Free to remarry?

[Deepest Blue]

Hello and I hope I am finding you all well

I have a question regarding remarriage which I suppose has been discussed many times before but I can't find a similar situation in a thread after searching.

I have been divorced for nearly 8 years now, my ex wife is a non believer (in fact, she's a spiritualist) so it was quite tough living with our two very different beliefs but although I loved her and accepted what she believed, she often riddiculed my beliefs, eg, she believes that there's no devil or hell and that all evil is from man themselves. There were many other things she would dislike because she thought I was taking my faith too literally or too seriously.

The reason for the divorce wasn't for the differences in religion, she slowly stopped loving me and eventually met someone else (online) and planned their marriage whilst still married to me although they didn't sleep together mainly because I suspect he was in another country and so they couldn't, however I'm not going to judge that if they had the opportunity they would have done so, I just don't know. Anyway, in the end she filed for divorce and used the reason for divorce as "unreasonable behaviour" which I suspect was the advice given to her by her solicitor. After reading the petition most of the reasons were quite harsh and some unfounded but I was so hurt and broken apart by this I just signed it and let her go seeing that she had set her heart on marrying this other guy anyway which she did very soon after the divorce came through.

By all means, I must say that I wasn't perfect in the marriage although I wasn't terrible either, we were very young (in our teens) and we both had a lot of maturing to do so of course there were times when things would be hard but I never thought for one minute she would divorce. We have 4 children although she's since had two more of her own.

I've now started to think about maybe wanting to find a partner of my own but of course I am not sure if God would allow this being divorced and I really needed to know before I even started to contemplate anything as the only time I've read in the scriptures (for sure) that a person can remarry is if their partner passed away then it mentions remarriage, but with all other passages, it's not so clear cut I don't think and there's so many interpretations and opinions on this matter.

The following passage I suppose would refer to my situation:

(1 Cor 7:12-13,15 KJV) But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him . . . But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.


The “A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases” seems to imply that remarriage is allowable but I think this would contradict verses 10 and 11, which says:


(1 Cor 7:10-11 KJV) And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.


This seems to me then that I couldn't remarry because it doesn't plainly say that someone would be freed to remarry even if the bondage has been broken, unless of course I am understanding it incorrectly.

I would just like some advice on this because my priority will always be to put God's will first whatever is required I will do but there just seems to be so many variations or interpretations of this.

Thank you for reading.

 

[ValleyGal]

You are free to marry. Let’s look at 1 Cor. 7 – remember that some of the English translation does not have the Greek nuances and parts have been mistranslated.I have added [...] for clarity.


V.8 – Now to the unmarried [divorced] and the widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
v.9 – But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
v. 10 – to the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): a wife must not separate [without benefit of divorce] from her husband.
v.11 – But if she does, she must remain unmarried [separated] or else be reconciled to her husband [because they are legally still married]. And a husband must not divorce his wife [the Greek context is divorcing for selfish reasons].

Note verse 9 is addressing those who are unmarried and widows, that it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Later in the same chapter, we come to more on the subject:

v.27 – Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife.
v.28 – But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.

Verse 28a is referring to people who have been divorced, or released from a wife, and says they do not sin if they marry. Then it goes on to address those who have never married.



God never intended divorced people to stay single. In fact, 1 Tim, 4:1,3 says that forbidding people to marry is a doctrine of demons. Genesis 2:18 says that it is not good that man should be alone.

 

[dayhiker]

It might help you to know what the divorce papers said back in Jesus' time.
The husband would give his wife a paper that said, "You are free to marry any man."
The only variation that I've heard is: "You are free to marry any Jewish man."

The modern idea that getting a divorce from the state doesn't mean we can remarry wasn't an idea that was around when the NT was written.

 

[savedbygracebre]

Please never place a yoke on your neck! Give it to Jesus as He commands! When you divorce-especially for biblical reasons you are absolutely free to court and eventually remarry if you wan't too. I would only definitely lean unto God in His choice of a new mate for you. I am currently going through a divorce of an UY marriage and the thought of finally finding a true Chrisitian woman to share my life and faith with is something that imam very excited about! The thought of being forced to remain single because of divorce would be very discouraging indeed!

 

[Deepest Blue]

Thank you so much for all your responses.

I'm still not convinced that someone is free to remarry unless your partner passes away which is the only time scriptures says you can. In all other situations the scriptures does not follow up that remarriage is acceptable, Jesus never said it and when Paul said 'no longer under bondage' I think he means that you aren't required to 'beg, plead or force' the partner to stay if they wanted to leave, let them go as you're not 'bound' to their sin, that's why he said 'God calls us to peace', as it's not right to cause ill feeling, argue with them or force them under their will otherwise that last part of the verse wouldn't of made sense. Paul doesn't follow up with freed to remarry.

I just don't want to take the risk to be honest, I've been divorced since 2004 so i'm used to it but it would have been nice to finally find a true Christian wife to share much needed love and support with but God's will comes first.

Thanks again.

 

[Johnnz]

You are free to remarry. There are competent teachers who have published teaching material on the remarriage issue. It's been a while since I last had to respond to this question, so I don't have any titles or sources in mind at present. Sorry about that.

John
NZ

 

[thenoizmaker]

From every thing I understand about the Faith we all follow (Defined as loosely as possible as christian with out getting in to semantics) I understand that if a Woman was to leave you, over any claim (to the extent of there own personal safety in the threat of domestic violence) the man can remarry under law, (Biblical and Natural) the question is not can you remarry or I don't Feel it is, I believe it is are you ready to remarry?

So,
Do you believe you can look after another life?
Do you believe you can be her spiritual head?
Do you believe you can help her become more in God?
Do you Want God to be first in her life and you to be 2nd?

I can make a whole list of these but I am sure you get the hint, but if you can answer these questions with a yes and then for sure you should get remarried and any woman to have you will be a lucky person. but if you cant answer all these as yes, then maybe you need some more time and find some one to disciple you to become that what you want to be in God.

I am sorry for going on about it, but short answer is Yes long answer read above.

 

[iambren]

You are commanded to let her go---She was an unbeliever and she didn't want to stay with you. You are free!

Also, the moment she touched another man your covenant is broken, UNLESS she wanted to stay and you wanted to forgive.

 

[sdowney717]

39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

CLearly re marriage when a marriage partner is still alive is not allowable.
Jesus said the same thing.
People just ignore what Jesus said about re marriage and adultery.
They do what they want.

 

[sdowney717]

Even though Paul and Jesus both say marry another after divorce, you commit adultery, people grab onto their own understanding of v 15

15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.


Mark 10
10 In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter.

11 So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.

12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Marriage Is Sacred and Binding

31 “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

Guess what, Jesus says divorce allowable only for sexual immorality like adultery.
Then Jesus says RE MARRIAGE, marry again you commit adultery.

That is why Paul said if you separate, then remain single, unmarried. There was never any remarriage green light from Jesus or Paul.

How does A SINGLE V15 taken out of context of the entire chapter where Paul says to remain single somehow say something otherwise? Perhaps the understanding is lacking!


Not bound, called to peace, LET THEM DEPART IN PEACE, meaning you as a believer are not bound to go off with them, no longer need to share your life with them.

You can separate.

You can not re marry without committing adultery. It is what PAUL and JESUS teach. Justifying it is being done because you want to do what you naturally want to do. And prefer that over what Jesus taught.

 

[dayhiker]

sdowney ... so in Jesus' day the Jews were having a big discussion about what Dt.24:1 means. So they asked Jesus, also a Jew, what he thought it meant. How does that fit into your understanding of what Jesus is saying? In my mind to understand what Jesus is saying we have to understand what was going on in the Jew's mind not what western Gentile teach.

 

[Johnnz]

sdowney ... so in Jesus' day the Jews were having a big discussion about what Dt.24:1 means. So they asked Jesus, also a Jew, what he thought it meant. How does that fit into your understanding of what Jesus is saying? In my mind to understand what Jesus is saying we have to understand what was going on in the Jew's mind not what western Gentile teach.

Any interpretation that does not begin with that position is unlikely to understand it well, as with the entire NT which can only be understood from a thorough understanding of the OT.

John
NZ

 

[~Willow~]

What about the woman at the well?

15 The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.”

16 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.”

17 The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.”

Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ 18 for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”

He said she had five husbands. I highly doubt they all died.

 

[BigDaddy4]

Thank you so much for all your responses.

I'm still not convinced that someone is free to remarry unless your partner passes away which is the only time scriptures says you can. In all other situations the scriptures does not follow up that remarriage is acceptable, Jesus never said it and when Paul said 'no longer under bondage' I think he means that you aren't required to 'beg, plead or force' the partner to stay if they wanted to leave, let them go as you're not 'bound' to their sin, that's why he said 'God calls us to peace', as it's not right to cause ill feeling, argue with them or force them under their will otherwise that last part of the verse wouldn't of made sense. Paul doesn't follow up with freed to remarry.

I just don't want to take the risk to be honest, I've been divorced since 2004 so i'm used to it but it would have been nice to finally find a true Christian wife to share much needed love and support with but God's will comes first.

Thanks again.

What Scripture are you referencing in the bolded above? It would help to understand what you are basing your opinions on.

 

[Deepest Blue]

Any interpretation that does not begin with that position is unlikely to understand it well, as with the entire NT which can only be understood from a thorough understanding of the OT.

John
NZ

Hi John,

The NT does not make it sound like remarriage is permitted unless your spouse passes away.

 

[Deepest Blue]

What Scripture are you referencing in the bolded above? It would help to understand what you are basing your opinions on.

Hi BigDaddy,

The following passage explicitly says when you can remarry which is in the context of if your spouse passes away:

1 Corinthians 7:39

'A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.'

I don't see the same permission given if your spouse was put away or divorced, it doesn't follow on to say you are free to remarry like it does when verses say that they passed away. This is why I'm very concerned and confused with the matter as there's many differences of opinion and valid cases made for both arguments.

 

[Johnnz]

Hi John,

The NT does not make it sound like remarriage is permitted unless your spouse passes away.

Hi Daniel,

That has been how the NT was understood on this issue. More recent exegesis has looked at them afresh.

The basic position adopted by Christians is that marriage is meant to be a lifelong relationship. Anything less derives from human fallenness. Thus divorce can never be accepted an a normal alternative should something not be working out as either party considers it should. I believe divorce is too easily accepted today.

The passage in Mathew can be taken as addressing some Jewish practices that sanctioned divorce on very trivial grounds and may have had a belief behind it that any marriage was only for a time until someone else came along.

In the NT letters the social situation was that marriage was held in low regard, sex was freely available, women had few rights and low status, and divorce was common. That is the background for many of the scriptures.

John
NZ

 

[Ubuntu]

I think this is a very clear cut and simple case, you're definitively not bound to this woman anymore.

Jesus says "Now I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, [cheating] and marries another commits adultery." - Matthew 19:10

She did just that, she divorced you and married another man against your will, which is adultery according to Jesus. Even if she waited to sleep with this other person until she had divorced you, it was still adultery on the part of your ex-wife. You were in effect being cheated on, and this makes you free to marry another woman. If she had divorced you, but had remained chaste, then I agree that you wouldn't have the right to remarry, but in this case you are free to marry again, as long as you marry someone who is a true Christian.

Remember that according to the Old Testament, adultery was punishable with death. Spiritually speaking she is therefore dead to you, and you are no longer bound to a dead person. Marriage is a sacred institution instituted by God, but even sacred bonds can be broken.

It cannot be true that the Bible requires you to stay unmarried out of respect to your ex-wife, because if this was true, you would in reality still be bound to her, an adulteress... But Paul says: "do you not know that anyone who is united with a prostitute is one body with her? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." - 1 Corinthians 6:16

In fact, even if her present husband died, and she came back to you asking you to take you back, your relationship would be beyond repair. The Bible talks about cases in which a man would divorce her wife, who married another man. The Bible was clear about the fact that in such cases, the woman couldn't come back to her first husband if her new husband died. (Deuteronomy 24:1-4)

Just remember that we shouldn't marry anyone without being certain that getting married is in accordance to the will of God. God knows what is best for us, and we shouldn't attempt to get married unless we trust that it is His good will for us!