Friends that might be enemies

[sampa]

So there is a common term in our culture, frienenmies. I started thinking about Jesus and how he would respond, and it occurred to me that Judas may have been considered a modern day frienemie. Although quite an extreme situation.

I'm interested in hearing about others experience. What kind of witness can we be in these situations when you see the other may be using you for their benefit? What about the ones that proclaim Christ in their lives? Is this just a female thing or do guys experience this too?

 

[Mandolin Wood]

Maybe frenemies is jealousy in disguise

 

[DragonFox91]

I’m not sure. If I’m not liking someone & they’re not liking me, I’ll end it, just wasting my time. In college I did have a roommate that was tough. One day he could really be yelling at me, the next day he’d want to watch a movie with me. He tried to keep in touch with me after we graduated, but it was just too hard for me, some of the things he said to me really hurt me.
I wish I had proclaimed Christ more, I did a couple times, sometimes I didn’t see the need too because he was involved in church groups, so yeah, it's really challenging especially when they seem to proclaim Christ but it's hard to know by how they're living & speaking.
Good thread. We need more threads like this & not all about dating

 

[sampa]

Maybe frenemies is jealousy in disguise

You could be right I can think of some examples of that.

He tried to keep in touch with me after we graduated, but it was just too hard for me, some of the things he said to me really hurt me.

Sounds horrible the way that he was. Almost sounds bipolar. It's difficult when someone treats you like that to keep in touch with them.

wish I had proclaimed Christ more, I did a couple times, sometimes I didn’t see the need too because he was involved in church groups,

Yes, we all have different kinds of regrets but it's something to learn from and we can apply for tomorrow. We also have to place boundaries when someone doesn't respect us and yells.

Good thread. We need more threads like this & not all about dating

Thank you!!!

 

[Mandolin Wood]

So there is a common term in our culture, frienenmies. I started thinking about Jesus and how he would respond, and it occurred to me that Judas may have been considered a modern day frienemie. Although quite an extreme situation.

I'm interested in hearing about others experience. What kind of witness can we be in these situations when you see the other may be using you for their benefit? What about the ones that proclaim Christ in their lives? Is this just a female thing or do guys experience this too?

 

[Mandolin Wood]

I can too. Not really sure even where to start. All in all I think that bad intentions or whatever motivations frienemies have will eventually catch up with them.

 

[LoveDivine]

People can be complicated. I think some may actually like you, yet also be competitive, envious, or insecure and lash out or try to put you down in some way. I've known many people like this. Passive aggressive comments or backhanded compliments are often part of this. You can come away from encounters with someone like that and feel oppressed or down and not even be fully aware why you feel that way. It's often very subtle. Unfortunately, that kind of behavior is very destructive and doesn't facilitate closeness or trust. I think the wisest thing for a person to do with someone like that in their life is to recognize that the person cannot be trusted. Don't share things with that person that you wish to be kept private, etc. Realize that you need to be guarded around them if you do keep some level of contact with them. Christ tells us to love our enemies, but he doesn't say that we should try to become best friends with them. Someone who displays the frenemy tendencies isn't someone who is really capable of true friendship. Personally, I'd remove myself from someone like that or at least relegate them to the acquaintance circle of your life. Someone you are kind to and will engage on a surface level. It is not wrong or a lack of love for the person if you distance yourself from them to protect yourself. I think that's wisdom. Unfortunately, far too many professing Christians behave this way. Just because a person professes to have faith in Christ does not mean we are required to have fellowship with them. One verse that comes to mind is Galatians 5: 15 : But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another. Its a really serious sin for someone to profess faith in Christ and then treat their friends in this way. I think the term frenemy describes a pattern of untrustworthy and mean behavior. We aren't talking about a true friend who errs and says something hurtful. Those situations we are instructed to forgive.

The situation with Christ and Judas is quite different, because Judas fulfilled a specific role in the atonement of Christ. He was a necessary player in Christ's betrayal and death. I can't even begin to imagine what that was like for Christ to know fully the evilness within Judas and to have to take him into his inner circle. That aspect alone is an immense suffering that he had to endure.

 

[Mandolin Wood]

People can be complicated. I think some may actually like you, yet also be competitive, envious, or insecure and lash out or try to put you down in some way. I've known many people like this. Passive aggressive comments or backhanded compliments are often part of this. You can come away from encounters with someone like that and feel oppressed or down and not even be fully aware why you feel that way. It's often very subtle. Unfortunately, that kind of behavior is very destructive and doesn't facilitate closeness or trust. I think the wisest thing for a person to do with someone like that in their life is to recognize that the person cannot be trusted. Don't share things with that person that you wish to be kept private, etc. Realize that you need to be guarded around them if you do keep some level of contact with them. Christ tells us to love our enemies, but he doesn't say that we should try to become best friends with them. Someone who displays the frenemy tendencies isn't someone who is really capable of true friendship. Personally, I'd remove myself from someone like that or at least relegate them to the acquaintance circle of your life. Someone you are kind to and will engage on a surface level. It is not wrong or a lack of love for the person if you distance yourself from them to protect yourself. I think that's wisdom. Unfortunately, far too many professing Christians behave this way. Just because a person professes to have faith in Christ does not mean we are required to have fellowship with them. One verse that comes to mind is Galatians 5: 15 : But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another. Its a really serious sin for someone to profess faith in Christ and then treat their friends in this way. I think the term frenemy describes a pattern of untrustworthy and mean behavior. We aren't talking about a true friend who errs and says something hurtful. Those situations we are instructed to forgive.

The situation with Christ and Judas is quite different, because Judas fulfilled a specific role in the atonement of Christ. He was a necessary player in Christ's betrayal and death. I can't even begin to imagine what that was like for Christ to know fully the evilness of Judas and to have to take him into his inner circle. That aspect alone is an immense suffering that he had to endure.

Very insightful information and a lot of truth in how you perceive others.

 

[Mandolin Wood]

Very insightful information and a lot of truth in how you perceive others.

I am new to this site and still figuring out how to navigate it. Thanks for the thumbs up like. I think I got that one figured out, ha!

 

[timewerx]

I’m not sure. If I’m not liking someone & they’re not liking me, I’ll end it, just wasting my time. In college I did have a roommate that was tough. One day he could really be yelling at me, the next day he’d want to watch a movie with me. He tried to keep in touch with me after we graduated, but it was just too hard for me, some of the things he said to me really hurt me.
I wish I had proclaimed Christ more, I did a couple times, sometimes I didn’t see the need too because he was involved in church groups, so yeah, it's really challenging especially when they seem to proclaim Christ but it's hard to know by how they're living & speaking.
Good thread. We need more threads like this & not all about dating

My own idea of a frenemy:

A frenemy would try to hurt you without looking like they're trying to hurt you and make you feel so bad about yourself. They keep you close for that reason and take pleasure in seeing others feel bad.

I think your friend back in college is just mentally unstable. Being Christian doesn't fix these problems overnight. It takes so many years of healing.

I'm missing the dating threads and the threads on what's wrong with modern male-female relationships!

 

[RileyG]

I've dealt with a lot of fake "friends" which makes it impossible for me to trust people. I just pray for them even after they are long gone from my life.

 

[sampa]

I think some may actually like you, yet also be competitive, envious, or insecure and lash out or try to put you down in some way. I've known many people like this. Passive aggressive

Lots to chew on. This is interesting. One gal that talked about me behind my back a couple of years ago, I blocked her on social media. If I have an encounter with her, I avoid her. She will admit she has a mouth. Her reputation does not follow well. Another that was connected to her I put her on pause on social media. I have sympathy for what is probably a survival tactic. Both of these gals I were term as enemies and the later a trainer, since we were neighbors at one time.

Some others I see as frenemies, we work in close proximity, they would be on the more subtle side.

Your thoughts on Judas are very interesting.

think your friend back in college is just mentally unstable. Being Christian doesn't fix these problems overnight. It takes so many years of healing.

I'd agree.

 

[sampa]

I have a book that's on etiquette called classy and there is a section that writes on frenemies. It's interesting, but from a secular vantage point. Here is a photo that they used to illustrate. Pretty creepy.