in savings, but our income won't drastically increase for several more years as he moves up in the company.

We have been avoiding pregnancy because of these reasons but I yearn for a baby every day. Since exploring Christianity, I am curious if this is a desire being placed in my heart from God or just my desires to selfishly fulfill the one thing I've ever wanted: to be a mother.

How can I discern the two? What does the Bible and Christianity say about the "right time" to procreate? Is it really wrong to be preventing pregnancy right now instead of trusting in God's timing?

 

[Honesty-SJ]

Considering Mary was said to have been roughly 14 years of age when she gave birth, I don't see any reason to refrain from children as a young woman unless they are born out of wedlock.

My husband is 25 and I am 22. (Together 4 years, married 3.5). We had a surprise pregnancy that resulted in a miscarriage a little over 2 years ago (I literally had no idea I was but thankfully had no bad habits so it was just an unfortunate mishap). However, I know your feeling when it comes to having a child.. I pray for one constantly, almost daily, myself. I do still believe that we will have a child. After 4 years of trying, I will be taking a fertility drug called Clomiphene to hopefully enhance my ability to conceive. I have heard many good things about this drug even from women who have had problems conceiving for years so you could imagine I am quite excited to test it out myself!

So, touching on that topic of "financially secure", my husband pointed something out to me once when I was in a panic over such things. I was going on about a steady job and how things ought to be but he told me that it's nonsensical considering no job is ever truly secure.. Isn't that the truth? How many times have we heard of people who have held even moderate paying jobs that have lost them even after years of being in those positions? We should not rely on what the world can give us but what the Lord himself will provide, (Matthew 6:25) That might seem far fetched until you realize that an all powerful God is the very reason for our existence and sustains us daily with simply willing it so how could we think He is not capable of taking care of our worldly needs as well, (clothes, food).

I know personally what is like to have never, in the years I have been with my husband, gone hungry or even been denied things I might enjoy, like having an eReader or internet to even post this on at the moment. Our fridge at many times has been to the point of being completely empty and is refilled at just the right time. I tell you this because we are both unemployed currently, my husband has worked odd jobs here and there to help bring in a bit more but he is actually a full time Christian apologist/teacher. He is in his books and podcasts, reading and writing every day and holds weekly bible studies for family and friends. He is quite busy and that is what he chooses to do so those around him, (family mostly) support him by helping with any basic needs we might have and we also receive a small check from the government each month. It doesn't leave room for luxury but we're both content with what we have.

I come from a family of 9 children, soon to be 10. (Yes, my mother is still having children at 43 and I personally think she's crazy), however, I do not believe that we should stop ourselves from having children and that we should leave it in God's hands. He has blessed every woman in this world with many children but there are also some who do not have any. Some do not want children for whatever reason and some are simply barren. But given that everything is working, I would say to just let it happen when it does. I'm sure you would find motherhood to be a rather fulfilling role.

Psalm 127:3
Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.
Psalm 127:4
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.
Psalm 127:5
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.

Also, there is this article I found which is rather comprehensive on the subject;
Lesson 11: The Influence Of Godly Mothers (2 Timothy 1:5; 3:14-17)

I wish you all the best!
God bless.

 

[Meglin]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are right about the financial security; I just don't want to make the mistake (or misinterpret the yearning I feel as a feeling from God that now is the right time if it really is just my own selfish desires) and be left in a precarious financial situation.

 

[ValleyGal]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are right about the financial security; I just don't want to make the mistake (or misinterpret the yearning I feel as a feeling from God that now is the right time if it really is just my own selfish desires) and be left in a precarious financial situation.

Human beings are created in God's image. Part of who God is, is Father and Son. Iow, parenting is part of our "image" - we are created with the drive to procreate. So you are not misinterpreting your yearning. It is part of what it means to be created in his image.

When it becomes selfish is when it is to fulfill your own need to be loved and adored by another, when it fills some psychological need you have, rather than being prepared to love your child sacrificially - even when it costs everything you have. This means that because you are not financially "prepared", you must be prepared to feed and clothe your child even if it means you going hungry. Furthermore, your husband must also be prepared to make those sacrifices not only for your children, but also for you.

There are a lot of people out there who have children and are living in poverty. I'm not about to talk anyone into having or not having children, but when it comes to Christianity, there is no "time" that is optimal over another, and I believe even the Catholic church is more lenient about the use of birth control. I would caution against any woman having children too young due to the potential health issues that could result. A woman should be full grown when she has children - and personally, I would suggest she should also have the wisdom to be a parent.

 

[Dave-W]

I'm curious on the Christian perspective on when it is "right" (or if it is wrong to deny) bringing children into the world.

After you are married. AFAIK, that is the only stipulation in scripture.

 

[ExodusMe]

My husband and I are exploring Christianity together after being agnostics/questioning for many years. We have been attending church every week together to explore this desire for truth and are finding that Christianity may hold more than we ever realized.

I'm curious on the Christian perspective on when it is "right" (or if it is wrong to deny) bringing children into the world. My husband and I have been a couple for 9 years, living together for 5, and have been married for 6 months. I have a yearning to have a baby although we aren't in ideal circumstances. We are 24, live in an apartment, and don't make a ton of money. I am a school teacher and he works for a major airline in an entry level position. We don't have a lot in savings, but our income won't drastically increase for several more years as he moves up in the company.

We have been avoiding pregnancy because of these reasons but I yearn for a baby every day. Since exploring Christianity, I am curious if this is a desire being placed in my heart from God or just my desires to selfishly fulfill the one thing I've ever wanted: to be a mother.

How can I discern the two? What does the Bible and Christianity say about the "right time" to procreate? Is it really wrong to be preventing pregnancy right now instead of trusting in God's timing?

trust in God and he will bless the path you walk. Wanting a child is a good reason to have a child.

 

[writewords]

First let me say that I am so excited and happy you are seeking God. There is no time given that is better than others given in Scripture about having children. I would say to pay attention to the finances for now. I would do some research on having kids in the way of cost from everything from healthcare to wipes before considering. Babies are expensive. God does tell us in His word about being good stewards of what we are given, like money. Match child costs to your income. They are fun, hilarious, happy, fatigue inducing, cranky, curious, wonderful people.

Most importantly, seek God in these things and all things.