Friendzone

[cloudstrife007]

1 Do Christians think we can be friendzoned?
2 What's everyone's definition of being friendzoned? (is there a time frame or a threshold in the friendship that needs to take place before being categorised?)
3 Is it something that can be reversed? Or are you locked into friendzone once you've been categorised?
4 What is the way to overcome the 'friendzone barrier' if any?

Best answers come from your experiences. Please do share.


1. I don't categorise female friends into friendzones, but I categorise them as sisters in Christ. If the situation arose (whether it was I felt feelings from her or I felt feelings for her), I'd consider and pray about the possibility. I just think I'd be acting arrogant and stuck up if I didn't consider the slightest possibility of a relationship and simply categorised people into friendzone.
Sometimes boundaries may need to be drawn in some friendships to establish that the intentions are truly just being friendly and nothing more.

2. Being seen as only a friend and having not even the slightest thoughts of anymore than that.
At church, people have sort of put me in the shy, nice guy category and so it feels like I can be easily put into the friendzone status.

3. I do think that people can change and feelings can change over time. Particularly through the power of God working in our lives.

4. I'm not sure on this one. Would you use time to win someone over or would you just go and confess? Some people see confessing as a brave thing to do, others can see it as a selfish thing that ruins friendships.

 

[Blank123]

I don't believe in the friendzone. As I've said in many threads on this topic, I believe its a concept someone came up with for a funny plotline on a sitcom and its caught on because it soothes bruised egos and it justifies never taking risks in comfortable relationships.

Either you're compatible romantically or you're not. No amount of time spent as friends is going to change that.

ETA: Nicholas reminded me of something. Its something I've experienced myself. Where spending a lot of time together with a friend of the opposite sex may lead you to think of them in a way you never have before. I don't think that really negates anything I've said though. As the two friends get to know each other, they become increasingly aware of how compatible they actually are together and decide to pursue a relationship on a romantic level. In this situation they may have always been compatible, but only realised it once they actually got to know eachother.

OTOH the friendship could also help to show one or both people that they are not suited for eachother on a romantic level, where they may have at first thought otherwise (I've also experienced that). Its the friendship that brings out true compatibility or lack thereof. But the friendship itself doesn't determine, I don't believe, whether or not anything is actually going to happen between those two people.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

1 Do Christians think we can be friendzoned?

If it exists, then yes.

2 What's everyone's definition of being friendzoned? (is there a time frame or a threshold in the friendship that needs to take place before being categorised?)

Guys who want to have sex with girls but can't because the girls don't like them that way. Guys get annoyed because they don't get their sex, and the girls sometimes taunt them with "boyfriend stories"

3 Is it something that can be reversed? Or are you locked into friendzone once you've been categorised?

Lock and load

4 What is the way to overcome the 'friendzone barrier' if any?
Sorry, no sex for you.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

Unlike Tigress, I do believe the concept of being 'Friend-zoned' does exist; in fact, I've done it myself. There's this girl that wants to have a relationship with me as it is, I told her I like her but I'm not ready for a relationship; now, forgive me for being polite, but we just don't click with one another and I know there's absolutely nothing that would change my mind about us. There are, however, many things that can change that opinion over time; as we're all familiar with the concept of 'the law of familiarity', or that things can change over time and that a new relationship can develop because of spending so much time together.

For example, this is pretty prevalent in, let's say, a school project as a child/adolescent; spending more time together puts the idea that the two of you could be in a relationship.

Is there anything that you can do to change the fact that you've become friend-zoned?

I hate to beat a dead horse but(clearly not for every case, but you get the idea):

 

[Paulie079]

^I love it Personally, if the friendzone exists, it's God's way of keeping us away from a lot of grief

 

[broken_one]

Coming back to this when I get better internet tomorrow, lol.

 

[Keri]

I don't even get the concept of a friendzone. Either you're platonic friends or you start out as friends but with a common attraction and interest and things develop that way.

 

[Rhye]

Friendzone is what guys have created in their heads to feel better about rejection.

4 What is the way to overcome the 'friendzone barrier' if any?
Sorry, no sex for you.

I really did, laugh out loud at this!

 

[MacFall]

1 Do Christians think we can be friendzoned?

Yes. Being a Christian doesn't make us immune to being hurt by other people.

2 What's everyone's definition of being friendzoned? (is there a time frame or a threshold in the friendship that needs to take place before being categorised?)

To the first part, it can mean two things: when a person being considered as an S.O. refuses to take the relationship past friendship because they think that they will lose you as a friend, or when they use that as a let-down ("you're a really good friend but not my type", etc).

To the second, no. It can happen at any time in the friendship. The only qualification is that there must be a genuine friendship.

3 Is it something that can be reversed? Or are you locked into friendzone once you've been categorised?

All three of the women with whom I have fallen in love friendzoned me and then eventually went out of my life entirely. I think it's very difficult for it to be reversed. But on the other hand, I know people who were friendzoned and eventually got married. So yes, it can be reversed. But I think it's difficult.

4 What is the way to overcome the 'friendzone barrier' if any?

I don't know how it can be overcome, but I have some ideas from experience on how it can be prevented:
- Don't get close to someone without being honest about your feelings for them. If they develop later in the relationship, tell the other person as soon as they do.
- Don't be a crying shoulder when the other person's relationships don't work out. That will only cement you in the friendzone.
- Don't miss out on any opportunities to advance the relationship. In my case, if I'd accepted a girl's invitation to go to a dance in high school (despite the fact that I HATE dancing and she only considered me a friend) she never would have danced with one of the school's biggest d-bag players, ended up dating him, and made my senior year suck great big dirty grass-stained knees while I pined for her.

 

[r035198x]

wibble banana jellyfish

 

[Sophrosyne]

wibble banana jellyfish

exactly
That is the logic of men being friendzoned by women.