Forgotten

[Orito]

First off, I wanna say I was raised with southern values. I've had God shoved down my throat since I was in grade school. I wasn't able to exercise my God-given, and United States of America given right to practice the religion of my choice. With that said, I do not want anyone to quote scripture to me, I do not want anyone to jump in here and tell me to read some passages. Please respect that.

Moving right along; My grandmother was the primary force in my life who exposed me to God, and quite frankly I did not have a problem with it. After she passed, my parents... I guess dropped the ball? Thinking back on it, it feels like a fall from grace, if that makes sense.

Well I joined the Army, and started going to church again. Doing this, my brother died, I felt betrayed, and fell again. Spent some time with my cousin's family after I got out, and her husband, not the greatest of pasts, found God in jail, and he's like a totally different person. I don't know how to explain it, but you could just tell he'd been legit touched. I wanted it, but when I tried to get back into grace, I couldn't make it work.

I moved on, across the country, found a job, made some friends, and one of my best friends, even to this day, wasn't super in your face religious, but he was devout. He took me in when I had noone else to turn to, helped me back on my feet, and checks in on me from time to time, and we play online together almost every night. Either way, once again, I got that feeling from him that he had been touched.

At this point, I'm going to call it as I see it; I was, and am, jealous. Excuse my language here, folks, but it [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed me off. I spent some time looking into Buddhism, it didn't feel right. I'm a very logical person, but it didn't feel right.

This is the thing; I don't, I can't pray. I feel... embarrassed? Stupid? I don't know what the word is.

I am not seeking God to be saved from hell. I am not seeking God because of peer pressure. I'm definitely not seeking God because I naturally believe in Him. I want to be accepted into His arms because I want to know He is the truth. I'm one of those guys (if they even exist) that refuse to wear a cross. I refuse to wear it because the bible (this I know for a fact) says not to worship idols, this includes symbols, such as the cross. I believe if you choose to believe in Him, and His word, then believe in Jesus' act, not the means to the act.

I don't know. I don't expect to have a revelation here, I don't expect to wake up in the morning, and be touched by Him. It's something I desire, but everytime I think about my situation, I remember the story of when Lucifer fell from God's grace, and how I feel. I don't know where I belong, which side I fall on, or where I'll end up. I do not fear death, I do not fear where I'll end up when everything is said and done. What I fear is unknowingly turning my back on someone who gave His son for me, someone who would forgive me if I only asked, someone who probably understands that I cannot ask for forgiveness when I am not worthy, someone who gave me the right to choose to believe or not to believe.

Sorry for the long rant, if you read this, thanks. Please listen to my guidelines for replying, otherwise anything you will have said will go in one ear, and out the other, I know myself too well.

-Orito

P.S.- I spent one and a half hour writing this, so if you're going to read it, read it all.

 

[singpeace]

First off, I wanna say I was raised with southern values. I've had God shoved down my throat since I was in grade school. I wasn't able to exercise my God-given, and United States of America given right to practice the religion of my choice. With that said, I do not want anyone to quote scripture to me, I do not want anyone to jump in here and tell me to read some passages. Please respect that.

Moving right along; My grandmother was the primary force in my life who exposed me to God, and quite frankly I did not have a problem with it. After she passed, my parents... I guess dropped the ball? Thinking back on it, it feels like a fall from grace, if that makes sense.

Well I joined the Army, and started going to church again. Doing this, my brother died, I felt betrayed, and fell again. Spent some time with my cousin's family after I got out, and her husband, not the greatest of pasts, found God in jail, and he's like a totally different person. I don't know how to explain it, but you could just tell he'd been legit touched. I wanted it, but when I tried to get back into grace, I couldn't make it work.

I moved on, across the country, found a job, made some friends, and one of my best friends, even to this day, wasn't super in your face religious, but he was devout. He took me in when I had noone else to turn to, helped me back on my feet, and checks in on me from time to time, and we play online together almost every night. Either way, once again, I got that feeling from him that he had been touched.

At this point, I'm going to call it as I see it; I was, and am, jealous. Excuse my language here, folks, but it [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed me off. I spent some time looking into Buddhism, it didn't feel right. I'm a very logical person, but it didn't feel right.

This is the thing; I don't, I can't pray. I feel... embarrassed? Stupid? I don't know what the word is.

I am not seeking God to be saved from hell. I am not seeking God because of peer pressure. I'm definitely not seeking God because I naturally believe in Him. I want to be accepted into His arms because I want to know He is the truth. I'm one of those guys (if they even exist) that refuse to wear a cross. I refuse to wear it because the bible (this I know for a fact) says not to worship idols, this includes symbols, such as the cross. I believe if you choose to believe in Him, and His word, then believe in Jesus' act, not the means to the act.

I don't know. I don't expect to have a revelation here, I don't expect to wake up in the morning, and be touched by Him. It's something I desire, but everytime I think about my situation, I remember the story of when Lucifer fell from God's grace, and how I feel. I don't know where I belong, which side I fall on, or where I'll end up. I do not fear death, I do not fear where I'll end up when everything is said and done. What I fear is unknowingly turning my back on someone who gave His son for me, someone who would forgive me if I only asked, someone who probably understands that I cannot ask for forgiveness when I am not worthy, someone who gave me the right to choose to believe or not to believe.

Sorry for the long rant, if you read this, thanks. Please listen to my guidelines for replying, otherwise anything you will have said will go in one ear, and out the other, I know myself too well.

-Orito

P.S.- I spent one and a half hour writing this, so if you're going to read it, read it all.

Orito,

One of the more annoying problems in Christians' lives is the issue of assurance of salvation. We've all been there. We've all wondered if we are really saved or not. We've looked at our lives and actions and thoughts and sometimes just said, "How can I be saved if I am like this?"

Dead people don't struggle for life.... and spiritually dead people do not struggle against their sin. Only those who are dead, who have no life in them, do not struggle. The fact that you are struggling against your sin is one very good sign that you are very much alive in Christ. If you were not struggling at all, then it might be true that you weren't saved. But, since you war against your sins, then it sure sounds like you're saved to me.

We all have our struggles and we all need to take into account the fact that we are still sinful and we are going to struggle with our sin. But, if you begin to doubt your salvation because you don't "feel" saved, then stop trusting your feelings and start trusting God at His word. Ask yourself if you are struggling against your sin. If you aren't, maybe you aren't saved. But, if you are, then that is a sign of life. Ask yourself if you believe in the Trinity, that Jesus is God in flesh, and that He died and rose from the dead. If you do, that is a sign of spiritual renewal. Ask yourself if you believe what Jesus said about Him not faking you out, about Him giving to you the Spirit if you ask. If you do, then that means you are believing Him at His word. Take your eyes off your feelings and failures and put them on Christ, His word, and His sacrifice. Trust in Him and Him alone.... not what you feel, not at what you fail. He didn't save you because of your works or your "goodness." He did not save you because of what is or is not in you. He saved you because of what is in Him: love and truth.

 

[1watchman]

Salvation is simply "Christ in you, the hope of glory" (Col. 1:25-29). Following the teachings of Jesus or some Bible verses is good, but not salvation --it is only receiving Christ (John 14:6). So, all the reasoning in the world will profit nothing if one does not establish the personal relationship with the beloved Son of God --the Lord Jesus Christ (see 1 Jn. 5:10-13). I recommend one do it today, for one may not be here tomorrow; and there is no salvation after death.

If the verses above offend one, that is sad, but does not alter the truth of the Word of God to man.