Friends first?

[OneKickinGuy]

Wow, thanks to all who have commented on this subject. There alot of good things said.

Thank Beauty4Ashes for posting a poll, it will be interesting to see the results.

Its hard to say which way is right, cuz theres so many different situtations its just impossible to define.

Friends first is a good, but its a limited friends first in most cases. I know for me, once i get to know a girl and i think theres more, im gonna say something sooner then later. One reason is im more willing to risk more sooner, cuz its a less lose if things dont work out.

 

[Gardener101]

Wow, thanks to all who have commented on this subject. There alot of good things said.

Thank Beauty4Ashes for posting a poll, it will be interesting to see the results.

Its hard to say which way is right, cuz theres so many different situtations its just impossible to define.

Friends first is a good, but its a limited friends first in most cases. I know for me, once i get to know a girl and i think theres more, im gonna say something sooner then later. One reason is im more willing to risk more sooner, cuz its a less lose if things dont work out.

Great attitude!

 

[Gardener101]

I started a poll.

It looks like "friends first" is winning

http://christianforums.com/showthread.php?p=41330255#post41330255

Of course it WILL win....most people can't dissociate friendship the way we at the singles do. I saw the first few answers, and two people were claiming they were friends first...for the first ONE WEEK.

Erm...kindda confirms what I and others have been saying, doesn't it?

 

[Blank123]

that was just a couple of posts. others also said they were friends for a few months or a few years before dating

 

[charlie_hunter]

savedandforgiven is correct, women like the idea of being friends first, but it very rarely happens. i'm sorry, i know this is quite patronising, but i'm finding more and more as time goes on that women say they want one thing, but want something completely different.

if you like a girl and you know she likes you and you pull the 'lets be friends' line, i think that's actually quite deceptive (if you're planning on getting into a relationship with them.). the correct thing to say is, "i like you too, but lets take things really slow and not rush into anything"

 

[Gardener101]

savedandforgiven is correct, women like the idea of being friends first, but it very rarely happens. i'm sorry, i know this is quite patronising, but i'm finding more and more as time goes on that women say they want one thing, but want something completely different.

if you like a girl and you know she likes you and you pull the 'lets be friends' line, i think that's actually quite deceptive (if you're planning on getting into a relationship with them.). the correct thing to say is, "i like you too, but lets take things really slow and not rush into anything"

Fabulous observations!

It is being deceptive to act like you just want to be friends...when you know you would like more.

 

[Blank123]

so how many guys have been "friendzoned" and how many just were not the girls type? it sounds like this is really an excuse for a guy to protect his ego rather than admit he's just not who the girl is interested in. Here's a tip for all the guys, just because you're friends with a girl that does not mean she has to be interested in you like that

for me when i liked a guy who was a friend that was something that lasted until it went one of 3 ways: it grew into a real relationship and the interest only grew much deeper, it became clear he wasn't interested and i could move on, or it was something that faded as i realized i just didn't like him in a romantic way after all because we weren't good for each other as anything more than friends and it was just a silly crush.

If a couple goes out with being friends first and it fails as the girl realizes that she's just not interested in him in a romantic way after all what is that blamed on? Has that guy been "friendzoned" too?

 

[BoazB]

Here is the catch: People want to be friends first, but when friends become more than that, then the toys get thrown out of the cot.

I mean, do these sound familiar?
FAMOUS LAST WORDS:
"Can we be friends?"
"It was never meant to be this way?"
(And I'm sure there are a whole lot more.)

 

[KomissarSteve]

My husband and I were friends for the first 2 months (he was recently separated at the time).

Right, but there was mutual attraction between you two during those two months, wasn't there? I think the point that others are trying to make is, very rarely does someone go from being "a nice person but not sexually attractive" in someone else's mind, to, "a nice person and sexually attractive," unless that person undergoes plastic surgery or loses a whole bunch of weight or whatever.

That said, I think a clarification needs to be made in the "friends zone" comments; there is a difference between being "friends first" before dating, and being "in the friends zone." Being "friends first" doesn't necessarily mean that the chances of her being attracted to you have passed you by; being in the "friends zone" usually means that ship has sailed.

 

[KomissarSteve]

so how many guys have been "friendzoned" and how many just were not the girls type? it sounds like this is really an excuse for a guy to protect his ego rather than admit he's just not who the girl is interested in. Here's a tip for all the guys, just because you're friends with a girl that does not mean she has to be interested in you like that

Well, therein lies the problem, though - how many platonic single male- single female friendships would there be if guys didn't forge friendships with available women with the hope of engaging in a romantic relationship? There wouldn't be nearly as many today if that was the case.

That's something that too many women simply don't understand; most of your platonic male friends want to go out with you, unless you're deformed or morbidly obese or something.

 

[Gardener101]

Well, therein lies the problem, though - how many platonic single male- single female friendships would there be if guys didn't forge friendships with available women with the hope of engaging in a romantic relationship? There wouldn't be nearly as many today if that was the case.

That's something that too many women simply don't understand; most of your platonic male friends want to go out with you, unless you're deformed or morbidly obese or something.

 

[KomissarSteve]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SHE'S GONNA HAMMER ME!

...
...
...
...oh wait. You're saying I hit the nail on the head. Phew...good.

 

[Gardener101]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SHE'S GONNA HAMMER ME!

...
...
...
...oh wait. You're saying I hit the nail on the head. Phew...good.

 

[penNpaper]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SHE'S GONNA HAMMER ME!

...
...
...
...oh wait. You're saying I hit the nail on the head. Phew...good.

Hammer TIMMMMMMMMMMMME!!!!!!

 

[KomissarSteve]

Hammer TIMMMMMMMMMMMME!!!!!!

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JomHWt7p6-c

 

[sampa]

I think friendship is an extremely important part of a relationship. My husband and I were friends for the first 2 months (he was recently separated at the time). We ended up dating and marrying and stayed married, until he went to be with the Lord, almost 25 years. And in the end, when our beauty has failed us, or our physical parts, friendship will be of utmost importance. If I am attracted to someone I don't want to "just" be friends with them, I would want them to ask me out. But in the end, we would need to be able to become good friends, because that is what makes a great relationship.

Very good input memoriesbymichelle. Friendship is important I think to cultivate a relationship. I'm sure that there was an attraction though going on during the friendship though.

savedandforgiven is correct, women like the idea of being friends first, but it very rarely happens. ...........

if you like a girl and you know she likes you and you pull the 'lets be friends' line, i think that's actually quite deceptive (if you're planning on getting into a relationship with them.). the correct thing to say is, "i like you too, but lets take things really slow and not rush into anything"

charlie_hunter I think this phrase is a really good one when attraction is in the mix. But it needs to be shared attraction. I know many mens I had no interest in, and they had it in me. I loved being friends with them, but I guess feelings got hurt because no attraction developed on my end and I was obliviou to some of their intentions till someon told me down the road they had a deep seated crush. I'd never take back any of the time that I had with these male friends though because they helped me grow in different ways through the friendship.

Fabulous observations!

It is being deceptive to act like you just want to be friends...when you know you would like more.

I agree gardner, it's good to be open and honest, too much confusion and hurt feelings come about from not just saying "lets take things slow".

------------------------------------------
My thoughts with the OP, is hard to answer. I've got two situations. One I've been friends with for 14 years, but I had no attraction to him in the beginning. We were in the Army together for 2 years. He was my neighbor. On a short visit 5 years later I felt sparks. And that was mostly because he had become a Christian and Christ changed him. He doesn't live anywhere near me to cultivate anything becoming more...at least I think so for the next year and a half.

The second guy I knew for a short 4 months, we worked together. I was afraid of him when I first met him because he looked like the guy from motley crue with his tats. There were other things like his divorce and walking away from God. Sparks flew maybe 2 months later, we stopped talking for a year and a half and then he decided to look me up while in Afghanastan with the Army. We've come out in the open about our feelings, but have decided it has to stay a friendship or take things slowly. But I have a hard time picturing myself married to him (mostly because he has 4 years left on his ARmy contract - which puts him no where near me), verses the first that I've been friends with for a long time.