forgiveness

[new2calvin]

do u have to forget to forgive.
one of my friends did something to me that really hurt. he says that im not forgiving him because i dont want to be his friend anymore.
is this wrong of me???

 

[ZiSunka]

Sometimes is would be wrong to forget. Like if a woman knows her ex-husband abused their children, it would be wrong for her to forget that and allow him to have access to the kids again. She can forgive him, in the sense of not letting her anger eat her up, but she cannot pretend it never happened.

There are two kinds of forgiveness: salvage and restoration.

Restoration forgiveness is when you let go of your anger and allow the person back into your life and restore the broken relationship. Like if your sister eats the last cookie. You forgive her and move on with the relationship. A more extreme case would be if your wife cheats on you, but you choose to maintain the marriage. You give up your right to be angry (forgiveness) and move toward mending the broken relationship (restoration).

Salvage forgiveness is when you get go of your anger, but remember what they did against you to protect yourself or others from it ever happening again. This would be like a woman who got raped. She forgives (lets go of the anger), but she testifies against the rapist and seeks justice for the good of future victims. She forgives, but salvages the well-being of herself and others.

 

[HesMyAll]

It is natural human emotion to pull away from someone who has hurt us...however; we must forgive.  The Bible says that we will be forgiven as we forgive others.

I don't know that I would want to be around the person that you are talking about but when around the person I would be kind and try to have a Jesus attitude.  That does not mean you must go out of your way to be in this person's presence.

Jesus said we are to forgive 70 times 7.  I guess that means that we would be in a person's company after forgiving them but I  don't feel it is required to hang around with them.

I'll be praying for you in this matter.

 

[the_man]

Spot on lambslove.  Forgiveness is letting go of your "right" to get even with the offender. 

Having said that their are consequences for some actions.  This is exactly what they were talking about on Discover the word (radio talk show).  The example they gave is say you have a babysitter that hits your child while babysitting.  Now as a Christian, we have no choice but to forgive this person, but that person is not going to babysit for you ever again as a consequence of his/her actions. 

Another example is say you sin against God, let us say you have premarital relations.  You ask for forgiveness from God and He does forgive.  That doesn't mean your actions don't have consequences.  (i.e. pregnancy, STD, altered view of sex, yada yada).

If your friend is Christian and has asked for your forgiveness, he has no business telling you that you haven't forgiven him.  That is, when we ask God to forgive us our sins, and we go thru hard times, do we tell God, "hey, why haven't you forgiven me?"  No, when you ask for forgiveness sincerely, you make yourself vulnerable to whom you are asking forgiveness from.  The ball is in their court as far as forgiving. 

Lastly, forgiveness is a decision not a feeling.  As from the definition that I gave, when you decide to forfeit your right to "strike back" You have decided to do so...doesn't mean you feel like things have to be like they were before.  (back to the consequences bit).

 

[GraftMeIn]

If we want God to forgive and forget our sins, then we must do the same for others. Even our enemies, not just our friends.

As for friends and family that hurt us, we need to forgive them and still treat them with Love and respect. That doesn't mean we have to hang out with them on a daily basis, but we shouldn't treat them any different than we would treat anyone else. Or any different than the way we would like be treated.

 

[Andrew]

The Bible never says that forgetting an offence is proof that you have forgiven the person. That myth has stumbled many. Neither does it say that you have to hang out with the person to prove that you have forgiven him! Just forgive, let go -- for your own good -- or that bitterness will eat you up and lead to diseases even, esp cancer, as doctors/psychologists have realised. Forgive by faith and let God take care of the forgetting. You dont have to hand around with the person too. eg if he's a habitual liar and borrower of money, run!

If we want God to forgive and forget our sins, then we must do the same for others. Even our enemies, not just our friends.

Dont agree. We dont forgive in order to be forgiven under the NC.

We already HAVE forgiveness of past, present and future sins. God has already forgiven all our sins. That's the reason we forgive -- we dont forgive IN ORDER to get God to forgive us, for that wld be 'earning'/working for forgivness.

 

[GraftMeIn]

Andrew I never said you have to hang out with them. You do have to forgive though, or you wont be forgiven.

Luke
6:36 Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.
6:37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:
6:38 Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.

Mark
11:25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
11:26 But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.

 

[adam332]

It would be wise to forgive but not forget.

If someone hit you with a baseball bat for no apparent reason and broke your arm. Then after your healed you see them, and they are again holding a bat. You walk up to them, and they wallop you and break your arm again. Then you get healed and you see them and they are again holding a bat. Well, even though you may have sincerely forgiven them for breaking your arm twice, you would be quite foolish to walk up to them again when they have a bat in their hand. It ain't wise to forget, but it is divine to forgive.

 

[Andrew]

Andrew I never said you have to hang out with them.

i wasnt refering to u. just speaking generally,sorry.

You do have to forgive though, or you wont be forgiven.

That's under OC. Jesus said those things under law. after the cross, its forgive becos you HAVE BEEN forgiven.

if u dont believe me, you can do a simple test with your PC Bible. Do a simple word search for "forgive" "forgiven" "forgiveness". look at the list of verses your PC generates and go thru them down the list. You'll find that AFTER the cross, its always forgive cos you have forgiveness already. so you'll never find the epistles telling the church to forgive otherwise God will not forgive.

 

[Anthony]

Can you forgive something which the other person doesn't want your forgiveness for?

 

[new2calvin]

i would think so...forgiveness isnt there action or does it matter on them...its ur decision to let go..

 

[Anthony]

Let me ask it this way. . .

You have committed a sin you have not asked for forgiveness nor repented for it.

Does the other person forgiving you of it, mean that You are forgiven?

 

[new2calvin]

yes...do we always goto God in repentance?
no but he still forgives us..so yes

 

[Andrew]

quote: Does the other person forgiving you of it, mean that You are forgiven?

yes, of course, as far as the person forgiving is concerned.

forgivness is independent of whether the person has repented or not. put it this way, if comeone offends you and only repents of it 50 years later, does that mean u wait 50 years to forgive? surely not

 

[new2calvin]

sure....im sure weve all done things we dont regret...and theyre prolly wrong...thats because we sin...and in our arrogance we say we dont need forgivness to God...but he still does.

 

[Anthony]

What is being forgiven? the act, the sin or both?

 

[new2calvin]

forvining means to refrain from imposing punishment on an offender or demanding satisfaction for an offense.

sin is the offense and God removes the punishment of hell from his followers...

 

[HesMyAll]

Of course you forgive whether the other person wants forgiveness or not.  Bitterness is its own prison.  By forgiving someone you are freeing yourself. 

BTW Andrew, the Bible says in the Lord's prayer:  Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.  How can we expect to be forgiven if we won't forgive.

There is also the example of the man who owed a ruler alot of money but didn't have the money to pay it.  The debt was forgiven until that same man went out and had someone who owed him a small amount of money thrown in prison because that man could not pay the debt.  The ruler then had the man who had owed him a large amount of money thrown into prison.

You reap what you sow.

 

[new2calvin]

AMEN Hesmyall

 

[Anthony]

Is forgiveness something you give to the other person, or is it something the other person receives? If forgiveness is a gift, can the other person not accept your forgiveness?