I'm setting myself free from all of this. It's done nothing but ruin my life. I don't want to ever step foot in a church or say another prayer. It was all a waste. There's no hope for me here I realized I have to find my own. Life is torturous. I wish I was never here.
-
The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.
If you are having struggles, need support in a particular area that you aren't finding a specific recovery area forum, you may find the General Struggles forum a great place to post. Any any that is related to emotions, self-esteem, insomnia, anger, relationship dynamics due to mental health and recovery and other issues that don't fit better in another forum would be examples of topics that might go there.
If you have spiritual issues related to a mental health and recovery issue, please use the Recovery Related Spiritual Advice forum. This forum is designed to be like Christian Advice, only for recovery type of issues. Recovery being like a family in many ways, allows us to support one another together. May you be blessed today and each day.
Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist
-
Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
-
CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
Free
- Thread starter knw1991
- Start date
Hi there my dear sweet sister ((((((((HUGS))))))))) I had just logged out when I saw this post and i wanted to come back here and to let you know I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from, TOTALLY.
See in November my best friend and I were involved in a really bad car accident. Things went down hill from there and fast.
1. my best friend's father cut her off TOTALLY, financially and then stopped talking to her for a while because she wouldn't move back home and dump me off in the woods (my mother would not let me move home).
2. My mom and I were arguing non stop about all of this.
3. Then I got denied of social security benefits and I was crushed I JUST wanted to get out of this house eventually and get my own place, my best friend and I.
4. Then my mother started up on me about how I need to get a job totally looking over my awful panic disorder that has caused me to walk out of jobs in the past, she just kept on me about toughing up.
5. Then the landlord gets a tenant that scares the you know what out of me with his statements.
6. My best friend officially loses her job 10 days before Christmas
7. The car that she purchased may need a new fuel pump.
8. My doctor today was UN-supportive, just told me to go out and buy a book that SHE HAS NEVER READ but she advertises it on her desk. And she is trying to switch my meds (I have had it with taking SSRI's I may ween myself off of the meds at this point don't know when this is going to happen but I can't keep on going from one SSRI to another she said that my body is getting immune to this SSRI)
9. My landlord may be selling the home (I found this out today as her hubby and herself are painting the home and it does not need a paint job what so ever, one of the tenants is almost certain she is selling and with her cancer I can see where the tenant is coming from)
SO as you can see SO MANY DOORS God is closing on me and my best friend, so much stress, so you may think "WOW see what I mean.... why pray" but as the nurse who took my vitals today assured me that GOD is has NOT left but yet he has OTHER doors and other ways of helping me, there are blessings that God has and I know nothing about yet but he will show me in HIS timing. I just have to be patient and see what the blessings are and trust me I feel that I am running out of patients, but you know what the nurse said to me today, "Honey talk to God like you are pouring all of your stress out to me, cause GOD wants you to do that, HE WILL HELP YOU, yes maybe the financial help from your best friends father is DONE, your mom will not allow you to move back home and maybe right now you are not going to get SSD (income) BUT there is something out there for you GOD HAS A BETTER PLAN, HE WILL take good care of you, i know it is scary for you BUT TRUST ME he has that plan". (my online best friend says the same thing to me daily that GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME AND MY BEST FRIEND)
When I went on and on saying how I want to be a mom so badly she said "Honey my little brother was born when my mom was in her 40's so it can happen to you, if it be the will of God".
So God has something special for me, I KNOW he has something special for you, THE DEVIL wants you and I to give up BUT DON"T allow that to happen PLEASE SWEET SIS I am trying to keep strong too. I haven't put my cross necklace back on because of all of this BUT I am trying hard to keep my faith, praying every day, SO I KNOW where you are coming from AND GOD loves you... and I AM CERTAIN that he has a blessing for you, he withholds NOTHING that is good for us!
I WILL pray for you as you will be one of my top prayers
(((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))) to you sweet sis REMEMBER YOU ARE A BLESSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH ONE MORE THINGS.... I am so glad you are here cause you MAKE THE WORLD HAPPY and A MUCH BETTER PLACE!!!!
's
See in November my best friend and I were involved in a really bad car accident. Things went down hill from there and fast.
1. my best friend's father cut her off TOTALLY, financially and then stopped talking to her for a while because she wouldn't move back home and dump me off in the woods (my mother would not let me move home).
2. My mom and I were arguing non stop about all of this.
3. Then I got denied of social security benefits and I was crushed I JUST wanted to get out of this house eventually and get my own place, my best friend and I.
4. Then my mother started up on me about how I need to get a job totally looking over my awful panic disorder that has caused me to walk out of jobs in the past, she just kept on me about toughing up.
5. Then the landlord gets a tenant that scares the you know what out of me with his statements.
6. My best friend officially loses her job 10 days before Christmas
7. The car that she purchased may need a new fuel pump.
8. My doctor today was UN-supportive, just told me to go out and buy a book that SHE HAS NEVER READ but she advertises it on her desk. And she is trying to switch my meds (I have had it with taking SSRI's I may ween myself off of the meds at this point don't know when this is going to happen but I can't keep on going from one SSRI to another she said that my body is getting immune to this SSRI)
9. My landlord may be selling the home (I found this out today as her hubby and herself are painting the home and it does not need a paint job what so ever, one of the tenants is almost certain she is selling and with her cancer I can see where the tenant is coming from)
SO as you can see SO MANY DOORS God is closing on me and my best friend, so much stress, so you may think "WOW see what I mean.... why pray" but as the nurse who took my vitals today assured me that GOD is has NOT left but yet he has OTHER doors and other ways of helping me, there are blessings that God has and I know nothing about yet but he will show me in HIS timing. I just have to be patient and see what the blessings are and trust me I feel that I am running out of patients, but you know what the nurse said to me today, "Honey talk to God like you are pouring all of your stress out to me, cause GOD wants you to do that, HE WILL HELP YOU, yes maybe the financial help from your best friends father is DONE, your mom will not allow you to move back home and maybe right now you are not going to get SSD (income) BUT there is something out there for you GOD HAS A BETTER PLAN, HE WILL take good care of you, i know it is scary for you BUT TRUST ME he has that plan". (my online best friend says the same thing to me daily that GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME AND MY BEST FRIEND)
When I went on and on saying how I want to be a mom so badly she said "Honey my little brother was born when my mom was in her 40's so it can happen to you, if it be the will of God".
So God has something special for me, I KNOW he has something special for you, THE DEVIL wants you and I to give up BUT DON"T allow that to happen PLEASE SWEET SIS I am trying to keep strong too. I haven't put my cross necklace back on because of all of this BUT I am trying hard to keep my faith, praying every day, SO I KNOW where you are coming from AND GOD loves you... and I AM CERTAIN that he has a blessing for you, he withholds NOTHING that is good for us!
I WILL pray for you as you will be one of my top prayers
(((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))) to you sweet sis REMEMBER YOU ARE A BLESSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH ONE MORE THINGS.... I am so glad you are here cause you MAKE THE WORLD HAPPY and A MUCH BETTER PLACE!!!!
's
Upvote
0
Hope you change your mind about not coming here, you would be missed.
You can always reach me on facebook though. Still praying for you.
You can always reach me on facebook though. Still praying for you.
Upvote
0
Well you are here, knw1991. If you have problems with churches for the time being, why don't you go out in the nature and pray to God from there? You can return to the church when you have sorted things out, or better: pray much out in the free(in God's wonderful nature) and come to church to sit in the back as often as you can arrange to do so.
God never deliver a solution at your table, but can work in many different ways. Depression is an illness that has to be treated. If you havent seen a therapist, please start to do that and may be you also need medication.
If you are not satisfied with God, tell him, cry out all your anger and frustration. He will listen!
Take care!
Upvote
0
By the way, your post can be read as if you want to end it all. Many depressed persons have been there. You are not the first. When the deep dark hopelessness is overcome, people are usually glad they didn't do it. They all felt that life had nothing to offer when they decided to end it. When they didn't go through with their plans, they slowly found that life had a meaning after all!
Suicide: Read This First
Take care, please!
Upvote
0
miss-a
Newbie
Hi there my dear sweet sister
SO as you can see SO MANY DOORS God is closing on me and my best friend, so much stress, so you may think "WOW see what I mean.... why pray" but as the nurse who took my vitals today assured me that GOD is has NOT left but yet he has OTHER doors and other ways of helping me, there are blessings that God has and I know nothing about yet but he will show me in HIS timing. I just have to be patient and see what the blessings are and trust me I feel that I am running out of patients, but you know what the nurse said to me today, "Honey talk to God like you are pouring all of your stress out to me, cause GOD wants you to do that, HE WILL HELP YOU, yes maybe the financial help from your best friends father is DONE, your mom will not allow you to move back home and maybe right now you are not going to get SSD (income) BUT there is something out there for you GOD HAS A BETTER PLAN, HE WILL take good care of you, i know it is scary for you BUT TRUST ME he has that plan". (my online best friend says the same thing to me daily that GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME AND MY BEST FRIEND)
When I went on and on saying how I want to be a mom so badly she said "Honey my little brother was born when my mom was in her 40's so it can happen to you, if it be the will of God".
So God has something special for me, I KNOW he has something special for you, THE DEVIL wants you and I to give up BUT DON"T allow that to happen PLEASE SWEET SIS I am trying to keep strong too. I haven't put my cross necklace back on because of all of this BUT I am trying hard to keep my faith, praying every day, SO I KNOW where you are coming from AND GOD loves you... and I AM CERTAIN that he has a blessing for you, he withholds NOTHING that is good for us!
I WILL pray for you as you will be one of my top prayers
(((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))) to you sweet sis REMEMBER YOU ARE A BLESSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH ONE MORE THINGS.... I am so glad you are here cause you MAKE THE WORLD HAPPY and A MUCH BETTER PLACE!!!!
This is so true and wonderful to hear. God sent that nurse for you, Flower, and you are sharing this powerful truth for all of us.
Upvote
0
miss-a
Newbie
Knw1991,
I understand. Many people in my life have been stinkers lately, so get why you would want to skip church for now, and maybe for always. Sadly, the church is rarely what it should and could be.
But God is always Who and What He says He is. He is good. He works miracles, and He loves you more than you could know and more than you can feel right now. But just as Flower said, pour it all out to Him just like you would to a person. Tell Him all of it. I often tell Him that I don't understand and how that is making me feel. He can take it. So don't get poor performance of people mixed up with how God is. He's not like people. He is good. He won't let you down.
Prayers,
a
I understand. Many people in my life have been stinkers lately, so get why you would want to skip church for now, and maybe for always. Sadly, the church is rarely what it should and could be.
But God is always Who and What He says He is. He is good. He works miracles, and He loves you more than you could know and more than you can feel right now. But just as Flower said, pour it all out to Him just like you would to a person. Tell Him all of it. I often tell Him that I don't understand and how that is making me feel. He can take it. So don't get poor performance of people mixed up with how God is. He's not like people. He is good. He won't let you down.
Prayers,
a
Upvote
0
It's the not the church that has hurt me. It's believing that I ever belong in God's family. I've gone to a Christian counselor and she said I need to see a psychiatrist because I wasn't able to apply what she suggested. The depression is there due to a traumatic event. I read that traumatic or stressful events can cause depression and that's what happened to me. When I dealt with doubting my salvation depression eventually developed. During that time I felt like an outcast around real Christians and those people have now grown as Christians and are blessed. My life has gone downhill since then. The only happy thing that occurred was graduating. I regret ever trying to be involved in Christianity. It damaged my mind and my life. I don't want to open myself up for anymore hurt. It seems like my whole experience in trying to serve and know God has been lonely, doubtful, depressing, and misery. Before this I was normal, happy, and did not suffer with depression. I want my old life back when I didn't make myself vulnerable to God or any ministry that just confused me even more.
My counselor said I suffer from an orphan spirit. Whatever it is I don't care anymore. I won't let the man God made my father hurt me again. I won't pray or try again. Every time I try to start over the pain is always there to weigh me down. It's like fighting to stay above the water but instead I drown. This experience has destroyed my life, made me extremely depressed and desperate for death. I'm happy for everyone here and in the world who had found hope, salvation, and love in Jesus. I hope many other people will too. I don't belong and after trying so many times I no longer want to belong. It just brings agony. I hope I'll survive on my own. I'll be ok, I was before I ever thought much about Christianity. I've told God how I felt many times before but I no longer have the desire or strength to be a Christian. I never was anyway and that's why everything was a disaster.
My counselor said I suffer from an orphan spirit. Whatever it is I don't care anymore. I won't let the man God made my father hurt me again. I won't pray or try again. Every time I try to start over the pain is always there to weigh me down. It's like fighting to stay above the water but instead I drown. This experience has destroyed my life, made me extremely depressed and desperate for death. I'm happy for everyone here and in the world who had found hope, salvation, and love in Jesus. I hope many other people will too. I don't belong and after trying so many times I no longer want to belong. It just brings agony. I hope I'll survive on my own. I'll be ok, I was before I ever thought much about Christianity. I've told God how I felt many times before but I no longer have the desire or strength to be a Christian. I never was anyway and that's why everything was a disaster.
Upvote
0
I don't know how to heal from this orphan spirit. It will take forever to be whole. I researching distorted images of God and I realized that I saw God as distant, unconcerned, and that he would not always be there when I needed him. I don't know how to break these images and because of that its hard me to trust. I always give up
Upvote
0
Hi there my dear sweet sister ((((((((HUGS))))))))) I had just logged out when I saw this post and i wanted to come back here and to let you know I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from, TOTALLY.
See in November my best friend and I were involved in a really bad car accident. Things went down hill from there and fast.
1. my best friend's father cut her off TOTALLY, financially and then stopped talking to her for a while because she wouldn't move back home and dump me off in the woods (my mother would not let me move home).
2. My mom and I were arguing non stop about all of this.
3. Then I got denied of social security benefits and I was crushed I JUST wanted to get out of this house eventually and get my own place, my best friend and I.
4. Then my mother started up on me about how I need to get a job totally looking over my awful panic disorder that has caused me to walk out of jobs in the past, she just kept on me about toughing up.
5. Then the landlord gets a tenant that scares the you know what out of me with his statements.
6. My best friend officially loses her job 10 days before Christmas
7. The car that she purchased may need a new fuel pump.
8. My doctor today was UN-supportive, just told me to go out and buy a book that SHE HAS NEVER READ but she advertises it on her desk. And she is trying to switch my meds (I have had it with taking SSRI's I may ween myself off of the meds at this point don't know when this is going to happen but I can't keep on going from one SSRI to another she said that my body is getting immune to this SSRI)
9. My landlord may be selling the home (I found this out today as her hubby and herself are painting the home and it does not need a paint job what so ever, one of the tenants is almost certain she is selling and with her cancer I can see where the tenant is coming from)
SO as you can see SO MANY DOORS God is closing on me and my best friend, so much stress, so you may think "WOW see what I mean.... why pray" but as the nurse who took my vitals today assured me that GOD is has NOT left but yet he has OTHER doors and other ways of helping me, there are blessings that God has and I know nothing about yet but he will show me in HIS timing. I just have to be patient and see what the blessings are and trust me I feel that I am running out of patients, but you know what the nurse said to me today, "Honey talk to God like you are pouring all of your stress out to me, cause GOD wants you to do that, HE WILL HELP YOU, yes maybe the financial help from your best friends father is DONE, your mom will not allow you to move back home and maybe right now you are not going to get SSD (income) BUT there is something out there for you GOD HAS A BETTER PLAN, HE WILL take good care of you, i know it is scary for you BUT TRUST ME he has that plan". (my online best friend says the same thing to me daily that GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF ME AND MY BEST FRIEND)
When I went on and on saying how I want to be a mom so badly she said "Honey my little brother was born when my mom was in her 40's so it can happen to you, if it be the will of God".
So God has something special for me, I KNOW he has something special for you, THE DEVIL wants you and I to give up BUT DON"T allow that to happen PLEASE SWEET SIS I am trying to keep strong too. I haven't put my cross necklace back on because of all of this BUT I am trying hard to keep my faith, praying every day, SO I KNOW where you are coming from AND GOD loves you... and I AM CERTAIN that he has a blessing for you, he withholds NOTHING that is good for us!
I WILL pray for you as you will be one of my top prayers
(((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))) to you sweet sis REMEMBER YOU ARE A BLESSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH ONE MORE THINGS.... I am so glad you are here cause you MAKE THE WORLD HAPPY and A MUCH BETTER PLACE!!!!
Thank you flower. You are very strong just like many people here. I hope things will get better for you and your best friend. You deserve it
thank you for your prayers
Upvote
0
in heaven im gonna live in a huge mansion and have my mustang with 1000 horsepower and a girlfriend and tons of awesome friends who are nice, cool and we will go out and do stuff every day.
what will u have in heaven?
I don't think I'm going. I've never been sure if I was saved
Upvote
0
DiceRider
Waking Up
- Dec 23, 2013
- 121
- 12
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- AU-Liberals
I always struggled with hatred toward God, because he made my father a loser, made my brother die at 22, why he made me unlovable on the outside, made me suffer with things (wont write an essay bout it now)..... But after all that time of pushing him away out of hurt and anger, I just felt even more lost.
We will never know why he puts us in certain situations out of our control but one thing is guaranteed is that he loves us and wants us to hold his hand and just keep walking thru the darkness beside him.
I havent been to church in years cos the Christians were never there for me when i needed them, I wasnt a good person at the time and wasnt shown grace by many, and am only just starting to open up to the idea of going back to one so I do understand your feelings at this time.
My walk with Jesus is a very lonely one but its something I hold dear, we must stop judging our worth in his eyes by others and how they live, the portrait he paints in us is unique.
Also he lived a life of rejection and emotional pain, he knows exactly how it feels. I believe he holds the emotionally wounded and fragile even closer to him, and even tho it feels like we are alone and unloved, we are infact his special ones.
David meece has been the one artist thats helped lift me up, having a similar road to me..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIC71TzbIGk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08HChdpczew
We will never know why he puts us in certain situations out of our control but one thing is guaranteed is that he loves us and wants us to hold his hand and just keep walking thru the darkness beside him.
I havent been to church in years cos the Christians were never there for me when i needed them, I wasnt a good person at the time and wasnt shown grace by many, and am only just starting to open up to the idea of going back to one so I do understand your feelings at this time.
My walk with Jesus is a very lonely one but its something I hold dear, we must stop judging our worth in his eyes by others and how they live, the portrait he paints in us is unique.
Also he lived a life of rejection and emotional pain, he knows exactly how it feels. I believe he holds the emotionally wounded and fragile even closer to him, and even tho it feels like we are alone and unloved, we are infact his special ones.
David meece has been the one artist thats helped lift me up, having a similar road to me..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIC71TzbIGk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08HChdpczew
Last edited:
Upvote
0
Is it because you doubted your Christianity that you became depressed or because you feel like God let you down when you needed Him like your father did?
Upvote
0
Its both. I struggled with believing I was saved or could be saved. Even before that I was very confused by different denominational teachings. I struggled to find truth and was caught up in minor things like whether women should pray with their heads covered, whether we could use musical instruments etc. now I realize that I was trying to gain God's acceptance and I thought there were strict guidelines to follow and not being able to find a clear answer about these topics in the bible made me worried. Eventually I learned of salvation through belief in Jesus' death on the cross. That's when I accepted Jesus asking to be saved, but because I struggled to be who I should be as a Christian and I saw that i didn't have the fruit of the spirit I felt unsaved. I began begging God to save me but things didn't change, I wasnt as good as I wanted to be. I became angry and fell into depression. This did make me feel abandoned and rejected by God and it did feel like what happened with my father. I know God didn't abandon me but the pain of it feels real and I still don't understand why this had to happen. I struggle to trust or believe I'm loved. I want healing but I don't know how to hold on long enough before I start feeling that I'm not being heard or that my issues don't matter.
Many times I said I would just live apart from it all and try to make it in life but I can't get everything that happened out of my mind. I feel forgotten in so many areas of my life. Being in public forces me to face what don't have. I wish I could be happy with being alone but I struggle to.
Many times I said I would just live apart from it all and try to make it in life but I can't get everything that happened out of my mind. I feel forgotten in so many areas of my life. Being in public forces me to face what don't have. I wish I could be happy with being alone but I struggle to.
Upvote
0
What is the biggest factor for you in struggling to believe that you aren't saved? Is it something specific or is it more of a feeling that you aren't good enough? Or maybe it's that you feel like you're not living a "Christian" life and that means you aren't saved?
Upvote
0
It's hard to retrain your mind when people teach such legalism when it comes to salvation. That you have to be a good person, do good things etc in order to really be a Christian. But that's not what the Bible teaches. The thief, who hung upon the Cross with Jesus, I'm sure did terrible things. Probably things not many days before. What did he have to show for good deeds in his life? Probably not much. And yet, because he believe Jesus while hanging on the cross, Jesus turned to him and said "Today, you shall be with me in Paradise". No good deeds, not a good life, just believing in Christ.
I know it's hard to believe and trust in God. That's pretty normal for any Christian and those who say they never doubt God at any time are liars in my opinion. Everyone experiences doubt. That doesn't mean we shouldn't question doubt, to see where it's coming from, but it doesn't mean we "don't have enough faith" either.
I know it's hard to believe and trust in God. That's pretty normal for any Christian and those who say they never doubt God at any time are liars in my opinion. Everyone experiences doubt. That doesn't mean we shouldn't question doubt, to see where it's coming from, but it doesn't mean we "don't have enough faith" either.
Upvote
0
I felt like I wasn't saved or struggled to believe so because I didn't see Christ like characteristics in myself. I struggled to feel love toward people, I would get easily annoyed by my mom, I was struggling with random bad thoughts, I didn't seem to belong in groups of other Christians. Once I went to a youth conference and was surrounded by people who were connecting with God personally. They told stories about what God was teaching and going in their life, some had talents like playing instruments,etc. I did not belong and that was confirmation. I harmed myself for the first time while at the conference. Things continued to get worse. I thought going to the conference would shed some light or show me how to be delivered from the pain I was dealing with. It only made things worse.i walked away feeling disappointed in myself, facing that I was a phony and those students were what real Christians should be.
Upvote
0
You're right but I have heard people say the theif only made it to heaven because he had no chance to go out and mess up his salvation. I know people who don't believe that people who hear the gospel on their death bed can make it to heaven. She said it would make God unjust because there are people who have been Christians much longer and worked hard to stay on the narrow path.
I don't know why it's hard for me to accept this but when I'm trying to be close to God and if I mess up somehow I feel like I should question whether I'm truly saved because if I was truly saved I wouldn't have fallen.I also have fears that once a pastor or someone gives me a comforting message from God, in order to keep the blessing I need to try my best to not mess up or God will change his mind or I fear that God will leave.
Last edited:
Upvote
0
Similar threads
