I've been married for about 4 months now. I am pretty conservative, and have always been against smoking, I don't think it's appropriate for a Christian to be doing. I thought hubby felt the same...until I caught him smoking late last night. I've had suspicians, because I've smelled smoke on him before, and asked him why he smelled like that; and he lied to me, saying "I don't know". The neighbor and his co-workers smoke, so I thought maybe he had been chatting with them outside or something. After I caught him, he acted like I didn't have a reason to be upset. Apparently he's been doing this behind my back for a couple months to "help deal with stress". He works at a place that sells cigarettes. I'm devistated that he would A. Lie to me and B. Be doing such a nasty habit that can be addicting and deadly. He said he was "sorry for making me upset" but never repented of lying to me, decieving me, sneaking around behind my back, and doing such a shameful thing.
My whole family are non-Christians and most of them smoke. My dad has lung cancer.
I reckon your hubby is showing the usual signs of addiction. Very good people will lie and do whatever it takes to satisfy their need be it cigarettes or other drugs. Yes smoking is bad and this is sad healthwise. However, though rare, some people can occasionally smoke. Perhaps you should leave it as it is as busting someone can give them permission not to hide it anymore then they will smoke more and it will become more of an addiction.
In marriage, particulary if you were not cohabitating before, we find all the warts. I guess if smoking is the only thing you have found as far as warts are concerned then you are doing OK.
Lying about an addiction does not mean anything more than your husband has an addiction and does what addicts do. Don't let this ruin your blossoming relationship. Stress and resentment will only make it harder for hubby to give up.
You could open up communication as Sojourner says but do it in a calm and reassuring way, rather than being angry and confrontational. You may see this as your first test of ..you know...for good or bad.. You now have a bad and the foundation of your realtionship is being further established.
I personally accept some little white lies and do not get all bent out of shape over them. It does not mean my hubby does not love me.
I'd let it go. I'd give the message that I love him so much that although I hate smoking and the fact that it was covered over, I understand the addiction, and why he did not want to tell me.
If your aim is to support him in giving up then you need to take the stress out of the situation.
I know people that use inhalers. They deliver the nicotene with less harmfull affect. Some people stay on these indefinitely.
To be honest, I'd probably say nothing more about it at this stage and leave the door open for hubby to start communication. I'd buy a packet of inhalers and leave them around for him to stumble on. He is busted, He knows you know. Now you have the opportunity to role model what an understanding and supportive wife would do and how you want to be treated in a similar situation.
Hubby can only give up smoking when he is ready to do so if he is an addict. Untill then you need to maintain the rest of your relationship, and give the message you are there to support him when it is time to let the smoking go. If he is an occasional smoker then leave it be.
Personally, I believe smoking is a sin like being obese, eating junk food, using microwave ovens, being irradiated by a PC, or choosing to live in a city with smog, not getting regular excersise. All are harming the body God gave us. We should strive for perfection whilst remembering we are not perfect.